Just want to run away

[AppleBlossom]

At the minute I'm really depressed. My OH is depressed which is making it worse. I just wish I could run away somewhere where I could just be on my own. All day yesterday Grace cried and screamed and I couldn't put her down. I didn't even get chance to get dressed until 5. I don't eat until dinner time and I'm losing too much weight, I'm about 6stone 11. I keep thinking about what I could be doing if I wasn't tied down. I can hardly go anywherewithout there being a screaming match. I feel like a bad mother because whenever it's just me and Grace she whinges and plays up but whenever her dad's home she's lovely. If she's with me and she starts crying sometimes if my OH comes over she laughs her head off then cries again when he leaves. It's as if she hates me, although I know she doesn't. My OH is depressed about his job and just life in general and there's nothing I can do to make him happy, it's like a viscious circle. He's unhappy so he takes it out on me which upsets me and then me being miserable makes him even more miserable etc. I know he wanted a lot more from life, he's always worked hard so he could get a job he wanted and now he's stuck in a job he doesn't like and I feel really guilty about it. He always throws it in my face along with 'I pay your rent and bills' so what? Of course I appreciate it. And of course I love Grace. I don't know whether this is PND, I don't really want to talk to my health visitor about it. I'm just so tired and depressed, I just want to curl up in a ball and everyone and everything to just leave me alone

 

[Carolyn]

you need to talk to someone hunny, family, friend, hv, dr...but someone and quick. has your oh been to the drs?

 

[AppleBlossom]

No he hasn't. I don't think it matters who I talk too, I know I'm going to feel like this for a long time

 

[AppleBlossom]

Plus everybody thinks I'm coping and I don't want them to think I'm a rubbish mum

 

[carries]

HUn, this feeling of despair and that there is no way out is a classic symptom of PND. I really really advise you to sepak to your health visitor, i promise she wont think you are a rubbish mum.

Also babies pick up on your mood so if youa re anxious and tired and stressed Grace will pick up on that, maybe thats why she wont settle?

I know it feels like this is it forever but it really isnt. Depression is an ilness whether its PND or non pregnancy related and I think you both could benefit from some help.

As for your aprtner there is only so much you can do. My partner used to suffer with depression and still can be a bit ummmm moody but he has learnt ways of dealing with it and recognising the signs of when it starts. This isnt the only way life can be hun, I promise!! Keep strong and try to speak to your HV or doctor

 

[my1stbump]

you feeling depressed and upset doesnt make you a rubbish mum, speak to your HV and she will give you as much support as she can and it will help you by getting it all off your chest even if it means you having a good cry whilst doing it.

Hope you feel better soon x

 

[fulltimemum]

hope you feel better soon but like the lady said you need to speak to some one it helped me loads when i told people how i felt xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[AppleBlossom]

Thanks, I'm not good at talking about my feelings, only writing them down. What would a HV do to help me?

 

[leeanne]

 

[nikky0907]

Definitely not a rubish mum!
I don't know much about PND hun but if you feel like you can't get out of this and there's no solution,it's time to talk to a doctor.You can reffer you to a psyhologist and if you're not good in discussing your feelings you can print out what you said to us and show him.

Plus,I really think you need some time to yourself once in a while,you don't need to act non-human in front of your parents.Everyone has a rough time and it's normal.They'd help you loads if you'd ask.
Asking for help doesn't mean you can't cope.

 

[xXhayleyXx]

Plus everybody thinks I'm coping and I don't want them to think I'm a rubbish mum

Awww babe finding things hard to cope with does NOT make u a bad mum. Everyone struggles at times and takes time to adjust to being a new mum. Its all a learning curve. Speaking to your HV would really help hun afterall they are there for u as much as they are for Grace xx

 

[Tasha]

I have had PND and I remember these feelings so well. If you cant talk but can write, write it, it doesnt matter how you communicate how you feel, just as long as you tell someone.

Hugs hun xxxxxx

 

[angie0235]

You are not a rubbish Mum - you are coping with a lot of stress, not just being a new Mum but stress from your OH's situation as well. You are doing well to keep going. You do need to talk to someone who knows about PND even if it's just to rule it out or to get some help. Someone else on here posted that they found it hard to talk so they wrote it all down and gave it to the doctor to read. Could you do this? I know it's hard but you are doing so well. Sending you hugs.

 

[princess_bump]

bexy your a wonderful mum i'm so sorry you're feeling this way, it must be so hard for you. i too think its really important to tell someone ANYONE how your feeling, write it down sweetie and give it to you hv or a close friend or family. your hv can talk to you about how your feeling and decided if you do have pnd. its not uncommon and its certainly nothing to be ashamed of. i had it - due to post traumatic stress from my birth, its awful when u feel you have no one to turn to - please pm me if you ever need to talk xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[hotsexymum]

your not a rubbish mum talking will help best to talk to who you fell comfable with hun big

 

[isil]

you need to have someone to talk to even if you don't feel like you can. Writing it down and just giving it to your GP or HV is a good idea too. Even if the HV says to go to your GP they can probably ring them first just so you don't have to go in and start explaining from scratch. There is lots of help out there

 

[massacubano]

I think it is horrible when the other half says they pay your bills and you should be thankful. No, you work hard taking care of baby and healing after having a baby! I have been in those exact shoes of hopeless feelings in the past. But, you are not a bad Mother and everything you are feeling is normal. Those hormones are kicking you and stress. I do hope you find someone to talk to or vent on here as much as needed. I will be around!

 

[Serene123]

Ahh, babe! Seriously, I feel the same! Go talk to someone. Please. It makes the world of difference!!!

 

[Heavenx]

I hope you've managed to speak to your HV or someone you feel comfortable with about the way you're feeling. I understand how you feel, it makes it harder when your OH is also suffering depression at a time when you need him to be strong the most.
It's unfortunate circumstances, it would make a big difference to the way you feel if he was able to find someone else to talk to about his work issues and not being happy in his job instead of putting that all on you. My hubby's the same at the moment, he's unhappy in his job but he bottles it up inside and we've been really snappy with each other, I've bottled my feelings of depression inside because I'm conscious of the way he's feeling but it' doing neither of us any good, so I hope you can each find someone to talk to.

 

[babe2ooo]

i wouldn't say its PND, i just think at ever point in your life you can feel like that, i feel like that at times and i spoke to my hv and she did a PND test on me but turns out i didnt have PND, its just the stress and strain of being a mum and i know how you feel on the OH bit, cause i get mad at my oh sometimes, just remeber the happier times,