Kayleigh's moved out!

[Amanda]

Some of you (Wobbles, Zara, Amy, etc) know of some major problems we have been having with Kayleigh for a loooong time now. Stealing, lying, shoplifting, staying out, drinking, etc.

We thought we'd got it under control just before Xmas when I took her to a wonderful listening GP for the lying. I just wanted her referred to counselling, but the GP said the lying may be a symptom for something bigger - she mentioned Bipolar or ADD. So Kayleigh was referred to the Community Mental Health Team. They have accepted her and we are waiting for an appointment to start the treatment plan. She also left college and started work. Things were going great!

Until, just before Xmas, they all got laid off work.

It gave her such a big set-back and she became the person from hell again.

Last week, I actually kicked her out during an argument and she spent 2 days at her boyfriends. It was awful, but it gave us all a break that we needed.

Then she came back and we had a really good talk. She thinks she might be better living there with his family. They have agreed that she can live there, and we are giving it a trial. I'm hoping she'll realise which side her bread is buttered and come back begging to come home soon. but I'm also hoping it'll work out for her as it may do her some good to grow up.

So, shock tactics have been used. I have completely cleared her room. I've washed all of her clothes and bagged them up. Her room looks like a spare room now! Everything has been stripped. I'm hoping that when she sees it, she'll realise that this isn't some sort of huge joke.

Oh crap, am I doing the right thing? I talk to her every day. I'm just worried that she isn't eating or something. she's a really intelligent person, just hasn't got a scrap of common sense.

You've got all this to come ladies with little girls!!!

 

[~KACI~]

Aww hun

I think you have to trust your instint with something like this. your her mum and she needs the kick up the bum. Like you said she'll either come back apologising or she'll grow up.

Just keep in touch and tell her you still love her (not that you don't)

And no i don't think i am looking forward to this x x

 

[x-amy-x]

I cant imagine how hard this must be for you... but i also hope she learns some independance and also learns that with independance comes responsibility. As awful as it sounds she might learn a little more respect for you not living with you, she'll have to respect their house as she doesn't know them that well and in theory she is a guest...and time away from you will mean you're not treading on each others toes. I left home at 16 (on bad terms) but it was the best thing i ever did, situation was totally different but i learned to be happy for myself and learned more respect for my mam and dad xxx

 

[nightkd]

My mum started kicking me out (over random things) at age 16/17 and I started living with friends for short periods...coming back, same thing would happen....got a BF, ended up living at his a lot to get away from my mum... It made our relationship a lot better, and we both enjoyed the time we spent together more, as we obviously weren't seeing each other every day and getting under each other's feet. It could be good for both of you

It's hard, but the independence might be just what she needs to mature and get motivated to get on with her life and make the right choices for herself.

xx

 

[Jaxvipe]

So sorry you have to go through this... I moved out of my moms home at the age of 17. In a way it was one of the worst decisions i ever made but then on the other hand i dont think that me and my mom would be as close as we are now. I am now 22 years old and my mom is my best friend. Our relationship got so much better when we were not living together. I moved in with my boyfriend at the age of 18 and we have been living together ever since and we are now engaged. I know i broke my moms heart by moving out but it was for the best.

i hope everything works out for you and your daughter.

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

So sorry you have to go through this... I moved out of my moms home at the age of 17. In a way it was one of the worst decisions i ever made but then on the other hand i dont think that me and my mom would be as close as we are now. I am now 22 years old and my mom is my best friend. Our relationship got so much better when we were not living together. I moved in with my boyfriend at the age of 18 and we have been living together ever since and we are now engaged. I know i broke my moms heart by moving out but it was for the best.

i hope everything works out for you and your daughter.

I could have wrote that myself!!! X

 

[Jo]

Oh gosh Amanda, had no idea things had got so bad

For what it is worth though I think you have done the right thing, she will surely realise how much you love and care for her andhow much she has hurt you, as Amy said she is basically a guest in their house and will have to abide by their rules.

I moved out at 18 and it was the best thing I ever did, me and my mum did nothing but fight and scream at each other, I moved out, learnt responsibilty and we have a fab realationship now.

If my mum had done the same with my sister she wouldn't have a mardy 26 yr old still living at home and kicking off like she was a teenager
xx

 

[Amanda]

Thanks everyone, you've all made me feel so much better. I know it's the right decision for all of us, but I was dreading having someone reply with a 'you should have tried harder' phrase. No-one knows how hard teenagers can be unless they live with one, and I have 2 other children to worry about too. Charlie was wetting himself again after being dry for over a year, but only at home, and that has completely stopped now so I know it was because of the atmosphere.

I myself moved out at 16, and after a few worrying years for my parents (I was a bit of a wild one), they are now my best friends.

Hoping this'll be a start of something better.

 

[mommy43]

my daughter is nearly 16 n put us through hell since she was 13 atm im keeping things as calm as possible she dosent get her own way but i give in alot im holding tight till shes finishd her exams n hopefully going to 6th form at one point it didnt look like shed even finish school!! i can totally sympathise with your situation the lying stealing not coming home ect we are only human hun dont feel bad i dont know how old your daughter is but there comes a point when u have to let go hopefully she (& my daughter) will realize its not a game n they have to grow up i moved out when i was 16 n i regret now what i put my parents through ive found out the hard way exactly how they felt
also i know how much affect my daughters behaviour has had on the rest of the family they think its all about them but it has a huge impact on younger children i know i spent months dragging the younger ones out looking for my daughter at all hrs its not fair on them either
huge hugs to you im sure you've done a great job in a very difficult situation x

 

[hshucksmith]

Hey, just though I could shed some light as I were in Kayleigh's position not so long ago. Me and my mum argued all the time and it was really putting strain on the family. My partner lives in Stoke On Trent and I live in Winchester, so it's a 210 mile journey one way. The day I left home I had a college placement and I was progressing well with my education. My mum and I had an arguement and my partner put enough money into my bank for a train fare up to his, I skipped college and legged it to the train station. That was back at the beginning of October. I spoke to my mum four or five times in the time that I spent up there. I applied for jobs and I started my own business, producing myself more money than I've EVER had living at home. I came home when I found out I was pregnant and I've been for 2 days. I'm already planning to leave again as I find it incredibly difficult living with my family who claim to 'have my best interests at heart' when in reality my best interests are what's best for them. Kayleigh will come running back when she realises there are things she can't deal with at such a young age, for now she may be naive and insensitive; but a time will come and it will hit her that she needs you. For now though honey, it's a just a waiting game. Let her know you love her and that you'll always be here for her - something my mum never did.