kinda rantish but hey ho hum

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by sezzlebum, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. sezzlebum

    sezzlebum Guest

    at the moment im having a few issues with OH, im trying to work out if its me blowing things out of proportion or not.

    a few months ago he went on a diet, now to be honest i get very little money off him because he always has something more important to pay out so it was down to me to buy his weight watcher meals etc (not friggin cheap) and he bought himself a gym pass for a month, i was supportive at first but then he started going to the gym twice a day for 4 hours at a time, he stopped helping out around the house, moaned he was hungry and went thru shitloads of his ww stuff within days of buying it.

    what bothered me most then is that i felt like i never got to see him, he was either at the gym or going somewhere else so i started to try and tell him this but to him i was just having another go at him.

    last week we got a new car (baring in mind i still havent had any real money off him, he gets £114 per fortnight and i havent had nothing off him for months) so anyways hes got this car from his compensation money from an accident, (he gave me £500, 400 of which went on baby stuff, the other 100 went on the girls,) he was left with just under 1000, but he pissed it up the wall, now his insurence is £89 per month, and with the deductions taken from his money already per fortnight he comes out with £70 so im having to pay the rest of his insurence, his ps3, his food, his bills, his petrol money (when he goes shop now for me i get no change at all anymore) and still does sod all around the house.

    not only is the whole money thing stressing me, but hes never in anymore, i blink and hes gone out the door, today hed gone out before i even woke up (so he went at about 9) to watch my cousin play football (why? im not even close with my cousin ffs) i got a text at 10 sayin it doesnt kick off till 12 and he would be back as soon as, i text at half 2 asking how long he was gonna be, i get dont know as a reply. so i told him to stay as long as he likes, he doesnt even have to come home at all anymore ive had enough. yesterday he promised the kids to take them on an easter egg hunt today so im pretty pissed off bout that.

    the build up to me sending the text tellin him id had enough was:
    thursday last week: got car, put £30 in petrol, spent the day driving my brother about, came home got a text at midnight, my brother asking him to pick him up from his night on the piss
    friday: spent the day with my brother, went to his mates at night
    saturday:spent day with his mates and night
    sunday:took me shopping, i was pretty ill to be honest cudda done with just going to bed he said hed watch the kids, he pissed off to watch football.
    monday: spent the day with his mates, went to his mates at night
    tuesday:spent all day out, came back at 10 to watch smallville, went out afterwards

    can ya see where im going with this? last night he said right im in now, lock up blabla then he got a text, oh your cousin wants me to come up so we can sort out arrangments for footie tomoro (it was 11.30 at night ffs) so i said fine watever threw his keys at him, he didnt go but he wanted to, i cud see it in his face

    so is it me being hormonal or is he being a dick lately?
     
  2. cs22

    cs22 Mum and ttc# 2

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    Hi, In my opinion i think hes not being particularly fair at the minute. You need him around and hes not there much at all it seems. I hope things get better for you :hugs:
     
  3. Armywife

    Armywife Mummy to 2 beauties

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    Oh sweetie, i'm sorry you're going through this. He could be (and really needs to be) much more supportive and much less selfish. Do you have a good support network outside of your relationship? I really hope he realises soon that you need him at the moment. Sending you big hugs x x x
     
  4. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    Oh wow...it's really not you hun. He must be going through something right now....seems like he's trying to piss you off? It sounds like he's not working? Can he not work? Is this new? That might be kinda tough on him? Must suck for you now though...
    Big :hugs:
     
  5. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    He sounds like a selfish **** IMO .....If he lives with you why isnt money equal ? Also doesnt he work ? if not why not ? if he is not able then i would say he wasnt able to go to gym either IMO ....He sounds like he need to get his act together and grow up he is gunna be a father FFS !!!

    I think u need to outline what u get from this relanshionship and what u want from it and if he doesnt change u will be far better without him

    Ok ive just read that bk i sound quite judgemental but u asked our opinions and ive given mine i hope not to cause offence :hugs:
     
  6. babymad

    babymad Well-Known Member

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    It's definitely not you being unreasonable. He seems to want to live the bachelor life at your expense. It sounds like he's going through some kind of crisis. I'm really sorry to hear of what you're going through. We're due on the same date. I know I feel shattered most of the time but you also have 2 other kids to look after.

    Hope he sorts himself out soon.

    :hug:
     
  7. csmummu

    csmummu Home to Charlie.

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    I agree hes not being very supportive. to say he will take you and the girls out and not but go and do something on his own its just not on! that alone would have caused a big argument in my house :)

    your being very calm but i think you need to tell him how u feel.
     
  8. Pux

    Pux Ryley's Mom

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    Why is he there?
    It seems like he's not there for you emotionally, financially, physically...It's almost like you're his mom giving him his allowance and feeding him.
    Sorry, doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
     
  9. fruity

    fruity Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing, you should not be treated that way. It sounds like you are getting no support at all. He sounds like he is having a great time, a roof over his head, nice clean place to come back to, money and food available to him and zero effort on his part. I hope you manage to get through to him that it can't go on like that, you are meant to be partners. Sending you a hug.
     
  10. PrincessSoph

    PrincessSoph Well-Known Member

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    def not you hun. he sounds like an arse. he should be there for you most the time IMO. fair enough going out now and again but not all day everyday. its like hes living a single persons life.

    hope he sorts himself out soon :hugs:
     
  11. cooney

    cooney Well-Known Member

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    I would be super pissed. Still You are asking a bunch of hormonal women so I don't know how good of an answer you will truly get. =)
     
  12. Tam

    Tam Mum of 2 - PG with No.3

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    I would definately tell him how you feel, and that he needs to grow up and remember his responsibilities......

    I hope things improve for you hun :hugs: x
     
  13. Rachel_C

    Rachel_C Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't stand for that, and it's not just hormones talking!!!

    If he can't afford to pay his car insurance, he shouldn't have a car as far as I'm concerned. If he's paying to go to the gym, he can save the money on both those things by getting a cheap bike or walking! And expensive dieting meals are a waste of money. He could buy some nice cheap fresh veg and cook himself something far better and much cheaper. And at the same time, he should be cooking for the rest of you!

    And as for not spending much time with you or your girls, that's even worse. I'd get him told!
     
  14. Mimiso

    Mimiso Mum of three

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    Sorry you are going through this, but it seems that your OH is taking your kind sweet nature for granted BIG TIME. It might be a good idea to list down 10 reasons why you are with him as in what does he do for you and the girls. If you cannot find 10 things then you are better off on your own. All that money you are spending supporting him you could be getting things for your LO's. I know it is a tough decision to make but in the end you might be better off. Maybe start off with a talk, see if he changes, if he doesnt then you have to do what is right for you and your precious cargo. All the best xxx By the way, my ex used to be like that, I paid for everything while he saved his money and always told me off for not saving........the cheek. THat is the reason why he is now and EX....best thing I ever did
     
  15. angelstardust

    angelstardust mother of 3

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    He sounds like a gold digging loser!

    You have to get him sorted, stop giving him money and letting him off with everything. He is a grown man not a teenager. It actually sounds like he is cheating, but I guess you would know if he was.

    Please don't be like what is lying at my front door.... Be strong, not a doormat.
     
  16. sezzlebum

    sezzlebum Guest

    thanks girls,

    As far as a support network goes outside my relationship, i havent really got one, i mean theres my mum...and as much as i love me mother theres still some things i'd rather not tell her lol also i dont want her turning on OH when this could just be a phase if ya get me, i have my friend sam, but often feel she takes advantage of me she has 4 kids, 3 are under 3 so i go up and help her out, but to be honest cleaning her house when she cant be bothered washing some pots and her floors are caked in chocolate, crisps,sausage rolls etc well it gets a bit much so i stopped going up there lol.
    i spoke to OH last night, he said he didnt realise how alone i was feeling and didnt mean to neglect me, we spoke about money (most defo the root of all evil) and said he understands where im coming from and agreed to work out a budget with me, and hes agreed to stop taxing every tom dick and harry about and to stay in after a certain time.

    i cant fault him with the kids, other than yesterday, you would think their his own but their not, he dotes on them and is a good dad, i think he forgets sometimes that its not just me and him he has to think about but my girls aswell and the new one when she arrives.

    i went thru a lot of money problems with my ex, i was a student at uni and holding down a full time job, and being a mum to the girls, he sat on his ass all day on the computer, he borrowed off me i never saw it again.. still waiting now lol to begin with tho, when he did work, he gave me £15 a week for shopping and to clothe our eldest (youngest wasnt here then) then after a row it went to £30 then when i started uni and work he quit :| toss pot he was/is

    aaaaaaaanyhoo back on to subject of OH, lol
    he said he will try harder and help me out more and be there for me, he said the novelty of having a car just got a grip of him and hes only going to go gym when im actually out somewhere or if ive gone to bed so i guess we'll just see how it goes for now.

    someone asked about him working.... he lost his job just after we found out i was pregnant he was agency staff and the place he was working at just cancelled their contract so since then hes been looking and applying and getting no where, he had an interview last week so im hoping he gets that, he said it went well but who knows

    thanks eveyone for your replies, means a lot to have people you dont know give you support and advice :) hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. dizzy duck

    dizzy duck Mummy to Oliver

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    Aww hun, Im sorry you are going through this, its great you talked to him and he sees whats going on, I really hope it stays this way, fingers crossed for his job. stay strong, take care :hugs: XX
     
  18. leeanne

    leeanne Mom of 3 and Stepmom of 2

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    He sounds like a selfish ass. You are definitely not over reacting.

    He needs to smarten up and stop thinking of himself, or get out.

    :hugs:
     
  19. Mimiso

    Mimiso Mum of three

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    Glad to hear that he listened to what you had to say and admitted to being at fault. Wish you all the best
     
  20. angelstardust

    angelstardust mother of 3

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    So long as he sticks to his word. But I much prefer to see people sorting out their problems.
     

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