labour partners?? just OH or OH and MUM???

[pinky1987]

Hi girls,

Hope you have all had a very good xmas!

But......................

I have just been talking to my dad on the phone, and my plan was to have the OH and my mum in delivery with me.

This is my 2nd child but my OH's 1st.
With my daughter the situation was very different,my daughter was not planned, (but so happy it happend could'nt live without her) i split up with my daughters father when i was 6months pregnant with her, and i moved back in with my mum and she helped me with everything and at the birth, it was my mum and my best friend in the delivery room.

Now this time, i have been with OH for nearly 3yrs and we are so happy together,this baby was planned,(happened quicker than we thought but great!), and i have always said i wanted OH (obviously) and i want my mum again in delivery.

But.... my mum hasnt been the nicest of people over the last year or so, nothing major, just little things that are annoying and she is not my OH's favourite person, Im very close to my dad and his wife and so is my OH, i know he feels more comfortable talking to my dad and wife more than my mum,as i have just been talking to my dad on a general conversation,the subject of birthing parnters came up, so i just said Rob and mum, then my dad said " is she waiting outside delivery but there on stand-by kind of thing?" and oblivious i said "no, iv asked her to come into delivery with us" and dad said "I know a certain soemone who would like it just to be a family affair, first time dad, a special something between you and him"

So my mind boggled!!!!

Then in a few words (as OH was sat on the other end of the sofa) my dad had basically explained that Rob has been talking to them and he would really like it just to be me and him in delivery, and my mum to be there at the hospital but not in delivery incase back up is needed kind of thing-he needs a break if it's a long time, because he isnt happy with the way my mum has been with us this past year and would like it to be something me an him share but he was scared of saying anything to me incase it upset me.

Which i totally understand where my OH is coming from ,totally, but i will admit,im scared! An i do just want my mum there. But i want to make this a special time for us together.

So two questions??????

1. Do i just be a big girl and be brave and just have me and OH?
and
2.How do i tell the mother if it is only going to be me and OH???

 

[Celesse]

I think that it should be up to you who is there during labour and no one else. If you feel you need the support of your mother during labour then that's what should happen. I am planning on having MIL there, not cos she is my favourite person in the world, but cos my own mother is so far away and I think having another woman there will be a great support.

 

[bumper]

Could you perhaps have your mum there while you're going throught the waiting stage but have her outside during the pushing stage? That way she's there, and she's shared part of the experience, but your OH has been there for the bit that I guess He wants to support you through?

If you were going to tell your mum that it were to be just you and OH I would say maybe just honesty? That you want ( or OH wants) it to be something spesh?

Haven't been in this situation but didn't want to read and run!

 

[Nix]

With our first my mum was there as I felt I needed the extra support but I think I felt like I couldnt relax and be how i wanted with my husband. With our 2nd it was just us two and it was so loving and special. Definately just me and my husband this time too but you have to do what is best for you and i'm sure you're partner will understand if you do want y our mum there too.

 

[pinky1987]

With our first my mum was there as I felt I needed the extra support but I think I felt like I couldnt relax and be how i wanted with my husband. With our 2nd it was just us two and it was so loving and special. Definately just me and my husband this time too but you have to do what is best for you and i'm sure you're partner will understand if you do want y our mum there too.

Yeah i think he will understand if i wanted my mum to be there too, but i want it to be about him aswell and not just all what i want if you know what i mean!?!?

I really dont know what to do now, cant stop thinking about it, i dont want to upset my OH and dont want to upset mum!!

uuuurrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!

But thank you for your replies!!!xxxxx

 

[lilyd]

Personally, I only want my OH with me - it is our first and I just want it to be the 2 of us. I am not concerned about him needing a break - if I'm not getting one then neither is he!!! Having said that, it is obviously a very personal decision and as the one giving birth then I would say that your wishes should come first.

Do you think he doesn't want your mum there just because they have had issues over the past year, or could it be that he feels that you think he won't be able to cope?

If your mum lives close by, how about telling her that you think you would like it to be you and your OH, but have her on standby should you change your mind? Then maybe say that you would like her to be the first visitor so that she doesn't feel too left out?

 

[passengerrach]

for me i only wnted my oh to be there it is ultimatly up to ypu as you would be going through the pain and need the support but you do i think have to consider your oh feelings too as its his baby being born too and it would be awful for him to feel pushed out or not needed the suggestion tht maybe your mum comes in at the beggining and leaves for the pushing stage is a good one then she can come back in once you and your oh have had family time with baby but im sure if you need her support as well as your oh then your oh will understand

 

[babybaillie]

I had this exact problem with my DD's birth. I ended up having OH there and sent mum home as mw's did say baby wouldnt come tonite. thing was OH had been told to go too. anyway i talked him into staying a bit longer, anyway things changed pretty quick 2 hours later out she came. so just had to explain to mum that she had missed it. which worked out ok for us as oh didnt wnat my mum there.

This time OH and me havent been getting on, we even split up for a while. mum hasnt mentiooned being there as he n oh dont get on now. and i dont no if i even want him there. so its going to be very much a case of wait n see.

i think its u thats in labour and u should do what u think is bestl. sorry that doesnt really help.

 

[bek74]

I was very lucky with my 3 other pregnancies as my OH didn't mind me having my girlfriend in there with me with all 3 deliveries.
However if he really had of wanted it to just be OUR moment and something we shared together then that would be fine, my OH knew about contractions, timing, rubbing my back etc he was excellent.
lets face it, your mum wasn't there when bubs was conceived

I agree that we, us women need to be comfortable and so forth, but I do feel as the father and our partner they should be able to have a say.

You should feel completely comfortable and at ease with just having your OH by your side, with your 1st you only had your mum, this time around you have a great husband, so my opinion is, let mum go.

This time around hubby and I are going it alone and we are both very excited about it, all I need is to have him at my side and I know I will do great.

 

[hivechild]

I think it's your own personal decision to make.

For myself, when it comes to the actual delivery, I only want my husband in there with me, but earlier on during labor, I would like, and don't mind my mum, or even my MIL to be around with the caveat that they know I want just hubby there in the end, and that at any time during labor I may change my mind about having them around and tell them to sod off and go wait outside!

 

[mumnbean]

I'm in the opposite dilemma!!!

I just want it to be oh and me for delivery. But, OH is all for my mum and dad being there for birth, and isn't confident about being my only support person. At one stage when I told him I didn't want mum and dad there, he suggested getting a duola (?sp) !?! WTF! ...When I already have people lining up to be there for me?!

Not sure what will happen... Dad has done obstetrics previously and has been coaching me with hypnobirthing, and both mum and dad are very strong role models for me. They would be fantastic at the birth, but I feel that getting that strength and support from my hubby would be a much stronger relationship builder and an unforgettable experience to share.

I think I have pretty much decided that I just want it to be me and hubby, but with mum and dad waiting close by for backup...

Will have to see what happens, I guess- probably won't be too aware/concerned about who is around when it comes to the crunch!!!

 

[mamato2more]

With my first, my Mom stopped in while I was laboring, and I could not take the look on her face so I sent her home. She was in pain seeing me go through all of that. Granted, I had my hubby there too...One thought is that it took just the two of you to get you to where you are...You could just have it the two of you there when the process is completed. If your hubby wants just the two of you, then I think you should respect him and keep it that way. He's your hubby, and your Mom comes second to him.

 

[KarenLV]

My mom will be with me during labour as my husband is grossed out by blood. Cant cope with a fainting man too! We did this for delivery of our firstborn and it worked out great. My husband saw our son being wheeled out of the room all cleaned up,so no trauma for him. Nice to have had my mom there with me as she is a woman too,my doc was female and the nurse who assisted her,so it was an all girls gang!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think ultimately it's your choice. I know my hubby would feel the same about my mum being there and they are very close and get along well. My sister wanted me there with her and I agreed but I said I would be leaving the room as the point that the baby was actually born. I think that is something for mum and dad to share. It was taken out of my hands as she need a c section so only 1 person could go into theatre but even if that hadnt happened, I would have left the room as the baby crowned. I waited outside theatre and they know I was just there if they needed me. Maybe you could suggest that kind of compromise? Have her in there but agree that she leaves at that important moment. My friend did the same with her best friend and she just went into the bathroom attached to the delivery room and waited to be called back in.

 

[suzib76]

i think if you just want it to be you and oh then you need to just tell your mum straight, after all this is YOUR baby and you shouldnt be made to feel uncomfortable/in a dilema about any part of it, im sure your mum will understand, and if not she will get over it eventually - just do what you and oh want x

 

[nickjr]

I really think that it has to be what will make you feel more comfortable and help you through the labour. I am in the same situation as you. I split with my daughters father when I was pregnant and my mam was there for me. She was fantastic, couldnt have been any better.
This time, I dont want my husband to feel pushed out, but then it is me that has to go through the pain so I think for my sake I will be asking my mam to be there too. This is his first child so he doesnt know what it is like. At the actual time I think he will be happy to have someone else there too.

Hope you work it out. xxxx