lack of communication ?

[Dollfacee]

ok so i see my midwife regulary but i feel that i don't have any bond with her at all, the communication seems really awkward.

i am now 28 weeks and surely i should be invited to some sort of classes by now, she has not spoke to me about classes, measured 'bump' or anything, she hasnt even gone through a birthing plan with me or anything.

i just feel like giving up with her i see her next week for the first time in ages, but i don't want to pick at all these things to her and make her think i'm a moany cow

what should i honestly do :\

 

[DottyLottie]

Aww I am so sorry you have acrappy MW. Mine is the same, but it is my 4th LO and I don't have so many Q's but I have often said to my OH how I am glad it is not my first cause the MW is so crap!
I really feel for all you first time mums who have to put up with these rubbish midwifes!

If I were you, I would tell her how you feel. Just politely explain the things you are nervous about and that you would like more info from her, especially to be measured. I would personally complain about her too - if it wasn't for the fact I still have to get through a homebirth with mine, I would have complained about her already!

 

[Dollfacee]

Aww I am so sorry you have acrappy MW. Mine is the same, but it is my 4th LO and I don't have so many Q's but I have often said to my OH how I am glad it is not my first cause the MW is so crap!
I really feel for all you first time mums who have to put up with these rubbish midwifes!

If I were you, I would tell her how you feel. Just politely explain the things you are nervous about and that you would like more info from her, especially to be measured. I would personally complain about her too - if it wasn't for the fact I still have to get through a homebirth with mine, I would have complained about her already!

i feel it is important that i get measured, but it just dont seem to be happening, i go there she listens to his heart beat askes me if everything is ok then tells me to go :\ i really dont know weather i should bring my mum along, she has a big mouth hopefully she would let slip that shes annoyed LOL, i just can't make myself be nasty to someone, i feel so bad afterwards.

 

[xemmax]

this might be of interest to you hun:
https://www.gpnotebook.com/simplepage.cfm?ID=x20070315063549295600&linkID=69928&cook=no

it tells you how often you should have appointments and what should happen at each.

they don't generally start plotting your fundal height until about your stage - so i don't think that's a problem. i didn't have a bond with my midwife either, and then she retired in july, and since then i have seen a different midwife at each appointment. i don't see it as a problem though, because i am going to give birth at a hospital, where the midwifery team will all be new to me.

however i do understand, because my blood test results were not looked into and i wasn't called to be told i have low iron, because i don't have a midwife directly looking after me. and this did make me feel a little let down!

as for your birth plan, they don't generally run through it with you until much later on - though you can show them it now. i'm not sure how beneficial it would be until later on, as you don't yet know how your pregnancy will progress and end up, but you could begin to discuss this with her if you wanted to?

i think the level of care offered by midwives is minimal, i expected it to be much more. don't feel disappointed, i think that's just the way things are. x

 

[Dolly.]

They generally don't start measuring your bump yet, mine was measured at 31 weeks and again at 35 weeks, that's it!! I wasn't invited to any classes either, so I asked and they don't actually do any
Oh and I'm nearly 39 weeks and the birth plan has never even come up at any of my appointments, I've just filled in some preferences in the correct page in my notes of my own accord.
However I do feel I have a good relationship with my midwife and we generally have a little chat unless she is busy which I understand.
I wouldn't worry too much, maybe try asking more questions to prompt more interaction next time?

 

[Beth8ny]

Hey bump buddy

I know how you feel. My midwife retired after my 22 week appointment and now Ive been told I'll probably see a different one each time I go as they havent taken on a permanent one yet. If it makes you feel better I only had my bump measured for the first time at my last appointment which was my 28 week one but that was done at the hospital as I had to see the consultant.

I agree though that it may be worthwhile just asking her everything you want to know - especially if she's gonna be your midwife all the way through. Dont worry about annoying her, at the end of the day thats what she's there for

xx

 

[jeanettekaren]

I've never seen the same midwife twice yet but I'm pretty laid back and not too bothered tbh. I couldn't get a 28 week appointment because they were full so I'm happy to wait until 29 weeks, no biggie. A 5 minute rushed appointment every couple of weeks with a woman that is so busy she can hardly see straight is not on my list of priorities anyway. Plus the hours wait in the waiting room I could do without too!!!

 

[gemabee]

ok so i see my midwife regulary but i feel that i don't have any bond with her at all, the communication seems really awkward.

i am now 28 weeks and surely i should be invited to some sort of classes by now, she has not spoke to me about classes, measured 'bump' or anything, she hasnt even gone through a birthing plan with me or anything.

i just feel like giving up with her i see her next week for the first time in ages, but i don't want to pick at all these things to her and make her think i'm a moany cow

what should i honestly do :\

midwives are given a setlist of things to discuss at each appointment depending on ur stage.
at 28 weeks there's no reason why u should be invited to anythin yet... i'm 31 weeks nd asked my midwife the other day about classes... she said that i can go on then from 34 weeks... but wouldn't have discussed it until my next appt.
fundal heights don't start to get measured until 28 / 29 weeks anyway because it doesn't correspond to anythin until around about then!!
as for birth plan... this won't be discussed for a while yet... when ur closer to the actual birth!
sorry u don't have a 'bond' with ur midwife but i'm sure u have nothin to worry bout... they have to do things in order so that there's somethin to do at each appt nd so that a single appt doesn't last for an hour.
i know its hard not to worry / panic... but i like to be pragmatic nd only panic when i need to.
xxx

 

[Nicollexx]

I've always been passed through a huge line of midwives if im honest it really annoyed me!
i saw 'my' midwife once and then i've learnt she's been off sick for 25 weeks hense the fact ive only seen her once, you'd of thought i'd of been sent a letter of some kind!

but anyhoo i was thinking this seeing as i'd never been measured but at 28 weeks i got measured for first time and have been measured everytime since, and i had my 36 week appointment on wednesday and we spoke about birth plan then

as for the classes thing i never really wanted to go to any so i didn't but i'm the same i was never offered any anyways!