Lack of intimacy & dtd

[twiggers]

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[Jax41]

Girls, can I ask you something really personal here? Is anyone actually enjoying sex at the moment with their OHs, DBs, DHs or am I the only one? I want him to feel all relaxed, sexy and great but when it comes to me, it's just not happening, feeling like after all these years the spark's gone

 

[Zeri]

Jax, I don't think you're alone. I enjoy sex some of the time, but I don't usually O during sex - so I usually just focus on the intimacy of it and getting DH to orgasm (especially during the fertile window).

So for the whole week I've been despairing about our lack of intimacy/BD.... we had only Bd'ed on CD10 and nothing after, and I was started to feel really rejected and unattractive in general. Was planning to talk to DH this weekend but he surprised me last night by initiating BD, around 4 in the morning. Yayyyy! I guess mornings really are best for him. Made me feel better that we Bd'ed.... I felt better about our relationship overall and just desirable again and like a woman, you know? It's amazing how lack of intimacy can really influence one's self-esteem. For me, it does, anyway.

 

[twiggers]

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[Briss]

I am very lucky in a way that my sex drive is really high around O so I am still enjoying sex even when we argue and I have to beg for it but after O I do not feel a thing so find it difficult to initiate sex like the other day we needed to BD cos my hubby is due to repeat his test on tuesday and i needed him to refresh his supply 4-5 days before the test but in the end had to go with BJ nothing else worked

 

[lexus15]

I'm still enjoying sex..just don't get enough of it from OH! I don't however enjoy it when I have to ask him as I know he didn't really want to..this in turn makes me think if I'm not enjoying it then I doubt he is..I also worry that he won't come & it will be a waste of my effort trying to get him in the mood.

I've started sneaking Horny Goat Weed & Arginine in his dinner for over a week now to increase his sex drive but I haven't seen any improvement yet..am hoping that it will kick in soon & it won't be a waste of money

 

[viccat]

Girls, can I ask you something really personal here? Is anyone actually enjoying sex at the moment with their OHs, DBs, DHs or am I the only one? I want him to feel all relaxed, sexy and great but when it comes to me, it's just not happening, feeling like after all these years the spark's gone

I understand how you feel Jax. Sex has become so infrequent and fraught with emotional issues, that I am not really enjoying it This isn't just about TTC though, and I keep stressing that to my OH - I just want to feel desired!

 

[lexus15]

Girls, can I ask you something really personal here? Is anyone actually enjoying sex at the moment with their OHs, DBs, DHs or am I the only one? I want him to feel all relaxed, sexy and great but when it comes to me, it's just not happening, feeling like after all these years the spark's gone

I understand how you feel Jax. Sex has become so infrequent and fraught with emotional issues, that I am not really enjoying it This isn't just about TTC though, and I keep stressing that to my OH - I just want to feel desired!

Exactly, but our men don't seem to understand this & how it makes us feel

 

[nobump]

I have worked out that if I relax about things then it works out better for OH, if I get annoyed/impatient then things go pear shape of on strike and there is nothing we can do now it's just a question of trying to find the time and energy!!

 

[Suzy_Q]

So I tried everything but got shut out this month. I'm so frustrated I could scream. Oh, and my darling OH is on month 3 of needing to get his semen analysis. I've told him that if he doesn't get the analysis done in this two weeks, I'm moving on to donor sperm. He said we've been fighting and he can't just "turn it off" like I can. Oh, and he said he feels like he's just a penis to me. I work and live with him. We spend every minute of our lives together! He acknowledged he is putting me in a bad position, that I obviously think more of him than he's just a penis, and that getting some in a 48 hour period a month is not too much to ask. I'm less angry BUT I still may have to go the donor route if he can't get in to get the SA. My amh is less than .16 (US scale). I don't have time for this so I have to move on. Grrrr!

 

[twiggers]

I'm so sorry Suzy!!!

 

[Suzy_Q]

Thanks twiggers. I really hope I don't have to go the donor route but I have to do what I have to do. I refuse to lie on my death bed regretting what I did not do! I know, counterfactual thinking but it is what it is (you're developmental psych so I figured you would like the reference).

 

[Briss]

Suzy, I am sorry. it so reminds me my DH though, he says exactly the same thing i.e. he can't just "turn it off" like I can. when we argue I can say things that i do not mean just to hurt him, it's wrong I know but it just comes out and he cant get over it for months and months. and it affects our sex life. I am constantly thinking about donor sperm but giving my DH another chance because I am beginning to realise that there is my fault in this as well

 

[twiggers]

x

 

[lexus15]

So I tried everything but got shut out this month. I'm so frustrated I could scream. Oh, and my darling OH is on month 3 of needing to get his semen analysis. I've told him that if he doesn't get the analysis done in this two weeks, I'm moving on to donor sperm. He said we've been fighting and he can't just "turn it off" like I can. Oh, and he said he feels like he's just a penis to me. I work and live with him. We spend every minute of our lives together! He acknowledged he is putting me in a bad position, that I obviously think more of him than he's just a penis, and that getting some in a 48 hour period a month is not too much to ask. I'm less angry BUT I still may have to go the donor route if he can't get in to get the SA. My amh is less than .16 (US scale). I don't have time for this so I have to move on. Grrrr!

Sorry to hear that your oh is behaving this way, I wish I knew why they behave so negatively with us, they all have a way (with words or their actions) to control the situation & they choose to make us sad/angry by withholding sex especially before we ov.

How does he feel about a donor? Maybe just the thought of it will help him get his act together..stay strong.x

 

[lexus15]

How is everyone?

I don't know what is happening this month with me but I've started af 4 days early (cd 24). It's not heavy or painful like normal although there was red blood with small clots on the first day, now it's dark reddy brown wondering if it's the dhea I started this month?

To top it of, I've caught a vomiting & diarrhoea bug & my body is aching all over body, not nice

 

[viccat]

So I tried everything but got shut out this month. I'm so frustrated I could scream. Oh, and my darling OH is on month 3 of needing to get his semen analysis. I've told him that if he doesn't get the analysis done in this two weeks, I'm moving on to donor sperm. He said we've been fighting and he can't just "turn it off" like I can. Oh, and he said he feels like he's just a penis to me. I work and live with him. We spend every minute of our lives together! He acknowledged he is putting me in a bad position, that I obviously think more of him than he's just a penis, and that getting some in a 48 hour period a month is not too much to ask. I'm less angry BUT I still may have to go the donor route if he can't get in to get the SA. My amh is less than .16 (US scale). I don't have time for this so I have to move on. Grrrr!

Suzy, sorry to hear about your struggle. I really hear your frustration.

AF is just starting for me, which is not a surprise as we did not DTD once this month. OH was very ill (as opposed to sniffly with man flu) so I'm allowing him the excuse this time.

I don't feel I can criticise too hard just yet, as we both need to go to the docs, and I am as guilty as him for not getting around to it. Will put it on the agenda for this month - wish me luck!

lexus - there could be few different reasons for AF coming early. I'm not sure whether DHEA can do that - does anything come up on a quick google? My cycle length can vary a bit, and if its early, it is often slightly less painful.

 

[Jax41]

Hi everyone

Suzy, !"$£$^^&)%*(%£$!!!!!!!, crikey luv I really don't know what to say other than if the situation is really this hopeless then a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do

Lexus, I know nothing about DHEA but I guess anything that's new could have an affect on your cycle I hope the bug has bugga'd off and you're feeling better

viccat, good luck with the appts at the Dr's, you've got nothing to lose and I really hope DH goes along with it too if he needs to be tested

Briss? Where are you? Are you okay? Is everything going as DH promised in your world?

Twiggers, no bump hope you're both alright

AFM, I'm actually feeling quite good even though I'm waiting for AF (she's due tomorrow)..... DH just seems different towards me and TTC

 

[Briss]

Hi ladies,

I am due to O this weekend and no BD so far, was begging last night and nothing and he also said unlikely today - how disappointing! I relaxed on arginine and stupidly stayed with just 1 g because previous months he was so willing. From today I increased it to 3 g and doubled his maca intake. He said he will BD once when my CBFM shows peak but that's not enough is it? I was hoping to get at least 2 BD sessions before O. I am feeding him cooked tomatoes and garlic everyday supposed to improve sperm count

 

[Jax41]

Hi ladies,

I am due to O this weekend and no BD so far, was begging last night and nothing and he also said unlikely today - how disappointing! I relaxed on arginine and stupidly stayed with just 1 g because previous months he was so willing. From today I increased it to 3 g and doubled his maca intake. He said he will BD once when my CBFM shows peak but that's not enough is it? I was hoping to get at least 2 BD sessions before O. I am feeding him cooked tomatoes and garlic everyday supposed to improve sperm count

Oh Briss! So his plan is going well then? It's so unfair when they promise you co-operation and understanding and then go back on their word, my DH has done that to me many a cycle and I've told him, you can't play with me like that it's just not fair Well if he's promised you a 'golden one BD' then I'm sure you'll do everything possible to make it a good one

Have you had another IUI/IVF chat again recently? It just feels that if forcing him to BD is causing more damage to your relationship then maybe the assisted route really would be better all round?