Lack of intimacy & dtd

[nobump]

Back home feeling icky. Hubby just made me a bubble bath. Heading out to local pub for some food. Doubt we'll get down to it over weekend if I don't perk up

 

[Juniperjules]

Back home feeling icky. Hubby just made me a bubble bath. Heading out to local pub for some food. Doubt we'll get down to it over weekend if I don't perk up

Sorry to hear that : ( a nice bubble bath will help a little.. Light some candles & play some music too!

Crap weekend for me too. Positive OPK this morning at 0600hrs, but looks like this month is a bust. My OH has a cold, & like most men, that means he is dying & may never recover!!!! God give me strength not to strangle him... It's nothing new, he's always like this when sick. But it HAD to fall on this week didn't it??? So he has told me mutiple times now that theres 'no way' he could manage sex or even just a DIY job so that were in with a small chance this month. i wish i could REALLY make him understand how even just having ONE go at least gives me something to hope for for a few weeks, you know keeps me going. But hes adamant that its impossible, mind you, he had to work last nite & managed to recover enough for a few hours to stay out until 3am to see a friends band play... Sometimes I really feel like the whole feckin universe is conspiring against me & I should just give up. Am trying to keep my cool given that he was very enthusiastic last month, keep telling myself sickness can't be helped & it's only one month...

 

[astito]

Juniper, why don't you try IUI?
or, at least, you can give him a softcup and say ''go bath and give me your little swimmers"...He can do it in 5 to 10 minutes

 

[astito]

Hi Jess, and welcome


My only worry is that this cycle is slightly different to normal (less EWCM and lower sex drive) so not sure if I will ovulate this month. I'm trying to stay positive, and see it as good practice even if I don't.

viccat, don't worry on less ewcm. it doesn't mean strong ovulation...last year I got pregnant without any ewcm...sometimes ewcm is up to enough liquid you take...

 

[nobump]

Back home feeling icky. Hubby just made me a bubble bath. Heading out to local pub for some food. Doubt we'll get down to it over weekend if I don't perk up

Sorry to hear that : ( a nice bubble bath will help a little.. Light some candles & play some music too!

Crap weekend for me too. Positive OPK this morning at 0600hrs, but looks like this month is a bust. My OH has a cold, & like most men, that means he is dying & may never recover!!!! God give me strength not to strangle him... It's nothing new, he's always like this when sick. But it HAD to fall on this week didn't it??? So he has told me mutiple times now that theres 'no way' he could manage sex or even just a DIY job so that were in with a small chance this month. i wish i could REALLY make him understand how even just having ONE go at least gives me something to hope for for a few weeks, you know keeps me going. But hes adamant that its impossible, mind you, he had to work last nite & managed to recover enough for a few hours to stay out until 3am to see a friends band play... Sometimes I really feel like the whole feckin universe is conspiring against me & I should just give up. Am trying to keep my cool given that he was very enthusiastic last month, keep telling myself sickness can't be helped & it's only one month...

Bath was good. OH is the the sAme when I'll. Although as he's was off work around O Drag him to bed when I got in from work a few times but no joy. He,s been on penicillin for a couple of weeks and it has managed to put a stop to things then. Although we have done it a couple of other times this month including when FF Thinks I may have O Not holding out much hope. Temps look to be on way back down.
My OH did make me laugh the other day as yes he to always seemed to have a cold around my O time. He thought men might have 'cycles' as well. Otherwise how do they know! I have stopped telling him.

 

[viccat]

Oh Juniper, sorry to hear that OH is not playing ball It doesn't sound good that he is telling you he cannot DTD even before you ask. Does getting annoyed help in these situations with him or not?

 

[Briss]

It's just getting worse, I had a breakdown last night, AF and everything looked really gloomy we argued (in our usual fashion) and one of the neighbors called the police!! I was so lost when they arrived I could not even understand what was happening. Now I can of course think of million ways how I should have reacted but last night I could not even think straight. we explained that we just had an argument, that's all but in the end we are getting a police record of "domestic incident". I am so angry at the neighbors. I do not know how these things work, never had an encounter with the police before but as far as I know police records are there for ever, I am so distressed by it (being a solicitor and all) on top of being generally disappointed in life. will it ever get better or is this it, just getting worse and worse and there is no light of any kind. the only positive thing was that my Dh and I were so shaken by the whole experience that it kind of brought us closer together, we would have even had sex (not BD but proper love making) if it was not for AF

 

[Briss]

Juniper, really sorry about DH but it actually reminded me of man cold https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbmbMSrsZVQ it's quite funny but obviously not when it happens in real life. I agree with Astito you can try and get him to "deposit" his swimmers in a softcup

 

[viccat]

Oh gosh Briss, how awful It must have been such a shock when the police turned up.

How are things today - both for you personally, and between the two of you?

 

[Briss]

Looks like something changed after my meltdown last night, maybe hubby got it in the end that i am really losing any will to carry on. he was an absolute angel today. obviously we are both quite shaken by the experience (quite annoyingly our neighbors are now having a party of about 20 youngsters all drunk etc - am really tempted to call the police on them cos it's almost midnight and I really want to sleep) but in a way this unfortunate experience has brought us closer it's like we were against each other but as soon as police arrived we were on the same side and they were the enemy we are now waiting for Monday to get his SA and then we will decide

 

[Jax41]

Briss you never know out of something really terrible it might just be the right thing to pull you two together for a change, God I so hope so lovely as you've (both) been through so much and the constant arguing, niggles, resentment just builds up and it's so damn stressful

I know it's all DH and I have done since my big blow up last weekend, told him I hated his kids (I don't it just came out wrong ) and that I'd wasted the last 11 years of my life i.e. our marriage (I haven't, I meant my childbearing years), made a right hash of it and upset him big time but like you it just all came out uncontrollably and yes I did admit it completely overshadows everything else about our life that is good or not good as the case maybe...

I think you, me, viccat are all at that 'how did we get here' stage 'how did I let this happen' but we had our reasons (athough I admit it's hard trying to think of them sometimes! ) but they were good ones when we made the decision to be with our OHs, they had to be otherwise we wouldn't have done it, it's just time, and life's knocks that haven't been kind to our relationships along the way...

All I can say girls is never say never, not that I'm telling you to ditch your DH's but honestly, I've got a good few years on you so I really do have no time 18months max I reckon until I hit 45 so I'm sticking with mine, but you have time if you wanted to meet someone new and think of all that great sex!!!! I'm envious Now if I get past being able to have a baby, then I really don't know about our future, I'm hoping we'll be okay but after my outburst last weekend where we even spoke seriously about splitting bc of how I feel about kids/grandkids who knows all I can say is that for the current time it's frightened us so like you and your DH Briss it seems to have pulled us together.

Big hugs girls, and lots of luv as always

 

[Briss]

Jax, I am so hoping you will get your BFP soon and things will get back to normal,

I just do not know anymore how I feel, one minute I hate him cos he is the reason I cant have children, another minute I love him cos he really is trying, then I hate him again cos he is not trying hard enough etc, it would been better if I knew how to be at peace, I am stressing out way too much. my Chinese doc gave me new herbs and I was not surprised when I read what they are for – "it is a commonly used herbal remedy for anxiety, irritability, stress, and depression due to the challenge of a daily life or premenstrual tension", he got it all from just looking at my pulse.

My Dh did his SA today after 3 months of almost no beer and went off to celebrate… I will lose my peace for ever if gets home drunk and we still do not have the results.

 

[nobump]

Think I had a false positive with a clear blue test. Thought AF had appeared in the night. Put a softcup in. Went back to bed did the test in the morning. Thought it was negative. Checked after ma bath and it showed positive. Did a cheapy in the same sample hadn't but it was negative. Only day 23 but FF thought I had ovulated two weeks ago. Only good thing is hubby saw test and I talk through my charts for the past few months. Temp this month looked good but are on there way down. Be interesting to get in hubby's head to see what he thinks of things. But will have to get him drunk to find out. If not bleed properly will try in morning with a cheapy. Only had a clear blue as I am doing their trial this month. Was awaiting AF to show to start. :-D

 

[viccat]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you nobump. Cheapies are unlikely to give a positive if AF is not overdue. Best thing to use (I believe) is FRER. Good luck!

Hopefully the SA will be better this time Briss ..... perhaps a bit of a blow out will help your DH? When do you expect to get the results?

As for me, well this month has probably been our best for TTC I am not sure what has been the cause - possibly me being more determined and making the first move. Alternatively OH is hoping I'll get pregnant again this month, and he'll be able to avoid doing the SA!

Unsurprisingly, it means I feel so much more positive about everything, and feel much closer to OH as a result.... Jax, like you say, I'm remembering some of the reasons I love him!

 

[Zeri]

nobump, any new tests? I would be so excited if I had a positive! Thinking good thoughts for you.

Briss, when are expecting to get the SA results? Hope they're fair enough for you to move forward with IUI/IVF. Hope your DH stays off the 'no drinking' train too and doesn't get caught back up in it. Sorry to hear about the police incident - that must've been so stressful on top of everything else that you were going through with the OH. But it's good that it brought you guys closer. I can understand the 'up and down' emotions though... it might be difficult for you to really feel much better unless you have some hope on the TTC front, or with other things in your life turning around.

viccat - I'm sorry about the lost bfp. I know a bfp would've been so exciting, if not for the circumstances under which it happened. It's good to know that you can pregnant easily though, and it's good that your OH is willing to try a bit harder! Hopefully it's just a matter of (a little bit more) time now!

Jax - How have you and your OH been since the blowout?

Juniper - the 'man-cold' thing made me laugh! My DH is the exact same way. When I'm sick I do everything I usually do...cook, clean, whatever. It's so funny that men turn into invalids when they get sick. But not so funny when it happens during the fertile window!

AFM - Still struggling. I got a near positive opk yesterday morning (haven't checked since) and DH and I BD'ed late last night. IT was such a struggle though. He clearly wasn't in the mood but had promised me earlier so I made him follow through. It wasn't the best sex....I had to do a lot of work to keep him aroused...but in the end he finally came. I'm not really hopeful about this month because the last time we Bd'ed before last night was 10 days ago...and I don't think he masturbated in between...so really stale sperm. Wonderful. But I feel better to have a sliver of a chance than no chance at all. WE really need to keep the BD to at least once a week so that the sperm can be healthier. Sigh! On the positive front, DH is attempting to take his vitamins and exercise now, so hopefully that'll help in some way. I think he really needs it.

 

[Briss]

nobump, fingers crossed it's a true positive!!

viccat, great to hear that things are going well, it would be fantastic if you get your BFP this month!

Zeri, you are still in with a chance! and actually quite a few ladies reported BFP after having just one random BD session after 1-2 weeks of no BD at all (against all rules on keeping the sperm moving and fresh) so you just never know. great news on your DH doing vitamins and exercise!

Jax, how are you doing?

afm, just hanging in there waiting for SA results, been chasing the clinic every day but nothing yet. I cant even think straight until we know. we had really great couple of days, felt like we were on our second honeymoon, the police incident did bring us closer (in a weird way) and also the waiting game for SA results. if they are bad we are facing IVF/donor sperm/divorce possibilities. so we could not get enough of each other before we may have to part our ways. but as expected he got really drunk celebrating his 3 months of soberness, I was furious. he did not stop there and brought a bottle a wine last night, I thought my world ended after all we talked about here he comes again. tomorrow he has some social thing where he is going to be drinking and I am ovulating this weekend...

 

[viccat]

Zeri - sorry to hear about the stale sperm. Been there SO many times and ended up being torn between annoyed that it was likely to be old, and just grateful to actually DTD in that month

Good news on the vitamins and exercise though. I've been really good myself for the last 6 weeks, and I know how much difference it has made to my energy levels and mood

Briss - sorry to hear that your OH got really drunk and upset you. I don't think it would have that quick an effect on his sperm, would it?

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for those SA results

AFM - in the TWW now, and it is draaaaagggggiinnnnnggggg

 

[nobump]

Took a test on yesterday morning another cheapy First Response, and it was negative, but it was also out of date in 2011, think I must have bought the pack when I thought we were in with a chance of conceiving naturally!! Ha Ha fat chance!!! Will wait an test on Friday if I haven't started bleeding, need to go out and buy a expensive test... but only place that had one tonight was the small chemist round the corner from my house... want to but my test anonymous, so will nip into a supermarket tommorrow and use the self service. I still think I mucked the test up by not doing it right.... think I can get dipping a test wrong... it was negative... then realised I needed to put the cap on the end, did that got out the bath and it was a positive... sure I did something wrong...

Had a bit of blood today when I wiped, bit nothing of note...

Will let you know how I get on.

Zeri - I hope you can get hubby a bit more active, when I ask hubby if he has entertained himself, and he just clams up and says no... says he prefers the real thing, which is nice to hear, but how can I explain it's good to keep them fresh.... but then again don't want him doing things to close to O.

Briss - I think one slip up would be ok..

Viccat - good to hear your having a good month

to all.

 

[Briss]

finally got SA results, not great but much better than last time. count moved up from 1 to 11 million but morphology is 2% which is very poor. Motility is good (last time it was non-existent). I am still very happy cos it's a really big improvement on last SA and it shows that we can actually do things to improve hubby's sperm, the bad news is that over the last 3 years it was never within norm so not sure if it ever will be… Also the comment says that he may have Teratozoospermia (poor morphology) which is apparently not treatable and IVF/ICSI is the only way. hubby is disappointed cos he expected his "sacrifice" will lead to at least 30 mil. not sure yet where we go from here

 

[Jax41]

Jax, I am so hoping you will get your BFP soon and things will get back to normal,

I just do not know anymore how I feel, one minute I hate him cos he is the reason I cant have children, another minute I love him cos he really is trying, then I hate him again cos he is not trying hard enough etc, it would been better if I knew how to be at peace, I am stressing out way too much. my Chinese doc gave me new herbs and I was not surprised when I read what they are for – "it is a commonly used herbal remedy for anxiety, irritability, stress, and depression due to the challenge of a daily life or premenstrual tension", he got it all from just looking at my pulse.

My Dh did his SA today after 3 months of almost no beer and went off to celebrate… I will lose my peace for ever if gets home drunk and we still do not have the results.

Ohhh God, I know those feelings all too well Briss and the main thing for me is the not trying hard enough. I know that if he was giving it 101% for me and then I didn't manage to get pregnant I would feel differently towards him. I've told him this must be a million times, but the idiot just doesn't get it

Really hope the herbs help you and they're not too yuk to take, I've heard they can be! Bravely, I've joined a local fertility/infertility group and one of the girls running it does hypnotherapy, now I'm not really into that but she's teaching us the most amazing relaxation techniques and after the last few weeks I've had they came at just the right time The main thing she said was don't lose sight of yourselves as a couple, wow that's a hard one!

How did DHs SA go? xXx