Lack of intimacy & dtd

[Jax41]

finally got SA results, not great but much better than last time. count moved up from 1 to 11 million but morphology is 2% which is very poor. Motility is good (last time it was non-existent). I am still very happy cos it's a really big improvement on last SA and it shows that we can actually do things to improve hubby's sperm, the bad news is that over the last 3 years it was never within norm so not sure if it ever will be… Also the comment says that he may have Teratozoospermia (poor morphology) which is apparently not treatable and IVF/ICSI is the only way. hubby is disappointed cos he expected his "sacrifice" will lead to at least 30 mil. not sure yet where we go from here

X post!

Hey, that's really good news that there have been real improvements One of the girls on another thread got pg and her DH only had 3% morphology (she went onto have a healthy bub) and my DH also showed this on the low side but hey they'll be zooming up there with that motility!

So if the bad news is in the last 3 years it wasn't within the norm does that mean prior to this it was? With all the stuff that DH and supps are doing you never know what it may be like in the next 3 months even better! I really hope he doesn't sabotage the good work he's done hun

 

[Jax41]

nobump, fingers crossed it's a true positive!!

viccat, great to hear that things are going well, it would be fantastic if you get your BFP this month!

Zeri, you are still in with a chance! and actually quite a few ladies reported BFP after having just one random BD session after 1-2 weeks of no BD at all (against all rules on keeping the sperm moving and fresh) so you just never know. great news on your DH doing vitamins and exercise!

Jax, how are you doing?

afm, just hanging in there waiting for SA results, been chasing the clinic every day but nothing yet. I cant even think straight until we know. we had really great couple of days, felt like we were on our second honeymoon, the police incident did bring us closer (in a weird way) and also the waiting game for SA results. if they are bad we are facing IVF/donor sperm/divorce possibilities. so we could not get enough of each other before we may have to part our ways. but as expected he got really drunk celebrating his 3 months of soberness, I was furious. he did not stop there and brought a bottle a wine last night, I thought my world ended after all we talked about here he comes again. tomorrow he has some social thing where he is going to be drinking and I am ovulating this weekend...

Oh Briss!! FFS!!!!!!

 

[Jax41]

Viccat - great news!

Zeri - God I know that feeling about dusty old swimmers just no good to us But on the flip side that's really good news that you got at least one BD in (Briss assured me too that ladies do actually get preg on one well timed one ) AND what I'm most impressed with is you've got him taking vitamins and exercising, in fact I'd go so far as to say I'm envious

Nobump - good luck with the testing!

AFM - well after my mega meltdown with DH at the beginning of the month like viccat we've not done badly on the BD front and he has initiated all of it, granted it's been helped that as his Boss is away he's not as tired and able to do it when he likes it - mornings - me I'm beat! Oh and I'm not believing what my ticker's saying I think I O'd 21st/22nd so not sure how it's worked out I've still got a day to go

 

[Briss]

Jax, I totally agree on giving it 101% which would make me feel differently if we didn't manage to get pregnant. It's great that your relationship is improving and great news on him initiating BD!!! the herbs are really yuk to take but I started taking new herbs and they are just super yuk and smell up the whole office, people probably think I am weird. well done on joining a local fertility/infertility group! I think this is a great idea. I have this issue that I cant yet openly admit that we are TTC (and failing), very few friends and family know maybe it's part of the problem but I am sort of protecting myself from everyone feeling sorry for me, I do not think I can bear it. relaxation techniques are really good, I have no idea how to do that and how to meditate, I do not think it's easy actually.

I do not know what my DH's Sa was before, it's only the last 3 years that we are TTC and checking it regularly, the first one was 12 mil, then it got down to 2.8, then further down to 1 and now back to 11. if he continues with no beer, and supps I hope it will be improving but it does not look like he is going to not drink beer

 

[viccat]

Well done on the BD Jax! I can imagine the world is looking a more cheery place today. When you say you've still got a day to go, do you mean to get another high temperature?

Briss, that sounds like a good result to get the numbers up from 1 to 11 million. I'm no fertility expert, but that has definitely increased your chances 11 times. Do you think the results will persuade OH that staying off the beer is good for him? Or maybe there is another angle that might appeal to him, like his own health, or having a clear head in the mornings?

 

[Zeri]

Yes, that's a really good improvement, Briss! It's amazing that alcohol can affect sperm so much. From 1 million to 11? Wow. (I wonder if most guys know what alcohol does to their sperm and testosterone? ) Just shows how sensitive the little spermies are. I agree with viccat that it would great if your OH sees how much the alcohol is affecting things, and at least agrees to limit his intake somewhat. Tell him it's turning him into a woman! lol. I hope he cooperates. I think there are some things you can do to improve sperm morphology. I was reading that FertiliAID, folic acid and the regular stuff like a good diet/avoiding toxins etc can help.

viccat - was checking out your charts. That's a really good BD pattern you have this month. Will be stalking!

Jax - yayy for your DH initiating BD! Will be stalking you through the tww too.

nobump - any AF or positive yet?

AFM- thx for the comments on O/BD, but it looks like I geared up to O but didn't. Felt kinda sniffly two days ago and I think it's delaying things, as my last two opks were back to negative and I'm still getting ewcm. Grrrrr!! So frustrating!!! Now I have to rally DH again. The good thing is that now I can get fresher sperm (if he cooperates), but the bad thing is that my O is so late now! Today is CD21 already and if happens it won't be before CD24 or so. I don't know if that's good - when I m'c in 2011 it was with a CD24 O. Sigh! I don't have any more opks either so if I do try again will have to go based on ewcm. BAh!

 

[nobump]

The witch appeared today.
So I can start the study
Feeling a tad pissed off. In bath post badminton. Have took a cheese cake out freezer for my dinner. Feeling bagged up after pasta for lunch. IBS flares up with AF.

Sounds promising with his swimmers my OH only really drinks at weekends unless we are on holiday. But he does have about 5 pints. But his last SA was good. Don't recall numbers but think I got him to start on maca root powder which I think if takes occasionally.

Good luck all

 

[viccat]

Zeri - I would take that as a positive! Like you say, you've cleared out his pipes, so fingers crossed you can gee him up for another go. I don't know about you, but EWCM is one of my strongest indicators, so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

I am really chuffed with this month - I actually think it is the most we have DTD since we first got together I am hoping it is a permanent change and not just a flash in the pan. I am also keeping everything crossed that a) he blimmin well gets around to doing his SA tests (I found the empty pots in the dining room cupboard yesterday) and b) that they are good.

Nobump - sorry to hear that AF has arrived. It's always the most miserable day of the month, even if you are expecting it. I had to laugh at the idea of you eating an entire cheesecake for dinner though.

What is the study?

AFM ...... still in the TWW ...... its getting tedious now .....

 

[nobump]

I opted for cinnamin oat so simple instead, but cheese cake is in fridge will have some later. I think just taking it out the freezer and thinking about eating it made me feel better. Get horrible cramp with AF...

The study is for Clear Blue, testing a new monitor, get to try it for a month, got to fill in a diary with details of AF etc... it came with 5 preg test, your susposed to do one on day 1, and then you have 4 more as the machine may prompt you to test during the cycle. Figure I would give it a go, see what results I get from that and see if it matches FF and the opks I have been trying with. Think the clear blue monitor that is on the market is expensive, but if this works might give it a go.. Might make OH get down to it a bit more seeing as I have to track it in my diary

OH doesn't like doing SA tests either...

 

[Jax41]

Viccat, I know what you mean, I'm so happy this month, we have done more spontaneous (un-TTC) Bding than we have done in years, and it felt good, like you I hope it's not a flash in the pan and here to stay Don't temp viccat, so can only assume I put some dodgy figures in that's why my tickers gone haywire

Briss, how are the herbs going? I hope they're making a difference for you? Not sure if I've already said this but have you tried Rescue Remedy? I took it the other week and it really helped me calm those irrational fears, grief and overwhelming feelings of despair that I felt. Just a thought After DH's 'dry period', hope he's had the worst hangover ever, puked up and never wants to touch the stuff again. I often say to my DH if you felt crap like the majority of us do after a skinful you wouldn't want to do it. Anymore news on IUI/IVF?

The group is good, although I was twisted up in knots inside about going, thought they'd laugh at me and my age so when I made my introduction I did say, I'm a bit shy of being here as I must be the oldest at 43 trying to conceive my first and two voices piped up, 'you're not alone' nearly made me one was the same age as me, one a year younger but all feeling a bit 'vunlerable' about being in our 40s when there are 20/30 year olds there. But really everyone forgets your age, everyone's focus is on each others 'journey's' and how they're doing and sharing good ideas, age is soon forgotten... It's a real help and of course to know that you're not alone, whatever your age, the feelings of TTC are there... If you can do it, I can, why not give it a go?

Go Zeri, go!!! Just keep trying to get DH interested, if you've not O'd yet then there's till a chance. Good luck hun, I'm thinking about you x

Nobump hope the cheesecake has made you feel a little better

So my bag is packed for Barcelona and I'm off for a spray tan and eyelash tinit this afternoon. DH has said he wants to make the most of the days while we're there so up and out early, I've gotta be ready for action he's not leaving me behind!!

Back Friday, will catch up with all of you over the weekend, but I'm thinking about you and sending lots of luv,
Jax
xXx

 

[Briss]

Nobump - very sorry about AF, fingers crossed for this cycle. I've been using CBFM for 20 cycles now (does not sound great), sometimes I back it up with OPK and find it more reliable then OPK. I can say that I O most time on my second PEAK or the HIGh after and because my cycle are short I do not get to use many sticks so it's cheaper then OPK for me. I know that CBFM does not work for everyone and it's an investment. I got mine off amazon for 60 pounds but it's the sticks that is the main cost component. and again B&B is really great cos ladies sometimes share their unused sticks once they get their BFP.

I am writing this cycle off - too much BD never thought I'd say it. basically hubby got really drunk couple of times this week and just before O (which is tomorrow), I was upset beyond words because I was hoping with his increased count we finally have a chance but he just had to go off and intoxicate himself. So he realised that he screwed up big time so was then behaving like an angel and agreed to eat whatever I say and BD as often as I say. so I made him BD yesterday cos I thought we would clear his "wasted" spermies and then have two days for fresh stuff to come in and might have a chance if we BD tomorrow morning on the day of my O. things did not go according to plan cos hubby as always took it to the extreme, we BD twice yesterday!! (cant remember last time this happened) and again this morning (my PEAK), I do not think there is any chance he built up sufficient sperm count in less then 24 hours but he does not usually initiate BD so I could not quite reject him? Mind you, I am not complaining! sex was really good just a shame it's not helping with TTC. I am very concerned about his drinking cos I am sure he is going to do that again. it's just that after he has a couple of pints he then cant seem to control himself and ends up drinking way too much. I told him million times that he needs to know his limit and if it's just half pint then he simply should not drink more than that. but would he listen!

my chinese herbs:

Morning: QING YING SAN https://www.herbsmithrx.com/traditional_QingYingSan.asp

Evening: XIAO YAO SAN
https://www.activeherb.com/xiaoyao/

they meant to clear excess "heat" which should ultimately help with egg quality and extending my follicular phase and calm my nerves as well which adds to the heat problem.

Jax, that's so good so you've found some over 40s in the group - great support on this though journey and you are so right that age should not be the focus because some 40 year old ladies have younger eggs and better chances at conceiving then women in 30s it's so individual. I am told that unfortunately i seem to have older eggs for my age but there might be a chance I am just messed up a bit with all the emotions and if my chinese doc manages to clear the "heat" it might be that my eggs will improve and I will have more time to TTC.

Have fantastic time in Barcelona, we really loved it there and food is the favorite part. definitely see some Gaudi but I am sure you wont miss it

 

[Zeri]

no bump - sorry about AF. I like to indulge in comfort foods around AF too - helps to make me feel a bit better. That study that you're doing sounds interesting!

viccat - 9 dpo today...are you going to test again any time soon?

Jax - glad to hear the group experience was good. When I research ttc stuff online and sift through all the ttc boards/posts it makes me realize that they're so many women around the world dealing with ttc-issues...trying to get pregnant, not being able to get pregnant, obsessing about possible pregnancy etc... I'm sure a lot of these women look 'together' in real like - secure, well-adjusted, confident etc - but maybe a lot of them are struggling with private stresses on the inside. Kind of like most of us here. I don't share my ttc stress with anyone in real life - not DH really, and not with my bf, who has a fertility issue and can't have children. So I talk about it mostly here - thank God for you girls and B&B in general! The support here is great but I think it's even nicer to be a part of a real-life group where you can share your experiences and get support and know that you're not alone, no matter your age.

AFM- I think I actually did ovulate when I thought I did earlier, as I haven't had any more ewcm since last Thurs. So O was probably on CD20 and BD was early that morning (like 3 am), I *think". Good timing but not sure of the viability of the swimmers after that 10 day abstinence period. But we'll see. 5 dpo today. Have no tests and no money to buy any either so will be waiting it out.

 

[viccat]

Zeri - I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! Well timed BD is better than no BD!

AFM - 10DPO and tested today - BFN, and no symptoms either so not feeling too positive about my chances this month. I am really coming around to the idea that OH probably has fertility issues.

I do wish I had recorded my symptoms last month though, to know what DPO they kicked in. I became very thirsty, and had two nights with really bad night sweats which was my first sign of my BFP. I am trying to stay hopeful and keeping my fingers crossed that happened about DPO11-12...... I am also trying to resist any more testing unless I either get some symptoms, or AF is late (I am never normally late).

 

[Briss]

I don't share my ttc stress with anyone in real life - not DH really, and not with my bf, who has a fertility issue and can't have children. So I talk about it mostly here - thank God for you girls and B&B in general!

.

I second that, B&B is the only place where I can say openly what's on my mind and share my worries. I do not think I would be able to cope with LTTTC otherwise. Whatever my problem is I can always find people here who have been or are going through something similar and can relate.

 

[Briss]

Vicat, 10 DPO can still be early, it often happens much later so fingers crossed

 

[Zeri]

viccat - I agree, 10 dpo is still early. Did your OH ever do a SA though? It's quite possible your OH has a lower count. I noticed from your chart that you've had well-timed BD before, but no bfp...yet the time you Bded with your lover it was a bfp! That might suggest that your lover's count/quality is higher overall, and I guess it shows that sperm quality/count really have a lot of do with chances of pregnancy each given cycle. Or maybe your lover's count is very high and your OH's own is normal? It'd be difficult to know unless he does an SA.

My best friend's fiance is super fertile (I think his 3 children were conceived from one night stands with exes). She had sex with him once on the last day of her period (day 7/8) and got preggo (think she O'd around day14/15), but with other men she never got pregnant with BD closer to O. It's interesting.

Briss - so you had 2 BD's the day before O then? That's still a very good chance! They say that's the most fertile day overall....it would've been nice to have BD on your day too, but hopefully there will be sperm from the BDs before O hanging around. Even if the count on the 2nd BD wasn't much there still should've been a good bit in there that would add to the numbers from the first BD. And hopefully your DH's count is still on the higher side this cycle? Although his recent alcohol intake might've had a dampening effect. :-/ That was nice of your DH to initiate, though...although I guess he doesn't understand the building-up-the-numbers thing? Maybe he thought he was being extra good by giving you a 2nd BD? He really seems to be an all-or-nothing kind of person. From being bad to being super good, lol. I understand what you mean about not rejecting him when he initiates, since that's the behaviour you want in the long-term anyway. Yesterday DH initiated but I really wasn't in the mood but tried to play along anyway. We both ended up falling asleep, though, before things got underway - I think it's because neither of us were really in the mood, but I"m glad that he at least tried.

 

[Briss]

zeri, I am beginning to think that BFP is more likely if sperm is good but my Chinese doc thinks it's the other way around as long as woman is in good condition she can get pregnant with almost any kind of sperm count. I find it so hard to believe based on my own experience.

We had 4 BD before O!! two of those on the same day 3 days before O and they were after he dot drunk so I do not think they are of good quality. I mean 4 times in 3 days it's fantastic, usually it's 1-2 times a month! although my DH did it by way of apology for getting really drunk and cant conceal that he is really happy now it's all over and he does not need to BD anymore cos I O'ed. makes me feel so loved… but obviously considering his low count BD so often is counterproductive, he needs at least 48 hours to build up some count and unfortunately he does not understand this (although I did explain the process 100 times) he just felt so proud that he managed it so often that I did not have it in me to criticise him for not building up the count. I am hoping he now feels more positive about having sex with me and this may work well the next cycle.

 

[viccat]

viccat - I agree, 10 dpo is still early. Did your OH ever do a SA though? It's quite possible your OH has a lower count. I noticed from your chart that you've had well-timed BD before, but no bfp...yet the time you Bded with your lover it was a bfp! That might suggest that your lover's count/quality is higher overall, and I guess it shows that sperm quality/count really have a lot of do with chances of pregnancy each given cycle. Or maybe your lover's count is very high and your OH's own is normal? It'd be difficult to know unless he does an SA.

OH is still putting off doing a SA. Our first appointment with FS is early July and they have put an appointment in for him a week beforehand for SA. By hook or by crook I will get him there........

 

[nobump]

Like the idea of clearing out the tubes to start a fresh in time for O.

Took advantage of working from home yesterday, CD7, hoping to get some action over the weekend... need to schedule another WFH day to catch DH before he heads of to work, first thing is to early, after DH work he is knackered... try to catch the egg...

Briss, hope your DH has turned a new leaf, wishing you success for the next cycle if you don't catch the egg this month!

 

[viccat]

*sigh* ..... still a BFN. AF due in two days, but not feeling normal symptoms for that either, so not a clue what is happening.