Lack of intimacy & dtd

[Zeri]

Sorry about the bfn, viccat! But hopefully there's still a chance! Lack of PMS symptoms can be a good sign.

nobump - hope you get that BD action in! DH and I usually tired in the evenings too, which is why BD doesn't happen a lot of the time. When do you expect to O?

AFM- 8 dpo today but feeling relatively normal. No pg symptoms or anything. And no tests either. I would've been nice to have something to pee on but it'd probably be a waste anyway.

Briss - how's your tww going?

Hi to Jax and Juniper!

 

[nobump]

Think I will O around CD14, hence need to WFH, but FF said CD9 last cycle so who knows. Will test with OPKs, if I can.

Zeri - good luck with your TWW.

 

[Briss]

viccat, sorry about bfn but who knows maybe something wonderful is happening as we speak, hope is not lost until AF shows up and everything is possible.

I am seriously annoyed and upset with DH, as soon as I ovulated he started drinking beer every day he says he does not drink much but i am sure it's still damaging to sperm.

I actually like being in TWW because I can dream you never know there is always a chance however unlikely. cant stand the pre O part when I definitely know I am not pregnant and also the last 2-3 days before AF - those are most stressful and upsetting

 

[Zeri]

Thx nobump. Sorry, what does WFH mean?

I know what you mean, Briss. I like the tww in general because the stress of O and timing Bd would have passed, and I can relax and dream of possibly being pg. it's always exciting to at least have a chance. The last 2 days of Af are hard for me too- especially with the deflated boobs and spotting that make you know Af is coming. Ugh! I wish we could all avoid that this cycle!

Sorry about ur Dh drinking again. He needs to know he cant just jump back on the beer train after O/ he's still harming the sperm! Are you going to talk to him about it again?

 

[pieceofpie]

Hello Ladies, I find your post one of the most interesting since I have joined this site in about three weeks. It seems to be the most honest, mind you I have made a very good friend on another site.

I could not help to view Briss comment about DH drinking and would like to make a suggestion. Do your partner drink Guiness? if so blend Guiness with sweet condense milk, one egg, vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon it will make a punch pour into tall glass and garnish with a cinnamon stick and sprinkle of nutmeg on top of foam. He will like and be into BD'ing like crazy including the fact that his swimmers would increase. Please limit the amount of times you give it to him also sea algae is great for creating sticky sperm use it in salad.

Sorry, I got carried away my situation is a bit different from the heading but similar. My BF is 47 and we are both very sexual my problem with him is he does not understand that I am woman and get sore after so much time. Last night we made love all night and it got to the point that I just did not want to do it anymore and he just would not listen which pissed me off because he wants sex the entire weekend and in the nights as well as his java (sex) in the morning. I tried blowing him but that just increase his desires and I am a woman who love sex just cant keep up because my mouth is bruised from all the kissing, my jaws aches from all the BJs and I am sore from all the sex. I visit my doctor quite often because I spot after a particular weekend session and still he does not listen. Anyone wants to share? I stop giving him things to drink or eat to increase his desires (guess I bought it on myself) and is more thinking of ways to decrease his sexual drive.

Thanks for reading my post and I look forward to seeing more.

 

[nobump]

WFH means work from home. We make better use of my lunch time

 

[viccat]

Zeri - keeping my fingers crossed for you! I got a bit carried away with the POAS this cycle, so I'm going to try and adopt your more relaxed vibe next month.

Briss - sorry to hear about the drinking Gah, what is he like?!!

I know what you mean about the hoping and dreaming during the TWW. I think for me though, it does more harm than good, because the months I am hopeful (and I was this month) I feel even worse when AF arrives I didn't feel so low the months when I knew I couldn't be pregnant.

nobump - I am liking your working from home idea. My OH is more of a morning person, so that could work for me too.

pieceofpie - hello there, and thank you for the recipe suggestions.

As for too much sex, well, I really think you've found the wrong thread for talking about that, hon. We're all having the opposite problem around here

AFM ...... spotting this morning, so looks like AF will turn up on time tomorrow. After such a good month BD wise, it makes me even more worried that OH may have something wrong. It gave me the push I needed this morning to ask him about doing the SA tests. It does seem he has been thinking about when to fit them into his diary (as he travels a lot) so hopefully first one next week, and the second a fortnight later.

Despite his low sex drive, I initially thought the problem must be me because of my age. Now I am more convinced the other way, but really just want to know. Our appointment with FS cannot come quick enough! [8th July - just over 5 weeks]

 

[Briss]

I've been trying to talk to my DH about the beer but it's just so hard, he gets defensive immediately and says I should be happy he is not drinking as much as before and if I stop nagging him he will be in a better mood and more likely to be able to resist the temptation. I am losing my hope again

the months when I knew I couldn't be pregnant, I felt borderline suicidal actually, it's like I have no reason to carry on, really scary feeling. although with hubby's count I kind of know it's almost impossible but at the same time I am so ready to believe in miracles

Pieceofpie, thank you very much for your suggestions, sound very interesting. my Dh actually stopped drinking beer at home (I think it only happened once recently) but he likes the social aspect of drinking, he goes out with his colleague and then I guess 1 pint leads to another and before he knows it he is drunk. This week he was not drunk as such but I can just smell he's been drinking, I feel sick when he comes home like this. It's Friday and I am dreading tonight, his colleagues will definitely go out and I am not sure he will be able to just go home. Unfortunately, I cant relate to your situation, I know it's not fun for you but oh boy how I wish my DH was like that! My sex drive is quite high particularly before O and I can understand your boyfriend cos I can easily go through 4-5 orgasms in a day but unfortunately without any "help" from my DH, he is simply not interested

 

[smurfy]

I've been trying to talk to my DH about the beer but it's just so hard, he gets defensive immediately and says I should be happy he is not drinking as much as before and if I stop nagging him he will be in a better mood and more likely to be able to resist the temptation. I am losing my hope again

the months when I knew I couldn't be pregnant, I felt borderline suicidal actually, it's like I have no reason to carry on, really scary feeling. although with hubby's count I kind of know it's almost impossible but at the same time I am so ready to believe in miracles

Pieceofpie, thank you very much for your suggestions, sound very interesting. my Dh actually stopped drinking beer at home (I think it only happened once recently) but he likes the social aspect of drinking, he goes out with his colleague and then I guess 1 pint leads to another and before he knows it he is drunk. This week he was not drunk as such but I can just smell he's been drinking, I feel sick when he comes home like this. It's Friday and I am dreading tonight, his colleagues will definitely go out and I am not sure he will be able to just go home. Unfortunately, I cant relate to your situation, I know it's not fun for you but oh boy how I wish my DH was like that! My sex drive is quite high particularly before O and I can understand your boyfriend cos I can easily go through 4-5 orgasms in a day but unfortunately without any "help" from my DH, he is simply not interested

Totally agree with you the social aspect of drinking is where it seems to be worse, my husband will often say i will only have 1/2 drinks but as i know when you start with 1/2 and your having a good time why stop. I am sure a few drinks a week is fine, helps relax etc, i keep telling myself stress also has an impact on sperm quality. I have been really strict with my drinking ie i didnt drink for 4 months up until may when we went on holiday but i might start having the odd couple of drinks but not in the 2nd part of my cycle. I am worried that i am turning down invites because i cant drink, which can make life a bit dull

 

[Briss]

Smurfy, that's what it is, men do not usually meet up for coffee, aren't they. it's the beer. My DH complained that he is losing friends because he became unsociable and there is no point in going out with friend if you cant drink with them. It's a sacrifice but I keep telling him as soon as I am pregnant you can drink all you want, it's temporary and really good friends will still want to meet you even if you do not drink. I used to love sharing a bottle of red with cheese or chocolate with my Dh but now all I can think about is him getting drunk and damaging sperm and I cant enjoy it anymore.

 

[Zeri]

Briss - I feel your frustration. It would be nice if your DH could self-regulate a bit more. Seems as if he has issues controlling the drinking once it starts - which I guess is true for a lot of men, especially socially - but it seems as if self-regulation is an issue with your DH overall. Meaning he either does things too much or too little - with not enough balance or control in between, kwim? Hopefully he at least makes an effort to stop/cut back a month before IVF though?

pieceofpie - agreed that most of here probably won't be able to relate to your situation, since we're all having the opposite problem (lack of intimacy/sex). I don't know of any thing you can take to curb desire, but maybe you can try asking on the main board?

nobump - yeah, DH works partly from work and the lunchtime hour sometimes works well for us too.

viccat - sorry about AF starting up. That's disappointing. It may truly be a sperm issue with your OH. It's good that he's willing to take the SA soon so you can know what you're working with and move forward from there.

AFM- 9 dpo and boobs feeling softer today...

 

[pieceofpie]

Briss I grow up with a father that drinks a lot and I do sometimes gets a bit carried away at times and current beau had very little se drive until a few things were done and now I have a problem.

I am part of a group where we encourage ladies on how to help their partners stimulate their sexual desires and you would be amazed at how simple it is. My ex was similar to your hubby and I got him to increase his sexual desires after which he went and married a Greek like himself.

Sorry ladies to have invaded your group, point is taken.

Good Luck.

 

[nobump]

Briss, not easy to get men to stop drinking, greatful my other half only drinks at weekends when we are out, but he will have about 5 pints...

Vicat, good that your hubby is will to do a SA, good luck with your FS appointment too.

Zeri, TWW is a pain. Pre O I am like, life is good, we have a good time, can live without kids, TWW, am I pregnant, want kids, where the signs...

AFM, trying to sell my flat, got a message to say can a viewer come round tomorrow, had to say no, live with DH so not always easy to show my flat outwiht the open viewing, but said I had other plans which is true, could have drove through and showed the flat them traveled back to DH, but I am looking forward to getting some is possible Saturday morning, we are out for a b'day tomorrow night, so think it will be a bit messy, figure Sunday will be out as we will be hungover. Got to catch hubby when I can, as he is not always up for it, think he would rather just have cuddle...

 

[viccat]

nobump - not sure what the process is like where you are, but any chance your agent could show people around the flat? Will keep my fingers crossed you get it sold!

(and my OH is quite cuddly too ....... which is lovely ....... except when I'm ovulating)

I'm interested in the chat about drinking. It has become such a central part of our culture hasn't it? I know myself, when I have had teetotal periods, that it feels odd at first, but then I start to adjust to being sober in alcoholic situations. It's easier now that I am getting older though - there are few offers to go out boozing for the sake of boozing nowadays! It is much easier to drink water at a dinner party than on a pub crawl

pieceofpie - any suggestions for increasing desire in a man who already eats healthily, takes multivitamins, exercises daily, is teetotal, and dislikes pornography or rudeness generally?

zeri - awwwwwww its too soon to give up yet, and I'm not sure boobs tell you anything about pregnancy (they certainly don't for me anyhow )

AFM - the is here. CD1 and one more month for trying without help from the medical profession......

 

[nobump]

Viccat - sorry AF has got you. The estate agent can show poeple round, but it's £20 + VAT and hour, I need to give them 2 sets of keys, not sure about letting someone else show my flat, took me long enought to put it on the market. Open viewing is tomorrow so hopefully person can make that, if not will try and sort something else out. As I am doing the clear blue trial all my stuff for that was at my OH, maybe need to think about carrying it around with me so that I can easily head to mine for viewings and then not have to drive 50miles cross country back to his...

Drinking, I only have a drink at the weekend, not lots, but we are going out with OH sister and she likes a drink... might end up drinking a bit more than usual... but think I might need to drive around noon so might not have the a much... good excuse.

Zeri - I agree who knows what signs are good/bad, everyone seems to get different signs.

 

[Briss]

piece of pie, can you please share the techniques on how to stimulate men's sexual desires? i really want to know, I am such rubbish at this, cos I always took care of myself I assumed that everyone knows what works for them but maybe hubby does not know (as opposed to cant be bothered) and needs a little help here?

 

[Zeri]

pieceofpie - I hope I wasn't too harsh in my earlier post. We'd love for you to stick around and share your insight. It's just that I didn't think we would be of much help with the 'curbing desire' part of it since we're all trying to get our DH's desires to increase. Would love to hear any advice you're willing to give!

nobump - you gotta do what you gotta do! I've turned down requests (like my friend wanting to go out/shopping) because of 'anticipated BD' sessions too. In our situation you have to strike while the iron's hot! Hope you got that Sat morning BD in.

viccat - I live in the Caribbean, and many men drink socially here...women might have a drink/two here or there too. When I lived in Canada I was surprised at how many women and men drank just for the sake of getting drunk. It was like an event..."Let's go out and get WASTED!!! Woo hoo!!" I never understood it really, but I figured it had something to do with alcohol being banned under age 21? Kind of like forbidden fruit...so some ppl go crazy with it once they hit the legal drinking age. WE don't really have those restrictions here in terms of set drinking ages. With alcohol around all the time I think most times ppl can't really be bothered that much? It's like...'alcohol....meh". Funny how that works. I don't drink much. Might have an occasional glass of wine at home or a BAileys or something when out, but usually not. DH would have a few beers when he's out. I think there's a lot more expectation and pressure for men to drink than women too.

AFM - thanks for the encouragement. Will continue to see how things go. DH initiated today - which was nice! Actually he's beem making advances all week...but I really haven't been in the mood due to being down about some financial stresses. But he finally jumped me today. It felt good to be jumped, lol. So far we've done it a grand total of 3 times this cycle which is a lot more than the 1 it usually is!! Progress!

 

[Briss]

Zeri, it must be wonderful to be jumped you are quite right my DH does have issues controlling how much he drinks, I do not know why he cant do things in moderation, it's just his nature probably

Viccat - really sorry about AF. but good news that your hubby is doing SA! fingers crossed you will get good result and it's just a question of time before you get your BFP.

nobump, how the open viewing going? 5 pints a week is not great but I think it's less than what my DH is drinking at the moment, the less the better really. and red wine is better than any other alcohol

re drink, I can sort of understand my DH because I also work in the city and have to attend various corporate evens where you are expected to drink, people will comment if you are going round with a glass of juice, this is simply not done. I break all the rule because TTC is my priority, I do go round with a glass of wine but I just do not drink it, I only pretend to. I do not go to the pub after work simply because it wont be possible not to drink and I know it damages my career, I just do not care. it's harder for my DH cos his career is more important to him than children. I am sure he will come to realise that children are more important but this will happen much later in life

 

[nobump]

Had a good time last night good to let hair down.

Drove through ice twewty mins to have a quick tidy.

Two lots in far. One couple seemed really keen. But will wait to hear from estate agent.

Yeah got lucky yesterday. Might try my luck again tonight but we'll see.

It is difficult to socialise and not have a tipple. I work on a business park so the lure of grabbing a quick drink after work is not there as everyone drives. Nights out are planned and often end up messy. I tend to head home early as I'm the only one travelling my way and would rather catch last train or get hubby to pick me up when if finishes work. Don't like getting a taxi or night bus on my own.

Pieceofpie - tips would be good.

 

[Zeri]

Good stuff, nobump.

How's everybody doing today? Jax and Juniper...haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is well.