Lack of intimacy & dtd

[Juniperjules]

Got an offer, but 10k under asking price.... and they wanted to move in in 2 weeks! so said no, want more, willing to drop 2k, and they can move in in a month, got to much on to move things sooner.

As for age, I'm 38, hubby turning 49 this year... no kids, been trying for ~5years on an off... seriously for about 2... waiting for IVF...

Not had much luck getting hubby to take things... think he took some macca powder but not sure how much or how often...

Got some coQ10 might start trying that next cycle.

Briss, thanks for the brand! Will look into it. It def makes me feel less like I'm running out of time when I know of people personally who are late 30's or in their 40's getting pregnant. One of my best friends who's 39 in Dec is due IVF twins in Oct, my cousins wife had their first son 4 months before turning 40, another friend was unknowingly pregnant at her 40th b'day party with #1 & then had another baby at 42, & another friend was also 6 months pregnant with #1 at her 40th bday party... I actually have lots of examples of older mums when I start thinking about it!!!! : ) this latest one made me feel good bcos she was 44 when she had the baby just before Christmas, she's 45 this year..

Zeri, I have 2nd FS appt this coming week so will get all my test results then. Have internal ultrasound booked (to count follicles i think??)) for the day b4... Not looking forward to that, I hate anything invasive like that.. But I'm trying to be a grown up and thinking of the bigger picture! Also, I won't get the AMH results this week bcos apparently those results are taking longer to process at the moment.

No bump, I'm 39 in Dec, OH is 45 in Oct- we've been together a VERY long time.. I wish we hadn't left it so late.. There may be nothing technically wrong, but even so, I could kick myself for getting to this age and now feeling panicked. But that's the dice that life rolled.. I didn't chose it, it just happened this way. I'm hoping that my 2nd FS appt this week will give me some direction. I at least want something like clomid.. I've had enough of 'just waiting to see'.

 

[viccat]

nobump - good to hear you have had an offer. The market is definitely picking up steam where we are, so I'm sure there'll be more to come

Well........ one of the SA pots is gone, so OH has done his first SA!!! Even if it is bad news, I am pleased with this small victory. Not sure if he remembered to "do something" 2-5 days beforehand, but at this stage I'm almost willing to take a bad result if it means we have a discussion about needing to DTD regularly to get fresh swimmers.

He is so intensely private about it though. Waited to do it until I was away for a couple of days, and has not said a pip squeak about it. It's why I always thought the lack of BD was an emotional issue and not a physical one. Men, huh?

As well as that, it is sunny today, I am on CD6 and feeling positive - I hope all of the rest of you enjoy your weekend

 

[Briss]

I started cramping yesterday, sure sign my body is preparing for AF - disappointed cos with hubby's increased sperm count was kinda hoping for a BPF. this week he had beer about 5 days a week! not sure what's happening with his count now, losing hope again.

viccat, great news on SA!

 

[viccat]

Gah, not feeling so great today. I've just seen a photo of a friend (bloody Facebook) who has always declared she doesn't want kids. She looks suspiciously pregnant in the photo though......

Is it bad that I'm hoping it is just the camera angle and clothes making her look a bit round in the tummy?

 

[Juniperjules]

Gah, not feeling so great today. I've just seen a photo of a friend (bloody Facebook) who has always declared she doesn't want kids. She looks suspiciously pregnant in the photo though......

Is it bad that I'm hoping it is just the camera angle and clothes making her look a bit round in the tummy?

No Hun... Not bad at all. I think we all have those moments. I recently saw an old 'friend' (who I'm no longer friends with- ended badly), & i saw that she was VERY pregnant with her 3rd child. She was never a very motherly type.. You know the kind u couldn't really imagine with kids.. My mum knew she was pregnant again but purposely didn't tell me bcos she didn't want to upset me. My poor mum, worried I'm gonna have a meltdown every time I hear someone's expecting : (

Don't feel guilty. With all the dramas and worries that we share in here, I think we can all be forgiven for those kind of thoughts... It feels much better to just assume someone is stacking on a few kilos : )
Ps... Hence the reason I packed in Facebook... Those sorts of things could frequently ruin a perfectly good day, & often did!

Briss, how's things? Did AF arrive as u expected? Got fingers & toes crossed that she hasn't shown up after all...

 

[anointedq]

My oh doesn't want to dtd hardly ever. I have to literally beg/ask every month & usually get told he's 'tired' or 'tomorrow' which never comes for me He knows HE has control over this area & that I'll ask, but a few months ago I thought f**k this & never asked thinking he would want to get intimate, nope he wasn't bothered at all. Alongside this he's also stopped taking his Wellman vits saying it's giving him an upset stomach (he'd been taking it for a year with no previous problems). I'm slowly resenting him more, as it seems he wants to sabatoge us having the chance of another baby.

He's 44 with a sex drive of a 90 year old, I've have tried sexy underwear in the past but it doesn't excite him and I felt very foolish. When asked he will agree he wants another child but how does he expect it to happen if we dtd? It's not possible to use the cup & syringe method as he doesn't like to masturbate & must be the only man that doesn't. He'd prefer to spend hours on his laptop doing work, football or playing games than be intimate with me.

When I've tried to talk about this he clams up, but he did mention that when he wanted to be intimate with me I used to push him away, this was at least 15 years ago..what an excuse

We have a fertility checkup in the next few weeks to find out if we want to do IVF (can't afford it) as IUI, injections & clomid never worked. I explained to him that I'll be mentioning his lack of sex drive to the docs to see if there is any way they can help.

I am angry & frustrated at myself that I have resorted asking for sex (whether it's to make a baby or not) & that he feels no way to turn me down. I'm also saddened as I come to realise that I may never carry & hold my second child & our 18 year daughter may never have a sibling.

How do you other ladies cope with this?? It's such a huge burden on my shoulders which I constantly think about & question why I'm living with such a selfish man.

Hello, I will be 35 this month, same age as DH. I can't wait until he is like this. Personally, its me thats the prude and don't care much for sex. Now that we are TTC, I don't mind it but outside of that, I could care less. I would love to not have to have sex 3-4 times a week. I split and get sore from sex so that activity has not been favorable to me.

 

[anointedq]

Gah, not feeling so great today. I've just seen a photo of a friend (bloody Facebook) who has always declared she doesn't want kids. She looks suspiciously pregnant in the photo though......

Is it bad that I'm hoping it is just the camera angle and clothes making her look a bit round in the tummy?

No Hun... Not bad at all. I think we all have those moments. I recently saw an old 'friend' (who I'm no longer friends with- ended badly), & i saw that she was VERY pregnant with her 3rd child. She was never a very motherly type.. You know the kind u couldn't really imagine with kids.. My mum knew she was pregnant again but purposely didn't tell me bcos she didn't want to upset me. My poor mum, worried I'm gonna have a meltdown every time I hear someone's expecting : (

Don't feel guilty. With all the dramas and worries that we share in here, I think we can all be forgiven for those kind of thoughts... It feels much better to just assume someone is stacking on a few kilos : )
Ps... Hence the reason I packed in Facebook... Those sorts of things could frequently ruin a perfectly good day, & often did!

Briss, how's things? Did AF arrive as u expected? Got fingers & toes crossed that she hasn't shown up after all...

Hi. I'm new here. I have not gotten to the point when I feel all emotionally twisted when I see another pregnant person, but I do feel that way when I walk in the baby area of a store.

 

[nobump]

Hello, how's everyone doing? Viccat any news?

Got a new offer, and accepted!! When I saw a nurse for blood tests a few years ago and explained our living situation, split accross 2 flats the other side of the country, work was a nightmare and little bro was away in Afghanistan. Now that I don't care for work, we will be living in one house, little bro going to be based in the UK for the forseeable future, hopefully having things a bit more stable will help.

 

[Briss]

nobump, that's good news, congratulations on the offer. it's a relief that your brother will be based in the UK!

I started spotting today, expecting a proper flow any minute now

 

[Juniperjules]

Briss, sorry to hear AF has arrived : (

So I'm sitting a the women's hospital waiting for my pelvic ultrasound..& thinking how sometimes it REALLY sucks to be a woman! Men get off soooo easy... I'm really nervous about it.. I know.. Pathetic... I'm a nurse & it makes noooo difference.. I hate all this crap.. My naughty little confession is that I've taken 2.5mg of diazapam.. & some ibuprofen with codeine incase it's painful!! I'm such a big baby... If I wasn't so bloody desperate to get pregnant I would NOT be here.. I'm sure some of you girls have been thru all sorts of invasive yucky procedures- kudos to you. I love nursing & hospitals don't bother me, except if I'M the patient!!

Oh well.. It's all part of the master plan.. Operation Baby Maker 2013!!

 

[Briss]

Juniper, if it's just pelvic ultrasound it's very easy and not painful at all, is it going to be vaginal? then think of it as playing with dildo in a way it's the same thing minus the doc LOL it can sometimes be uncomfortable if your ovaries are "hiding" they may need to play around in order to locate them but it's nothing to worry about, the main thing is that can see that everything looks normal. good luck! let us know how it goes. I had cycle monitoring 3 times it';s when I had to come for the scan almost every other day to track ovulation, I am so used to these scans i do not even notice

 

[Juniperjules]

Well... Had my ultrasound. And pleased to say it was not an unpleasant experience. The girl was so lovely & made it all very comfortable.

So my uterus looked 'lovely', everything normal there. She had quite a lot of trouble finding my ovaries!! I asked why & she said bcos they move around a bit! How weird.. Never knew that was possible. Ive looked online & it seems like if u are on the heavier side it can be difficult to find them sometimes, but im not so who knows why!. She had a particularly hard time finding the left, she said it was behind my uterus??!

So.. I'm desperately trying not to freak out, bcos she told me one ovary had 5 follicles on the right, & in the left only 3.... I'm feeling an overwhelming panic rising inside me now. I've been googling & from what i can see, that's basically pretty low?? And can mean that even IVF could be a waste of time???

My FS appt is tomoro thank god- don't think I could stand waiting a week or more to see someone now that I've got those numbers in my head. The girl doing the ultrasound didn't comment on whether the numbers were good or bad.. And I had no idea at the time (b4 I googled!), but she did say 'I've seen follicles go from 3 to 23 from one month to the next'... Which made me start to realise that probably my numbers weren't great.

Am now feeling very nervous about FS appt tomoro, & what I might be told??? I had a little cry in the car driving home, but im going to do my best to not even discuss it with OH for now. if i do, i know i will probably be tempted to be very negative.. so until i see the FS im going to hold my tongue. my OH is very optimistic about us having a baby, but he said recently that ive made him feel like im too old & wont get pregnant.... yikes! so im trying to be as positive as I can be ATM.

Wow, how easily u can go from being blissfully unaware to thinking OMG maybe I won't even get pregnant with IVF.

I'd love to hear AFC&AMH numbers etc for any of you other girls, and your experiences therefore with fertility treatments etc?? I talked to the u/s girl about having the HSG dye test done too, (my doc said I can have it if I want to). She said she recommends me having it bcos she's seen so many women (including hospital staff she works with) who get pregnant 2-3 months after having it, even if no problems were found.

 

[viccat]

Juniper - Oh I am so relieved that the ultrasound went okay. Unfortunately I cannot shed any light on any of those numbers - I'm a month or two behind you with all these tests. I am really glad you are giving us all the detail though, so I know what to expect if I have to do this!

Briss - sorry to hear this wasn't your month.

AFM - CD9 and nothing to report here....

 

[viccat]

How is everyone doing then?

Not much DTD for me this month, but feeling okay as our FS appointment is getting closer. Work is enjoyably busy and we had our offer accepted to buy our first "together" house at the weekend, so lots of good stuff away from TTC

 

[Juniperjules]

How is everyone doing then?

Not much DTD for me this month, but feeling okay as our FS appointment is getting closer. Work is enjoyably busy and we had our offer accepted to buy our first "together" house at the weekend, so lots of good stuff away from TTC

Hey Viccat!! ; )
That's great news about buying a place- congrats! And glad the upcoming FS appt has u feeling positive. I feel the same. Although I'm nervous too, I figure she might actually get us across the line. .. Probably with very expensive IVF!!! Arrrgghhhh.. That's the bit I'm dreading!

I've had an annoying situation where I think I missed Ov with my smiley OPKs.. Started them after 11pm on cd12, & have done them every day since & it's now cd16. Still nothing. I'm thinking I might've actually Ov on cd13& might've gotten a smiley early on cd12 if I'd done one. I had the EWCM on cd13, and the 2 days previous had LOTS of watery CM. and nothing like it since. Am just hoping that I DID Ov & didn't have an anovulatory month.. Not that ill know either way now. It's just that things like that start to make u worry about weird things going on with ur cycles... Have decided to remain positive & go with Ov being on cd13.

We did AI on cd 11, 12, 13 & 14. So if it was cd 13, then the timing was good.

It's a bit quiet in here ATM isn't it..

 

[Goin for it]

If nothing else, your sharing and the subsequent sharing of others makes me feel a bit less of a "reject". Sometimes I feel like asking him "do you want me to go get this so we here else, or what???" (I'm 42 & he's 53 so their is an age difference, but I don't think that's the issue.) I think thy obviously know that did is required & that tiniest of pressure for men who's testosterone levels are no doubt dropping, really makes things difficult.

My DH is a physican and he said he was thinking of talking with his primary to see if he could get a testosterone bump of some sort. I'm ALL for that if it will help.

And yeah... When you go to the effort with the sexy outfits, etc. it IS rather humiliating!! I'm with a there!

If you find a solution, please share!!

 

[Zeri]

Goin for it, that's good that your DH is willing to make an effort to improve things. I guess he would already know this, but just be careful with testosterone injections...as they could lower/erase sperm count completely - not what you want when ttc.

viccat - is your FS appt in July? Almost there! Congrats on closing on the house!

Juniper - by AI, do you mean BD? If so, that's great timing for O on CD13. Are you in your tww then?

How is everyone else doing?

AFM - In the tww now -This cycle wasn't great. DH and I were sick with the flu for the first two weeks, so no BD was happening. Then on CD15 my opks started to fade in a bit so I made DH BD (to clear out the swimmers). I had one opk at home with me on CD16 and it didn't work! So I resigned myself to testing on CD17 and when I did it was positive that morning, but negative by 5 pm that afternoon, so it's like O snuck up on me. I don't even know when I O'ed? Can anyone take a guess? Had ewcm on Cd15 but didn't see any on CD16 and 17, so thought O was far away. Wanted to BD on CD17 but DH fell asleep before I could seduce him....sigh! So not sure what my chances are this cycle, and it's a Clomid cycle too. Still keeping the faith though.

 

[Jax41]

Hey girls how you all doing? Sorry I've been AWOL, school has been nuts, we convert to Academy Status on Monday (no longer a state maintained school) so it's been a round of funding agreements, leases, contracts and solicitors emails that take me ages to understand

Anyway, after last cycle's emotional rollercoaster I had a break from the clomid and wow it's been sooo good! DH and I have had our usual 2 shags around O time (didn't bother to test, got EWCM and made him do it ) so I think on a scale of 1-10 my chances are 0. I mean why break the habit of a lifetime?!

Are you all okay, Briss, Juniper, Viccat, Zeri, Nobump, have your DHs been behaving themselves? Let me know you're okay xXx

 

[viccat]

Hey Jax - that all sounds very serious and a lot of work! Do you all break the champagne open on Monday then?

AFM - Timing was bad this month, with both of us travelling around Ov time. BUT OH did initiate twice which made me so happy, even though it was the wrong days As a result I'm pretty chilled even though I'm spotting with AF due tomorrow. I guess it's because I never got my hopes up, plus I know we'll be at FS a week on Monday.

 

[Jax41]

It'd be nice to think so Viccat! I'm looking forward to the summer hols we break in 3 weeks time YEEEEEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

That's great that DH initiated I always take it as a positive even if its not the right time. I know we're desperate for babies here but also the majority of us are also desperate for a normal sex life!

Viccat, I may have missed this but did you get the results back from DH's SA and is he going with you to FS appointment?