Lack of intimacy & dtd

[smurfy]

Hey Jax - that all sounds very serious and a lot of work! Do you all break the champagne open on Monday then?

AFM - Timing was bad this month, with both of us travelling around Ov time. BUT OH did initiate twice which made me so happy, even though it was the wrong days As a result I'm pretty chilled even though I'm spotting with AF due tomorrow. I guess it's because I never got my hopes up, plus I know we'll be at FS a week on Monday.

Yes when i had by FS appointment set up it did make me relax more. We went to see FS at end of March, he told us to bed every 2 days from day 14-22, as my cycles vary from 32-36, he said every 2 days due to my husband SA being low, he also told him to take vitamin c and vitamin e, so I felt in control as we both had a plan. Having my husband come and hear all this was so helpful and for the first time i really felt like we were in it together. We go back 5th August when if we are not pregnant we will be going to IVF

 

[nobump]

Hello folks.

Been caught up in my flat sale, everything happening fast, moved clothes and stuff out last weeked all the big stuff moving everything this weekend. Just started unpacking some of the clothes, having everything in one house is scary, I have to much clothes!

Feel like taking a break this month, sale completes next month, my head is all over the place, period felt as if it was never ending, lasted until CD9, very unusual, usually 5 days max, cd 12 now, finally got down to a WFH quicky! think not pointing out where in my cycle I am helps hubby.

Juniper, glad the scan went ok, don't know about the numbers, hows your TWW going?

Zeri, nothing worse when you just don't feel like it when the 'timming is right'

Jax, sounds as if you been busy with work, how's your TWW going?

Viccat, DH initialising, thats great, hope appointment goes well with the FS

 

[viccat]

Viccat, I may have missed this but did you get the results back from DH's SA and is he going with you to FS appointment?

No results back from the first SA. OH has a private appointment there himself this week for another SA. I would expect we'll be discussing results at our FS appointment - which we are both going along to.

 

[Briss]

Viccat, congratulations on your house! when is your FS appointment? That's so nice that DH initiated BD. sorry AF got you, fingers crossed for this cycle.

Goin for it, I agree with Zeri, testosterone injections may lead to reduced sperm count. there are ways to improve his T levels but not directly i.e. by getting his body produce more – exercise/building muscles; taking herbs like horny goat weed.

Zeri, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you! Do you usually have short or long LH surge? I know mine can last for over 2 days so if I catch its tail it's probably already after O. Still, there are so many examples when ladies BD as they thought after O and got pregnant, you just never know really, in your case it can be anything between CD16 - 18. since you BD on CD15, I'd say you are still with a chance.

Jax, congratulations on the Academy Status! love your "optimism" - on a scale of 1-10 my chances are 0 – I feel like that most of the time.

Smerfy, it's good that you have a plan, although BD every 2 days may be quite challenging, my DH can only manage 1-2 around O and most recently a couple of more in TWW. I hope you wont need IVF though.

nobump, good luck with completing the flat sale and moving things, it's always such a nightmare! hang in there. it actually might have been the stress of moving that made you have a longer period, 9 days does seem a bit excessive.

afm, we had wonderful holidays in Rome and I think I ovulated on my birthday! we BD and it was all good (although I did not notice much sperm going in or coming out, hopefully it was all there, somewhere), I relaxed and stopped charting, taking herbs etc. I think our relationship is improving and the better it gets the less trouble I have persuading DH to BD. His sex drive is still pretty low but at least he does not object and tries to bring himself to BD. he was supposed to repeat his SA today but we did not manage to BD 3-5 days before to fresh up the supply so decided to postpone it so we get proper result. I am due to see my FS in July and getting morally ready to start the IVF process, although hubby is still not on board with this idea

 

[viccat]

I am due to see my FS in July and getting morally ready to start the IVF process, although hubby is still not on board with this idea

Oooo it looks like we'll be going through this at the same time. When you say he is still not on board with the idea, what do you mean? Is he grumbling a bit, or actually refusing to attend appointments?

Feeling a bit low today, because I've been reading up on IVF, and I guess it has kind of hit me that we might possibly have to go down that route. I am annoyed at myself for not being more pro-active earlier in my 30s with this TTC lark. Firstly for not getting OH on board and trying sooner - we met when I was 31, and didn't start TTC until I was 37! Secondly for waiting 14 months to go the doctors.

I guess I always thought I would get pregnant quite easily

Actually, being realistic, I am feeling annoyed at HIM today. I know I cannot just blame him, but by heck, I want to...

 

[Briss]

Viccat, my DH never liked the idea of IVF, he thought we can do it naturally, after 3 years and with his low SA it's just does not look realistic but still he is trying i.e. taking vitamins, cutting beers etc and his numbers have been improving so he wants us to wait and continue naturally but I am just so tired and my health is not getting better that I think we should get on with assisted conception (although I still hate the idea of IVf very much but so afraid to miss this boat). I have regrets too, we met when I was 26… and started TTc when I was 34, I mean he never wanted children but I guess it was supposed to be my role to get him where I needed him to be and much sooner than I did. the problem was that I did not want children until I was about 33/34 and achieved something in my career. I never thought we may have sperm issues, it did not even occur to me as a possibility. I started TTc with choosing a school and finding a hospital where to give birth… ironic

 

[Jax41]

Nobump - 'cos I've been so busy at work my TWW is whizzed by Every cloud and all that....

Viccat - glad you're going to the appt together to get all the results makes such a difference like you're not alone well that's how I felt with DH came with me to my FS appt back in Dec, it's like they actually get it and feel involved, well mine did for a time...and I know that feeling you're feeling today, haven't had it for a while but I hear you sister

Briss - so pleased you're okay lovely to hear that you and DH had a happy holiday (isn't Rome just the most amazing place?!) and that you feel your relationship is improving Maybe he feels inadequate over the IVF, that he can't give you what you want, but really it would take so much pressure physically and emotionally off the pair of you and then you can enjoy yourselves as parents - perfect! See I've got it all sorted for ya

Smurfy, Zeri, Juniper, big hugs girls

 

[Juniperjules]

Viccat, my DH never liked the idea of IVF, he thought we can do it naturally, after 3 years and with his low SA it's just does not look realistic but still he is trying i.e. taking vitamins, cutting beers etc and his numbers have been improving so he wants us to wait and continue naturally but I am just so tired and my health is not getting better that I think we should get on with assisted conception (although I still hate the idea of IVf very much but so afraid to miss this boat). I have regrets too, we met when I was 26… and started TTc when I was 34, I mean he never wanted children but I guess it was supposed to be my role to get him where I needed him to be and much sooner than I did. the problem was that I did not want children until I was about 33/34 and achieved something in my career. I never thought we may have sperm issues, it did not even occur to me as a possibility. I started TTc with choosing a school and finding a hospital where to give birth… ironic

Ladies.. I'm cringing as I type this but I think I probably get the gold medal for 'waiting/wasting time/ throwing away my best baby-making years'.. My OH & I have been together for 18 years... I was 21 when we met. I could cheerfully choke myself (AND him) for wasting all those fertile years! But in all honesty, I wasn't ready for babies till I hit 30, & he has really only been PROPERLY ready & willing in the last maybe 18mths. I always knew that when he was ready he would be completely ready & his attitude to it all would be 100%, & I was right. He desperately wants a baby now. But geez it's taken us a loooooong time to get here. If it never happens it really will be our own stupid faults for leaving it so late!

 

[Briss]

oh juniper, I so hope we will all get our BFPs soon

 

[nobump]

Juniper, we in a similar situation, got together when I was 29 and he was 40, it takes time to build a secure relationship, and feel ready to bring a child into the world. Not everyone is ready to have kids in their early 20s.

On the positive, was back at docs today, still got blood in urine, but bloods came back ok, so liver function and kindney are ok! But doc still not sure what the issue is, I explained about where I am with waiting for IVF etc... it's a young female doctor, who thankfully seems interested in our situation, she was asking if my lap had found anything last year, it didn't, said to her that all test on me come back fine, we are just unexplained! Sounds as though she might refer me to get a ultra sound, she had done an internal exam and all looked felt ok, she took some swabs as well, but smear checked out ok a few months ago so not expecting anything. Will get a letter in the post soon.

 

[Zeri]

Nobump - glad to hear that your tests were ok, but hopefully they find out what's causing the bleeding? STrange... Sounds like things have been quite hectic for you lately. Hope it settles down soon.

viccat - so when do you expect the first Sa result back?

I hear you guys on the 'wasted time' thing. We hear so much of women having children later in life that maybe there's a feeling that all will be ok - there'll be no issues. I think sometimes the male is overlooked too. People focus more on female fertility after 35 but not the fact that men's fertility/viriility can decline as well with age. My DH was definitely more up to it a few years ago - now, not so much, and it makes me wonder about his sperm quality declining as well.

IVF is demanding from what I hear but has a good success rate, doesn't it? Even though it's not the preferred route for most...in terms of the end goal of having a baby it can definitely get you to where you want to go. July is just around the corner. Hopefully your Fs'es can ease your minds a bit on the whole process.

Good to hear things are better on the relationship front, Briss.

AFM - I had a couple days of ewcm over the weekend (CD@4/25) at what I thought was 8 dpo.... so I guess I didn't O when I thought I did, probably because I was sick with the flu for 2 weeks. DH initiated over the weekend so I did get in some BD, yayyy!! So hopefully am in the tww now.

How's everyone else's cycle going? Anyone else in the tww?

 

[nobump]

Zeri - sounds promising, hope you manage to catch the egg.

Think I am in TWW waiting on blt chart to catch up but missed a temp so think it's confused. Only manAged it once round ovulation so think I am out. Away this weekend, tempted to leave thermometer behind.

 

[Juniperjules]

Hi girls, so I had my HSG test today. It was the most excruciatingly painful experience I've ever had in my life... Something that normally takes 10mins.. Took me over an hour. The first speculum was too big for me & I couldn't tolerate it. So they used a smaller one. But then couldn't see my cervix to put the catheter in. Eventually the head of radiology was called in to try. By that point i was in tears with the pain & starting to go numb in my feet, hands & face & go all tingly.. hyperventilating basically. She was THE most compassionate & lovely woman, I can't even describe her bedside manner and do her justice. She made a few adjustments & tried again. Once she got the catheter in & blew up the balloon that holds it in place... OMG I had cramping like nothing I've experience before- now I'd taken 2 x ibuprofen with codeine, 2 x paracetamol.. And it felt like I'd taken nothing at all!! Normally for AF cramps I take 2 x ibuprofen with codeine & within 20mins I feel nothing. But this pain was horrendous!! If labour pains are worse than that god help me!! But at least in labour u get stronger analgesics & a baby at the end! : )

So, my uterus was perfect, left tube perfect, but right tube only flowed halfway. Radiologist said that her instinct was that it WAS patent, but bcos she had to deflate the catheter bcos of my pain, that the dye didn't get a good enough go up that tube. She offered to try again if I wanted to. And I initially said yes. But then had second thoughts & asked her what she thought I should do, & she said she felt I'd been through enough for an hour. And again, that she felt the right tube was probably ok but just didn't get enough dye through it. She then said some lovely things to me about how my left tube & uterus were just perfect, & that she had her 1st child at 40, then twins at 43. She also whispered in my ear that it took her 5 yrs to have them so she understands my fears & worries but that I shouldn't panic bcos I still have time & am ticking all the boxes by doing all this stuff. She was just gorgeous.

So then I went and saw my GP, asked for a script for melatonin which she gave me for 3 months. And I got my AMH results. They were 42.8 p/mol. Which means I was in the 75% percentile. Over 75% is supposedly an indicator of PCOS.. But I don't have PCOS. As the GP said, My follicle count was only 8, they would have known after my pelvic ultrasound if I had PCOS. So I'm not sure what it really means other than its not low which I was afraid of!!! So my crappy day turned out good in the end!

 

[Zeri]

Awesome Juniper! It's horrible that you had to go through so much pain... , but good to know that your tubes are working! And how nice to have such a comforting doc...it really makes all the difference, doesn't it? Happy to hear that all went well in the end!

What's going to be your next move? Do you have any more procedures to do? I read that fertility is increased after an HSG so hopefully this will be a good month for you!

nobump - all the best for your tww! You're still in with a chance, at least.

 

[nobump]

Juniper - sounds as though you had a tough time, is a HSG like a lap and dye? do you feel pain afterwards or was it just during the procedure? I was sore for about a week after my lap and dye. The consultant sounds lovely, make all the difference when you are dealing with someone who appreciates what you are going through.

AFM - I am heading or my folks tonight, DH and I are taking my mum and nephew away for the weekend, so will help make the TWW fly by, might even leave my thermometer at home. So will probably be on radio silence unless I have restless sleeps.

 

[anointedq]

Hi girls, so I had my HSG test today. It was the most excruciatingly painful experience I've ever had in my life... Something that normally takes 10mins.. Took me over an hour. The first speculum was too big for me & I couldn't tolerate it. So they used a smaller one. But then couldn't see my cervix to put the catheter in. Eventually the head of radiology was called in to try. By that point i was in tears with the pain & starting to go numb in my feet, hands & face & go all tingly.. hyperventilating basically. She was THE most compassionate & lovely woman, I can't even describe her bedside manner and do her justice. She made a few adjustments & tried again. Once she got the catheter in & blew up the balloon that holds it in place... OMG I had cramping like nothing I've experience before- now I'd taken 2 x ibuprofen with codeine, 2 x paracetamol.. And it felt like I'd taken nothing at all!! Normally for AF cramps I take 2 x ibuprofen with codeine & within 20mins I feel nothing. But this pain was horrendous!! If labour pains are worse than that god help me!! But at least in labour u get stronger analgesics & a baby at the end! : )

So, my uterus was perfect, left tube perfect, but right tube only flowed halfway. Radiologist said that her instinct was that it WAS patent, but bcos she had to deflate the catheter bcos of my pain, that the dye didn't get a good enough go up that tube. She offered to try again if I wanted to. And I initially said yes. But then had second thoughts & asked her what she thought I should do, & she said she felt I'd been through enough for an hour. And again, that she felt the right tube was probably ok but just didn't get enough dye through it. She then said some lovely things to me about how my left tube & uterus were just perfect, & that she had her 1st child at 40, then twins at 43. She also whispered in my ear that it took her 5 yrs to have them so she understands my fears & worries but that I shouldn't panic bcos I still have time & am ticking all the boxes by doing all this stuff. She was just gorgeous.

So then I went and saw my GP, asked for a script for melatonin which she gave me for 3 months. And I got my AMH results. They were 42.8 p/mol. Which means I was in the 75% percentile. Over 75% is supposedly an indicator of PCOS.. But I don't have PCOS. As the GP said, My follicle count was only 8, they would have known after my pelvic ultrasound if I had PCOS. So I'm not sure what it really means other than its not low which I was afraid of!!! So my crappy day turned out good in the end!

I'm sorry you had a rough time with your HSG. But it's good news you received so I'm happy for you. I freaked out after reading others experience with the HSG. Many women have a hard painful experience.

 

[viccat]

Oh my gosh, Juniperjules, I cannot believe you sound so positive after a rotten day! I guess at least you know now how things stand, and the news sounds good What happens next for you?

nobump - I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you - enjoy your break

zeri - I always go on EWCM, so well done on BD'ing - I've got my fingers crossed for you too!

AFM - feeling more positive yesterday and today. I had fallen off the waggon and not been to the gym or taken my vitamins for a week or two. Back on the waggon again now with my vitamins and went to the gym for the first time in ages yesterday. I think I am riding the endorphin and vitamin B high It is CD5 so I must wash the sexy nightie in preparation.

Still waiting for the GP to phone with SA results - I think they have got themselves in a right muddle with who is doing what. OH tried to go to give a second sample at the FS on Tuesday, but they turned him away and said his GP would give him the results of the first one taken a few weeks ago The FS will ask for another sample if they consider it necessary. The results must be somewhere, and our appointment is on Monday when they surely cannot ignore results that are in their computer system?!

I feel at the moment like we are hurtling towards full IVF when we haven't properly established what (if anything) is wrong. I'm probably in denial, but still keep thinking that there's a strong possibility that we can conceive naturally if we just DTD more!

 

[Juniperjules]

Hi girls, yep the HSG was awful. And I've still got some discomfort today as well. Lower tummy is a bit sensitive & some AF like achy feeling in my lower back too. Doesn't help that I decided to do the Jillian Michaels 'ripped in 30' DVD the day before my HSG... Bad idea.. Very bad idea.. My whole body feels like I've been hit by a bus!!!

Zeri my next thing I guess is I'm gonna go back to the FS at the hospital & just talk to them about the HSG & AMH results. I'm really only doing it bcos if they want to to anything else it'll be free bcos its thru the public healthcare system. I have an appt to see a top notch FS privately in Sept, but ill have to pay for anything that happens there.

No bump, i was about to start temping again.. did it for 3 days and cant honestly be stuffed with it. i work shifts so its difficult & really disturbs my sleep. i admire u for managing it at all!

im not sure if the HSG was the same as wot u had done. It was basically just a catheter (thin tube) into my cervix & the clear iodine sent into the uterus via the tube. Then they take images of where the dye goes. Your 100% awake.. Seriously, I felt like I needed at least a twilight anaesthetic having it done. Bcos oral pain relief options just didn't cut it for me. I was kind of embarrassed bcos I'm a nurse myself & I was practically breaking the nurses fingers bcos 2 of them were holding my hands trying to distract me. I don't want to scare others off having it done, but for me it was an hour of nerve shattering pain. It didn't hurt afterwards really until later in the night when I had to take some ibuprofen & lie with a hot water bottle. And today like I said there's some tenderness & a teeny bit of ongoing bleeding since yesterday. I honestly don't know why it was so horrendously painful for me. Some girls say it's just like when they get AF. But it was much much worse than AF for me, the cramping once the catheter was put it was so bad that I was about to just tell them to forget about it- I couldn't take much more. I guess every persons body is different & reacts differently. My uterus did not like being messed with at all!!

anointedq, thanks for the thoughtful words. I just hope I'm not asked to have another one down the track. I'd have to ask them to give me some stronger drugs- I couldn't do yesterday again!

Viccat, I think getting the AMH results just made my day! I was totally convinced the number would be bad, so I was pleasantly shocked that it was 42.8 - mind u that number is also a bit ominous bcos its so high. Ill just have to see what a FS says about it.
Your poor OH going in to take a sample & being turned away! Some poor communication happening there I think. Poor guy, he tries to do the right thing...
I totally hear u on the hurtling towards IVF thing.. I feel a bit the same. And am freaking out about the cost involved. Remind me what tests have you had done?? Surely you'll have to get some decent tests done b4 you go anywhere near IVF??? Glad ur mostly feeling positive though! Good work!!

 

[Briss]

Juniperjules, sorry you had such awful time at HSG! I guess I was lucky I did not feel a thing, just some very mild AF like cramping and was done in 15 min with no painkillers (it was very different when I had lap&Dye/hysteroscopy – was recovering for 2 weeks after that and a year later still not quite there yet). the main thing that it all looked good so you can continue TTC knowing you have a chance. your AMh is super high, I do not think I've ever seen such results. what does it mean? you have very young ovaries and huge reserves? sounds really good.

Looks like my DH missed me cos he initiated BD twice since my return!! Things are looking up but the beer problem is still there and he did not take any vitamins while I was away. tbh I did not feel like BD cos last few days before AF I am usually stressed, upset and have no sex drive but I could not quite say no to him, could I? after all, I need him to have positive memories about having sex with me for the forthcoming ovulation.

I am due to repeat my FSH (if I manage to figure out what is my CD3 this cycle) and see my FS next week, I guess we will be moving on with IVF

 

[Juniperjules]

Hey Briss, great to hear ur DH initiated!! It's a positive step. And u were right to push thru even when u weren't really up for it.. Women & men really are a different breed aren't we! When men can't be bothered or don't feel like doing something, they just say no. Straight up. But us girls somehow find a way to do things that we'd rather not bcos we see a bigger picture & that our actions today might affect something tomoro, the next day or next week even... Maybe that makes us smarter!! ; ) I'm gonna stick with that theory!

I have no idea at all wot my AMH means. I've been Dr Googling but everything says high numbers indicates likelihood of PCOS. And I could be proven wrong but I'm pretty certain I don't have it. I've got friends with PCOS so I know a fair bit about it. I don't have painful periods, no acne, no excess hair, periods always regular.. Who knows!
Maybe I'm asymptomatic but have it anyway. Hope not!

What do u think ur next step will be? I can't remember what you have / haven't tried already, my brains a bit fried!