Lack of intimacy & dtd

[Juniperjules]

Ahhhh.. Girls I'm in here to vent & let off some steam.. I'm in a feral mood today. Was a bit yesterday too. Well yesterday i kept crying listening to music but had to hide it from OH bcos he thinks i cry to much & too easily. but felt easily emotional. am missing my sister who is living in London atm & yesterday the music was making me tear up & miss her more. She's my best friend. We've never lived this far apart in our entire lives & I hate it.

Today Am 5dpo & feel so irritable that I could cheerfully put my fist thru a wall. Am picking fights with OH.. And I know I'm doing it... Come to think of it I could put my fist thru him too I think ; )

Yesterday I started feeling like I could be getting a cold. Today I've got sore glands & drippy nose (sorry, tmi!), stuffy dizzy head.... And a BAD temper. I keep giving OH evil looks & he's started laughing at me and saying 'what's wrong with you today???'... I know im being purposely awkward & annoying the f*#k out of him... Just can't seem to stop myself..

Guess it's PMS kicking in, plus a cold. Not a good combination. Just feel like crawling under the blankets & not speaking to anyone. Today it feels like ill never have a normal life like everyone else. Never be the pregnant one. Never have a family like everyone else. Am sick of feeling like the odd one out. Like there's a club that ill never be a member of. I'm sick of things never just coming naturally or easily & everything feeling like hard work.

Think I better up my dose of Evening primrose oil.. PMS turns me into a nightmare..

 

[viccat]

Oh Juniper, I feel sorry for you with your PMT, but your message did make me giggle a little because I've just been the same the last couple of days. I always get like this about a week after ovulation. And OH keep asking "are you okay, you seem unhappy" just winds me up more. This morning I had a rant at him about leaving his jeans pockets full of change which falls on the floor and wakes me up during the night. He looked at me like I had the head of a werewolf and kept a good 5 foot away for the rest of the morning

How far are you from London? Is it feasible to have a visit to go see your sister?

I hear you on questioning life. Once again, I am thinking about what will give life purpose outside of having a family. Not got the answer yet, and feel like my life is on hold while I find out whether it will happen or not?!

 

[Zeri]

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, Juniper. Your BD pattern was really good this month, so if it's PMS kicking it I know you must be super-disappointed and frustrated.....probably wondering, 'when will it ever happen? as you said.... If you get AF this month, will you and the OH continue to try naturally or take any other aggressive steps? HUGS!!

Briss - how are you feeling today?

It sounds like we're all going through rough times at the moment. Viccat, do you feel PMS kicking in for you too? Where are you in the tww? I'm having a rough time today too. Feel like I ovulated already this cycle - on CD9!! I'm in disbelief. Took Clomid this cycle again and started getting ewcm on CD6 or so.. didn't pay much notice to it as I had ewcm in the tww last cycle... But on CD9 (Sunday) I had ovulation pains and last night I feel like my breasts are fuller and hurting. I'm like WTF????? How could I possibly ovulate that early and why?? I was so gung-ho about not messing up this cycle like last one and then ovulation just passes me by.... with NO BD at all!!.... We could've BDed on Sunday but DH was sleeping on the couch as usual after dinner. I'm so angry at him in general for our nonexistent sex life...and so angry and frustrated at the world in general! Feels like every cycle gets messed up ....it's almost like a joke now trying and trying and getting frustrated every single month!! Feeling llike time is running out for me and that this will never happen...but at the same time I know I can't give up...I want this soooo much!!! It's just so hard sometimes!!! Sorry for the rant.... feeling really low and sad today too.

HUGS for all of us.

 

[Juniperjules]

Viccat, my sisters in London & I'm in Australia so we can't visit easily. It's crap. It makes me feel quite lost actually. There's 7 years between us, but at this age the gap is gone. She's my best friend. So with her so far away life feels quite empty sometimes. I'm very close to my mum, & I tell her everything. But lately bcos shes my only 'go-to' person (with my sister away), I think I'm causing her (my mum) a lot of stress....

I ended up having a HUGE fight with OH tonite. We were in the car. I'd been pushing his buttons all day & I guess he snapped finally. He said some awful things to me. We got to the pub where we were going for tea, & he stormed inside & I sat in the car in shock. Then my mum rang & I told her everything he'd said. Then he came back & knew I was telling mum everything. I was being particularly vile too. Like I said in my last post.. My mood has been OUT OF CONTROL today. Like I'm a kettle about to boil over.

Anyway, I sulked & refused to speak to him over dinner. And told him he was a pr*#k. He apologised a few times & said he didn't mean anything he said, that I should know that he didn't mean it. But that I've been a b*#*h to him all day & he just exploded finally.

So all in all a totally miserable day. Zeri it sounds like ur sharing the misery. We've got a FS appt in Sept. so I guess we'll make some decisions then. I'd hope we are offered iui for a few goes, & then IVF if needed. On days like today I have to wonder if its all worth it. I hear what ur saying. Living from month to month is torturous. And even though u tell urself to get on with life?? Well, who am I kidding..no one in here that's for sure.

Sorry ur cycle seems confusing Zeri, that's so frustrating for you. We def all need hugs today. I just hope I'm not feeling the same tomoro as well.....

 

[Briss]

Hi ladies,

Juniper and Zeri, sorry you are having tough time, I know exactly how you feel. I just hope we will all get our BFPs soon and can finally start living happily

I am gradually recovering from my FSH depression. am having a very weird cycle, my sex drive is very low which is not typical for me around O, my poor DH did his best to BD on my peak yesterday but his sperm was not quite normal, (TMI) it did not smell like sperm I was not even sure he came. I am hoping we can BD again tonight or tomorrow but does not look likely. I have no EWCM whatsoever this cycle – should have had grapefruit juice. I also feel like I might have ovulated already. I am so happy DH finally agreed to go assisted conception route privately. will start working in that direction.

 

[Zeri]

Sounds good, Briss. Did you get that extra BD in?

 

[nobump]

Juniper - I hear you this is a lonely process, so glad I have this forum to vent/ask questions. I have 2 brothers, one older, with a partner who has 2 teenagers, so he has a family, little brother has 3 kids to two ex wifes, and is with a new partner.... thankfully she is not looking to have kids yet.. my mum is a bit ott so can't really talk to here, she fussys to much. Can you skype your sister? not the same I realise biut maybe seeing and hearing her voice would help?

Viccat - I constantly debate whether I should be happy with what I have and not keep regretting what I don't have, just not happy with what I have at the moment though.... maybe need to find a new hobby or something..

Zeri- sorry you think you missed the egg this cycle. Men just don't get the importance of timming....

Briss-did you manage to get down to it again????

AFM - well going for a pelvic ultra sound today, saddly not a 12 week one..... to investigate my blood in urine out with my cycle.... bloods and urine samples all checked out ok, but as I said to doc my periods have been going funny think they want to do some more investigation..... had 4 days of spotting before bleeding this month, I am never usually late, even took a test, why I wasted my time I don't know, although that one BD may have been enough! Periods are getting heavier....

to us all

 

[Briss]

we did BD but it was already a day after O and again the sperm (if there was sperm cos I did not notice any) did not seem right. funny enough as soon as DH realised that ovulation is over his sex drive improved and he initiated another BD this morning also he was drinking almost every day. just when i thought our relationship is going well we had an argument and he started drinking again. anyway I am now focusing on finding a good private clinic to start assisted conception process.

 

[Briss]

Awww Briss - sorry to hear your bad news I am a bit puzzled about the response about eligibility - you are in the UK aren't you? If so, you might find the latest guidelines helpful - it's a bit heavy reading initially, but makes increasing sense to me as I learn about infertility treatments.

https://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/live/14078/62769/62769.pdf

Viccat, thanks for the link! I've been reading the guidelines. it does look I have a right to ask for counselling: "People who experience fertility problems should be offered counselling because fertility problems themselves, and the investigation and treatment of fertility problems, can cause psychological stress."

Also, quite surprising statistics: People who are concerned about their fertility should be informed that over 80% of couples in the general population will conceive within 1 year if: the woman is aged under 40 years and they do not use contraception and have regular sexual intercourse. Of those who do not conceive in the first year, about half will do so in the second year (cumulative pregnancy rate over 90%). I mean I cant believe all those LTTTCers on B&B are just 10%, there must be more of us unable to conceive for longer than 2 years

What is the difference between intrauterine and intracervical insemination?

I totally disagree with this - Men should be informed that alcohol consumption within the Department of Health's recommendations of 3 to 4 units per day for men is unlikely to affect their semen quality. 3 to 4 units per day!! that totally affected my DH's sperm.

Also really surprised to read – "People who are concerned about their fertility should be informed that there is no consistent evidence of an association between consumption of caffeinated beverages (tea, coffee and colas) and fertility problems…" – I am really delighted if I can go back to drinking coffee but I have my doubts it's true particularly because they seem to think you should be drinking coffee if you are going through IVF "People should be informed that maternal caffeine consumption has adverse effects on the success rates of assisted reproduction procedures, including IVF treatment. " why is natural TTC different then?

this is confusing – "The use of basal body temperature charts to confirm ovulation does not reliably predict ovulation and is not recommended" – how so??

so much for "legs up the wall" which I do religiously - Women should be informed that bed rest of more than 20 minutes' duration following embryo transfer does not improve the outcome of IVF treatment

also quite scary – " Inform women that while the absolute risks of long-term adverse outcomes of IVF treatment, with or without ICSI, are low, a small increased risk of borderline ovarian tumours cannot be excluded." " Both IVF and ICSI involve manipulation of egg and sperm in the laboratory, with impacts on the development of the subsequent embryo. However, while the first successful live birth following IVF was over 30 years ago, there is relatively little long-term research on the subject." – that's why I could not find it in me to agree to IVF for long we just do not know what we are dealing with and no one knows

 

[Mapleroo]

Hi Ladies! I haven't posted in this thread before but something happened last night that I thought someone might get a chuckle out of re DTD.

First of all sorry to Juniper for how you are feeling right now, having close family far away is hard and dreams not being realized and seeming so hopeless is harder.
I hope things seem brighter today.

So last night my oh came home with a few stories about his newly divorced cousins one night stand (gross I know! Us women have the reputation when it comes to divulging intimate details, but I swear men are the biggest culprit!) Anyway apparently this fling lady is also newly divorced and pretty 'free' with her new found singleness and so they had a couple of pretty kinky days in a hotel room. So this apparently gets my hubby thinking that we should try something kinky ourselves! So I ask what he had in mind (completely petrified about the answer because I don't have a kinky bone in my body) And he says '' well you haven't been on top for a while!'' Lol. I guess he doesn't have a kinky streak either! Long story short, I fell asleep while he was googling some ideas. Oh dear.

 

[Briss]

LOL thanks mapleroo, made me laugh!

 

[Zeri]

Mapleroo - :-D that's funny! I think we can all relate...hehe. DH accused me of being 'too straight-laced' last night too.

Juniper - sorry to hear about the fight, and I'm sorry you're missing your sister too. Did you and the DH make up? Sometimes it's hard to get over hurtful remarks...but it really sounds like he reacted mostly out of frustration/anger than really meaning what he said. Did your AF come?

nobump - could the spotting be caused by changing hormones, maybe? I know spotting before AF can be a sign of low progesterone. My periods changed when I hit 35...they got lighter... but they can get heavier too with age. The blood in the urine is strange. Hope you get some answers soon.

AFM - Last night was stressful. Forgive the long rant but I guess I need to get it out. Got my opks two days ago and took one yesterday, CD13 just to see - it was positive! So I guess I didn't O on CD9 before like I thought. I think the Clomid is screwing me around...I had ewcm from CD6-9 this cycle but no ewcm with my positive opk...weird. DH had turned me down for BD the night before (not in the mood), but had promised for that night...so I tried to hold him to his word.....It was hard because after dinner he was on the couch as usual ready to fall asleep. I had to nudge him a good few times and remind me of our BD plans... He didn't look interested at all and kept saying "but I'm tired"... etc etc. I got him from the couch into the bedroom at long last and he still looked like he planned to fall asleep...after which I gave him a good piece of my mind..."told him it shouldn't be 'like pulling teeth' to get him to have sex with me, that it makes me feel unattractive and rejected, and that sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone who actually wanted to have sex with me' etc etc... I mentioned the low testosterone thing too and we actually talked about it for a bit with him asking questions etc...anyway, after it seemed like no BD was going to happen atl I got really teary and stalked off to the spare bedroom to have a cry. He followed me and got me to come back...and then tried to initiate BD....we did end up doing it after all. Bless him! After all of that pathetic whining and begging.... I didn't think it would happen but finally it did. It was really stressful but I'm so glad I at least got some....it's not much of a chance because we hadn't Bded for 2 1/2 weeks before that...so stale sperm...but I feel better to have a sliver of a chance than none at all. KNow what I mean ladies? So now I can feel a little bit better. I would've felt absolutely horrible if another ovulation had come and passed me by with no BD at all.

Thinking of ordering a testosterone supplement for DH soon....he seems open to taking it. I'm hoping it'll help in the BD arena. Guess we'll see!

 

[Briss]

Zeri, well done on getting a well times BD, at least that's a chance. what a relieve. most of the time there is so much drama before DH finally manages to BD, it's so exhausting to having to go through this time after time

am also upset today, got home to discover almost empty bottle of Pimms he drank it all by himself... i know it's hot and Pimms/lemonade combination is great for this weather but it's really strong alcohol, not some juice

 

[Mischief]

AFM - Last night was stressful. Forgive the long rant but I guess I need to get it out. Got my opks two days ago and took one yesterday, CD13 just to see - it was positive! So I guess I didn't O on CD9 before like I thought. I think the Clomid is screwing me around...I had ewcm from CD6-9 this cycle but no ewcm with my positive opk...weird. DH had turned me down for BD the night before (not in the mood), but had promised for that night...so I tried to hold him to his word.....It was hard because after dinner he was on the couch as usual ready to fall asleep. I had to nudge him a good few times and remind me of our BD plans... He didn't look interested at all and kept saying "but I'm tired"... etc etc. I got him from the couch into the bedroom at long last and he still looked like he planned to fall asleep...after which I gave him a good piece of my mind..."told him it shouldn't be 'like pulling teeth' to get him to have sex with me, that it makes me feel unattractive and rejected, and that sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone who actually wanted to have sex with me' etc etc... I mentioned the low testosterone thing too and we actually talked about it for a bit with him asking questions etc...anyway, after it seemed like no BD was going to happen atl I got really teary and stalked off to the spare bedroom to have a cry. He followed me and got me to come back...and then tried to initiate BD....we did end up doing it after all. Bless him! After all of that pathetic whining and begging.... I didn't think it would happen but finally it did. It was really stressful but I'm so glad I at least got some....it's not much of a chance because we hadn't Bded for 2 1/2 weeks before that...so stale sperm...but I feel better to have a sliver of a chance than none at all. KNow what I mean ladies? So now I can feel a little bit better. I would've felt absolutely horrible if another ovulation had come and passed me by with no BD at all.

Thinking of ordering a testosterone supplement for DH soon....he seems open to taking it. I'm hoping it'll help in the BD arena. Guess we'll see!

I'm sorry about your struggle! I've withheld dinner until I got what I wanted before.

Clomid does affect your CM. It took me a while to recover in that area after a cycle on 150 mg. Ugh! It seemed very counterproductive!

 

[Juniperjules]

Mapleroo, that was funny! Gave me a giggle ; )

Zeri, I'm 9dpo so too early yet for AF. I'm in this funny but calm state at the moment. As far as symptom spotting- well I think in my mind I find it hard to believe that we'll get pregnant on our own... For no particular reason. None of my tests have been bad really. Except my AMH is ridiculously high at 42.8p/mol. So I guess maybe I have asymptomatic PCOS?? And if so then I suppose we might need some medical intervention??? But that's yet to be figured out. Hopefully FS in August will shed some light on the AMH results. But anyway, I think in my head I just can't imagine actually getting pregnant on my own purely due to being almost 39. So even though I'd love to get a bfp, I can't see it happening. Therefore anything that 'could' be a symptom I'm very sceptical of. I've had a few nites where I'm so hot & sweaty overnite (& it's winter here), I've also been feeling a little run down. But not much more. And I know that when AF arrives ill feel that slightly stupid feeling come over me for even slightly thinking anything could b a symptom. Your night sounded very tumultuous.. Exactly like some nights I've had too. Seriously, trying to have a baby with someone who loves you just shouldn't be so complicated should it?? But at least it ended well. Sometimes I think men need us to give them a damn good scare with a bit of yelling, crying & sulking to make them realise that things are a big deal to us. To them, missing a month isn't a big deal- but to us it's the end of the world at the time.

Briss, sorry ur DH was drinking. Thankfully one of the positives of my OH is he's not really a drinker, only really a few drinks on the weekend while working (he's a musician). But my dad is, & my sisters partner is- so I am fully aware of the frustrations around it. Both lovely men, but their drinking is so selfish at times, there's barely a single day that they don't drink.

 

[msright]

I'm in a similar situation , never experience this before a man with a low sex drive been so call trying for a year now which i would say really about four months . Now i have three other children he has none and want on so bad . We really don't know iif he can have any , very curious

 

[Briss]

it looks like our naturally TTC days are over dragged my DH to a private clinic today only to be told that my numbers look appalling and I have no more time to waste, practically menopausal why why, i am only 37 and I look much younger and yet my ovaries seems so old, just so depressing. we will probably go natural cycle IVF without the meds and stimulation. will get the scan done next week and then maybe we could start right away. am trying to take this all in, was not prepared to hear this news. I kept telling myself that these are just numbers they do not mean anything but apparently they do mean a great deal.

 

[Mapleroo]

it looks like our naturally TTC days are over dragged my DH to a private clinic today only to be told that my numbers look appalling and I have no more time to waste, practically menopausal why why, i am only 37 and I look much younger and yet my ovaries seems so old, just so depressing. we will probably go natural cycle IVF without the meds and stimulation. will get the scan done next week and then maybe we could start right away. am trying to take this all in, was not prepared to hear this news. I kept telling myself that these are just numbers they do not mean anything but apparently they do mean a great deal.

That is terrible news Briss! So sorry to hear

 

[Juniperjules]

Briss, it totally sucks. I'm like you, I'm 38, 39 in December- but people think I'm in my late 20's. people that I've worked with for 2 years are shocked when I tell them my age.. My sister is 31 & people think we're twins!!! But... As hard as it is to accept, I'm realising that my insides are ageing even if the outside still looks young. And yeh it's great not looking your age, but I def think it does give the feeling that u ARE still young, when in reality our reproductive age is still late 30's.. Like a false sense of security. The ironic thing is that I know I'm even mentally much younger than most of my friends simply bcos they've all had kids to bring up for years... I can absolutely see the difference between us, my best friend says it all the time & she's four years younger than me!!

I won't lie, I think we all know this is a scary place to be. There's no sugar coating it. BUT, you've still got options, so just run towards them head first & do everything you can. It's not impossible. Stay strong!!

Ps, if I were you, I'd be up-ing the dose of Ubiquinol now. Looks like ur taking the form that is CoQ10??? Can u get hold of the Ubiquinol form?? It's expensive but I think it's worth the $$$ at this point.. I'd be taking 400-600 per day if I were you. I have no idea if its the cause..but at this stage I have an AMH of 42.8p/mol as I think you know. I'm almost 100% certain I don't have PCOS... Which would he wise explain the AMH number.... But I HAVE been taking the Ubiquinol since march. I'm a teeny bit suspicious/ hopeful that this is why the AMH is high. I could be proven wrong in August when I see the FS.. But I hope not!

 

[Briss]

ladies, as ever thank you very much for your support. am now fully committed to go with IVF asap and Dh is on board as he was upset as well (somehow yet again it came as a total surprise to him!)

Juniper, re coq10, when I did my research I came to the conclusion that there is no big difference b/w coq10 vs Ubiquinol, the main difference is absorption. Ubiquinol is being absorbed by the body faster and is more potent so you need less of it but from what I read as long as you take coq10 with vitamin E (which helps absorption) there is no difference. I always take my coq10 with vitamin E and I take 400 a day. I did not have any side effects so I can easily take more. I would be very interested to know what you found out on coq10 vs Ubiquinol cos I remember looking into it about a year ago, maybe there is some new info on this stuff? where do you get your Ubiquinol?