Laughing so hard I can't breathe...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by JackiePed, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    So I have a friend on BnB that I text with alot. She's hilarious, and it's fun to share jokes that only another BnB-er would get.

    Which is why I MUST share this text conversation with you ladies... because you're the only bunch who would get it!

    DISCLAIMER: I didn't make this joke to her in order to mock anyone or their threads...I participate in them/start them, too!! It was just to joke about how incredibly comfortable we are about anonymously sharing our most private details online! (So pretty please read this as funny, not as offensive...[-o<
    -----------------------------
    Me: Haha.... Cervix check threads: "Dear anonymous ladies, I shove my fingers up my vagina and feel around for a mystery hole. Aren't you glad I told you?"
    P.s. here's a pic of my plug
    and I have diarrhea
    and I'm really wet down there
    and I have sex doggy style
    and I masturbate to induce labor
    Let's be friends


    Her: Omg you are cracking me up right now.

    Me: I'm so glad I have you to make these jokes with... Anyone else, I'd have to explain a bunch of background first and ruin the joke

    Her: ...."and when the masturbation doesn't work, I swallow semen."

    Me:...and come to think of it.. imagine if someone was like, "so I'm pretty sure I'm 4 cm dilated.."
    ...
    Holy s#*&, you crammed 4 fingers up there???


    Me (again): Ok... so now I'm really freaking myself out.... Was I so out of it during labor checks that I didn't notice a dic with two hands up there seeing if he could fit TEN FINGERS?????

    Me (again): AHHHHH!!!!
    DOC!!!
    Not dic

    Lollllllll
    I'm going to pee myself
    I can't even breathe....
    ...crying....


    Her: Oh the visuals

    Me: (fine...so in reality... I'm sure they don't actually put ten fingers in to check if you're ten cm...but still... makes you wonder...)

    Me (again): ..and there's no such thing as a dic with two hands...so...that's a relief
    ----------------------------------------------

    And that...ladies... is BnB humor, late at night, combined with infamous iPhone typos. :rofl:

    (and for those who I freaked out... this link explains how docs/ mws ACTUALLY check your dilation past 2 cm... https://www.askdramy.com/Chap15.html)
     
  2. robinator

    robinator Guest

    Ive never seen one with one hand
     
  3. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Well then, clearly you married the wrong man....
     
  4. robinator

    robinator Guest

    I married the right man. He was just born with the wrong dic.
     
  5. ashley2pink

    ashley2pink Mom to 4 girls

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2010
    Messages:
    3,658
    Likes Received:
    176
    Yup, seems we all admit the most personal things!! Nobody must know my identity because of it!! OT- I'm from Utah too!
     
  6. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Hey, I've come across alot of Utahns on here! Luz is also a fellow Utahn.... and someone else..... shoot, I'll have to remember.....
     
  7. robinator

    robinator Guest

    Dammit Jackie. My phone can't keep up.
     
  8. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Give in and get an iPhone
     
  9. robinator

    robinator Guest

    No bandwagons for me!
     
  10. robinator

    robinator Guest

    My hemorrhoids are really burning. Had to switch my thong for bikinis.
     
  11. robinator

    robinator Guest

    The next time I check my cervix I'll have to make sure to file down my ragged nails. Yeee-ouch!!
     
  12. luckyno2

    luckyno2 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2009
    Messages:
    907
    Likes Received:
    0
    Whaaaahaaaa you all crack me up...lol
     
  13. Kage76

    Kage76 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2010
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    0
    you made me snort my coffee.

    Thanks for the link I had wondered how they did check the dilation but after the first one i just assumed that he had both hands, a shoe horn a torch and a small sherpa in there looking for his lost keys.

    So glad I went from 3cm to 9cm in 3 hours so I avoided lots of those checks. they were damn uncomfortable.
     
  14. luvmyfam

    luvmyfam Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2011
    Messages:
    1,684
    Likes Received:
    0
    :rofl: That was hilarious!
     
  15. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Ok you made me choke on my pb cookie! :rofl:
     
  16. robinator

    robinator Guest

    :rofl: Damn, sherpas have cars? They could drive up Everest! What the hell are they walking for!?!?
     
  17. Kage76

    Kage76 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2010
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nah i think the doctor hired the sherpa to carry him around. BMW's are so last week.
     
  18. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Why is there a mountain by my cervix, anyway....?
     
  19. robinator

    robinator Guest

    At least you don't pee out of your cervix. Like I do.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice