Let's talk age gaps...

[LiLi2]

Hey y'all! I've been MIA since my little man was born, but figured I'd pop in because he's almost 4 months old and Hubby and I are trying to decide when to TTC #2. Part of me wants babies really close in age, the other part of me wants to spend more time with just my son before having another.

So talk to me about pros and cons of different age gaps - I'd love to hear some opinions and what you like/dislike about having babies closer or farther apart

 

[mrs.ginger]

I would love to hear both sides of this as well! Thanks for posting!

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

This is something I'm torn on too. I do like the idea of them being close in age and getting to grow up playing with each other. But I love my little girl to pieces, and I'm also kind of sad about the idea of not getting to focus all of my attention and love on her. She is growing up so fast, and I don't want to miss any of it! 4 years was the original plan, since my sister and I have a 4 year age gap and that seemed to work out perfectly for our mother. But I really, really want to go through pregnancy again (I'm one of the weird ones that enjoyed it ). So every day I have an inner battle with myself over when we're going to start trying for the next! My husband has already told me we could start trying whenever I'm ready, so that's no help. Some days I just want to toss the pill pack and jump him, and other days I can see myself waiting another year or two before the next. Definitely a difficult decision!

 

[Eleanor ace]

My 2 are 21 months apart. I really like it. DS seemed to turn into a proper little toddler, rather than a baby at 18 months so by the time DD arrived he was self sufficient enough to make things a bit smoother- he could play indipendently for a little while and take himself to the toilet, stuff like that. They play together all the time now (they are 3 and 16 months) and are such little pals and I think it is in part due to not having a massive age gap, they are interested in similar things. DS was still up a few times a night when DD was born and I was quite glad not to ave got back to proper sleep, only to start again with the sleepless nights! DH likes that we got the baby stage over with quickly but I don't see that as a positive and anyway I'm working on adding a 3rd baby stage to the mix so he can shush .

If we have a 3rd we will probably have a 3 year age gap, although I am torn on whether 2.5 years would be better- for all the reasons above. My reasons for going for a 3 year age gap are;
To stretch out the pregnancy/baby years
To get back to sleeping better (this is for DH- DD gets up 3 times a night and he doesn't want to add another one into the mix until she sleeps through)
To get more 1:1 time with the baby- DD would be in nursery around the time the baby was born or a few months after and DS would be at fulltime school. Also we make terrible sleepers so it would be good to be able to nap sometimes in the day after a night of little sleep!
I worry that 3 years is too big a gap but I ohpe that with the kids being a bit older they would understand and be excited about a new sibling.

 

[kksy9b]

My DS is almost 5 months old and I think we will wait 2 years to start trying so that they will be about 3 years apart. I'm hopeful that he will be potty trained by then so there is only one in diapers, and he can start at preschool at 3 so there wont be two in the house all the time

 

[tag74]

Mine are 13 years apart and it's truly been the best experience. My daughter is 14 and my second daughter is 15 months. I hope to try again in January 2015.

 

[prettybirdy27]

I don't have kids yet, but I will tell you that my sister and I were 4 years apart. Everything was fine until she hit puberty and I was still 4 years away...she stopped wanting to spend any time with me "because it's not cool to spend time with your little sister" and it caused a lot of fighting and issues. For example, she outgrew Barbies, but I was still playing with them, so she would make fun of me, etc. it felt like I lost my best friend.

 

[babysaa]

Thanks for posting this question. I only have one right now and I know deep down in my heart I want to wait a bit so I can enjoy my son. I plan to start trying for #2 just before my LO's 2nd birthday so the gap would be closer to 3 years.
My sister and I are 2 yrs apart and I can't say growing up we were close. We fought a lot when we were kids as most kids do but as we got older she did her own thing and I never did anything with her or her friends.

 

[tverb84]

I would like my future children to be two or three years apart.

 

[Mrs.Gj]

I don't have kids yet, but I will tell you that my sister and I were 4 years apart. Everything was fine until she hit puberty and I was still 4 years away...she stopped wanting to spend any time with me "because it's not cool to spend time with your little sister" and it caused a lot of fighting and issues. For example, she outgrew Barbies, but I was still playing with them, so she would make fun of me, etc. it felt like I lost my best friend.

This can happen even at smaller age gaps. My sister and I are two years apart and when we were tiny we were friends but as we got older we couldn't be in the same room without fighting. As adults we are friends again. There are 7 years between my brother and I, and we have consistently been close. I think sibling rivalry is apart of growing up and has a lot to do with personalities.

 

[LiLi2]

This has given me a lot to think about, thanks guys Keep the input coming!

Sounds like it's the luck of the draw when it comes to age gaps and getting along well. My brother and I are 2 years apart and we were NOT close at all, but he was not the nicest kid on the block.

Aside from getting along well, what about the difficulties/joys of having kids close together or farther apart from a parent's perspective?

 

[krissie328]

I have been thinking about this a lot. I am 22 months older than my sister and my husband is 3 years older than his brother. Neither of us have particularly close relationships with our siblings, but growing up we both felt like it was a good age gap.

We are looking for a 21-33 month age gap.

 

[tag74]

I agree. Siblings will grow up to like each other because of personality not age. Some of my closest friends are 15 years younger or 10 years older. My best friend is my age. I have two older sisters 3 and 7 years older. My oldest and I don't have a lot in common but I love her and I adore my middle sister inside and out as my friend.

 

[MrsHudson]

I don't have kids yet but my sister is 9 years older than me (I was a surprise) and it wasn't that great. By the time I was old enough to do things with her, she had no interest in being around me. Her teenage friends picked on me a lot and to this day we aren't close. We just have never had anything in common.

I would prefer my kids to be within a few years of each other, if we decide to have more than one.

 

[stellababy]

me and my sister have a 6 year gap and we were not close once I hit puberty. she was a "little annoying kid" to me and not a friend. now its much better but it would of been nice to have someone my age around.

my kids are just over 2 years apart. the first year was so hard because a toddler and a newborn have opposite needs, but now its becoming so great. i love watching them play together and i am so happy they have a small gap. hopefully they will appreciate it

 

[Eleanor ace]

Our age gap (21 months) makes things easier because the kids enjoy the same things and when we go for days out we don't have to choose between activities that are fun for one or the other. I have 2 brothers, 2 years older and 2 years younger. Because we were quite close in age we were able to play together because we were at similar stages. My brothers didn't have that somuch as there was 4 years between them, but they are very close now. When we were younger we used to go to my grandparents for 2 weeks in the summer and we used to entertain ourselves all day playing games together but if I was ill and couldn't play my brothers wouldn't play together because they had to compromise too much- either my older brother had to play a game he found babyish or my younger brother couldn't play the more complex games our older brother wanted to play. This has made me want a smaller age gap- 3.5 years between my DD and number 3 is my maximum really.

 

[MindUtopia]

I really don't know how it will actually work, but we are aiming for a 3-4.5 year age gap. I've never been someone who wanted a small age gap as I feel like we really need a bit of time to recover and get back to 'normal' a little bit before the next one comes along. Our daughter is 19 months now and I still don't feel like we'd be able to manage having another yet, but I can at least see a point in the future when we could. Things are much, much easier than they were 6 months or a year ago, but we still just want more time to spend just as a family of 3 and getting used to getting sleep and having time as a couple. We're looking at 3-4.5 because our daughter will get her nursery hours at 3 (she's already in nursery 4 days a week, but we'll need the extra help to keep her in preschool while I'm on mat leave again) and because she'll start school at 4.5. It makes us feel like we've launched one into being a bit more independent and now can focus more on being home with a new baby. Plus, I'm a PhD student and my work means I'll be busy for at least the next 2 years with a project, so once that's finished I'll be ready for another mat leave and taking things a bit slower. That means we'd be TTC possibly as early as next autumn. Still seems really soon! But I can see how by then we'll be a bit more ready again.

 

[Iveneverseen]

My three are 2, 7 & 10.

we will be ttc 4th (and last) this time next year, so by time baby will be born my kids will be.

4, 9, 12 i love a bigger gap.

 

[littlesteph]

my two are 51 weeks apart, both boys, the age gap dose have its challenges but it has so many pros. my youngest is only 6 months so don't have much to go on at the moment but so far..
pros:
they adore each other

my eldest tries to help feed hid brother and give him his dummy

they have started playing together

in the mornings I can hear my eldest go over to his brother saying his name and asking him if he's ok

they make each other laugh

a few times they have fallen asleep cuddling

we already had most stuff from my eldest so the only expense really was a double pram


cons
it can be hard work having 2 little ones so close in age, even more so when they both start crying and acting up.

theres 2 in nappies so its more money spent on them. not too bad if they are on offer though


to be honest that's all the cons I can think off.
both my boys get equal attention

 

[catty]

We have an 11.5 month age gap and I love it!!
There are difficult days but I really think for our family it works perfectly (so far not even 3 months in)
Pros- I went from one maternity straight to the next so have got to spend so much time with my eldest and didn't have to go to work whilst being pregnant second time.

I didn't get my figure back only to go out of shape again as I was only around 8 weeks pp when I got pregnant again.

Recently some things they are doing are to cute to even describe.
Oldest will waken up and when I take him through to our bedroom he sees baby there and he smiles so much and then she smiles and he goes over and attempts to cuddle her with the biggest cheese on his face as if there long lost friends. He will cuddle her on and off doing this for about we mins once they waken

There both at a similar stage of being in nappies, milks, naps, iv barely even put the toys away from eldest and in a few months youngest will be using them.

I'm used to this do youngest just slots in and feels like she's always been with us, oldest doesn't remember life without her.

Bad bits -
Going out is quite military, have to carry both to the car, have a massive double buggy that takes alot of room and must have a well stocked nappy bagged

Trying to get oldest off dummy's and bottles but as youngest has them he can't cope

He will be very rough with her and not realise as he doesn't understand

He can't understand why mummy can't come right this very second

Often I'm up with BOTH of them during the night.

Can't meet with the mummy's I used to as much as the groups tend to be either 0-12 months or 1-2 yes.

Can't go swimming anymore (alone)

I'd definately do it again, obviously you can't have this age gap but even a 1.5 - 2 year age gap would be similar I think