So, this may or may not come off as more of a rant than anything. Feel free to please join in said rant if you feel the same way or have any advice for me! Step One. My SO and I decided I would get off my BC in August. August 12th to be exact. It was in the middle of the pack but the side effects from the pills were driving us both mad and after a tear filled rant and collapsing and crying in his arms we both thought enough is enough. Pills gone. Step Two. The excitement and fear of "Is this the time?" We had long wonderful talks. We have been together 6 years this January. We have worked through most kinks in our relationship and long to share parenthood with one another. We are not married, and do not plan on doing so just yet. Getting past that social hurdle is a whole other post in itself. But it was decided, in January we are going to make our baby! Step Three. Everywhere I look is infertility. It seems everyone I know and everyone I see is having difficulties getting pregnant or staying pregnant. FEAR. I have always been a little anxiety ridden, but it jumped into high gear here. We decided charting would give me something to direct that nervous energy into. I haven't even finished my first cycle of charting and I'm going bonkers. I seem to have a longer cycle than most 35 days to be exact. Fear. My temperature is NEVER the same. Fear. I've been on BC since 17. Fear. I've worried about endometriosis since 17. Fear. I have IBS and take OTC meds for it daily. Fear. Fear. Fear. Last night we had another one of those wonderful talks. Filled with hope and anxiety and love, and letting it all out. I feel though that I am still at a loss. I feel scared. I can't stop thinking about "what if I can't conceive?" I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, so I know I have to just take a deep breath and relax. Enjoy. Be calm. Stop worrying about what isn't even here yet! It's just so difficult, this is such a big, beautiful, wonderful step in our lives! How could I not be filled with anxiety about how it will go?? We have barely begun our journey towards making our baby and I feel like I'm already letting myself miss out on the true joy and excitement of it!