Letting Fear take the front seat!

[YouandMe]

So, this may or may not come off as more of a rant than anything. Feel free to please join in said rant if you feel the same way or have any advice for me!

Step One. My SO and I decided I would get off my BC in August. August 12th to be exact. It was in the middle of the pack but the side effects from the pills were driving us both mad and after a tear filled rant and collapsing and crying in his arms we both thought enough is enough. Pills gone.

Step Two. The excitement and fear of "Is this the time?" We had long wonderful talks. We have been together 6 years this January. We have worked through most kinks in our relationship and long to share parenthood with one another. We are not married, and do not plan on doing so just yet. Getting past that social hurdle is a whole other post in itself. But it was decided, in January we are going to make our baby!

Step Three. Everywhere I look is infertility. It seems everyone I know and everyone I see is having difficulties getting pregnant or staying pregnant. FEAR. I have always been a little anxiety ridden, but it jumped into high gear here. We decided charting would give me something to direct that nervous energy into. I haven't even finished my first cycle of charting and I'm going bonkers. I seem to have a longer cycle than most 35 days to be exact. Fear. My temperature is NEVER the same. Fear. I've been on BC since 17. Fear. I've worried about endometriosis since 17. Fear. I have IBS and take OTC meds for it daily. Fear. Fear. Fear.

Last night we had another one of those wonderful talks. Filled with hope and anxiety and love, and letting it all out. I feel though that I am still at a loss. I feel scared. I can't stop thinking about "what if I can't conceive?" I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, so I know I have to just take a deep breath and relax. Enjoy. Be calm. Stop worrying about what isn't even here yet!

It's just so difficult, this is such a big, beautiful, wonderful step in our lives! How could I not be filled with anxiety about how it will go?? We have barely begun our journey towards making our baby and I feel like I'm already letting myself miss out on the true joy and excitement of it!

 

[Katikins612]

I totally understand where your coming from. Feeling afraid and overwhelmed is an understatement. My DH and I have been together 9 yrs, married for almost 2. Many of our friends had kids young, while we waited. Now that I am 30, the clock is ticking louder than it ever has. I am finally ready to have a baby, and am already getting impatient,after only 2months of TTC. Unfortunately, stress is not going to help us get our BFPs! Try to stay relaxed and minimize worrying. If you do suspect a road block, don't wait to consult your MD...you will go crazy trying to analyze problems yourself. Best of luck.

 

[EllieGoulet]

I'm sorry you're feeling so fearful. I know exactly what you mean about finding fear in everything (especially when you have a propensity towards anxious thoughts to start with). The fact is, TTC can more often than not be a stressful, heartbreaking, confusing and bewildering journey. When we started TTC I was so damn excited - I thought that I'd stop taking HBC and wake up preggo. It's what has been drummed into us all throughout our teens, right??!

Almost 11 months on and I'm definitely a lot less naive, and a lot more skeptical that it will ever happen. That said, I really think that you have to hold on to hope each cycle, persevere and try and fight that fear. For what it's worth, I found that charting increased my anxiety and fear because I was obsessing over every single temp, every little symptom, every perceived anomaly - it was making me crazy. With 50+ day cycles, there was little reward and a lot of anxiety and stress.

How long have you been temping for? Can you perhaps take a month off from charting and channel your energy into yourself and your SO?

 

[poetinmyheart]

I completely related to your feelings of fear. I have been feeling this way myself. I am slighlty overweight and fear that is going to stop me from getting pregnant. I lay in the bed and think about endometriosis and ovarian cysts too. It's hard not to let the fear get to you. I just try to keep positive and tell myself that it's only been a few months and to try my best to keep the stress at bay. Good luck to you!

 

[YouandMe]

I am still in my first cycle of BBT, I am def a newbie at it and I'm already stressing! I want to at least temp until January when we start trying, just to see if I can see the patterns and ovulation. I think my biggest fear right now is that I am not ovulating yet from being off the BC. I have a long cycle 35 days, and I've past the average point of O on day 14, so I'm already getting jittery! LOL

My plan is to track until January and if I don't see a pattern and if I can't calm down while tracking then I am going to take a break and just enjoy the fun part of TTC for a little while