letting people down :o( I can't believe it.

Discussion in 'Bride & Beyond' started by honeybee2, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    My family and mr honeybee's family has been really hit financially.

    MIL's buisness is not doing well due to the VAT and my mum received a court summons today becasue she hasn't been able to pay the council tax :cry:

    So I've paid it for her (had to force her to take the money) and I used some of my wedding budget to pay for it.

    It tipped me over the edge- how the hell can I expect my family to pay for this wedding when they can hardly afford to feed themselves?

    So I've stopped. I nearly postponed the wedding, but my Mum put her foot down. We've had to let 30 guests down and bring the list down to 50- which means it'll be an intimate immediate family and few friends only wedding. My family take up 30 as it is. :cry:

    Im so upset and feel so guilty to let them down.

    Ive told my parents to stop paying and put all the money thats been saved up together and see what we can do with it.

    We've found that we can do it for 50-55 people tops.

    Im so upset- but Im trying to think of my family. :cry:
     
  2. superbecks

    superbecks Well-Known Member

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    Aww hun. Have you thought about not having the main meal and doing a buffet or something instead so you could still have all your guests there? xx
     
  3. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    believe it or not a buffet is more expensive- and I dont want to compromise what I always wanted for my big day. I mean at least now we'll be able to have more food and drink- my problem was letting people down and making sure my mum is coping.
     
  4. Redfraggle

    Redfraggle TTC since Oct 2005

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    They're the most important ones. And your friends, if they are real friends, will understand.

    You have totally done the right thing. As amazing as your wedding day is, you have to remember it is just one day at the start of your marriage. Try to think of all the positive things. The fewer people you have the more time you will be able to spend with everyone.

    Plus this way you have a really good excuse to re-new your vows at some point and do it all again, but a bit bigger! :haha:
     
  5. superbecks

    superbecks Well-Known Member

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    Well it is a lovely gesture that you have done for your family. The most important people will be there for you, and im sure the others will understand your predicament. Like you say you will still be having what you have always wanted xx
     
  6. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    ye!

    Hopefully they will understand. More food for me!
     
  7. pink_bow

    pink_bow Mummy

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    Aww hun :hugs:
    People will understand and you will still get to have your perfect day xx
     
  8. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    thanks ladies x
     
  9. Cafferine

    Cafferine Very newly pregnant

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    where about do you live? Is it already booked? Some places do great 2k package deals for 50 people, but I would need to know your budget if you wanted we can hunt online together? But if you already have a venue in mind then i'm sure your friends will understand xx
     
  10. kintenda

    kintenda Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, I'm sorry. xx
     
  11. Timid

    Timid Well-Known Member

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    Oh honey! We all have difficult situations from time to time, and I"m really sad for you that it has impacted on your big day! But you have done the right thing and reduced the numbers. You could look at other options too, like Cafferine said - maybe look at alternative venues etc?

    I'll be thinking of you whatever might happen - I'll keep my fingers crossed it works out!

    Tx
     
  12. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    thanks!

    We've got a venue but we can't cancel it as we just cant afford to loose the £500 deposit. But, you know what, we'll make it work. We just about have enough for a half decent wedding. Everything will be the same apart from less people and the fact that now there are less mouths to feed- we can serve better quality food. x
     
  13. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

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  14. twiggy56

    twiggy56 Mummy expecting #2

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    you're too lovely :hugs:

    You did the GOOD moral thing honey, exactly what id have done had I seen family struggling. This makes you a good person and your good deed will have meant so much to them...I know you're sad because its cutting the guestlist but really your family is what counts. I bet they will make the wedding so special and emotional knowing that you gave up what you have for them...those members you've helped im sure will fill your day with so much love.

    Im so sorry luv, I know you had it all perfect in your head, but perfect has just been down-sized...but its still perfect, just a smaller perfect!! This doesnt change your vows, it doesnt change how the music will sound, it doesnt change how much in love you'l feel....

    dont worry it will still be the day of your dreams, its just a smaller dream, still perfectly turned out :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
     
  15. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    Ohh twiggy.

    Im such an emotional wreck I really need a cuddle. Your telling me all the right words.

    I have these horrid, horrid thoughts going round my head telling me it wont be special anymore, its not a proper wedding, I dont deserve to wear a veil and a tiara because there is no point- hardly anyone will see it. I have these horrible visions of hardly anyone on the dance floor- is there any point of a DJ now?

    Please tell me everything will still be ok :cry: Plus, I've not sent any invites out but the people who were expecting an invite, I sent a generic message to stating out problem and that I was very upset understandably and not one of them has replied telling me they understand and that everything will be ok. So I'm sat here now thinking everyone hates me.
     
  16. opticalillus5

    opticalillus5 Mummy to two princesses.

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  17. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    Its ok Ive calmed down now haha!
     
  18. EstelSeren

    EstelSeren Married Mum of 2!

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    I'm glad you've calmed down now hon!

    Honestly, the people who know you and care about you will understand completely and think that what you're doing is sensible and lovely! :thumbup:

    When I realised how small my wedding was going to have to be, I felt a bit down at first because I wasn't going to be able to invite some of the friends that I wanted to be there. Uni friends especially I found are really good for understanding money issues- lets face it, they tend to have enough of their own! Are you still having a larger reception? Usually friends only expect to be invited to the after party if at all!

    You could always do a showing of the wedding video when you get it back for people who you wanted there but couldn't fit in/ afford to be there or something like that and have a wedding house party with your friends to celebrate!

    Beca :wave:
     
  19. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    Ye, we'll give out night time invites- I'm not sure who will come though as its so far out and we're not putting on any more food although I have a 4 tier wedding cake and another 3 tier wedding cake so they'll be plenty of that! Although I think my younger friends will come- it'll just be like a night out in bristol or something- booze & a cheap night haha!
     
  20. honeybee2

    honeybee2 Well-Known Member

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    Ive really calmed down and I just cant wait for the day now- Im so excited- and IVE LOST A STONE wooooooooooooohooooooooooooooo!
     

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