Life isn't fair... there's some truth in that...

[miss_divine]

Sorry, ladies, I need a little rant.

I have just found out that my Auntie (she's only two years older than me) is pregnant with her second child. She announced this on Facebook with a status that said no wonder smoking weed was making her feel sick, she can't wait for the new arrival. She smokes it every single day to excess. She already has a beautiful little boy of 3.

We have been trying for two years and two months, with no success. How can this happen for people like her so easily? I can't comprehend the way her children will be brought up with her taking drugs all the time, when people like us are so, so desperate to bear a healthy child.

I have had a nightmare of a day, and this is just the icing on the cake. My GP, who is supposed to be referring us for our very first SA and blood tests has very nastily said to my DF that he doesn't think we are ideal for having a child - which is no doubt due to our age (we are both 21) because there literally can't be any other factor.

I feel like I have been kicked in the face so many times today - pregnancy has been everywhere. Except for here, where we would give anything for it.

xx

 

[sarina53172]

I AM SO SORRY..THATS NOT RIGHT FOR HIM TO SAY THAT TO YOU. AGE MEANS NOTHING IF YOUR READY FOR A CHILD THEN YOUR READY.I WAS 19 WHEN I HAD MY FIRST AND MY DAD AND MY FIANCES MOM WERE NOT TO HAPPY...BUT I DIDNT CARE CUZ I KNEW I WOULD MAKE A GOOD MOM AND THAT I WAS READY..AND AS FAR AS YOUR AUNT...I DONT HAVE NE THING TO SAY ABOUT THAT...ITS SAD...

GOOD LUCK TO YOU THO LOTS OF BABY DUST

 

[bluelilly72]

thats disgusting if u was 14 then OK but 21 whats wrong with 21 can you go see a diff GP its not his desion to make oh my he got me mad

 

[miss_divine]

Thank you ladies. The GP I saw before this one refused to help us because of our ages, so we changed to the current one. There isn't another GP in the surgery we can see, so I think we might have to move surgery completely.

I do look very young, and being only 5ft 2in, people seem to think I'm more like a kid. I just can't believe GPs can be allowed to treat us like this!

When I rang the surgery the Receptonist took my name and then said 'Is this for the fertility issue?' She was horrible to me on the phone, besides which she shouldn't have access to the reason I'm calling, because I have always told the Receptionists that my reason for appointments is PRIVATE! I am sure my GP surgery have breached the confidentiality rules here.
xx

 

[bluelilly72]

yeah i would change and even if look young they know your age its disgusting if there treating you bad i see if can get into diff one

 

[sarina53172]

id report him and i and 5 ft 1in and i look like im 14 but im going to be 21 in july...alot of people say i look young and im thankful to have understanding doctors to help me im sorry yours are a**holes but that really upsets me your already going thru a hard enough time....hes very inconsiderate

 

[spidergirl]

Aww hun i am so sorry to hear that i know how you feel i know some one just like that. She has 2 kids and another on the way and she smokes it every night as well as getting drunk every night. I think you should go see another doctor because i am only 23 years old and i got referred after trying for 2 years and am waiting to start ivf has nothing to do with age. I wanted the tests more to make sure nothing was wrong so i could stop worrying so i would push them just so you can have peace of mind. Hope every thing works out for you and you one day get your BFP xx

 

[jess123]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.. I too am so over hearing about what seems to be every woman I know getting pregnant unexpectedly. I think it is HILARIOUS I spent any time trying to be on birth control. Obviously didn't need it!! How complacent of me to take a pill to prevent pregnancy when I can't even get pregnant.

I think it's horrible that your doctor wouldn't want to help you because of your age. I guess just keep switching until you find one that is reasonable!

I also look very young but I'm 27. I am just really sick of when I go by pregnancy tests every month and have cashiers comment.

So far:

"These will get ya into trouble ya know"

The cashier wrapped one up in a bag quickly and slid the bag to me and said "Here, so no one sees".

And another, wondering aloud if the cheap tests worked as well as the expensive ones. I told her I'd been trying for awhile and they always tell me when I'm NOT. And then she commented at how young I looked.

UGH!

 

[sarina53172]

wow thats terrible how we get discriminated

 

[readyformore]

Ugh!
Seriously, it's just disgusting that she posted on fb that she was getting sick from smoking weed!

I'm an OB nurse. In the last month I've taken care of a homeless recovering drug addict that got to take her newborn with her, 2 -15 year old girls (who didn't know who the father was), and a woman that got pregnant AFTER her tubes were tied. . . on accident. I took care of all of those women while I had another patient that is pregnant for the 5th time. She's had 4 miscarriages. She is now 20 weeks pregnant with twins and her cervix is disappearing rapidly. . . she won't be able to carry those babies to a point where they are mature enough to live. Basically, she will deliver them while they are alive, but they will be too little for us to help them stay alive.

Yes, it's just not fair!

 

[sarina53172]

omg that is so sad =(..........im so sorry that you see that its so sad but you have a wonderful job!!!!! i love my ob nurse shes great LOL on a happier note

 

[FertilMertile]

He actually said that? and who is he? God? who is he to judge??

Ignore his very rude comment. That wasn't called for and I'm sure you can even get him in trouble for being such an ass.

As for your niece, I'm sorry love. Like you said, life isn't fair sometimes and we don't always like the hand we're dealt but keep positive. If your GP doesn't do anything for you cuz of his views on you and DF becoming parents then it's time to change doctors. We don't know why God grants people like your niece children, we don't know why God lets those who are gonna abuse their kids get pregnant. These things are unknown and there's nothing we can do about it. God has His reasons for that. But keep one thing in mind: all the hard work you and DF are putting into getting pregnant will finally pay off. Good things come to those who wait. I know these aren't things you really wanna hear but it's really the truth sweetie.

My advice to you is this...don't be bitter toward your niece. Don't think bad thoughts. Don't be envious. I don't know your religious views but I'm Christian and I believe if I were to be bitter toward someone it's only gonna backfire in my face later on. You don't want that to happen. Continue on being happy and try your best to be positive and just believe that you'll get pregnant soon. You're 21, you're young and if you have no health problems or any infertility problems you should be fine. If you feel your GP isn't doing all that should be done then seek more help. You are fairly young, it will happen.

And don't listen to people like him who have stupid and pointless things to say. No one can tell you "hey, you aren't getting pregnant cuz you're not fit to be a parent" especially when you and DF do nothing to prevent pregnancies, you both don't smoke nor drink, you both do the right things. It's very true that life is unfair and I too don't understand why some people are parents but I can't judge it. I just shake my head to it.

Hang in there hun and you know you have us for support G/L to you.

 

[Rivetkitten]

I'm so sorry Miss_Divine you were treated that way. If it's any consolation, I saw a FS yesterday who told me that after over a year and a half of trying that I "just need to relax" and I am still "so young"..... and I am TEN YEARS OLDER than you are. So I know how you feel.

My GP informed me that there was a financial crisis on when I asked to be referred several months ago and now wasn't the right time to have a kid....didn't I know?

I could list the excuses medical professionals have made and the times I have wept and wept because of it.

You are still young. All that does is place time on your side. If you have a legitimate fertility issue all the time in the world will not change that and doctors just hate to see that.

I really hope you get a lot more positive support than I have.x.x.x

 

[miss_divine]

Thank you so much ladies, your comments have really cheered me up.

I think this may be the last strike with that surgery now, so we're looking at another one. I got my ultrasound results back today to say that both my ovaries are normal, so that's given me a little more confidence.

I'm going to try to make an appointment to see that doctor on Monday and if he starts, I will more than likely explode, give him a huge rant and inform him that we are moving.

Thank you so much for your support, and I wish so much baby dust to all of you. I'm so happy to have found a place to talk to people in this situation, and love how supportive you all are.

Here's to not taking any more crap from doctors who have no idea of how this process actually feels!

xx

 

[ILoveMySeabee]

Im sorry your going through this. I have a cousin who can get pregnant without even trying and then of couse doesnt take care of her kids or put them first...She even offered to "pop out" a kid for me and DH for $5000

 

[jesterface]

So sorry to hear this!!! I know exactly how you feel!!! My cousin and his wife (21 and 22) have a 3 year old and are now expecting twins. Interesting story.. while they were dating, she was in nursing school and had to take antibiotics, negating her BCP and they "accidentally" got pregnant when he was planning on breaking up with her... convenient for a nurse to forget about the whole antibiotic and BCP thing huh? Started talking about having another baby and he was SO against it b/c they were struggling as it was. She seemed to think if they had another baby, it would be a good excuse to stop working and be a SAHM. And she pulled the same stunt on him again... how it worked AGAIN, I have no clue...
Another cousin is pregnant and due any time now with number 3.
My husbands Aunt and Uncle are expecting number 3. That one is interesting actually. She conned him into having the first one, a boy. Then said she wouldn't be happy w/o a boy and girl and they had planned on TTC a little later, but she lied to him and said she was on BC and wasn't. Got pregnant right away with their baby girl who is now only 9 months old. She decided she wanted to be 21 again instead of 35 and left the kids w/ him to go party. They had a one night stand.. if that's possible w/ a married couple lol... and she got pregnant again. Just once, one night... that's all it took....
My husband's cousin has a 10 month old who is just now starting to try and walk and she's almost to her due date with number 2.
And now people keep asking when it will be my turn. We would be the first to have our first in wedlock on my side and everyone likes to talk about how US having a baby will somehow make this extreme happiness come over everyone and the depression and sadness going on in both of our families would go away because they would have something happy to focus on.

SO I know how you feel. Keep your chin up. You are not alone!

 

[miss_divine]

Wow, those stories are absolutely shocking. I think every woman desperately TTC and having to live with things like that deserves a medal. One day we'll be the lucky ones and our children will be given everything - brought up with so much love.
xx

 

[bakerh518]

omggoodness! i am so sorry to all you ladies out there! geez, what the heck!?

i would most definitely contact the medical board they are the ones that review the medical licenses and have the power to make real changes! Definitely send it in writing as well as contacting them directly via phone, i had to do that for a doc that was completely inappropriate (about another issue other than ttc) and its a stupid process but totally worth it if it means no one else will go through that!

chin up girls! we will all get our to you all!!!

 

[bakerh518]

omggoodness! i am so sorry to all you ladies out there! geez, what the heck!?

i would most definitely contact the medical board they are the ones that review the medical licenses and have the power to make real changes! Definitely send it in writing as well as contacting them directly via phone, i had to do that for a doc that was completely inappropriate (about another issue other than ttc) and its a stupid process but totally worth it if it means no one else will go through that!

chin up girls! we will all get our to you all!!!