little sister pregnant help me

[floridamomma]

Hi ladies. let me give you guys the speedy version of my story. my lovely dh and I were married jan 12 of this year. we had a mmc dec 17. got a bfp on jan 13 this year. had a mc on feb 19. we are not actively trying but not preventing. it has been a painful couple months. we are ready to try again but we were just delivered a blow. my baby sister is pregnant and it shouldn't be hard but it is. I almost took it as a third loss. my husbnd said it is ok to feel this way. any thoughts ladies.

 

[Estesbaby]

Bless your heart I don't blame you one bit for feeling that way, and no one else shoul either. I'm having a hard time with my cousin being pregnant when I want to be, I can't imagine what it would be like to have a sister and go through that.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, fxed for you! Your time will come!

 

[LucyLake]

I'm so sorry for your loss and that your little sister is pregnant first. I wanted to share my story in hopes that it makes you feel like you're not alone.

First, let me say it's perfectly understandable to want to have a baby first if you're older than her, I was the eldest in my family and my sister was 20 months younger.

My sister married her high school sweetheart at 26, 10 years after they met and had dated all that time. Going to college without my own future hubby was so hard so I felt rushed to marry, knowing my sister could conceive way before me. I got married at 21 to a Turkish guy doing a phd in petroleum engineering. 2 years later we divorced (his parents wanted a Turkish bride and he was wishy washy). I was heartbroken since my sister was engaged it was so hard and I still had no kids.

I thought God would make me an old maid!!!!

But, then the unthinkable...I reconnected with a guy I knew at 19, my absolute dream. We married at 24 and got pregnant on our honeymoon.

My sister married at 26 and got pregnant after that.

However, my husband decided he was one and done. For the last nine years until we got shockingly got pregnant Jan 1 and Mc'ed on the morning after pill. (I had taken it within 12 hour per my husband's one and done feelings---he pulled out for the last 10 years but felt some got in that day)

It was soul crushing in the last 10 years to watch my sister have baby, baby, baby---3 girls aged 7, 5, 3....I have one amazing 9 yr old son though.

I just wanted to tell you I really get it, especially having had the MC. We're now on TTC cycle 3 after waiting 2 AF's and I'm getting so depressed.

But, I remind myself that God has a plan because now my husband has changed his mind and my precious miscarried baby who is buried under our oak made it be so.

If you ever want to talk I'm here...

What you feel is completely normal, you grew up wanting the first grandchild..

 

[praying13]

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. Secondly, please don't be so hard on yourself (I know it's easier said <or typed> than done lol). Trust me I know exactly how you feel. Before I gave birth to DS, it seemed as if everyone was pregnant except me. I would cry and plead to God so hard at night. So, don't think you're the only one that feels this way because you're not..you're human.

 

[floridamomma]

thanks ladies I appreciate all of the support

 

[Cookie1979]

Oh I'm really sorry for your losses, I had an mc before I fell with my son and it really hurt. I think its perfectly understandable that you are finding your sisters pregnancy so hard to take, I think any one would feel like you do in your shoes. Don't be hard on yourself, you have every right to feel hurt and upset, you've been through so much and for you to then find out your younger sister is pregnant I bet feels like a kick in the teeth. Don't beat yourself up for feeling like this, you have every right. Give yourself time to heal, and hopefully your time will come very very soon.

xx

 

[20yearslater]

I can so understand how your feeling I'm 35 DH is 40 he has no children, I have 2 - my oldest is 18 and off to college in September, however my youngest is 17..... and is DUE Jan 19. As sad as I am for not of conceived already, we're still trying and.... I'm going to be a Nana. Hugs honey and lots of them.

 

[ericacaca]

I am so sorry for your losses and sad times

I know how you feel about being the oldest and wanting to have the first grandchild etc. My younger brother's gf had a baby before me, 6 months after we lost a baby girl at 18 weeks. I never knew this until their son was a week old! (little bit of an Eastenders plot I won't fill up on here). Now we have a little one of our own it makes no difference who gave birth to who first.

Its perfectly fine to be feeling this way. But I'm sorry to say this but you need to be realistic about it all otherwise you'll never be able to move on. Other people will get pregnant and will successfully have babies. You might one day conceive too, but there is a worst case scenario that you won't. I know too many people bitter because they are angry at others for having what they don't. Please don't get bitter.

Please try and be positive about your sister. I am sure she didn't see getting pregnant before you as a competition or to get at you in any way. Who knows July might be your month and then you can share pregnant stories with each other and you can get to have all the newborn clothes your little niece or nephew can't fit into.

xxx

 

[wildworld]

Sorry for your losses, chin up. Myself and DF are ttc and have been for quite some time now, but it seems everywhere we look, women are pg after a one night stand or sleeping around. So annoying, but we'll get our BFPs soon

 

[mangotango]

I think it is normal to feel this way, especially sometimes when you are having trouble or problems or mc's and when someone else easily gets pregnant or accidentally does and wasn't trying. My husband's cousin just had a baby...no one even knew she was pregnant and she never even sought pre-natal care...just went to the hospital and delivered. Really? That bother's me more so becase there are sooooo many couples that would do anything for a baby, and there are people out there that don't even care enough to get proper care when she knows she's pregnant. And she works and has insurance so it's not like she couldn't go to the doctor.
I also believe that God has a way and gives us what we can handle and has a reason (I'm not super religious, I just believe that we have a path to follow and everything happens for a reason). So try to think about your MC's in a way that it meant that nature had to take it's course, and eventually nature will take an amazing course and when that baby comes you'll know why the past had to happen when you love that baby so much.
Be a little upset, but also try not to hurt your own health and emotional health because of it since that can make it more difficult for you to conceive if you are stressed.
I hope everything works out for you and you are able to get that baby you and your husband wish for!

 

[floridamomma]

thanks ladies. mangotango its weird that you say that because about 6 months before I got pregnant I was told I had abnormal pap and some mild dysplasia that had to be monitored for cancer. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage 3 4 and 7 so needless to say I was scared witless. well the doc told me that with childbirth sometimes it will wash away those cells. after the miscarriage I had a follow up pap and biopsy of my cervix cells and they were normal. I believe(and so does doc) losing my baby fixed me. that my child almost gave me a second chance at life. this makes me feel worse but so blessed to have had such a wonderful baby.

 

[291]

I can so relate.
Coming up to a year of trying, and in that time my SIL has delivered her baby, and my other SIL has announced she's due in December. Many of my friends had their 2nd/3rd kids this year as well. Many have kids the same age as our 1st.
It's hard to when you're trying, family don't know, don't care or don't understand how hard it is, and each month is another long month ahead. Yet once you get a bfp there's still just as much chance of mc as there is in actually getting to be pregnant and others they can just have kids so easily

 

[floridamomma]

I'm so sorry for your loss and that your little sister is pregnant first. I wanted to share my story in hopes that it makes you feel like you're not alone.

First, let me say it's perfectly understandable to want to have a baby first if you're older than her, I was the eldest in my family and my sister was 20 months younger.

My sister married her high school sweetheart at 26, 10 years after they met and had dated all that time. Going to college without my own future hubby was so hard so I felt rushed to marry, knowing my sister could conceive way before me. I got married at 21 to a Turkish guy doing a phd in petroleum engineering. 2 years later we divorced (his parents wanted a Turkish bride and he was wishy washy). I was heartbroken since my sister was engaged it was so hard and I still had no kids.

I thought God would make me an old maid!!!!

But, then the unthinkable...I reconnected with a guy I knew at 19, my absolute dream. We married at 24 and got pregnant on our honeymoon.

My sister married at 26 and got pregnant after that.

However, my husband decided he was one and done. For the last nine years until we got shockingly got pregnant Jan 1 and Mc'ed on the morning after pill. (I had taken it within 12 hour per my husband's one and done feelings---he pulled out for the last 10 years but felt some got in that day)

It was soul crushing in the last 10 years to watch my sister have baby, baby, baby---3 girls aged 7, 5, 3....I have one amazing 9 yr old son though.

I just wanted to tell you I really get it, especially having had the MC. We're now on TTC cycle 3 after waiting 2 AF's and I'm getting so depressed.

But, I remind myself that God has a plan because now my husband has changed his mind and my precious miscarried baby who is buried under our oak made it be so.

If you ever want to talk I'm here...

What you feel is completely normal, you grew up wanting the first grandchild..

im sorry for the loss of your child but im glad you have a chance to try for another. good luck honey

 

[floridamomma]

I can so relate.
Coming up to a year of trying, and in that time my SIL has delivered her baby, and my other SIL has announced she's due in December. Many of my friends had their 2nd/3rd kids this year as well. Many have kids the same age as our 1st.
It's hard to when you're trying, family don't know, don't care or don't understand how hard it is, and each month is another long month ahead. Yet once you get a bfp there's still just as much chance of mc as there is in actually getting to be pregnant and others they can just have kids so easily

that's exactly how I feel my little sister got pregnant from some unemployed jackass who treats her like shit, mooches, and cant even pay a phone bill. did I mention that he lost his job stealing? they mistakenly got pregnant we have been trying for 3 months now and no one knows but wants me to be super excited for my sister and I truly am but its still hard

 

[pharlley]

How you are feeling about sisters, SIL, etc... I can count on one or 2 hands the people i know that are NOT pregnant... It seems as though everyone and their sister is preggers right now...its heartbreaking and impossibly hard to feel happy for all these blessings when we have been trying for as long as we have!

 

[wwchix]

sorry for your loss hun.

i know what you feel like.

i married my husband last year, my little sister in a unstable realtionship, still living at home and neither of them with decent jobs, found out she was pregnant the morning after my wedding.

i found out a week later and was absolutely heartbroken.

now my beautiful neice is here i wouldnt change it for anything.

it hurts, real bad, but you will get used to it and grow to love your neice or nephew. and i know you will think you will never be able to it, cause i was exactly the same.

the things i said about my sister and my unborn neice were awful, and i feel terrible now but its how i felt xx

 

[Tinker1983]

There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. There are 3 other girls I know and we are all TTC and none of us have gotten there yet, but one of the girls sister's is pregnant doesn't want it and she is having a very hard time with it as well, not to mention we all work with a girl (I say girl cause she still acts like a child) is pregnant doesn't want to be and does not take care of herself. I am very sorry for your MC it's tough to go through that

 

[VTfroggie]

First of all, my condolences on your previuos miscarriages. I can only imagine how hard having to go through them was, only to have your sister's news of pregnancy thrown into the mix.

I agree with the others that your feelings are fully justified. I too am the oldest and though at the time my baby sister announced her pregnancy, DH and I weren't TTC, I still had hurt feelings. In my mind, I had done everything right - gone to college, gotten married, blah blah blah, so I "deserved" the right to have the first baby. Meanwhile, my sister and her BF accidently got pregnant soon after HS. It all seems so petty now b/c I LOVE my nephew and wouldn't trade him for anything, especially being the first one to fall pregnant. I think it will definitely get easier for you with time, you just have to process it in your own time.

 

[floridamomma]

my issue isn't her having one first its the loss and then having to be happy for someone who is having what was taken from me. im happy for my sister and stand by her as I always have

 

[ericacaca]

Sorry you feel that way, and I'm sorry for saying you need to be realistic about it but you do need to be realistic about it and try to come to terms with it all else you're going to get very bitter about it. I know too many people that have gone down that road and hate pretty much anyone pregnant and resent people with babies and it is really so sad to see. I couldn't ask my friend to be a God Mother for that reason and it really hurts.

I hated my brother for it, but I hated the fact that he used our loss at 18 weeks as an excuse for why they never told us his gf was pregnant until their baby was a week old!!!! That was a massive massive massive blow!

I know I might sound very matter of factly but I need to put that point across. It is understandable you feel this way but please try try try to deal with it in a positive way xxx