LO at his dads for weekend :(

[LTEx]

well jaydens gone to his dads until sunday its only 2nd time he's ever gone for the weekend, so i do apologise to those who have to go through it every week, but im going mad

I know its good for jayden to spend time with his dad but i genuinely dont feel like he deserves to have him for a weekend just cos he decided to! My son needs a routine & a consistant one not just a weekend every 6 months

Some might disagree, or think im selfish but i just want him home & its only been 10 hours lol sorry for the length of this but just had to rant xx

 

[Crumbsx]

I personally don't think your speaking out of term, your just thinking of your sons best interests. A child needs routine and structure, and seeing his dad for the odd weekend every six months (or whenever he decides to have him) isn't good for your son. He should be able to say, for example: I live with my mummy all the time, but then once a month I go to my daddys for the weekend. Not: I live with my mummy all the time, then sometimes I go to daddy's, I don't know when though, he just comes and takes me sometimes.
But well done you for letting him go even though it probably makes you feel lost at home!
Spend this weekend having lots of me time and really relaxing (if that's possible!) you deserve it

 

[LTEx]

ahhh reading that when you said it from jaydens point of view nearly made me cry lol i am such a wreck when i'km not with him dont get me wrong, im grateful of the break but an hour tops is a good enough break for me lol his dad will never see him consistantly & im only letting him go so nobody can say when jaydens older that i ever stopped him seeing his dad hoping LO will wise up when he's older though haha xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Oh no I'm sorry!
Your doing the right things, kids wise up pretty soon too! So I wouldn't be suprized if by the time he's six he's asking not to go but at least you've never stopped him and always given him the opportunity.
I know what you mean about breaks! I could do with a hour now and again, but an overnight would leave ME with separation anxiety lol

 

[LTEx]

i think i just need to seperate myself from him abit hehe obviously not when we're together, which is all the time minus the 4 hours his dad sees him a week on a fridayy, but when he's away i need to learn to step back abit & not get so worked up .. Cant see that happening lol xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Yeah I know what you mean, it will be good for both of you if you can do that but it will take time, after all he's your baby and you've been his sole carer for so long, it's hard to take that step back. Gradually though you'll start to feel more relaxed, as time goes on and as he gets older

 

[LTEx]

i know, hopefully my biggest fear is that jayden will grow up favouring his dad over me. He goes to his dads few hours, has a good time then comes home to me & all i seem to do is discipline him cos he misbehaves i dont want him to see me as the mean one xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Children need boundaries; you give him them, whereas his dad probably let's him run riot to win him over. But it won't work.

Who's the one who looks after him when he's poorly? Who kisses him better when he's grazed his knee? Who tucks him up in bed at night? Who he runs to all proud when he's made something in nursery? YOU. And it will always be you.

I can see both sides. My brother and his (now ex) fiancé split up when there son was 6 months old. My brother sees his son twice a week after school, then one day at the weekend. And yeah, he does kinda let him get away with stuff and buy him stuff all the time. To make up for not being there.

His son (my nephew) is 6 now, but he definately is a mummy's boy. Because his mums a full time parent, always there for him. Whereas (as awful as I sound saying this, although it can't be helped I guess) my brothers a part time parent.

It will be the same for you and your son, you'll have a mummies boy!

 

[LTEx]

thanks thats cheered me up

& jaydens dad doesnt want to make up for the times he doesnt see him, he has the chance to see him everyday but chooses not to so his loss just hope LO sees who's been there for him 24/7 & who is the one who just decides to be a parent when he's got no other plans xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Oh then he definately will do!
Honestly, children realise whos the parent who actually cares and spends all there time with them. Compared to a part time dad who will see him if there isn't something better to do.

 

[LTEx]

exactly thats why i've started a jouurnal so i can show him when he's older haha! I bet a sound so spiteful but with everything he's done over the past 3 years i absolute despise him lol xxx

 

[Crumbsx]

It doesn't sound spiteful atall, I've done the same lol.
However I'm not giving it to my daughter unless she asks to know everything, the truth. It would upset her otherwise, and she doesn't deserve it.

 

[LTEx]

no i agree with you.. i wont give it jayden unless he asks questions about his dad, why we're not together or if i ever find out that his dad has lied to him and been saying other reasons behind what happened.. thats the only time i would show it LO without him asking.

grrrrr nothing is ever easy lol xxx

 

[Crumbsx]

Yeah I agree
I hope it never comes to that though and she never needs to know.
Do you think Jayden's dad will ever lie about anything or do you think he'll actually be decent about it?

 

[LTEx]

he'll lie i have no doubt about that if you knew some of the stuff he's already lied about you'd understand.. Hope jayden takes after me in the brains department haha xx

 

[Crumbsx]

The idiot :l
Aha I'm sure he will