LO insists on co-sleeping...

[Palestrina]

... but I don't want to!

Don't get me wrong it's sweet to have him all snuggled up with me. But I'm way too panicky about smothering him. And in all honesty I need the little rest I get. I want to be able to roll around for my own comfort. I want to bury myself in the covers and that's not possible if you cosleep.

LO sleeps in a pacnplay right next to my bed. I really like being able to lift him up at night and nurse him in the lying down position in my bed and then put him back in his cot without disturbing his or my sleep much. But lately I'm so tired that after I start to nurse him I fall asleep and wake up an hour or 2 later with him beside me. He seems safe but I panic at the thought that I could have smothered him or covered his face up with the blanket or even elbowed him in the head. But he seems to sleep so much better beside me, it's me that's losing sleep. What can I do to make this a safer situation? Do I have to bite the bullet and learn how to co-sleep safely or will I have to get up and nurse him in a chair?

 

[tuppance]

Palestrina - I'm having the exact same problem. I often wake up after nursing my LO and find him right next to me without any kind of protection (he's usually nestled in my arm). I am totally paranoid about smothering him, and I'm so tired that I'm worried I will go into a deep sleep. I've started putting him in his cot at night but he seems to dislike it and takes me about twenty goes (as I will never let him cry it out) before he sleeps for about 30 minutes!

I'm completely clueless so will be watching this thread!

 

[tuppance]

Also, do you nurse your LO to sleep? I find my LO can't get to sleep unless he is latched on which makes sleeping in a cot even more tricky.

 

[Destiny08]

i have this exact problem. will be keeping an eye on this thread!

 

[Palestrina]

I nurse him to sleep usually but it's not the only way he'll go to sleep. Lately he's been nursing but not falling asleep so instead I follow the Five S's and he'll fall asleep within 5 min. I don't have much problem getting him to sleep, only that I fall asleep while nursing him and it scares me.

 

[Celesse]

My daughter was the same. And I was the same. Part of the hormonal response of BFing is to make you all sleeping and relaxed, which is fab when you are intending on going to sleep, not so good if your knackered and want to stay awake. When we stopped co-sleeping I found it very difficult to get to sleep with in the begining because I was so used to the hormonal kick to get me off.

I gave in, adopted safe co-sleeping practices and just kept her in with us. I did have the cot right next to us (set up 3 sided, pushed against bed) so if I woke up and she was fast asleep I'd move her across. One of my friends had same cot set up and had baby on a sheet so she could move him across on the sheet. I've got a memory foam pillow, so its comfy and more solid and easy to keep well away from baby. I also had the advantage of doing most of my co-sleeping in the warmer months (March baby), but when it was colder I'd had a long sleave shirt on.

I found I was very very aware of her when I was asleep and would wake up to very little movements, or lack of movement from LO, but was straight back to sleep cos of the hormonal boost that often I didn't remember. And studies have shown (though don't ask me to find the study!) that co-sleeping & BFing mummy's get most sleep, second place is for FFing mummy's, with BFing mummy's that don't co-sleep getting the least amount of sleep.

One thing I did when I was worried about co-sleeping in the begining and worried about all the same things in your OP, was get OH to stay awake and watch me and LO whilst we slept. Got my confidence up a lot.

 

[Palestrina]

Thanks Celesse, excellent advice. But good luck to me trying to get OH to stay awake and watch over us. He's out like a log, doesn't even stir if the baby cries.

Baby was with me most of the night last night and after a rough start in the morning I don't feel especially tired today so there might be truth to sleeping well while cosleeping.

Something else that is strange is that I dream of him sleeping with me when he is not. I awake in a comfy position like sprawled out on my tummy and I suddenly have a heart attack thinking he's under me and I've smothered him. It's awful. This only happens when he's not in the bed though. And while I do think that the lying down side by side position is the best for us during the night because it disturbs LO's sleep the least I have absolutely no desire to cosleep!

 

[Celesse]

I've had some horrible dreams about lying ontop of LO, only to find her in the cot next to me. I've literally been screaming at myself in my dream to wake up!!!

Could you set some kind of alarm clock, count down timer or something on your phone for 30mins after you start feeding? If you put it on low volume or vibrate so would wake you enough to put LO into the cot, but not wake LO.

 

[EllaAndLyla]

I have a cure!!!
I only started it last night, got the idea from vinteenage in the teenage parenting section. On Lylas big cot that was in her own room I have taken one side off and placed it next to my bed so that our mattresses meet!! I will put a pic up later (camera is on charge at the moment) but it was a life saver last night. She was next to me but in the saftey of her own little space. You can still nurse and its nice & cosy. It also gets your bub used to their cot (if not already) so that transition isn't too bad. The reason I done this was because she was getting too strong for her moses basket as it was starting to rock when she stirred and it isn't supposed to and I am too worried to leave her in her own room yet, i dont think she is ready. Ill definatley post a picture later!! xx

 

[EllaAndLyla]

Just seen that somebody already posted my suggestion! Hope it works for you xx

 

[Palestrina]

I have a cure!!!
I only started it last night, got the idea from vinteenage in the teenage parenting section. On Lylas big cot that was in her own room I have taken one side off and placed it next to my bed so that our mattresses meet!! I will put a pic up later (camera is on charge at the moment) but it was a life saver last night. She was next to me but in the saftey of her own little space. You can still nurse and its nice & cosy. It also gets your bub used to their cot (if not already) so that transition isn't too bad. The reason I done this was because she was getting too strong for her moses basket as it was starting to rock when she stirred and it isn't supposed to and I am too worried to leave her in her own room yet, i dont think she is ready. Ill definatley post a picture later!! xx

Thanks for the suggestion but be careful, this is very dangerous. They have specific cots made for this but you shouldn't try to make a make-shift side sleeper like this. There is a danger that she may roll on to the gap between your bed and her cot.

 

[capricorn1]

Palestrina - whats the five Ss??

I have the exact some problem - the last few nights have been awful and I've given up trying to get LO to sleep in cot so LO has ended up with me and DH in the spare room. I've also had awful nightmares like you and woken up frozen with fear, so i can completely relate.

xxx

 

[tinybutterfly]

we had the same going on.
she was up several times a night for a feed and i was so so tired i fell asleep sitting up with her in my arms sometimes.

so i made it easy on myself and her (bc moving her back to her bed after feeding was a nightmare, she just didn't settle).
she moved in the big bed with us, on her own pillow (reflux) and in the breastfeeding pillow so both me and OH could toss and turn but didn't have to fear rolling on top of her.

like this: in the nights the pillow was up on both sides, in the mornings i let it down more so we would be closer for cuddles, but then i was often more awake

https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/Shimaey2/DSC03076.jpg


now we can do it without the breastfeeding pillow, that is, if she wants to sleep with us, she usually just sleeps in her cot right next to our bed, but some nights she just wants some extra closeness and cuddles.

 

[Palestrina]

Palestrina - whats the five Ss??

I have the exact some problem - the last few nights have been awful and I've given up trying to get LO to sleep in cot so LO has ended up with me and DH in the spare room. I've also had awful nightmares like you and woken up frozen with fear, so i can completely relate.

xxx

The Five S's are a set of steps to calm and soothe the baby. They are explained in detail in the book The Happiest Baby on the Block which was a godsend for us. I can give you the steps but I do recommend getting the book and watching youtube videos that explains the importance of the steps.

1. Swaddle - safely and tightly
2. Side position - turn the baby on his side
3. Swing side to side - in a vigorous jiggly motion
4. Shhhhhhh - loudly and close to baby's ear
5. Suck - with a pacifier, a breast, a finger, whatever works.

You can use these in any combination that works best for your baby but I use 1-4 all at once. Baby stops crying almost immediately, asleep in 5-10minutes.