LO terrified of her uncle

[Happy Hudson]

Hi everyone, Im just wanting to ask some advice. Sorry its a bit of a long one.

My little girl seems to have started with a big fear of my bro in law.
She was fine with him when she was younger, its just over the past few months she has started.
Everytime he walks in she starts crying, and wont go anywhere near him. She has even got so bad that when her cousins (his sons, who she loves) walk in she starts crying because she knows her uncle will be with them.

We know he has done nothing to hurt her and has not done anything different to anyother person so we have no idea why she is like this with him.
She can be funny with other men, but nowhere near as bad as she is with her uncle.

We really want to help her get over this fear because her uncle is starting to get upset with it and we are all going on a family holiday together in August and we will be living together for 2 weeks.

Has anyone else had a problem like this and what have you done to help sort it? xx

 

[Betheney]

My LO was like this with her great grandfather and my hubbies boss, they both just freak her right out. She's a bit younger than your LO so maybe it was easier for me to fix it but in terms of her great grandfather i just stuck her in his arms one day and as she screamed and squirmed and cried i got the old man to give her a lollipop and she sat on his knee and ate it, she honestly was pretty okay with him after that. But i didn't get him to try and win her over and coax her with it i think her fear of him would of over powered her desire to grab the lollipop but putting her in his arms and using the lollipop as a distraction/treat seemed to work she went quiet instantly and just sucked away on it. But my LO is younger than yours and she was 12 months at the time so probably more easily distracted than yours can be. But maybe try something like that, make her sit on his lap and then spoon feed her ice cream or something, something that will really make her want to stay.

BTW my daughter is a very healthy junk free child but desperate times call for desperate measures.

- edit -

As for my hubbies boss i didn't bother trying to fix it. lol

 

[Happy Hudson]

Thanks, we have tried having her uncle pass her sweets or biscuits. She will take them but still dont like him. He has tried to pick her up but it dont last, she just gets so upset.

Anymore advice anyone? x

 

[JASMAK]

I personally would never force a relationship. When she is old enough, she should be polite, but I never force my kids to play with, hug, or kiss a relative, unless they so choose.

 

[~RedLily~]

I would just give her space and have her uncle play in the same room, let her watch him and see that he's not so scary, not push her into interacting with him.

 

[10.11.12]

Is it something physical about him? like is he tall or does he have a beard or something? maybe try to have him play at her level for a bit and see where it goes from there.

 

[Happy Hudson]

Is it something physical about him? like is he tall or does he have a beard or something? maybe try to have him play at her level for a bit and see where it goes from there.

The only difference we can think of is that he is ginger???


We really dont want to force the relationship but I hate seeing her so upset whenever she see's him.
We think we are just going to try and not so much ignore her cries but dont play up to them or make a big deal when her uncle comes around, to see if that helps.

 

[BethK]

We had the same problem, lasted months and it was with my dad

He was gutted . Now LO loves him though!

We had dad play on the floor quietly on his own, move and talk quietly and ignore LO, no eye contact or anything and almost sit with his back to her. It took a while but it worked, she eventually went up to him to play with the toys too.

Also when he entered the room he would be calm and ignore LO and when we walked in his house he would stay sat down and be quiet.

We didn't force it but we couldn't leave it either, dad was so upset. It took about 3 weeks of seeing him a couple of times a week to work. Now she goes straight to him

We tried this after watching a horse whisperer program, silly but it worked. Going away with him will help too.

 

[starlight2801]

Both of my nieces were like this with my DH and it was really horrendous. Visits resulted in tears and it hurt my hubbies feelings too, although he tried not to show it at the time.
The only thing we could put it down to was his appearance. He's a big guy with long hair and a beard so I guess even to some adults he might look a bit intimidating.
On the negative side there was nothing we could do about it but on a more positive note they both just grew out of it. My eldest niece has gone the opposite way now and adores him!
My advice would be to ride it out. It's likely to be a phase that will pass

 

[jodidi]

Brenna is like this with EVERYONE she doesn't see on a weekly basis. So she doesn't like either set of grandparents, any aunts or uncles, or many of our friends (even some of her friends) I don't push it but don't make a big deal out of it either. About 18 months she stopped screaming if they were around (she was always fine if she was in my arms or daddy's), then we went on holiday for 2 weeks with my sister, by the end of the 2 weeks she would tolerate but not enjoy being picked up by my sister if I wasn't within sight. One week before Christmas she decided that my parents are ok and she would stay with them if I went out to work (she was ill and couldn't go to the childminder but I couldn't miss work) they used a lot of bribery, so every time she came close to one of them she got a chocolate button, then if she sat on their knee she got 2 chocolate buttons, etc. Complete bribery but she will now go to either of them happily and even enjoys their company without the offer of chocolate.
So personally we waited it out, she is still very shy and stares very intently at anyone not on her list of acceptable people. But she is getting better and I assume she will just keep adding people to her acceptable list.

 

[Number1dada]

Its really weird how some toddlers go through this stage.
My son was kind of like this with my brother once he hit around 14 mo, but he was never nearly that bad. He would just kinda stare at him for a bit and give him funny looks while he tried to figure him out lol. But I have actually never had a problem with my son being afraid of anyone. He even hugged and smiled for santa clause this past christmas so i think i got pretty lucky lol.