(long) DH thinks he won't love bubs same as our first

[minkie]

So I've noticed that my DH is not involved at all with this pregnancy like he was with our first. He has been to one dr. app and that wasn't even the DR that was the 20 week scan and if I hadn't pressed he probably wouldn't have gone. He hardly ever wants to feel bubs move on my tummy and goes about life almost as if we aren't expecting another child! Then the last two nights while laying in bed before going to sleep he has said to me he is worried that he won't love this baby as much as he loves our oldest (i have a ten year old but shes from another relationship hes talking about the three year old we have together). I try telling him that is a normal concern that I'm sure alot of second time moms and dads have but it isn't helping because its been a few nights now that hes been saying the same thing, that he doesn't know if he can love new bubs the same and that Scarlett will always be his favorite etc...I'm just getting a bit worried now that when baby comes hes not going to show it attention or love it! Has anyone elses OH felt this way before and what can I tell him to try to make him feel better and make him understand he will have plenty of room in his heart for new bubs as well?? Getting a bit nervous about this now specially cause of the lack of interest he is exerting with my whole pregnancy its like its not even happening for him where as with first he was excited every day about it!!

 

[lushious09]

Its normal for men to feel like this ... just wait once this baby comes he will love it so damn much! its just hard for them to connect... they fear the sillyest things thats just men for ya! youve tried talking to him so not much else you can do but wait... i really wouldnt worry tho... admittidly its a bit of a stupid thing for him to say but atleast hes been open to you x

 

[SRTBaby]

Men are strange creatures, i think he will fall in love with the LO once it's born, it is hard for him to imagine the connection now.

 

[amandaawesome]

me personally, i feared this terribly with my second. not my exhusband. i was young, only 18 when i had my oldest son. he was MY LIFE!!! then we got pregnant and it was a huge shock for me. i was so in love with my son already i thought there is no way i could ever love another like him. it got easier the further a long i got but i was still thinking i would not look at him the same, then the moment i held my second baby boy i was head over heels. i have different relationships with both children but extremely special in their own way. my 2nd became my total little buddy. was with me every second of everyday while my older went off to school and had been in nursery since he was about 10mths old. totally different experience. fears are common. one of my very best friends in the world could not bond with her baby right away. she would cry to me and beg for me to give her all the answers on why she felt disconnected. now she has an amazing 8yr old son that she ADORES. he is her best friend in a sense. everyone is different and we all have stories. i think best you can do is be kind and be there for him. i really do believe that nature will take it's course and when he sees that new little baby he will fall completely in love. he deserves a medal for telling you his feelings. it's hard and hurts inside to think that way. you have a good husband. t this time around i have a different oh who is totally different. telling me everything is going to be okay and very involved in every single way. we all have deep down fears of one thing or another. i think it's gonna be okay!! xoxo

 

[minkie]

Yah I knew something was going on with him this last week I just had this feeling because of how over the moon he was with our first I mean he was more excited then I was! And then now it's like it is not even registering that we are going to have another baby! I think he is subconsciously trying to distance himself from the baby, I know hes not doing it on purpose but I think because of these insecurities he has voiced to me it might be his way of not connecting with bubs in case he doesn't love it once its born or something? I dont know just trying to rationalize something that is so silly!! Like you said though at least he has opened up to me about it...I'm not worried myself because I already have two and I know that your heart has plenty of room for more then one child! *sigh* I just really hope your right about him changing his mind once she is born...otherwise I will be devastated for this child! I tried telling him to imagine how much he loves Scarlett, and that he will love this one just as much and how wonderful it will be to have TWO babies that are so special!

 

[chocolate]

Hi, I was also going to say about explaining how he will get to experience all that love all over again, and also how it may even be more over-whelming this time as he will know all the great things to come and to look forward, and he will see his first-born love the new lo too.

Maybe he is sub-consciously worried about your 3 year old being or feeling left out once the new baby is here, maybe thats playing on his mind and making him think maybe he will blame the baby or not love it as much.

I think my OH will have more of a special bond with our eldest DS (2years 2 months) until our next son reaches toddler stage - as he never really got into the bond until DS got into walking and talking and OH was able to do more with him.

 

[happigail]

I'm sure everything will be fine as soon as that baby is in his arms!!!!

My oldest is 10 and I adopted him with my ex husband... if my partner now was to show any preference over the baby to my 10 year old I'd be seriously pissed off. But after 6 odd years I cant see it happening!

 

[DottyLottie]

My OH has mentioned this too - only our third child is biologically his, and he too is worried he will not feel the same about the new baby. I have pointed out to him that he was worried he would not love his first LO when she was still in my tum, because she was a girl! He admitted after our gender scan he was really dissapointed it wasn't a boy, but of course, once LO was born, he fell head over heels and those feelings of dissapointment evaporated.

I think it is quite normal for men (more so than women) to feel this way. I can't honestly remember thinking that myself when having my second.
Either way, I am not too worried about OH's concerns, I trust that all will be well when LO arrives, and I am sure your OH will be fine too

 

[stacey01]

my partners kind of the same, i dont think he realises theres a baby in belly still , i can tell hes not as excited as the first & i knew he wanted a boy this time

but once our little girl is born i know he will love her the same as our first lo , i think its just hard for them to imagine another baby around.

even for me i still think omg we are having a baby , i just cant imagine it.

also i think men prefer the toddler/kids stage as they can play games etc..

 

[SaskySprite]

I was reading an article in the paper not that long ago that you love your second child more than the first. I cant imagine loving anything more than my little monkey and the thought of loving him less than someone else upset me.

I think that as soon as your baby is born though, the protection instinct will sink in and soon enough you'll both be loving him/her more and more everyday.