Looking for advice, don't know if ttc or not

[Flip flop]

Hi I've not been on here lately. To cut a long storey short Dh and I have a 3 year old Dh, I've been keen for another for over a year be he is not keen

We came to an agreement that we would have another one in 2016 and I went back on the pill last year as a compromise.

But more recently we were talking about things and I mentioned that I wasn't happy on the pill (was lowering my libido) and he said he didn't like having the pressure of the ttc timeline. So we agreed that I would come off the pill and he would take care of things.

So I did but he hasn't been taking care of things. But not I'm confused as he's been so against having another so far.

I think maybe he's ok about it now that the pressure has been taken off. But part of me doesnt know. I don't want to bring it up incase it scares him again and this could be my only chance of having a second. I'm sure he knows I'm
Off it and I've even talked about when I was on it (past tense) since.

Any ideas what's going on? Do u think I should remind him I'm not on it ?

 

[Bug1225]

I think that it's definately something that you both have to agree on. It took my husband awhile to get on board or for us to come to an agreement, but since we are now ttc it has been great being on the same page it makes it a lot easier and it fun! lol I would just remind him and ask where he is at with it all. Just be honest with how you feel and that you ready and see if he is too. Good luck Hun! Let me know how it goes ��

 

[Flip flop]

I think that it's definately something that you both have to agree on. It took my husband awhile to get on board or for us to come to an agreement, but since we are now ttc it has been great being on the same page it makes it a lot easier and it fun! lol I would just remind him and ask where he is at with it all. Just be honest with how you feel and that you ready and see if he is too. Good luck Hun! Let me know how it goes ��

Thanks for this. I know you are probably right as I probably should remind him. It's just strange that we have been discussing it a lot already lately. Do you think it might be that now I've agreed to take the pressure off he's ok about it but just doesn't want to openly admit it? I know men work in funny ways sometimes. Maybe by admitting it it's too stressful for him but he knows he'll be fine if it actually happened?

Ps how long did you have to wait for your husband to come round?

 

[mom and ttc]

Just make sure he def knows you are off bc. Then just say so I could get pregnant and leave it there.
My husband and I planned on 3 kids when ttc #2. I was on this forum a lot. I always brought it up, talked about my ovulation and did the shettlers method for a boy and refused dtd unless ovulating and after.
We fought so much. So much stress! He ended up with A vasectomy after #2. Bc of stress and my medical history during that pregnancy.
I really wanted more. He decided he wanted another and got a VR last month. We are ttc now but I handle everything and I won't stress or mention it really. He gets thinking about bills and everything when he thinks about a baby before its there haha

 

[lilesMom]

We agree when we r ready.
I take care of tracking and timing.
I either tel him or text him and say todays a good day to make a baby
And that works for us.
He hates over thinking things or too much planning
I'm a total planner.
This way we hit the right days and it suits both our personalities
I know what u r saying though cos my OH doesn't like too much detail either
Too much talking he will withdraw.
So I do hve to limit it
But my best friend is ttc too.
So I save the planning talk
And the crazy talk for her ��

 

[lilesMom]

Here at the moment itsOH wants to ttc right away
And I'm unsure ( due to recent mc)
But we wouldn't go ahead without both saying yes.
But its tough when ur not on the same page
Hope u get sorted xxx

 

[Flip flop]

Thanks everyone. What I'm worried about is if I mention it again it might put him off completely by reinforcing the idea.

I do think I need to remind him though as its bothering me too much that maybe he's unsure if I'm on dc or not. I'll be very happy if he does know and he's just more relaxed now. On the other hand I'll be disappointed if it goes the other way but then I don't want him to feel tricked into anything (even though this isn't the case).

 

[lilesMom]

U could just say u feel better now ur off bc?
Or something like that
Just to make sure he knows.
No mention of baby making?

 

[Flip flop]

U could just say u feel better now ur off bc?
Or something like that
Just to make sure he knows.
No mention of baby making?

Yeah I was thinking along those lines, I'll keep u posted

 

[mom and ttc]

Did you get a chance to talk to him? Mine won't talk about ttc and ovulation etc but he will discuss names and includes another child in our house building plans

 

[mom and ttc]

U could just say u feel better now ur off bc?
Or something like that
Just to make sure he knows.
No mention of baby making?

That's a great idea

 

[BrittRashel]

Just make sure he def knows you are off bc. Then just say so I could get pregnant and leave it there.
My husband and I planned on 3 kids when ttc #2. I was on this forum a lot. I always brought it up, talked about my ovulation and did the shettlers method for a boy and refused dtd unless ovulating and after.
We fought so much. So much stress! He ended up with A vasectomy after #2. Bc of stress and my medical history during that pregnancy.
I really wanted more. He decided he wanted another and got a VR last month. We are ttc now but I handle everything and I won't stress or mention it really. He gets thinking about bills and everything when he thinks about a baby before its there haha

Pretty much this. Make sure he is fully aware that you are off the pill and could fall pregnant. You don't want him to feel like you tricked him into another baby even if it was previously discussed. With this baby, I was very much TTC and DH knew we were trying but didn't like to talk about it. He is so practical that the idea of adding another to the brood just looks like more dollar signs to him until there is actually a baby. That would make him freak out so we didn't discuss it.

 

[MDW]

I would only say that if you had agreed to try in 2016, then mentioning it on Jan 1st, may feel like pressurising him. It takes a while for your body to regulate after birth control, so maybe give it a couple of months for everything to even out, then just broach the subject sensitively. You have a right to discuss it with him, and he should listen. But remember you need to be in it together, which will make you both a lot happier.

Good luck

 

[Flip flop]

I would only say that if you had agreed to try in 2016, then mentioning it on Jan 1st, may feel like pressurising him. It takes a while for your body to regulate after birth control, so maybe give it a couple of months for everything to even out, then just broach the subject sensitively. You have a right to discuss it with him, and he should listen. But remember you need to be in it together, which will make you both a lot happier.

Good luck

Yeah that's a good point. We had originally said we would start trying this year some time but then he said I was putting too much pressure on him so I said there isn't a timeline anymore. I still haven't said anything, I don't see how he couldn't know as we discussed it and he said he would take care of things at his end but he hasn't, how could he not know I'm off it?

I'm thinking now he's maybe turning a blind eye and seeing what happens. If I bring it up again that might make him change his mind. Either that or maybe he doesn't want too openly admit he's more ok about it incase he changes his mind again.