Chicky: Thanks I knew you’d get it. For me, opening myself up to and being vulnerable at times is a part of that strength. I think that in the end I emerge stronger and eventually it’s less likely that something can take me by surprise and send me right back to that dark place. Husbands are so weird sometimes. When mine makes comments like that I just look at him and say that’s not helping right now. I think when it’s too much some just check out? Mine for example was all oh I didn’t get attached I’m fine no big deal and then I talked to him about a plan yesterday (as I expected AF today) and half way through the day I get a message that he’s feeling really anxious and sad...so yea it’s there...it’s just buried deep.
Happy and Fruitie: Yes, people make the worst comments sometimes, and I also made some of those comments before I went through all of this. I try to remember that. They just don’t know any better...they can’t possibly understand, and that’s a wonderful thing for them. Wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s not your job to share and educate them...even if you do...they may just get awkward and say more things that sting. You never know. You have to do what feels right for you. I chose not to share and that is still the right thing for me, but I know others who found it very healing.
I really don’t have any advice, but I can say it gets easier. You may come to expect it and have a rehearsed response and that will help. I remember when I had to go to two weddings for DH’s family. It was 7 months after our mmc, just a few weeks after our cp, my first babe’s edd month, and our first time meeting our 2 month old nephew (after my SIL was awful to me during her pregnancy and sent me this long email about how anxious she was about seeing me again...oh let me make you feel more comfortable in the midst of my grief while you blissfully enjoy exactly what I lost ugh, which I ultimately did but still ugh). Anyway, I knew it was going to be tough and I knew questions about when we were going to have kids were going to fly at me from all sides (we married 1 month before his sister and we are older). I decided to look up a bunch of different responses and I chose one that involved humor. When the question landed, I just said, “ummm well I don’t really like sharing my food so idk we’ll see,” and everyone cracked up laughing and then it was easy to switch the conversation to food/baking/cooking or excuse myself to the bathroom. I only ugly cried on the floor of a trailer bathroom once the whole trip (thank god it was a single bathrooom and not a shared one with many stalls!), and that was when I finally worked up the courage to hold my nephew and some clueless server told me how cute MY baby was and asked me how old. Passed that baby right back to my SIL and ran the heck out of there, and I’d do it again. So total success yea?
AFM: AF arrived today just as predicted based on when I thought I O’d. Calling my clinic tomorrow and figuring out where I go from here.
. We still haven’t had sex since we last conceived, but that’s not entirely unusual for me. 
but I will keep you lovely ladies up to date.
