GingerPirate
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Sorry if this turns out to be long, but I'm having a lot of trouble finding a supportive network to help deal with this problem and I can't imagine I'm the only one facing it!
Tokophobia is a morbid fear of childbirth or pregnancy. I have trouble looking at anything related to childbirth or even thinking too hard about it. When I do see something on accident or my anxiety gets the best of me and i dwell on it, I get sweaty and short of breath and feel like i'm beginning to have a panic attack. I'm not pregnant yet because my anxiety is stopping me from getting pregnant without some type of assurance that I can have a c section. While this wouldn't alleviate the anxiety i would have about possibly going into labor early or complications during the surgery, it would allow me to at least attempt to have a baby in a manner that feels safe to me. Now, I understand that a c section is a major surgery, and that comes with the possibility of complications. I am not scared of pain. And i'm not worried that my body can't accomplish childbirth, on the contrary, I think that my body is quite capable of accomplishing it. But I have have an overwhelming fear about birth. Because of this fear, I've been told that "oh, it's normal, when you get pregnant you'll get over it." but honestly, for me, that's kind of like telling someone that if she gets raped it won't be so scary anymore. Being forced into your absolute worst fear isn't something you get over, whether that fear is rational or not. I've also heard plenty of "well it's not REALLY a medically necessary c-section because it's not physical danger." Well, psychological trauma to me is very real. No one would say that a mental patient doesn't need treatment because they don't have a PHYSICAL problem, would they?
Part of the reason that I'm writing this is because some women with tokophobia are willing to have a vaginal birth because they've been told their whole lives how that's the "Right" way to do it and how they'll feel empowered and wonderful afterward. This has been shown to not be the case. The most common outcomes are PTSD and postpartum depression. I mean, if someone overcomes their fears, regardless of what they are, more power to you and good job! But feeling obligated to do things the "right" way, when there is no one way that is right for everyone, is just wrong. And no one has the right to make ANYONE, especially a mommy-to-be or a new mommy, feel like the birth that they feel is best for themselves is wrong.
Another reason for this (really long, sorry) rant is that I feel alone! There are no resources for this! and maybe I can find someone else who has this same problem, or maybe someone else who suffers from this will read this and not feel so alone.
I hope everyone has good luck and lots of baby dust this week
Tokophobia is a morbid fear of childbirth or pregnancy. I have trouble looking at anything related to childbirth or even thinking too hard about it. When I do see something on accident or my anxiety gets the best of me and i dwell on it, I get sweaty and short of breath and feel like i'm beginning to have a panic attack. I'm not pregnant yet because my anxiety is stopping me from getting pregnant without some type of assurance that I can have a c section. While this wouldn't alleviate the anxiety i would have about possibly going into labor early or complications during the surgery, it would allow me to at least attempt to have a baby in a manner that feels safe to me. Now, I understand that a c section is a major surgery, and that comes with the possibility of complications. I am not scared of pain. And i'm not worried that my body can't accomplish childbirth, on the contrary, I think that my body is quite capable of accomplishing it. But I have have an overwhelming fear about birth. Because of this fear, I've been told that "oh, it's normal, when you get pregnant you'll get over it." but honestly, for me, that's kind of like telling someone that if she gets raped it won't be so scary anymore. Being forced into your absolute worst fear isn't something you get over, whether that fear is rational or not. I've also heard plenty of "well it's not REALLY a medically necessary c-section because it's not physical danger." Well, psychological trauma to me is very real. No one would say that a mental patient doesn't need treatment because they don't have a PHYSICAL problem, would they?
Part of the reason that I'm writing this is because some women with tokophobia are willing to have a vaginal birth because they've been told their whole lives how that's the "Right" way to do it and how they'll feel empowered and wonderful afterward. This has been shown to not be the case. The most common outcomes are PTSD and postpartum depression. I mean, if someone overcomes their fears, regardless of what they are, more power to you and good job! But feeling obligated to do things the "right" way, when there is no one way that is right for everyone, is just wrong. And no one has the right to make ANYONE, especially a mommy-to-be or a new mommy, feel like the birth that they feel is best for themselves is wrong.
Another reason for this (really long, sorry) rant is that I feel alone! There are no resources for this! and maybe I can find someone else who has this same problem, or maybe someone else who suffers from this will read this and not feel so alone.
I hope everyone has good luck and lots of baby dust this week
I think I have heard/ read that if you can prove you have this sort of phobia then they will give you a c section on medical grounds. Have you thought about going privately for your pre natal care and your birth as I'm fairly sure you could get a c section if you went privately. I don't know if any of this is helpful but I didn't want to read and run as it sounds as if this is really affecting your life. I hate to compare it to this because of course it's not the same but if you can prove to your doctor that having small boobs is ruining your life then the nhs will give you a boob job. So I see no reason why any sane consultant would put you through child birth with a phobia of it. xxxxxx
Good luck with your #4!
