Losing the will: Poo anxiety?

[AppleBlossom]

I've posted about this before but it's not getting any better

Grace is 3, she potty trained on her own in early July soon after her third birthday. One day she just decided she didn't want to wear her pull-ups and wanted to go on the potty/toilet. She's been great with peeing on the toilet, tells me every time when she needs to go and had has no accidents in the night at all. But when it comes to poo, it's a different story.

She will not poo on the toilet or the potty at all. There was one time where she told me she needed a poo and she did it on the toilet about a month ago. She holds it in for up to a week then goes in her knickers. She complains that she is in pain, holds her bum and tummy, cries etc. I'm pulling my hair out. She is on lactulose from the doctor, prune juice, Califig, I've tried everything I can think of. I've done the whole "big girls go to the toilet", I've been through lists of people she knows who all have to go to the toilet, I've left her alone with the potty in the room incase she doesn't want me watching, I've brought her into the toilet when I go, I've offered her treats (I know I shouldn't but I'm running out of ideas) and I've even reluctantly put her back into her pull-ups at night a couple of times to see if I could get something moving, as a last resort. She eats fruit and veg like it's going out of fashion and she has a fair bit of fibre in her diet. But she will just not go!

I really don't know what else to do. Encouraging her doesn't work. Leaving her alone doesn't work. Medicine doesn't work. I just can't understand why she won't go. The last time she went was Sunday afternoon when she went in her knickers. It wasn't a hard stool so I'm not sure if she is genuinely constipated. It's driving me mad, I'm worried that she is going to do herself some damage.

I'm taking her to the doctors again tomorrow but is there anything else I can try that I already tried? I really don't know what else I can do, she just seems completely adamant she isn't going to poo on the toilet no matter what I say or do. It's going on three months now where she is only going once a week, sometimes more

 

[hel_5]

Oh my god that would drive me insane

I have no idea the only thing i can think of is she scared to poo? this sounds weird but would it help her to see you go to the loo?? so that she sees that it is normal??

 

[AppleBlossom]

Yep already tried that

 

[sophxx]

I can't help as lo is younger but I read a post on here about a lady who's lo was the same but would only poo in a nappy the hv told her to let her wear the nappy and sit on the potty the as she got used to that cut holes in the nappy gradually getting bigger until there's no nappy at the back her lo was older than yours I think I'll try find the post

 

[AppleBlossom]

Thanks but she won't poo in a nappy either :/

 

[sun]

I have no advice - but hugs! I know that anxiety over poo and trying to hold it in isn't uncommon with young children, but I have no idea what helps! xx

 

[karlilay]

Mad was exactly the same. What happened with us was, she got very consipated and then it really really hurt her to get it out ( i even had to help sorry TMI ) so after that she was terrified to go to the loo.

Have you asked her why she doesnt like to poo in the toilet. When Madi told me it would hurt her, i tried everything to get her to go, because it becomes a vicious cycle. They dont poo, they get consipated, they poo, it hurts, they're scared to poo again. Repeat.

After many attemps of different things, i brought her some pure apple juice. I let her choose which carton she wanted and told her this was special juice to make her poo, and it wouldnt hurt when she did. I promise.

First few times, she asked for 'Magic apple juice' when she was sitting on the toilet.
Now she just drinks it in the day, and happily tells people. 'this will make my poo not hurt '

Whatever works.. might be worth a go... its horrible isnt it

 

[andbabymakes3]

That must be dreadful. No advice I'm sorry, just hope you figure a way to sort it. x

 

[AppleBlossom]

It really is

I've asked her why she won't go and she never gives me an answer lol I tried the "magic" thing with the medicine but to no avail. I don't even know if the doctor will be able to do anything. It's even more annoying because she is so so good at peeing on the toilet, she even asks to go when we're out and isn't worried about using public toilets or anything. I've got a feeling that initially when she started potty training she didn't feel right not having a nappy in when she poo'ed and so she held it in til it hurt to do one and ever since she's been scared of it hurting, like you said it's a vicious cycle.

I hope the doctor can help her anyway. Everything I try seems to fail!

 

[andbabymakes3]

Possibly a bit of a far out idea, but how about hypnosis?

 

[AppleBlossom]

I'm willing to try anything lol as long as it isn't invasive or medication, obviously that would only be a very last resort but hopefully she can overcome it without anything drastic. I've been trying to think what the dr can tell/give me to help her that I haven't already used or tried. She doesn't get sluggish though, you associate constipation with feeling a bit yuck but she never stops, she runs about yelling and squealing and everything. She goes to playschool 4 mornings/1 afternoon a week and none of her teachers have said anything to me. I keep telling her that everybody has to go to the toilet everyday and that if she just goes once then it won't hurt anymore but she's still having none of it

 

[Jemma_x]

Will she go to the toilet at nursery? Have you tried her on the actually toilet instead of the potty? I cant really help as LO is younger but i really hope you manage to find something that helps

 

[AppleBlossom]

She wee's on the toilet at school no problem. And she doesn't use the potty at all anymore, except for today when I tried it to see if she would use it instead. Frustrating

 

[Hannah]

Have you tried telling her that the toilet really likes poo and it makes it happy? My sister had to do this with my nephew, he refused to go on the toilet, she made an elaborate story about the toilet needing poo like we need food and how to the toilet it was another like sweeties when someone did a poo! Very gross but it worked.

 

[sophxx]

how did you get on at the docs? x

 

[AppleBlossom]

Well she has suddenly developed a fear of doctors lol she screamed the place down, I literally had to drag her in. I got the doctor that is always the most unhelpful which was a pain. Anyway, he gave me a prescription for some new medicine he said will soften her stools but tbh I don't think it will make any difference. It's the actual pooing she won't do not because it's uncomfy but because she just won't do it. He said if it doesn't work to go back and see the child specialist doctor and see what she can suggest. I've got a feeling the next step will be a pessary to put up her bum because they have no choice but to go when they have them so here's hoping this medicine is some kind of miracle cure or we'll be going back again

 

[karlilay]

Bless, you. To be honest, i think the whole pessary thing will scare her more. I honestly think she needs to just do a poo and realise it doesnt hurt. Dont really know what else to suggest, stickers? Bribary? Choosing a new seat for th toilet especially for poos. Taking potty elsewhere in the house. I did this one, and actually took in in her room and put a DVD on for her.
Hope she sorts it soon bless her.