biglebowski
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- Feb 16, 2013
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I can't believe the last couple of weeks have happened. I feel so lost, lonely and broken.
We went for our first scan 2 weeks ago. I expected to come home with a grainy pic of a jumping bean. However the midwife advised that she had serious concerns as lo's nuchal fold was greatly enlarged at 8mm. We were immediately ushered to a room to meet with a consultant who advised the baby had a high risk of chromosome issues / heart defect. He said the hopes of a healthy baby or carrying to term were slim. We decided to have a CVS test which was arranged for the following Tuesday.
The wait was agonising and I tortured myself with google. However I still held a glimmer of hope as there were some positive stories. The CVS itself wasn't pleasant, and the Dr asked if we wanted to still go ahead as the fluid had increased and she seemed doubtful baby would survive. We had the test done and had more waiting for results.
The results came back and confirmed our worst fears. Baby had a chromosome issue. We arranged to meet with the consultant 2 days later to discuss options as pregnancy wasn't "viable" or "medically safe" for me to continue.
When we met with consultant a further scan was carried out and baby's heart was no longer beating. We were devastated. We had so many emotions as we had been preparing ourselves to make the awful decision to end the pregnancy. Consultant advised I'd have to take a tablet to stop pregnancy hormones. And then I was to retun at 8am at hospital in 2 days time to have a medically induced miscarriage. I could hardly breathe and asked if I could have a sugical procedure. He said at this stage in the pregnancy it was too risky. We left in a state of shock.
I was so scared but found an inner strength from somewhere to arrive at the hospital. I also have a 3 yr old so had to make arrangements for him so life would carry on as normal. We expectd to be away 1 night at most so arranged a "sleepover" at my mums. He was so excited and picked a Spiderman readybed. It was a welcome distraction.
We were met by a lovely midwife who discussed the procedure and also the options for baby afterwards. The 1st tablet was inserted at 9.30am. I was terrified every time I had to go to the loo as I didn't want the pregnancy to end. The torture went on for so long as I didn't have lo until 6.10pm the next evening. When I delivered lo I was so shocked and numb. The next stage is a bit of a blur as I kept passing clots but hadn't passed the placenta. A Dr was called upon and I was quickly prepped for theatre to remove the placenta and hopefully halt the bleeding. I was terrified but managed to stay calm. My OHs face was chalk white and he looked terrified so I tried to stay calm for him.
The surgery seemed to be over quickly and I was taken back to OH. He returned home after midnight to take lo to nursery and I just felt numb as nurses were in and out checking me overnight.
We met with a bereavement service on the Wednesday and received a lovely memory box that I still can't look through. We are also having an engraved heart put on the memory tree at the hospital so we can visit one day. We will receive the heart back in a year to add to our memories. She also gave us a birth certificate that we can fill out to recognise the little person we lost too quickly.
I'm home and just feel like the last 2 weeks have been a nightmare. My body is so bruised and battered, and I feel so weak from blood loss, lack of sleep and food and grief. I'm terrified to move much as I'm do scared of bleeding more and needing readmitted. I've been given a course of iron tablets so hope they work quickly. I just want to heal physically so I can try and make life normal for my son. He can't understand why I'm not getting him dressed and playing with him. My heart breaks for him, as I miss him so much.
Sorry for the long post but I had to get it out. My SIL who we see lots is also pregnant. We have only shared the pregnancy and loss with our parents so she doesn't know. Her due date is 2 days later than mine would be. I'm terrified to see her and dread her lo coming along as I'm scared I won't be able to bond with my niece or nephew. Her son is 6 months younger than mine and is such a joy, I adore him. I don't want to feel sadness or jealousy about her new baby. I'm also scared to tell her about our loss as we don't want to cause her stress but feel she needs to know as it will be so hard once she starts to show. Sorry, just so confused.
We went for our first scan 2 weeks ago. I expected to come home with a grainy pic of a jumping bean. However the midwife advised that she had serious concerns as lo's nuchal fold was greatly enlarged at 8mm. We were immediately ushered to a room to meet with a consultant who advised the baby had a high risk of chromosome issues / heart defect. He said the hopes of a healthy baby or carrying to term were slim. We decided to have a CVS test which was arranged for the following Tuesday.
The wait was agonising and I tortured myself with google. However I still held a glimmer of hope as there were some positive stories. The CVS itself wasn't pleasant, and the Dr asked if we wanted to still go ahead as the fluid had increased and she seemed doubtful baby would survive. We had the test done and had more waiting for results.
The results came back and confirmed our worst fears. Baby had a chromosome issue. We arranged to meet with the consultant 2 days later to discuss options as pregnancy wasn't "viable" or "medically safe" for me to continue.
When we met with consultant a further scan was carried out and baby's heart was no longer beating. We were devastated. We had so many emotions as we had been preparing ourselves to make the awful decision to end the pregnancy. Consultant advised I'd have to take a tablet to stop pregnancy hormones. And then I was to retun at 8am at hospital in 2 days time to have a medically induced miscarriage. I could hardly breathe and asked if I could have a sugical procedure. He said at this stage in the pregnancy it was too risky. We left in a state of shock.
I was so scared but found an inner strength from somewhere to arrive at the hospital. I also have a 3 yr old so had to make arrangements for him so life would carry on as normal. We expectd to be away 1 night at most so arranged a "sleepover" at my mums. He was so excited and picked a Spiderman readybed. It was a welcome distraction.
We were met by a lovely midwife who discussed the procedure and also the options for baby afterwards. The 1st tablet was inserted at 9.30am. I was terrified every time I had to go to the loo as I didn't want the pregnancy to end. The torture went on for so long as I didn't have lo until 6.10pm the next evening. When I delivered lo I was so shocked and numb. The next stage is a bit of a blur as I kept passing clots but hadn't passed the placenta. A Dr was called upon and I was quickly prepped for theatre to remove the placenta and hopefully halt the bleeding. I was terrified but managed to stay calm. My OHs face was chalk white and he looked terrified so I tried to stay calm for him.
The surgery seemed to be over quickly and I was taken back to OH. He returned home after midnight to take lo to nursery and I just felt numb as nurses were in and out checking me overnight.
We met with a bereavement service on the Wednesday and received a lovely memory box that I still can't look through. We are also having an engraved heart put on the memory tree at the hospital so we can visit one day. We will receive the heart back in a year to add to our memories. She also gave us a birth certificate that we can fill out to recognise the little person we lost too quickly.
I'm home and just feel like the last 2 weeks have been a nightmare. My body is so bruised and battered, and I feel so weak from blood loss, lack of sleep and food and grief. I'm terrified to move much as I'm do scared of bleeding more and needing readmitted. I've been given a course of iron tablets so hope they work quickly. I just want to heal physically so I can try and make life normal for my son. He can't understand why I'm not getting him dressed and playing with him. My heart breaks for him, as I miss him so much.
Sorry for the long post but I had to get it out. My SIL who we see lots is also pregnant. We have only shared the pregnancy and loss with our parents so she doesn't know. Her due date is 2 days later than mine would be. I'm terrified to see her and dread her lo coming along as I'm scared I won't be able to bond with my niece or nephew. Her son is 6 months younger than mine and is such a joy, I adore him. I don't want to feel sadness or jealousy about her new baby. I'm also scared to tell her about our loss as we don't want to cause her stress but feel she needs to know as it will be so hard once she starts to show. Sorry, just so confused.