I've been on this forum for a few weeks now but never really ventured over in this section too much as it reminded me of Bailie. But after reading how much the ladies in this section have helped each other through their losses and as we get closer and closer to what would have been Bailie's first christmas I thought I'd come over here and introduce myself before I go mad. I was raped repeatedly by an ex-boyfriend, and found out I was pregnant late August I think, immediately I wanted to keep my baby, no matter who or what it was from. During the 6 weeks or so Bailie was with me, I was so unbelieveably protective of him/her, he/she became my entire world in such a short space of time. I only got to see him/her alive once, to see the little heartbeat was amazing and I can't describe how much love I felt for him/her, my EDD was April 24th 2009. On the 12th of October 2008, I went to Reading to go shopping and see a movie. I spent the entire time walking around cradiling my stomach, I must have looked mental... Anyways, I was in a queue that was pretty long, and after about 5 minutes I gave up and me and the girl I was shopping with decided to go home because it was 6pm and getting dark. Looking back, I wish so much I had waited in that queue, because Bailie would probably have been here today On the way back, it was dark and I was looking through the things I had bought (I wasn't driving) which were pretty much newborn outfits, and dummys, and little baby things. And all of a sudden I just hear this massive bang and the flash of headlights next to my window. The next thing I know is I'm lying in the ambulance with my friend crying next to me and I see the car is TOTALLED against a tree. Apparently the driver hit us on the side of the bonnet and the car flipped over a few times and ended up bending round a tree, no-one knows how we escaped with a few bruises and cuts. As I came around I started realising what had happened, and all I could think of is little Bailie, and I told the paramedic I was pregnant, and he said that as soon as another ambulance arrived they're taking me and my friend to hospital because there was more people in the other car who need to be looked after. Once we get to the hospital they checked us over and determined we were fine, they did a scan, and couldn't find a heartbeat, all I can remember is "died on impact" and in that moment my ENTIRE world just collapsed, I can't remember anything after that, I never got to find out the colour of my baby's eyes, even if "it" was a boy or a girl, either way they would have been called Bailie, but I never even got to know my own child before we said goodbye. Bailie would be 8 months on the 24th December and I never even got to say goodbye. Sorry if this has been long but this is the first time I've ever gone through what happened, and I don't remember a lot of it so sorry if bits seem missed out.