Lost my baby

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by TexasUni, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. TexasUni

    TexasUni Well-Known Member

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    It started friday evening January 28th, I was continuously crying all night with minor cramping. The crying I placed as pregnancy hormones.

    Saturday morning I went to a bike race with DH. We walked around on a ranch for 5 hours, I was having worse and worse cramps. I knew before I went, I should just stay home and lay down. I figured exercise would be good for my body, but the day was entirely stressful. There was no where to sit down and only port-o-potties with no soap.

    When I was home that night I was so exhausted but I just couldn't sleep.
    We made love (which I had no pain during) and he fell asleep.

    I spent the night crying, the crying hurt my entire body--especially my heart, I felt so depressed for absolutely no reason. When DH woke up I told him I felt as if I was about to have a period.
    He reassured me that I was just very pregnant and having a crazy hormonal outburst.
    I felt so much better and was finally able to fall asleep.

    I woke up Sunday morning and the bleeding had begun. The cramps were horrendous, but I still tried to have hope. I spent hours in the shower crying.

    I'm still bleeding today, with a negative HPT.

    I knew that I wanted this child, but I just didn't realize until now-- just how badly I truly wanted to hold my child in my arms.

    The hardest part is thinking, I should have just stayed in bed Saturday, I shouldn't have had that glass of tea, I shouldn't have lifted that basket of clothes, I shouldn't have sipped DH's MT. Dew or stood next to him when he smoked a cigarette.
    He told me today that he is so sorry, but he has nothing to be sorry about, I am the one who failed.
    This pain is the worst.
     
  2. fides

    fides Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry. :hugs:

    How far along was your precious little one?
     
  3. TexasUni

    TexasUni Well-Known Member

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    Sunday I was only 2 days away from being at the 5 week marker.
    This was our first try and my first pregnancy. :cry:
     
  4. croydongirl

    croydongirl Well-Known Member

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    I know it is so hard not to blame yourself but it is not your fault. I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  5. fides

    fides Well-Known Member

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    ooohh - i am so sorry.

    like croy said, it is not your fault.

    they think our baby died weeks before i began naturally miscarrying it. my doctor told me there was nothing we could have done, that it was not my fault, and i completely broke down and lost it.

    truly, though, it is not your fault, so try not to fester on the what-if's.
     
  6. xSamanthax

    xSamanthax DD1, DS1 and 1 Angel

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    Aww hun i'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:
     
  7. crazylilth1ng

    crazylilth1ng Well-Known Member

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    All of those things... not lifting stuff, not standing by your other half when he was smoking.... they wouldn't have made a difference. A pregnancy destined to miscarry will miscarry whatever, and a healthy pregnancy will NOT miscarry from walking around and carrying stuff. So do NOT blame yourself hun.

    I am really sorry you have to go through this right now... hugs... you are not alone, I am in the same position... I hope you heal as quickly as possible :(
     
  8. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    I am soo sorry! I know I'm just repeating what's already been said, but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! For some reason, your LO just wasn't meant to stay. But NOTHING you or your OH did caused this. It was just meant to happen. I am soo sorry, and hope you start to feel better and heal. PM me if you want someone to chat with.
     
  9. neffie

    neffie Mom, and expecting # 2!

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    So sorry for your loss. :hugs: It's easy to blame yourself, but try to accept that it's not your fault. Unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be this time. The sad reality is that early losses are more common than we would like them to be. :hugs: Hope you feel better soon.
     
  10. baileykenz

    baileykenz Well-Known Member

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    its not your fault hunni..
    i know how u feel when u say u knew you wanted this baby and when this happens you really dont realise how much..
    i am awaiting my loss and it hurts..
    take care xx
     
  11. diverdi

    diverdi Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for your loss. As above it was definitely not your fault, we all go through a phase of blaming ourselves, questioning everything we did and feeling like a failure. It will pass, although I suspect if I am luck enough to conceive again I will be a lot more neurotic during that pregnancy!
     
  12. furbyagogo

    furbyagogo New Member

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    I'm exactly the same. Started Sunday, 5 weeks, still bleeding today and done some tests all negative. It helps to know we're not alone
    x
     
  13. Flowerbaby

    Flowerbaby NTNP

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    hi honey, im so so sorry for you loss, you are not alone honey, ive done the same and blamed myself for both of my m/c's, what if ive had done this, hadnt done that, hadnt gone there, had just rested all the time???? You can go on thinking and blaming yourself forever, i know it.....but its not your fault, as these sad things happen for no reason a lot of times....

    I had exactly the same pains & bleeding etc as you, started on the saturday whilst i was out shopping, painful af pains by the sunday evening i didnt feel pregnant and started bleeding at 4am the next morning, i was in agony rolling around, crying and just feeling so so so sad and lost, i felt the same about holding my baby, why me,why my baby, that is all i kept thinking???? Its sooooo awful, i had a tears reading your posts as i know how you feel. Then it happened again to me 8 weeks later, the same dreadful looming feeling of m/c'ing about to occur and the bleeding started once again at 4am!!! I hate that time of the morning now, i hate getting up to go for a wee during the night as it brings it all back....... i just know now that i have to think positive for the next one and keep my chin up.

    its been over 3 months since my last m/c and now i feel more than ready to try again and im feeling positive.....the pain will ease for you honey and it wont be long before you are feeling a little better....you musn't blame yourself but i know how hard this is...:kiss:

    you know where i am if you want too chat or just need a friend, im thinking of you.....:hugs:
     
  14. embryo

    embryo Guest

    Its not your fault!:hugs:
     
  15. texasuni- im so sorry to hear about your pregnancy loss! i too have an angel baby, i lost him or her at 4 1/2 weeks and although it was so early, it was so painful. i still think about my angel baby all the time. the first two weeks were definitely the hardest- i cried all the time and it was just the hardest thing ever. that too was my first pregnancy. although i was excited from the get go, i KNEW something was gonna go wrong with it. i had no cramps, no signs of a miscarriage, just lost my symptoms and started bleeding one day.

    now i'm 8 weeks pregnant and i am really scared again. i don't think something will go wrong, but i can't help but be nervous!

    hang in there hun and it will get easier.. and at some point in the near future you will have a screaming, bawling, pooping, peeing baby in your arms :)
     
  16. SassyLou

    SassyLou Well-Known Member

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  17. KateC

    KateC Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry!

    But please don't blame yourself! You were already cramping when you went out, and it doesn't sound as though you exerted yourself more than would be reasonable for your fitness level. It was out of your hands. It had nothing to do with the exercise. I'm sure of it.

    Love and strength to you, and please don't second guess yourself. These things just happen sometimes. It started when you were resting in bed. Actually, it probably started even earlier than that. It's nothing you did wrong. You know in your heart that you would have done anything to make this a healthy pregnancy, but there was nothing you could do. I'm so sorry. It's so hard.
     

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