lost my identity...

[chloeandbaby]

hey girls...

does anyone else feel like this.... i lie in bed after a day of doing the same things over and over again and i just think what happened to 2day?! i wake up, change LO, feed LO, talk to LO, watch the same morning tv, then change, feed, hug again.. go to bed, get LO to sleep. i lie there at night listening to LO's music which helps her sleep and i just think what have i accompished?!

i love my LO to pieces and love being with her and being a mom but i kind of miss my old life but feel bad for thinking like that! just feel like i dont know who i am anymore and its getting me down. i feel really lonely like im the only one going through this. anybody else feel this way??

xx

 

[Palestrina]

I totally understand, I feel the exact same way. I love my LO to bits, but at the end of the day it feels like I haven't accomplished much. I used to be such a go-getter. I was always out doing things. I think it's normal to feel this way but I also think it's a bit of a mix with PPD too. I don't know if that helps but I can certainly relate.

 

[chloeandbaby]

im glad u can relate to me! makes me feel im not a horrible mom! yeah i was really outgoing had huge social life, was always arranging things and was never at home, now its totally the opposite. xx

 

[EllaAndLyla]

I feel the same sometimes and know how much it can get you down. I'll tell you what you have acomplished, you have carried a child for 9 months, given birth to her, fed her, kept her warm and loved. You have created a life!! You have given someone a chance to live and do great things. Feeling like you have no identity is normal, but you have acomplished and achieved something that so many desire. What your doing is the greatest thing you can do, and the most rewarding. It will get easier as she gets older and becomes a bit more independant xx

 

[Sadie79]

I coud have written this question myself hun!! Its so hard to deal with the repetition day after day and night after night. Its 24 hours round the clock with no end in sight. I love my gorgeous baby but i feel so bad in saying this. i think we all feel like this....just remember that this is the only job you need to worry about doing for the next little while. Try not to over think things, try to relax and watch as much crappy daytime television as possible - i am!!! xxxx

 

[raylynn]

I feel this way a bit too. Loving my little man, but living the same day over and over is monotonous. Different things have helped me feel a little more accomplished. Taking lo for a walk around the neighborhood, doing things to prepare for returning to work, also looking back at pictures of my lo. Looking at him every day all day I don't see his changes, but looking back at pictures I can see he's changed so much already. And knowing that he's growing and changing because of my care helps me feel better.

 

[DarlingMe]

You havent lost your identity! Younare building a new one! Sorry you ladies are feeling this way! I think leaving the house, although a little more effort, helps alot! A couple days a week I pack LO up and go have dinner at my parents. I get dinner cooked for me and they get to spend time with their grandson and I get to talk to adults.

Sometimes I will just go walk around with him at the grocery store. Might only need milk or something that could wait but he is so portable right now he sleeps and I get a change of scenery. Plus i get to use all that great baby gear I spend 9 months shopping for! Or go out to lunch with a friend? If he is fed just before we go, he sleeps right through it.

I think getting out of the house will help alot and your friends and family would be happy to see you both! And if you can't leave, you have done alot. You are raising a little human after all. I know there is more to how you are feeling with PPD and all but I hope you can find some ways to feel normal again soon.

 

[babyjiva]

I would feel this way but i just think it'll be easier when she's a toddler so this is just temporary, post this in toddler section see what they say

 

[bellablue]

 

[3011busyyear]

I understand what you mean i have had days where my sole goal was to get something like the hoovering done....and i failed at that
However i wanted to offer another experience that is more common for me. My baby is now almost 8months and she laughs, smiles, can alternate her nap times so we can go out etc
We have swimming lessons, coffee mornings, stay and play sessions, ryhme time at the library. I've organised things with local mums and we have a nice little facebook group we can all chat on. Tbh i think i have found my identity.

I'm dreading going back to work where i am the most unimportant person there and treated like dog muck.
Why don't you you to find tings to do together that have elements of your pre baby life, like if you enjoyed the gym look for a swimming class or gymboree class for when they are bigger.

 

[chloeandbaby]

I understand what you mean i have had days where my sole goal was to get something like the hoovering done....and i failed at that
However i wanted to offer another experience that is more common for me. My baby is now almost 8months and she laughs, smiles, can alternate her nap times so we can go out etc
We have swimming lessons, coffee mornings, stay and play sessions, ryhme time at the library. I've organised things with local mums and we have a nice little facebook group we can all chat on. Tbh i think i have found my identity.

I'm dreading going back to work where i am the most unimportant person there and treated like dog muck.
Why don't you you to find tings to do together that have elements of your pre baby life, like if you enjoyed the gym look for a swimming class or gymboree class for when they are bigger.

i love how u have put it here hun that youve found youre identity, i think with me i hated my job before anyway and when i was there i wanted to be at home but now im at home i sometimes wish i was at work, i think its because i know i cant work it makes me want to but i was more unhappy at work thinking about it....

anyway i suppose its just such a big change from what we are all used too, makes it hard for me as none of my close friends have babies yet so feel like im going through it all alone and would love to go out with other moms but dont really know any with a baby of similar age!!

xx

 

[3011busyyear]

Listen up lady! (yes i am being bosy!) no ne is going to come knock on your door, get yourself out there.
Look at yoursure start centres, call your helth visitor and ask if there isany post natalgroups (just like ante natal but with babies!). I did a course of 4 groups when LO was about 12weeks old onwards and i've made a nice group of friemds there.
Try library rhyme time groups or just register baby and go and borrow some books at least it gets you out!
Do you have a local nct group, you can go to baby and toddler groups without being a member.
There is also a meet forum on here, see if there is one in your area.

Now snap to it

 

[lisaf]

I found it got a lot easier once I started getting smiles and he started interacting with the world around him. Just feeding, sleeping, cuddling etc was just so boring to me. The smiles don't 'make up' for everything I've given up, but they sure do help a bit! And laughs are like 10x better than smiles.

I do also advocate getting out of the house. Don't let yourself get pinned down to their schedule, make it a priority to find out how you can fit their needs/routine into your needs to go out etc. Things like feeding right before a lunch like someone suggested so they will sleep through it.

I also had PND so getting on medication helped a lot with that.

 

[Brookey]

awww hun i felt the same way when Leo was about 4 weeks old. none of my friends have babies so just felt really alone.

So i decided to just snap out of it and get out there with my baby! i try and make sure we get out of the house at least once every day, on a Monday we go to Mums and Baby group, on a thursday we go to a new mums meeting at mocha mamas, on fridays we go to baby massage and yoga and the weekends are spent with family and friends, with Leo aswell obviously!

on the other days we just go for a walk or go visit my old work. i can honestly say it has helped 100%. before i started going out i would get up in the morning and think "well theres no point even getting dressed today".

please dont think that you are alone because i bet nearly every new mum has felt this at some point.xxxx

 

[tina3747]

The first 6 weeks were the hardest.. Just getting a shower was a huge acomplishment for me. Then the smiles came, now the giggles . I've finally found something (after purchasing numerous items!) that he'll actually sit in for more than one minute without screaming his head off.. The 8th wonder of the world, the jumperoo!!!
Id never wish my old life back, just wish this one was a little easier. I know what you mean though, feed change feed change... It's quite monotonous when you think about it!!
If I had one wish it would be a full nights sleep, a shower that doesn't involve a screaming baby or having to sing the wheels on the bus and then an hour to casually put my make up on, do hair and get dressed!! Had to be at work for 9 am today and my customer pointed out when I got there my top was inside out and only had mascara on one eye. I'm just a train wreck at the moment... With spit over my top and poo in my finger nail so I've just noticed whilst typing....

 

[lori]

Oh god, that was exactly how I felt until...just recently. It's true, your old self is gone and it can be hard to accept. Think of it this way: These are just growing pains on the way to becoming the person you were meant to be. Becoming a mother has made me more patient, less selfish, and much more appreciative of the blessings in my life. The change hasn't been easy, but I like the person I'm becoming and I wouldn't want to be my old self again (although I wouldn't mind swapping for 15 minutes so I could take a decent shower, but hey...)

 

[Mantha]

I used to feel like this, ur just adjusting to your new life as a mummy. Your not a bad person for feeling like this. My little boy is now 11months old an I am starting to feel like me again. An watching him grow and seeing his personality grow everyday makes me feel like I am achieving something everyday. It does get better as your LO grows big hugs xxx

 

[whoops]

I've started to feel like me again in the past month - combination of starting a new job and volunteering for something I was interested in that was non-baby related.

Going to mum & baby groups never really helped me because I needed to feel like someone other than a mum.

 

[slf2010]

Hi hun, I can completely relate to this feeling. I can assure you though as they get older it does get so much easier, my girls are 14 months now and toddling around. They are so much fun now, wouldn't swap them for the world. Going back to work part time helped as well as at work you are 'you' again and not 'mummy' if that makes sense! xxx

 

[fedupwaiting]

It is so nice Reading through these posts and seeing different mums at different stages of this transition. Thanks to OP for posting.

My biggest issue just now is the housewife side of things. Going from being the main wage earner and a MAJOR slob to realising I'm getting paid now to bring up a baby and do the dishes is messing with my head.

Love my lo to bits but I can't wait till she can at least react to a toy or watch the telly for ten mins while I eat some breakfast!! Lol

xx