Love Advice :)

[Wnt2beAMom]

Hey, So I was just reflecting a bit on my relationship with my husband and comparing it to my parents when I was growing up. I never saw them be intimate or hold hands, kiss, hug, nothing at home or in public. There was sometimes a foot rub my mom would get, but it was more like my dad getting a punishment..

My DH and I hug and kiss randomly just to bring each other into a better mood. Sometimes I don't care who is looking and sometimes I do.

I am just wondering if anyone has experienced a lack of intimacy since having kids or what your advice may be. Our parents are all divorced but they are all much more intimate with their new partners. So were my parents really not in love or was it just too hard on them raising kids together and now that their kids are grown up they can just enjoy their new partners?

I really want to keep my marriage happy and show my future kids what a good marriage looks like, and how important those vows are to us. There is way too much divorce in this world. Relationships take work, commitment, and respect to the other person.

What's your love story???

 

[Urchinia]

I will admit that once our DD came along, our affection changed a bit. We tend to give it all to her, rather than each other.. lol

We're working on it though. It just requires a conscious effort on both our parts to initiate a little cuddling, kissing, etc.

We've never strayed from complimenting each other, which I think is equally important. We always ask each other how the others' day went. We thank each other for doing the dishes, or looking after DD while the other goes out to have some time with their friends.

My parents separated when I was 8, so I don't have a lot to compare my perspective to. I am a very affectionate person with my DH and DD.

I think the key is to just make sure you always have time to consider your spouse and remain engaged with them. Don't lose yourself to your life as a mommy, which can be easy to do!

 

[MrsMandy]

I remember that while my dad was away in the forces a lot, when he was home he and mum were always hugging and having a sneaky kiss in the kitchen when they thought me and my sisters werent about! Even now after 40years of marriage they're as cute and cuddly together as they've alwas been! They are my role models for my own marriage.

I agree a relationship takes a lot of work to keep it healthy and theres no doubt that kids will strain it but i dont think its impossible to keep the intimacy alive!

 

[Pearls18]

My own parents were like yours, didn't hold hands, never saw them cuddling or anything like that, if for some weird reason they did I hated it and it made me feel really weird! Very strange. Anyway they didn't have a happy marriage and divorced when I was 16.

It's very different with my DH, we hold hands, randomly kiss/cuddle, always cuddle on the sofa. We're not very affectionate in public, we're not THAT couple on the tube lol we don't like public displays of affection, but at home we are. I wouldn't say having DS changed us really? We cuddle and kiss him it's not like we have a quota of how much affection we can give! Only annoying thing is DS sometimes gets annoyed when I hug DH he will run up and say "MY DADDY!!!" Lol....

But yeah, I am hoping our relationship is much healthier than my parents! We're a forces couple so I am hope we are like the PP's parents in 40 years time

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

My own parents were like yours, didn't hold hands, never saw them cuddling or anything like that, if for some weird reason they did I hated it and it made me feel really weird! Very strange. Anyway they didn't have a happy marriage and divorced when I was 16.

It's very different with my DH, we hold hands, randomly kiss/cuddle, always cuddle on the sofa. We're not very affectionate in public, we're not THAT couple on the tube lol we don't like public displays of affection, but at home we are. I wouldn't say having DS changed us really? We cuddle and kiss him it's not like we have a quota of how much affection we can give! Only annoying thing is DS sometimes gets annoyed when I hug DH he will run up and say "MY DADDY!!!" Lol....

But yeah, I am hoping our relationship is much healthier than my parents! We're a forces couple so I am hope we are like the PP's parents in 40 years time

Awe that kind of makes me think of my dog whenever I am rubbing DH's back...he comes over and wants me to scratch him too. Lol but DH bites his nails and its like our dog doesn't like his scratches. Only me...haha

 

[angiepie]

Mine were always and still are lovey dovey. They hold hands when they go out and they kiss and cuddle. Grooooooooss. Haha. It's better than them not loving each other I guess! Even my grandparents sometimes kiss (thank goodness not making lol) and hug and they're almost 80.

I hope we will be like that, although I've certainly noticed a decline in our hand holding and kissing in the last few years. First few years we were all over each other.

 

[spicyorange]

My parents aren't affectionate with each other, my dad shouted affection by poking or flicking my mom. They have been happily married for 30 years they just ant touchy feely people, they do hold hands out and about sometimes. Me and dh always hold hands. Dh HATES PDAs so we arnt very kissy kissy.We tell each other I love you at least ten times a day, without fail if dh is going away from me (even to the shop for 5mins). I stand by that your never know what might be around the corner and I hope if anything bad happened that he would be sure that I loved him.We don't have kids yet but I want my kids to know I'm proud of them. My parents never really show affection to me either

 

[angiepie]

We tell each other I love you at least ten times a day, without fail if dh is going away from me (even to the shop for 5mins). I stand by that your never know what might be around the corner and I hope if anything bad happened that he would be sure that I loved him.

I'm the same, we always make sure to say 'I love you'. Even if we aren't always physical, we need to say that to each other.

 

[Girly922]

OH parents weren't at all lovey dovey as far as he can remember, but they separated when he was 11. His mum is engaged again and still isn't affectionate with her fiancé. My parents are the complete opposite. They've been married 38years and still hold hands wherever they go. My mum walks my dad out of the house when he goes to work every day.

Me and OH always hold hands and we cuddle a lot. Every night when we try to curl up on the sofa together and spend some time as us. We say 'I love you' several times a day. And since DD was born our cuddles just tend to include the 3 of us

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

OH parents weren't at all lovey dovey as far as he can remember, but they separated when he was 11. His mum is engaged again and still isn't affectionate with her fiancé. My parents are the complete opposite. They've been married 38years and still hold hands wherever they go. My mum walks my dad out of the house when he goes to work every day.

Me and OH always hold hands and we cuddle a lot. Every night when we try to curl up on the sofa together and spend some time as us. We say 'I love you' several times a day. And since DD was born our cuddles just tend to include the 3 of us

Awe that's so cute about your parents! We try to meet each other at the door when one of us gets home from work or when one is leaving for work. Sometimes I don't want to get off the couch to do it lol but I think it is so important.

 

[littlefishygg]

My mum has always said that she thinks intimacy shouldn't be in front of the kids, so her and my step dad were never kissing or cuddling in front of us, although they did hold hands walking in public. But she reassured me that they were more intimate in private (tmi from your mum really haha) it was just she thought it was inappropriate in front of us.
But me and OH are naturally very affectionate and I really can't imagine it ever changing.

 

[Pearls18]

My mum has always said that she thinks intimacy shouldn't be in front of the kids, so her and my step dad were never kissing or cuddling in front of us, although they did hold hands walking in public. But she reassured me that they were more intimate in private (tmi from your mum really haha) it was just she thought it was inappropriate in front of us.
But me and OH are naturally very affectionate and I really can't imagine it ever changing.

Yeah I know what she means there's got to be a line, we hold hands and we kiss each other good bye/hello and will cuddle on the sofa but nothing untoward, DS usually sits inbetween us lol. My mum and step dad got together when I was 17 and I think I would find it really uncomfortable if they were like that though I have to say.