mams with a toddler and a baby, how did you manage in the begining?

[bounceyboo]

hi everyone I am due my 2nd little boy in a few weeks time and wondering how will I manage my time between my toddler, my newborn, keep up with the house and on top of all that I have to do an online course finished by September so I still have my part time job, I work in childcare so its a lot of legal stuff and childcare protection etc its getting to be a bit over whelming at times, I want to be able to enjoy my time with my boys and not worry about getting the course done all the time, how did the first few weeks with a newborn and a toddler go for you/get into routine/stay in routine/make it easier for ds to accept theres a baby in our house at the moment ive been trying too include him on everything baby related talk to him about the baby he gives cuddles to bump and calls him wiggles

 

[george83]

I have a 2 1/2 year age gap between mine and I'm afraid to say I find it very difficult (nobody ever said how difficult it might be and so I felt like a big failure) but eventually things fell into place. I never had a routine but took things as they came and where possible tried to get out each day. If we didn't get out I found my toddler was more difficult. I tried including him but he wasn't really interested I found he just liked the attention when baby was asleep. I brought a few new things from the £ shops which entertained him quite well. My two rarely slept at the same time so if they did I tried to take advantage by doing household jobs or cooking a meal but I would recommend just sleeping when they do. It got easier very quickly though

 

[lj2245]

My ds2 is 21 months and dd1 is 5 weeks and there is little routine in our house at the moment. We sort of plod along. I know it will be better eventually but right now it's exhausting and I look like a zombie. I am so stupidly happy though running on sheer euphoria.

My son has always just accepted my daughter. He didn't seem puzzled by her arrival at all and happily kisses her and strokes her like she's always been there. He also tries to share his snacks and tried to play catch with her (she wasn't very good at that) so I definitely cannot leave them alone together. That's difficult.

 

[bumpbear]

We are 13 weeks in and it's still kind of a mini disaster in our household. My kids are 2.5 years apart. The kids dote on each other but I can't seem to get any sort of routine going. This morning I didn't manage to get my eldest to preschool because we were running so late it just became embarrassing and I gave up!

 

[Gnomer]

There's just under 3 years between my two, and we had a disasterous beginning. OH was attacked and hospitalised for a week when baby was a week old, then baby got whooping cough. My 3 year old spent barely any time at home, we lived at my parents whilst my OH was in hospital, then my boy was taken on holiday until we got the whooping cough under control.
Since all that's settled down, we've managed alright. There's the odd time baby will want feeding at the same time as my son, so I have to juggle them both and usually let florence whinge whilst I rush together grub for my boy. Preprepared meals are a life saver! I have a big bowl of tuna pasta in my fridge in case of such moments hahha.
Other than that, we haven't really had many problems. I realise how blessed I am to have such a good baby, and such an understanding toddler-ish.

 

[bounceyboo]

thanks everybody does anyone have any tips on when we are introducing baby to ds when he comes to the hospital?some I hold the baby when ds comes to see us or should he be in the crib etc?

 

[lj2245]

thanks everybody does anyone have any tips on when we are introducing baby to ds when he comes to the hospital?some I hold the baby when ds comes to see us or should he be in the crib etc?

I would just hold the baby but pass the baby to someone else after introductions so your son can get cuddles. My son doesn't mind when I'm holding the baby as he's used to it and he knows I'll put the baby down to give him attention too.

 

[AllyTiel]

thanks everybody does anyone have any tips on when we are introducing baby to ds when he comes to the hospital?some I hold the baby when ds comes to see us or should he be in the crib etc?

My girls are 27 months apart and honestly, I would skip the whole bringing the first child to the hospital thing. We did and it worked out much better. You don't know how your first child will react. My daughter felt insecure and clung to my husband when we introduced her sister. If we had done that in the hospital and then my MIL had to take her back home, she would have been so upset. I think it would have confused her so much as to why we were living somewhere else with a new baby, and she wouldn't get to stay with us.

My second child is 10 weeks old today, and we have a fairly good routine in place. The baby takes 3 naps a day at about the same time every day. The 2 year old still have an afternoon nap. I just worked hard on getting the baby in a routine from the beginning. People say it can't be done but if you try, it sure can. Don't know if my routine or if its just the way my kids are, but both girls have slept through the night from 9 weeks old. My first daughter was consistent, and my second still wakes up once a night 80% of the time. At least its just once!
I get my 2 year old little things she can play independently with, like a sticker and coloring book, and play dough. Its winter here, so not much going out to the park or anything, but we still get out to the stores. We try to go when little baby is due a nap. Usually she will fall asleep in the car or in the cart in the store.

I find the second baby is able to hang out by herself on her playmat, her swing or in her bouncy longer than my first can. I think its because with my first, If i heard even one fuss I would scoop her up. With m second, Im often doing something with the toddler and the baby just has to wait. She's much more easygoing because of it.

 

[Cangaroo]

A sling is a must! DD2 spends most of her time in the wrap, which allows me to carry on with DD1 doing all her normal things. DD1 doesn't nap any more, which is a shame as otherwise we would have had family nap time!

DD1 came to the hospital, and it was wonderfulI was holding DD2 when she came in. Being that bit older, her understanding was amazing so she was just excited to meet her sister. DD1 had chosen a present for DD2 in advance, which she brought to give her, and we also had a present for DD2 "from the baby". It was a kiddizoom camera, and she delighted in taking pictures of her sister. She stayed all afternoon and went home with Daddy. She was a little sad to leave us there, but understood she had to. I have wonderful memories of the 4 of us together as a family when DD2 was just a few hours old.

 

[george83]

thanks everybody does anyone have any tips on when we are introducing baby to ds when he comes to the hospital?some I hold the baby when ds comes to see us or should he be in the crib etc?

I didn't give this part much thought when I had ds2. My mum and my sister brought ds1 to the hospital and he walked in while I was holding baby but he didn't care, he was pretty excited to see baby and had cuddles with us all. When we were home the next day we gave him some presents from the baby which he was really happy with (we got him a best big brother t shirt, a book and an aqua doodle so he could play by himself and not make any mess while I looked after baby).

 

[bounceyboo]

A sling is a must! DD2 spends most of her time in the wrap, which allows me to carry on with DD1 doing all her normal things. DD1 doesn't nap any more, which is a shame as otherwise we would have had family nap time!

DD1 came to the hospital, and it was wonderfulI was holding DD2 when she came in. Being that bit older, her understanding was amazing so she was just excited to meet her sister. DD1 had chosen a present for DD2 in advance, which she brought to give her, and we also had a present for DD2 "from the baby". It was a kiddizoom camera, and she delighted in taking pictures of her sister. She stayed all afternoon and went home with Daddy. She was a little sad to leave us there, but understood she had to. I have wonderful memories of the 4 of us together as a family when DD2 was just a few hours old.

^ this is what id like just the 4 of us some alone time with ds and baby before the visitors come in and pay all the attention to the baby n ds feeling left out I was thinking about getting a sling does it make the baby want to be up all the time though?

 

[Cangaroo]

She does love being in the sling, and it's the easiest place for her to be most of the time so I rarely try to put her down. She sits happily in her bouncy chair when I need my hands free. She's an incredibly content baby so far, which I attribute to babywearing. Don't believe all those people who say "yoy'll make a rod for your own back"! Babies need to be close to mum, and will naturally need less contact as they get older.

 

[DanteRoman]

There is 2 1/2 years between my first and 20 months between my 2nd and 3rd I don't know how but you just manage everything fits Into a routine In no time. I love having them close in age. Just try and find time for all of them individually. Not much help I know but it all just seems to work. Don't put yourself on a pedestal and expect to do everything perfectly from day 1 !

 

[honey915]

I worried myself senseless throughout the pregnancy with dd. I was feeling all sorts of guilt about ds being pushed out and feeling unloved nd not coping with the house and babies etc. Age gap is 2 years. And it's been totally fine! Actually almost easy! Dd is a good baby and sleeps well at night so I know I'm lucky but newborns do sleep a lot throughout the day which gives you time to get stuff done. I'm breastfeeding also and ds loves his little sis! He has adjusted fine we just made sure we gave him lots of attention and with regards to your coursework get someone to watch toddler for fee hours when you need or when he's in bed so you can get a few hours in. If you're breastfeeding you can feed while you do your work. If I need to get something done like pbinecalls, writing letters, etc I feed on the left side so I have my right hand free. Slows me down a bit but ensures I get peace and quiet while I do it! I also bath with dssonethung we've always done so I kept that up and that gives us 1:1 time hth and good luck try not to worry because I made myself ill worrying about it and it was fine

 

[bounceyboo]

thanks ladies, hopefully it will go smoothly and without too much hassle from ds acting out etc, I find the last few days if im sorting out anything baby related he gets a bit cross and whiny and tells me he wants to help so I always let him but he just runs off into his room instead, I go to get him and he just wants to cuddle

 

[sezzolou]

DS1 is nearly 19 months and DS2 is 8 days old. I haven't yet spent much time on my own with them both...that will start next week and I'm kinda nervous! The main thing I'm struggling with is keeping ds1 entertained while ds2 breast feeds for an hour every few hours! I'm going to get a little bag or basket of toys that only comes out when breast feeding and we've just finished decorating his new bedroom which he will use as a playroom for now. I will probably feed baby in there as there's less stuff for ds1 to get into lol. Also thinking some small healthy snacks-finger foods might kept toddler quiet for a while...he likes little bowls of cut up fruit or Cheerios. At the moment it's hard because breast feeding hurts still and takes an hour and ds1 loves to clamber all over me....ouch!!! Once the pain settles I intend on just getting out of the house as much as possible.

To prepare ds1 all I really did was talk a lot about baba and got the crib out a few weeks before so he was used to it. Also I started asking ds1 to 'help' more with things such as passing me his nappies, wipes etc. hoping he will soon enjoy helping with baby. So far he's taken it all in his stride and we have lots of mummy, baby and toddler cuddles 😍

 

[cupcaker]

Hi bouncy I have a young toddler who isn't yet two and a baby of fifteen or so weeks. In the early dates what helped so much was a safe place for the baby. For us, this was a Moses basket on the other side of a baby gate (divide between kitchen n living room). We can see her, hear her. But DS cannot mess about with her, hurt her, poke her etc. as she has gotten older this has changed to a bouncy chair, again just the other side of the gate for times when DS is maybe too boisterous. As she has gotten larger, I have got my head around two kids more, she is with us for most of the day, the kids alongside each other. But I still like that safety zone for if I need to pop for a wee or something. It's let me stay in control and keep both kids safe.

Regarding attention for each child, I've probably got better. I do more with my older son because a) he's older and more capable now and b) I'm more conscious of sharing myself around. He's been to more play sessions etc at local leisure centres and done more baking and craft activities at home with me purely because i feel more inclined to make an effort and spend time with him. Same for baby. There are times my son is dropped off with family so me and her go to a baby massage class or something. It does work. But it's also important to remember the baby doesn't really know a great deal of it. I'm sure my daughter is too young to really know or care I have taken the day with her to go to a massage class! Even my son, I think he sometimes enjoys our "together time" for like ten minutes then is off doing his own thing. Sometimes we worry more than them and beating yourself up won't help. Two young kids isn't easy but they also won't explode due to an odd lazy day x

 

[dlj2]

thanks everybody does anyone have any tips on when we are introducing baby to ds when he comes to the hospital?some I hold the baby when ds comes to see us or should he be in the crib etc?

We brought him home to my eldest in his car seat, she was in awe from day one and nothing's changed yet. It's tough logistically with two I have a 2.5 year gap but I'm sure it'l get easier in time and just be kind to yourself.xx

 

[squirrel.]

There is 2 years and 4 months between my two and my eldest is autistic with a severe language delay. I was expecting it to be very difficult when we brought or daughter home, but aside from two days of anger on my son's part, it all went very well. My daughter basically slept all the time, which enabled me to give my son lots of attention. The hardest part for me was bed/bath time (my husband is a musician and is often out in the evening so can't help if one of them is screaming at bath/bed time) and also not being able to leave them alone in a room together. I found if quite restrictive having to constantly take one of them with me, even to nip into the kitchen etc. but leaving them alone together was never an option even for a second as my son didn't really understand how to be gentle. He loves his baby sister to pieces, but his way of showing it back then was to constantly push his head firmly into her or try to roll on top of her. He's thankfully stopped doing that and she is a lot bigger, so I worry less about popping into the next room to grab something or put something away now, but I still don't leave them together if she is playing on the floor. It also took me a while to adjust to how much longer it takes to get us all ready in the morning to go places. Allow lots more time than you think could possibly need is my advice good luck!

 

[petite ping]

I remember lots of crying on my part. DD1 is 19 months older than DD2. My OH travels alot for work so I am alone most of the time.
My DD1 has a very fixed routine but I found it hard to put DD2 in a routine as I was constantly running around and DD1 was always waking DD2 up with too much noise.

I think in the beginning you will find juggling kids and housework very very difficult and if you add the course, you will find it impossible at least for the first few months and a source of added unneeded pressure. I found it very very tough for the first few months and DD1 wanted more attention and DD2 needed attention (I think I started to breathe a little around 4/5 months). Now at 9 months, it is a bit easier but very hectic. It's kind of non stop and you need to have eyes and ears everywhere.

Get as much help as you can from friends and family for the first month or so so that you can concentrate on the baby and your first child and forget about the housework. Try and get out of the house at least once a day so the eldest can blow off some steam in the park and you can clear your head.

As my DD1 is still very young, I downplayed the baby while she was around and gave DD1 as much attention as possible. I gave DD2 loads of cuddle time and play time when DD1 was in bed or out with her dad. DD1 didn't want me to pick the baby up and would try and push her out of the way, until she realised that nothing really changed for her. I try to give DD1 and DD2 separate mommy and me (one on one) time as much as possible. OH does the same too. It doesn't need to be playtime. Sometimes we go to the market together or go for a walk or watch peppa pig together.

I also asked DD1's permission to give her baby toys to DD2 defined ownership of new toys "this is Baby's teddy, this is your teddy". You will be surprised how well it works.