Marriage before or after baby?

[Autumn leaves]

Little bit of background I'm 22 next month, partner is 24. Been together 5 years, lived together for 3. Both have good earning jobs, all degrees done with!

Always known we would like children early on, we want to ttc April next year, when we have moved to bigger house, possibly more toward mid summer. However if wedding before we would delay probably by 1.5 years.

We started saving a few months back in prep for bigger purchases and maternity leave.

Question is should we marry first? I don't mind either way but:

- I feel maybe we should before re money for wedding

- I feel Maybe we should after re child attending

What are your views? I don't really have a view regarding the order of life as such I just really mean in terms of above!

 

[jaspie]

We decided to have children before getting married, if we got married we would need to put off ttc for ages as we're not even engaged atm though we've been together 6years. We both want to get married but having children is most important to us as we can get married anytime!

 

[Autumn leaves]

I feel happy to hear that thank you, that is my general thinking . We just think it would be the right time for us.

 

[cupcake.]

We're also planning on having a baby first. Even though marriage is really important to me, i don't mind waiting for that. I know it will happen eventually, but having a baby is simply more important to us both.

 

[sherwood]

...

 

[meg_bellamy]

I think you should get married whenever you want We got married before babies but we just wanted to get married and we had a fairly casual wedding. And now we're ready for babies. But if you want babies first then go for it and have the wedding later! It doesn't matter

 

[aidensxmomma]

For me, marriage has never been a deciding factor on when I would have babies. As it stands now, OH and I are planning to have a baby first, then get married. Kids are more important to us, especially since I may have a hard time conceiving.

I can see why (from a financial aspect) getting married first would be a good idea since you'll have more money to spend on the wedding, but for me it's not a factor at all since I already have kids and my OH and I aren't planning for a very big wedding, so we could still save for it even with a baby.

Whatever you and your OH want more and put more of a priority on, go for that

 

[aimee-lou]

Personally it was never questioned that we would get married first. We met at 22, married at 24 and had our first at 26. On our first date the conversation went something like 'when we are married, if we have a girl we should call her.....' Lol

However we had the luxury of time and being able to plan a wedding without having to save up for it (small wedding and lots of gifts from family to help pay so very lucky). If being married is important could you have a smaller wedding now then renew vows after babies so everyone could celebrate?

 

[x-ginge-x]

I got pregnant with my son 6 months after we had got together so marriage after was never the option and initially we weren't getting married at all! We got married in July this year and have been together 3 years now. We are currently TTC number 2, so it's entirely up to you when you get married! Good luck x and just out of interest I am going to send you a little PM to take a look at something x

 

[Autumn leaves]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I shall sit on it x

 

[ottergirl]

On a vain note, after you have a baby you're going to have a hard time getting back to your original size...if you ever do. I don't know...I guess I'm kind of glad that I can look back on my wedding pictures before we started having kids, and I know I was at my very prettiest that day. I'll never be that pretty and young again, but I've got pictures!

 

[Autumn leaves]

I did Contemplate that otter girl so not vain at all!!

 

[MummyKP]

For us it was important that we were married first, knowing we could enjoy the run up and spend as much as we wanted to on the day. I always said that if we had an accident and had a baby before marriage then it's fine, but I'm glad the way we've done it. Our wedding day was perfect for us and the honeymoon was amazing, you feel so special and loved up it's unbelievable, and you fall in love with that person again when you realise you are husband and wife, and we've really enjoyed the three months since getting married. We will be TTC in the new year. I appreciate everyone has different views it just depends what's more important to you

 

[ottergirl]

I did Contemplate that otter girl so not vain at all!!

Hey, it's the one day where it's all about your love...and let's face it--that pretty bride! That means whatever it means to you.

 

[tverb84]

I think it depends on the individual person. If someone asked two years ago if I would get married I would probably say no but if I were asked now I would say yes. The thought of marriage doesn't frighten me like it used to.

Ottergirl your children are very cute. I love their names.

 

[Cilla]

Yes. I waited to get married first. Glad I did!

 

[NovemberSnow]

I wanted to get married first, but it's really up to you!

 

[callmedan]

You are still young and if marriage is something you want you have plenty of time to get married then have babies!
Im in a similar position to you (me and oh together nearly 6 years, we're both 23 with jobs - he has a degree to and currently buying our first house) and me and oh decided to TTC first, then we got engaged and decided to put TTC off exactly 1 year to get married and even though im desperate to start our family, im glad we are getting married first as we are able to put 100% of our efforts into a day to come together as husband and wife, something we will talk about for the rest of our lives
Sounds so cheesy but it turned out that that was the best way for us and at the end of the day, it's about what's best for you

 

[bcos21]

Why does getting married have to be a big to do and cost son much cash? Why not compromise and just get married at the courthouse and do an ceremony later? Just a thought. ☺

 

[Pearls18]

For me it's marriage first even though it's not the order I did it in. DS1 got christened at our ceremony which was nice but I don't feel an overwhelming need for my children to be part of the wedding day tbh. I also don't get financial argument some say as I would have married at a registry office if that was all we could afford. We fell pregnant when we were engaged, but ideally we would have TTC after getting married.

I guess it depends what marriage means to you, marriage was very important to me and the next natural step, children would have been soon after (if DS hadn't of had other plans ha!)