Marriage

[amyclaire]

this is more of a curiousity thread rather than an advice one but anyway -

how do we all feel about kids before marriage? i used to be a complete traditionalist, definitely thinking i needed to be married beforehand. now i just feel totally broody, but completely unready for getting married. and dont get me wrong, i love my oh to pieces, and know i want to marry him eventually, i just cant seem to get my head round spending so much money on one single day of my life, but yet i wouldnt want a cheap do either!!

anyone else, married or not, feel the same? even if you married first did broodiness come before the need to tie the knot? xxxx

 

[Zarababy1]

i have no feeling about it at all people should do it whatever way they want, altho im married i love my husband to pieces and i really belive in our marriage vows, im not that much of a fan of marriage, we got married for conviance more than anything, dont get me wrong as i say we love eachother more than anything and will be together hopefully for the rest of our lifes but in every day to day life its not somthing i see as needed not this day n age, we got married because hes in the air force and as i say it makes life easyer beeing married there very traditional in the raf if your not married you have no rights at all full stop!
We had our son before we got married, so were going to have one pre marriage one one post, and as i say its made no diffrence at all!
If we didnt have to get married we wouldnt have for a few more years! at least 3 or 4!

 

[pinklizzy]

I have to say I used to feel the same, that I'd want to be married before having children but now I've met OH, it doesn't feel as important somehow? We have a strong relationship, live together etc and I don't think marriage would change that. Also all the money we have at the moment is being spent on establishing what will hopefully become a family home. Eventually I would like us to get married but it's not important for me to do it before children.

 

[morri]

I don't care how other people want it , and I don#t care too much myself whether I am married or not when I get a baby because you can choose to let the baby have the surname of the father . So that is not that important to me.

 

[Pops]

I also used to only ever see me getting married and then having a baby but not, well, as we are not married and NTNP you can see my views have changed!!!

I thinkit seemed more important to do it before I knew who it was going to be with if that makes sense? I don't need a bit of paper to tell the world how much I love my boy or to know how much he loves me. Anyone who knows us knows there isn't a happier more loving couple and I am happy as content as I could ever be.

I want to be his wife because it will make me the proudest woman alive but not because I think I need to.

The most amazing thing we can do is to make a baby and that, for now, is where our plans lie.

We will get married, and maybe it will be before a little one joins us, who knows how long that will take, but it is slightly less of a necessity than it was in my head, although, in the same way, more important....

Sorry, I waffled there....

xxx

 

[amyclaire]

I have to say I used to feel the same, that I'd want to be married before having children but now I've met OH, it doesn't feel as important somehow? We have a strong relationship, live together etc and I don't think marriage would change that. Also all the money we have at the moment is being spent on establishing what will hopefully become a family home. Eventually I would like us to get married but it's not important for me to do it before children.

exactly the point i should have made - after meeting current oh it just stopped being important. a ring and a signature isnt going to suddenly make a couple into ready made parents!xxxx

 

[amyclaire]

..and agreement with pops looks like we are in similar situation , just changed to ntnp xxxx

 

[PnutProtector]

i used to think that way too, but after meeting my OH my views changed. I wouldn't mind getting PG before we are married, but with the wedding almost exactly 9 months away, I don't wanna be the blimp in the white dress at the alter. A few months before the wedding and I wouldn't care a bit. I am extremely broody right now though cause my bestie is PG and my soon-to-be-sis-in-law is TTC.

 

[Beltane]

I was unmarried with my first baby and since then have met the right person, gotten married and had another baby. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. Neither made me feel any different about the child. The only thing that bothered me was that I didn't have my first childs surname. He often asked me why and it was difficult to explain to him. I probably should have just given him my surname instead! It's nice to all have the same last name with baby number 2 and my husband.

 

[bunnyg82]

I think for me, I am glad that I am married before I have kids, but that's probably just because I am married and have been for over 7 years so know no different really! However, as far as anyone else is concerned, I do not think that you have to be married to have kids, not one bit. My older sister has been with her partner for over 20 years, they have 2 kids and they are a wonderful family. I think it's totally up to the individuals as to whether they want to be married or not.

x

 

[smartiepants]

I used to say I would never have a child out of wedlock, but having come close to getting married on 2 occasions I simply don't believe in marriage anymore.

It's become a bit of a running joke that I'd love to be a bride one day but go home alone afterwards!

I'm just not very good at sharing my life with someone else, I don't like sharing a bed or a bathroom. I'd make the worst wife in the world!

 

[xLisax]

To echo what lots of others have said, when I met OH it all changed, I know that I'll be with him forever, so marriage will be a step we will take in the near future Something Im excited about!

I dont think its essential at all, We have our son, we are not married, he has my OH surname as I know one day this will be mine too.

Plus, I cant wait to have Max as a little pageboy!

xxx

 

[jen1604]

Well I've already got my little miss and a little boy on the way and I'm still not sure how I feel about marriage and if its something I ever want to do..
But I can see why it is important to some people.
Its just different for everyone I guess xx

 

[PhoenixRising]

As I said in another thread - I do think marriage is important for me. I don't think other people are wrong for doing things differently it's just the way I feel.
I have to say I was getting to the point where I was seriously considering doing things a whole other way around all together as it was looking very unlikely to happen the way I wanted things and becoming a Mum was more important than the marriage thing.

 

[sparkle_bump]

Prior to getting pregnant, the plan that both my OH and I had decided was that we would get married and experience being husband and wife before we started a family, which has obviously changed now!! lol
I am in no way disappointed in being pregnant before being married. I see it as a blessing and it just made us a lot closer - I don't think I'd change things now that it's happened this way around.
As Lisa said, I fully intend to give my child my partner's surname knowing that one day we will all share it

 

[Norris]

I think as long as a baby is wanted and loved then it doesn't matter if you are married, not married, two mummies, two daddies

 

[lovehearts]

i always thought i would get married before children, i think its what you are bought up to believe. I would marry my OH tomorrow if he asked me but he doesnt see it as the most important thing in the world and neither do i anymore. I know that whatever happens we will hopefully spend the rest of our days together, married or not married. We are happier than any other people we know who may be married or engaged. As others have said - what is a ring and a signature. Eventually when we do have a baby i would like to take his surname but its not essential.

Its a long standing joke with us that he will ask me when im about to pop and it would go something like 'i suppose we should get married now then' lol. Due to his upbringing marriage doesnt mean an awful lot....its something which i would sacrifice just to be with him

 

[samikatie]

Hi

I used to be the same, I was adamant I would get married before having babies -that's how my mum did it, that's how i'll do it.

But i've had a change of heart. I'm so broody and don't think that marriage is a must before babies. As long as you know you'll be with your OH, or think you will, forever then I don't think there's any problem with it at all

Me and my OH have bought a house together which is just a big a commitment as marriage and once we're settled down in the house we're going to TTC

So you're not alone I really wouldnt worry about it too much, you can always get married some day down the line xx

 

[mum2morgan]

We got married when the girls were 3 yrs and 10 months old. We knew we always wanted to get married and that was the right time for us.I love the fact that my wedding photos include our very special bridesmaids

 

[fuffyburra]

I'd like to be married before, but it's not really essential to me. However, I know it's very important to my OH and I respect that. I've told him I'd like children in the next 2 years, so he knows what he's gotta do in the meantime