Marriage?

[Chrissy7411]

[This is not to the OP, but I'm not quoting anyone specifically, because this isn't a personal attack. ]

I disagree. Respectfully, of course.
DH and I started dating when I was 16 years old. At the time, I told him (and everyone else for that matter) that I never wanted children, and I never wanted to get married. Now, at 20, I've done both. I always said the 'it's just a sheet of paper' bit, too. But once you actually have a legal marriage license, it means something entirely different to you. It's not about proving how much you love somebody. If you are doing it just for validation, you probably aren't getting married for the right reasons. It's a highly personal decision. DH and I could only afford to buy one ring, since LO is on her way in the next week or so. Since I already have a nice engagement ring, I chose for him to be able to pick out the ring he wanted. & He just put my engagement ring on my finger for the ceremony. That's what it's about-- compromise and caring. Legally and spiritually, I am not someone's wife. It has a much greater meaning and feeling, when you are actually the one who has chosen to do so.
Like I said, it is a HIGHLY personal choice made by two people who love each other. For some (me & DH included), it means a lot to be husband and wife, rather than just boyfriend and girlfriend. That being said, I completley agree with Amy. If you don't have total confidence in your relationship, and sometimes even if you do, it's best to wait until after you've had the baby. Babies change a relationship far more than a marriage would. Babies put far more stress on a relationship than a marriage would! So, there's no need to rush it if you aren't sure that it's the lifetime commitment you want to make. (Although, from the sound of the OP, it sounded like she wanted to do it now, but that OH wanted to wait a looong time, and she just wanted something sooner-- not right this second? I could be mistaken.)

I just kind of disagree with being a complete cynic about marriage on a thread talking about wanting to get married, without offering any actual advice? Marriage definitely isn't always rainbows and unicorns, but for some, it's the perfect choice. Live and let live. Don't knock it 'til you try it. & Any other cliche-type phrase that can be applied to this scenario.

So beautiful Kelly

 

[we can't wait]

I totally agree with what you're saying. Although i do agree that marriage isnt for everyone. I really thought your ceremony on a lake was so sweet and lovely. Really showing it not about some big party.

Thank you, Sarah. We hope to someday go back and do a renewal of vows where we do something big. For now, though, I'm in love with our tiny one. We only had 11 people there, other than DH & I.

& yes! I agree, marriage is not for everyone. Both of my parents have been divorced (for different reasons), and are now on their second marriages (to each other) and they've been together for 25 years. Sometimes it just doesn't work out-- & other times it does. I'm glad their divorces happened, otherwise, they wouldn't be as happy as they are, and I wouldn't actually be here.

& aww, thank you, chrissy!

 

[xSarahM]

Everytime i see that i just laugh harder than i did the first time!

 

[we can't wait]

I giggle everytime I see it, too.

 

[jc_catt]

Yeah I agree completely Kelly And Just as a little update, We talked again,
and he finally opened up and said 19 So now we are going to tie the knot 19.
Just had to open him up. I guess he never realized the reason
that I want to get married. And he thinks it has a much higher priority now
Btw- he's asleep and snoring nxt to me right now. XD

 

[Bexxx]

Yeah I agree completely Kelly And Just as a little update, We talked again,
and he finally opened up and said 19 So now we are going to tie the knot 19.
Just had to open him up. I guess he never realized the reason
that I want to get married. And he thinks it has a much higher priority now
Btw- he's asleep and snoring nxt to me right now. XD

Ooo, so does that make you engaged (to be engaged)? If that makes sense haha

 

[Lucy22]

I can totally see where your coming from, I was exactly the same during me first pregnancy. OH didn't propose till I was 7months, and I really thought he'd never ask

We didn't actually get married till 2009 though, and I'm glad we waited that little bit. We didn't have an expensive Wedding but we had a better Wedding than we'd have been able to afford just after Elena was born.

Being honest, after I gave birth I was so busy and caught up in learning to be a mom marraige was the last thing on my mind.

Have you guys even talked about possible engagement? At least then you can negotiate when you'll actually do it! Start him off with engagement..He'll come round

 

[HarlaHorse]

[This is not to the OP, but I'm not quoting anyone specifically, because this isn't a personal attack. ]

I disagree. Respectfully, of course.
DH and I started dating when I was 16 years old. At the time, I told him (and everyone else for that matter) that I never wanted children, and I never wanted to get married. Now, at 20, I've done both. I always said the 'it's just a sheet of paper' bit, too. But once you actually have a legal marriage license, it means something entirely different to you. It's not about proving how much you love somebody. If you are doing it just for validation, you probably aren't getting married for the right reasons. It's a highly personal decision. DH and I could only afford to buy one ring, since LO is on her way in the next week or so. Since I already have a nice engagement ring, I chose for him to be able to pick out the ring he wanted. & He just put my engagement ring on my finger for the ceremony. That's what it's about-- compromise and caring. Legally and spiritually, I am not someone's wife. It has a much greater meaning and feeling, when you are actually the one who has chosen to do so.
Like I said, it is a HIGHLY personal choice made by two people who love each other. For some (me & DH included), it means a lot to be husband and wife, rather than just boyfriend and girlfriend. That being said, I completley agree with Amy. If you don't have total confidence in your relationship, and sometimes even if you do, it's best to wait until after you've had the baby. Babies change a relationship far more than a marriage would. Babies put far more stress on a relationship than a marriage would! So, there's no need to rush it if you aren't sure that it's the lifetime commitment you want to make. (Although, from the sound of the OP, it sounded like she wanted to do it now, but that OH wanted to wait a looong time, and she just wanted something sooner-- not right this second? I could be mistaken.)

I just kind of disagree with being a complete cynic about marriage on a thread talking about wanting to get married, without offering any actual advice? Marriage definitely isn't always rainbows and unicorns, but for some, it's the perfect choice. Live and let live. Don't knock it 'til you try it. & Any other cliche-type phrase that can be applied to this scenario.

I agree, it depends on the person and on the couple in my eyes.

When I was with my ex I never wanted to have kids, never wanted to get married, as soon as I got with OH (Reece) its been my big dream to get married, obviously have kids not so soon but I'm sure everything will work out. Although...

My mum and dad had me when mum was 18 and dad was like turning 21 I think? They got engaged after I was born, then had wedding plans, mum found out she was pregnant with my sister so the wedding got put on hold, then they ended up getting married when she was 20 and he was 23 and my little sister was a bubba. They've had their up and downs but hey, I'm nearly 16 and their still together and going strong. So I guess that gives me a reason to want to get married, my mums encouraging, I mean obviously she doesn't want me married now but she loves OH and she always tells me how we get along like her and dad did and she can see us lasting. Everyone says that.

I don't want to marry because its proof that we love each other sort of thing, I know its just a piece of paper, but its the meaning you make of it. It would be the best feeling in the world to know that your OH is committing themselves to your for life. I think the problem is that so many people abuse marriage, go out and get married then a year later, get divorced, then in another two years get married again, but if you give it your own meaning it wouldn't be like that, thats just my opinion.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I can definitely see why there are some people who don't want to get married and some people it's not right for. My parents got married when my mom was 8 months pregnant with my younger brother and then about 3 years later, they got divorced. My dad is remarried now (has been for over 10 years) and my mom's been with her fiance for 12 years, engaged to him for 10. My parents' marriage to each other wasn't right, but they're second time around they both got it right.

We can't wait - I don't necessarily know what you mean by getting married for validation, but if it's what I think you're trying to say, then I have to disagree. My OH and I are getting married mostly because we wanted the relationship we already have to be legal if that makes sense. We obviously love each other and want to be together for the rest of our lives, but we don't need a marriage to prove that. But from a legal standpoint, it's a lot better for us to be married. And I think people are going to take us a lot more serious as a couple if we're husband and wife as opposed to boyfriend and girlfriend.

That being said, my OH and I really do want to get married because we want to publically and legally show that we have a commitment to each other and we really do love each other. That's why we've waited so long to get married because we wanted to make sure we could withstand the stress of having a child and living together before we decided to get married. And I really hope I didn't offend anyone or anything because that really wasn't my purpose in this post.

To the OP-I'm really glad you were able to talk to your OH and you are both on the same page and have decided on what you want to do.

 

[we can't wait]

We can't wait - I don't necessarily know what you mean by getting married for validation, but if it's what I think you're trying to say, then I have to disagree. My OH and I are getting married mostly because we wanted the relationship we already have to be legal if that makes sense. We obviously love each other and want to be together for the rest of our lives, but we don't need a marriage to prove that. But from a legal standpoint, it's a lot better for us to be married. And I think people are going to take us a lot more serious as a couple if we're husband and wife as opposed to boyfriend and girlfriend.

That being said, my OH and I really do want to get married because we want to publically and legally show that we have a commitment to each other and we really do love each other. That's why we've waited so long to get married because we wanted to make sure we could withstand the stress of having a child and living together before we decided to get married. And I really hope I didn't offend anyone or anything because that really wasn't my purpose in this post.

Not to offend you, but did you actally read my post? My exact words were "It's not about proving how much you love somebody. If you are doing it just for validation, you probably aren't getting married for the right reasons. It's a highly personal decision." The reason for me saying that was because someone else had said that marriage was just about getting a sheet of paper to try to prove how much you love someone-- which I was disagreeing with. By saying that, I'm just pointing out that not all people get married just to prove a point or to validate their relationship in the eyes of others-- some people get married simply because they love each other and want to be man and wife... I'm happily married. I wouldn't be referring to my marriage as just a 'validation.' I was saying it's more than that. I only ask if you read my post, because you basically just typed the same thing that I did... but were saying you disagreed with me? lol

I'm just a tad confused by your post to me?

To the OP-- that's great! I'm so glad things are working out!

 

[we can't wait]

After reading over my post, and being quoted-- just a correction, where is says "I am not someone's wife" it's supposed to read "I am NOW someone's wife" lol
Juuuuust clearing that up. I would just update the original post, but once it's been quoted on a different post, it does no good to just update the original!

Sorry for the confusion!

 

[HarlaHorse]

Theres a lot of marriages that don't work out - theres alot that do. So no one can really say whether marriages work or not, depends on the couple and individuals really doesn't it?

To me its definitly not just a piece of paper, it would have so much meaning for me. I mean its saying that their going to love and support you for eternity-- obviously some couples get divorced, but there are so many successful marriages and obviously I, or Kelly (we_cant_wait) wouldn't get married if we didn't think we'd be with our OH's forever, agree Kelly?

I feel weird saying that though because I know so many of yous are thinking 'yeah thats what you think, everyone thinks that,' but its not always like that. Don't know what I'm saying, I'm going to shut up

 

[YoungMummy08]

ive been feeling like this for a while now, ive always said i never wanted to get married but a friend of mine recently did and it was beautiful. i think OH is trying to drop hints atm not quite sure he keeps saying would i be "down" for being a proper family (not saying if your not married your not) just think he doesnt know how to word it OH's rubbish at getting his point across.
i cant get it off my mind i would be over the moon if OH asked me to marry him
x

 

[we can't wait]

Theres a lot of marriages that don't work out - theres alot that do. So no one can really say whether marriages work or not, depends on the couple and individuals really doesn't it?

To me its definitly not just a piece of paper, it would have so much meaning for me. I mean its saying that their going to love and support you for eternity-- obviously some couples get divorced, but there are so many successful marriages and obviously I, or Kelly (we_cant_wait) wouldn't get married if we didn't think we'd be with our OH's forever, agree Kelly?

I feel weird saying that though because I know so many of yous are thinking 'yeah thats what you think, everyone thinks that,' but its not always like that. Don't know what I'm saying, I'm going to shut up

^ This.

It's not for everyone, but for some, it's the perfect choice.

 

[kimmy04]

I think marriage is a beautiful thing and I will absolutely marry my OH one day. However, that being said if you plan on spending forever with someone, then what's the rush? I'd prefer to take things one step at a time, a baby will be a big enough change for now! I do get the whole wanting to feel like a family, but as long as you are together your baby really won't understand if you aren't married for a while. My personal opinion is to enjoy life one step at a time, don't cram everything into one year. But that's just my opinion and everyone is different!

 

[HarlaHorse]

I think marriage is a beautiful thing and I will absolutely marry my OH one day. However, that being said if you plan on spending forever with someone, then what's the rush? I'd prefer to take things one step at a time, a baby will be a big enough change for now! I do get the whole wanting to feel like a family, but as long as you are together your baby really won't understand if you aren't married for a while. My personal opinion is to enjoy life one step at a time, don't cram everything into one year. But that's just my opinion and everyone is different!

 

[jc_catt]

I think marriage is a beautiful thing and I will absolutely marry my OH one day. However, that being said if you plan on spending forever with someone, then what's the rush? I'd prefer to take things one step at a time, a baby will be a big enough change for now! I do get the whole wanting to feel like a family, but as long as you are together your baby really won't understand if you aren't married for a while. My personal opinion is to enjoy life one step at a time, don't cram everything into one year. But that's just my opinion and everyone is different!

Yeah, i'm starting to feel that way now. I think I was just having anxiety
cause he wouldn't talk about it. lol. If that makes any sense?