Me & my baby

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by jenny82, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

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    I looooove my LO...really, really love him a lot. But am I going wrong somewhere?

    I read posts on BNB and the ladies here love their babies. They seem to love their babies more than me, and I'm worried that something is wrong with me :/

    I have no problem giving him to family to take care of for a while. I trust them and OH, so I don't mind leaving him for a few hours to take a shower, go shopping, even went out for dinner last Sunday! Yet I know that some women can't bear to be apart from their babies and don't trust other people to take as good care of them as they do. Does that make me a bad mummy?

    Tonight on the way home from my mums house, I picked OH up from work and loads of people were out on their xmas work parties, all dressed up, looking glam and I was sooo envious. I miss getting dressed up and going out! I can't wait to do it again. But yet again, does this make me a bad mummy?

    OH has said that I should meet up with my friends like once a fortnight for some wine and have a laugh, but I feel almost guilty that I want to, but think that I shouldn't..

    Its all really confusing. I feel awful all the time :growlmad:
     
  2. faille

    faille Mummy & WTT

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    I'm one of those women who can't bear the thought of being apart from LO but there's no way I love her more than anyone who is absolutely fine with having their own independance.

    I think it comes down to my personality.. I don't like a lot of people around me. I like having one or two very close people and I guess you can call me clingy towards those people.

    I'm very much a home bird but was before LO arrived. I don't like going anywhere without OH either and now LO is here, I'm the same with her.

    You are not a bad mummy in the slightest x
     
  3. Lisa1302

    Lisa1302 Guest

    That doesnt make you a bad mum!
    I only leave Izzy with people I trust, my OH, MIL, my mum and the nursery - so I know she is fine, and I dont worry about her all day at work - I love her more than anything in the world but I know she is safe, doesn't make us bad mummys!

    You wanting to go out doesnt either - you have been pregnant for ages and need a release sometimes, your baby wont think anything of it, so dont worry!
     
  4. emilyjade

    emilyjade mummy of two!

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    OH NO ! dont ever think you are a bad mum just because you dont mind family looking after you baby, my little one is nearly 7 months and iv been away from him twice but this is just because i love staying at home tbh :p

    every mum/dad needs a break so dont feel guilty or like a bad mum take the offers to have some you time its well deserved :)
     
  5. nikkip75

    nikkip75 Well-Known Member

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    awww dont feel bad:hugs:

    i have 3 daughters, i was 20 when i had my first (14 yrs ago) and still loved to go out, had my second at 30 and couldnt bear to be away from her couldnt even leave her with my OH but now with eden (4 months) im always popping into town on my own, going shopping,going the hairdressers, taking other daughters out (they need mummy and me time aswell lol) going to friends for a bottle (or 2) of wine and im just a lot more relaxed about it all. I still love her as much as my other 2 daughters but just dont feel like we have to be joined at the hip lol

    i think its healthy to get out on your own and remember that your not just someones mummy lol, you can still have a life, although i dont go clubbing or anything anymore im to old now, i need to be in bed by 11.30 :haha:
     
  6. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    i love my son more then life it self but i love giving him to his granny so i can have a rest lol too much of a good thing n all that lol

    ur not a bad mum for letting others take care of him so u can have a break, we all need time to ourselves and actualy adult company instead of all the constant baby babble.

    i do miss zane when hes not here but he doesnt go to others very often
     
  7. Lu28

    Lu28 Aisling's mammy

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    You're not a bad mum at all! I'm the same as faille in alot of ways, more of a homebird and not as bothered going out anymore so that bit doesn't bother me too much, especially as my very close friends have babies now too. I remember the first time DH and I left Aisling with MIL and SIL to go for a walk though. It was only for an hour and when we got back SIL asked me how I'd coped, that she felt she was missing her right arm the first time she left her baby. I was taken aback and sort of agreed with her in case she thought I was weird for having enjoyed an hour just with my DH!
     
  8. jenny82

    jenny82 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the reassurance :)

    I've been wanting to post this for days, but was worried people would think I was a horrible person.

    I suppose I am quite independent. I've always been such a busy person and OH & I, although really close, also had a lot going on without each other as well. I think I am finding it hard to adjust to not working and being a mum and also not being able to do what I want, when I want, as I have a little person with me too. I didn't expect to feel like this at all...
     
  9. Linzi

    Linzi Prodest mummy ever

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    If youre a bad mum so am I. I get a lot of shit for going out and having a few drinks (bearing in mind its literally every other month) but I have no hobbies I can do, no interests really... thats what I enjoy doing, and Id be a far worse mummy if I didnt I tell you, I NEED a break, I need to be Linzi, Im not just mummy and wife!!!

    You do what you want to do, other people will do what they want to do and thats the end of it. Dont let anyone make you feel bad. x
     
  10. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    im in the same boat as u jenny ive gone from workin in admin 40 hours a week to being a sahm and its hard to adjust, i also love my nights out and let my hair down once every few months if i cud afford to go out once a month i would.

    having a break from being mummy once in awhile helps me to relax and let go, theres nothing wrong with it in my eyes anyway, dont feel guilty for wanted to go out and enjoy urself.

    ur los only 2 weeks old ur still adjusting to being a mummy so give it time and give urself a well derserved break without feeling bad
     
  11. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    couldnt agree with u more on this x
     
  12. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    I think you're expecting a bit too much of yourself. Everyone takes to motherhood differently. You were obviously a very outgoing person before having LO and why should having a child change that? Having a child shouldn't cahnge your life, it should add to it and the fact that you are comfortable leaving your LO wiht people like your family and OH doesn't mean you don't love your LO, it means you love your family and OH and trust them wiht something so precious.

    Hope you're feeling better about it all. :hugs:
     
  13. RJ01

    RJ01 Mam to Katie and TTC

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    I'm the same I love socialising I havn't been out a lot but have had the odd night out friends and me and dh have had 2 nights out together since Katie was born. We just get either of our mam's to come and babysit, don't forget that they love having time with them on their own too.
    My mil always asks to have her for a few hours on a morning which is great as I can get chores done or go shopping or catch up on some sleep it doesn't make you a bad mother you can still enjoy life and enjoy your baby, dont forget your with them all time. Katie is in bed at 6.30pm anyway so if I go out she doesn't know any different anyway:winkwink:
     
  14. Klb8916

    Klb8916 Well-Known Member

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    I'm just the same as you. I have no problems leaving my LO with family and OH and also feel bad that I don't mind leaving them!

    Like you I love seeing my friends and going out. My mum as even said me and the OH should go out New Years Eve and she'll babysit overnight but it's my OH that doesn't want to leave her!!!

    Everyone adjust's to motherhood differently. As my midwife is always telling me happy mum=happy baby :)

    Plus it is Xmas time which i think make the urge to go out bigger!
     
  15. cillybean83

    cillybean83 Well-Known Member

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    hun you are absolutely fine! I think it's great that you've been able to separate your identity from your baby...what I mean is that some people just see themselves as a mom and nothing else after having a baby...and you're still a person with needs and wants too! It doesn't mean you love 'em any less...you just have to continue loving YOU too...in the end it makes you a better momma if you can give yourself a little me time.
     
  16. polaris

    polaris Mother of two

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    I think it is actually much healthier to be able to let go and go out independently without baby. I am really struggling with this as I expected that I would be fine with leaving him with people but actually I struggle to even leave him with OH. But I actually don't think it's good for either me or baby if I can never bear to leave him with anybody so I am going to make myself leave him with people. I didn't expect to feel this way but I definitely don't think it makes me a better mummy, if anything I think it is not healthy to be too closely dependent that I'm stressing if I'm away from him for an hour. I have to force myself to let OH bath him etc. because I worry he won't dry him properly or will get shampoo in his eyes etc., I really think this is just me being stupid and I tell myself to cop on to myself, baby will be just fine. I do trust my OH and he is great with baby so I really don't know why I feel this way, I honestly wish that I had your attitude as I think it's healthier, I definitely wouldn't feel guilty about being away from baby.
     
  17. Foogirl

    Foogirl Baby Abby 11 weeks early

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    I'd say you are doing just fine. I can happily leave Abby with people I trust. If anything I worry more about them than I do about her! I know whatever happens she will be absolutely fine. As I'm breastfeeding it is hard to leave her for more than a few hours unless she has gone to bed as she still needs a feed and the wee monkey has stopped taking bottles of EBM :dohh: But I have done it before when she was taking the bottles fine.

    Of course if you are a WAG and falling out of a nightclub at 3am several times in the month after you've given birth, I'd be taking an entirely different view!:winkwink:

    But I reckon it is quite healthy to be able to let go once in a while. Abby was in NNICU for 6 weeks and I had to leave her every day. It got much easier to do that as the time went on. I think that's why it's not so hard now.
     
  18. mamalove

    mamalove mum to 3 girls and a boy

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    I'm the same,except i don't have a problem with leaving them with my mum or their dad,noone else.
     
  19. Grey

    Grey Well-Known Member

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    Jenny, you are not "horrible" at all! For what it's worth, it sounds very very healthy what you are doing and I'm sure your baby will benefit from you being able to have some time for yourself and to still feel like an independent individual - you will be able to offer your baby so much more because you won't feel so 'trapped' as I certainly have felt recently (my baby is now 6 months old and because I don't have any family nearby and because she's had some health problems, I have never left her!). It's made me feel like a very tired 'prisoner' at times and not have the energy to play with her - so well done to you for getting out and about - please don't feel guilty - best of luck!
     
  20. 2012bebe

    2012bebe Well-Known Member

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    don't beat your self about that,I'm mum of 3 boys and this one is the best one so far, he can sleep for a 4h even during a night, so i can go for a shopping, have a shower clean my house and leave him and 2 others with my husband and do the shopping by myself(and I'm breastfeeding the little one).i don't feel bad about myself, i love my kids very much, when i went to work i was crying to my husband when i had to leave them with my mother in law (being pregnant with 3rd one) but the kids know that we love them very much and our baby is also loved so much, but i can't be stack when i have to do something i will do and i know that my boys will be fine with dad.

    I'm sure you are great mum!!!! so don't be bad about your self!! enjoy the baby and the life :hugs:
     

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