Meltdown

[debgreasby]

Need somewhere to get all this stuff off my chest.

I am so stressed out, i don't know how much longer i can take feeling like this. DH is really worried about me and he said last night that he feels like a crap husband coz he can't make me feel better. I told him it's not his fault etc .. so now i feel bad that i am making him feel bad. We had sex last night, which was great, felt really close to him, but then i burst into tears .. not just a little weep but proper full on sobbing. I really don't know how he puts up with me. My kids are worried too and i am worried that my moods are affecting them. Even my stepson (ex DH son) was talking to my DH last night about me and said he was worried we were gonna split coz of the stress.

My scan is on Friday.. and i know that's not long.. but it feels like an eternity. I've been trying to keep busy, but it's not helping. I just can't shake this bad feeling.

On top of worrying about me.. i'm worried about my best friend. She found out last week she was pg after just splitting with her bloke. He was fine about it when she told him and suggested moving in together etc so she was happy and decided to keep the baby. She had made an appointment for last friday to "discuss options" but she cancelled it coz she thought they were back together and all was fine. She has since found out he been living with his GF for a year and now he wants nothing to do with her/baby. Now she is spotting. I may sound like a right cow - but i don't believe her. She has a scan this morning and wont let anyone go with her. It just seems "convenient". I feel horrible even thinking it .. but i know she really didn't like the thought of going thru pregancy alone and she said she feels nothing for the baby. I told her it wasn't baby's fault the dad is a lying scumbag. She has 2 kids already.

I am a horrible person.

To top it all off my dad is really ill, my mum's not much better and she keeps saying he's going to die and if he does she's going abroad to a euthanasia clinic! She has Parkinson's disease, and me and my sisters think she has alzheimers too. It's so hard seeing my parents like this and i feel selfish for worrying about myself and my baby. I should go and spend more time with them but it makes me so stressed and upset.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for reading.

 

[jenny25]

awww hunny i had no idea you felt like this why have you not called you know you can call me anytime day or night too chat , you are under alot of pressure and stress at the moment and i can understand how your feeling , have you spoken to your mw too see if they can refer you too some counciling to help ?

 

[Vickieh1981]

With regard to you can you speak to your midwife? Pregnancy after losing a baby is awful - even more so when you lose later because you have so much further to get until you are past your milestone.

There are antidepressants that are safe when you are pregnant. I spent 12 weeks in hospital with both the last two due to partial abruptions and they wanted me to take them as I was so down. I knew I wasn't depressed just miserable though lol.

With regard to your friend you don't sound a bitch. We all have people who we don't believe fully on things. xxxx

 

[debgreasby]

I'm still waiting for a referral for counselling. it's been about 3 weeks now. might see if MW can chase it up.

 

[Beadette]

Yes Hun I would ring the MW and ask her to chase it. I'm so sorry you are going through this stressful time. You are not alone though Hun even though these emotions can leave you feeling isolated. I understand what you mean about your friend. I would perhaps think about yourself and keep a little distance for a while.

Lots of love and hugs to you! XXXXXXX

 

[Kazi1976]

Hi Deb I think you are one day ahead of me. I have my scan on Friday too and I'm very scared so I totally understand. I waited so long to get pregnant again after losing my angel but instead of enjoying it I'm stressed and obsessing all the time. I feel so ill all the time too which is getting me down. As for your friend, I don't think you're a horrible person just something is telling you that things don't seem to add up. Don't beat yourself up if you are wrong as you're only going on instinct. I'm sorry to hear about your parents too. I'm sure they would understand that you are concerned about your baby as well as them. Take care and I'll be praying for you x

 

[fluffyblue]

aww deb i can only imagine how your feeling about baby - im not saying its easy or gets easier but u need to try for babyand yourself.

My mum has alzheimers so if you need any help, info etc just let me know I know alot lol xx

As for your friend - leave her to it you have enough on your plate she obviously isnt worried about you xxx

 

[debgreasby]

So.. after spending all afternoon waiting for my friend to call me after her scan which was at 10.45 am by the way, finally saw her at school.

Apparently she is 5.5 weeks, baby has a heartbeat but is growing "abnormally" so she's going to Clinic 12 on Friday for a rescan. Really do get the feeling i'm being lied to. It didn't feel right if ya get me.

So stuff it, she wants me, she knows where i am.

 

[Beanbabe]

I agree that you should chase up the mw about the counselling. There is only so much any one person can take and I'm not surprised you are feeling down.

Regarding your friend try to take a step back for a while. You have enough to be dealing with, without getting worked up about her and her decisions. You are not horrible for doubting her. It must be difficult to hear someone say they feel nothing for their baby when every day you say thank you that you are one day closer to holding yours.

Im so sorry that your parents are ill. I cant imagine how that would feel.

I will be thinking of you this week (especally Friday) and I hope with all my heart that once you get this scan you will feel a weight has been lifted.

 

[mislaww]

 

[croydongirl]

Wow, you have a lot on your plate right now. I hope you can take a few deep breaths today and have some moments to relax. Sounds like you have a great Hubby who loves you very much and even though its hard try just to let him love and take care of you - ESPECIALLY until Friday.
I hope the counseling works out, I am a huge fan of having some time each week to have some sit with you and talk/work through whats on your heart.

I know its hard but you do not have any control over the decisions your friend is making, and you have to think about yourself right now and let her deal with that situation.

It sounds like alot, praying for peace for you today xx

 

[debgreasby]

Thanks girls .. what would i do without you?

 

[Smiler79]

HI D hope you are feeling a bit more rested today.

Have you managed to speak to y our midwife about chasing up your counselling. I di not have it fro my early miscarriage but 11 years ago I puyt my baby girl up for adoption as I was 18 an dunwell and on my own. It was a hard decision but the right one for me and Emily. It took me until 2 years ago to seek therapy but it was the best thing I ever did. Hope that helps.

You are in my prayers as are your parents and hope things go well on friday.
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[HoolenT]

wow poor you, so much going on. This is the time when you have to think about you you you. you and your baby are the most important things in your life right now so don't feel bad about that. Your friend will come and find you if she needs you. Chase up your mw about counselling it will give you an hour each week just to focus on you and how you feel. take care and i will keep everything crossed for you for Friday.

 

[leeanne]

 

[Peril]

Hey Deb, FIRSTLY.... ✿*ﾟ‘ﾟ･✿ HUGS ✿*ﾟ‘ﾟ*✿

Secondly... You sound like you have a great family and support system who are worried and wanting the best for you... which is great.

You know a fair bit about my history, and due to my history i have suffered with depression and anxiety. I have been referred for councelling as my anxiety is escalating at the moment and causing so problems, as I advised them that i am currently pregnant that sped up the referral and meant i jumped the queue a little. Are they aware of your circs??? It might help to mention it if they don't.

As for your friend... I too am dubious based on what you have said... heartbeat at 5w5 days... yes possible... detect that its growing abnormally??? I doubt it as its really only a sac and fetal pole, there would be nothing to see to show that it is growing abnormally. You say she is a friend, i assume she is aware of your history, it makes me wonder if she is spinning a yarn, why she would do it in this way, when she must realise it would strike very close to home for you.

If i were you i would concentrate on yourself, and your loving family. There is nothing i can say to ease your anxiety, people have tried for me... and all that is happening is my blood pressure is creeping higher and higher every time i get a check up!

I really wish you the best of luck for your scan. I hope it goes smoothly and problem free for you. I also hope that they are keeping a close eye on you.

Here if you need me xxx