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Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by MonkeyFeet, Apr 15, 2009.

  1. MonkeyFeet

    MonkeyFeet Pregnant after ICSI

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    My husband is making me crazy :hissy:

    We agreed that after our wedding we'd start TTC as we've been together for over 6 years and it feels like the right time to start a family, great. He insisted though that we wouldn't get "obsessive" about it. I'm trying not to obsess but it's difficult. I've been desperately broody for the last 2 years and off BCP for the last 18 months and every time the :witch: comes I feel distraught even though previously we weren't TTC, I just constantly hoped that an accident might happen as they seem to happen to lots of other people. Anyway I've just had AF after our first cycle of officially TTC and when she arrived I once again felt like crying. I was determined that this month we'd try harder and not be "obsessive" but make sure I had some idea when I OV and BD more around that time. Fair enough right?

    Last night I was talking to my husband about it and how we should ahem "refresh" his sperm a bit before the official BD and whilst he was very keen to do that :roll: he got twitchy about TTC and said again that he doesn't want to "try" and wants sex to be fun and relaxed and not about having babies as there's no rush for a baby, we're just not preventing pregnancy and a baby would be nice. I wanted to scream. I actually lay in bed crying before going to sleep and want to cry now. It feels like with his attitude we're never going to have a baby.

    It's not that he doesn't want a child and is going along with it for me, I know he very much wants to be a dad, we were watching the news this morning and he was commenting on the article on home births and on how cute the baby on the TV was. He knows what he'd want to call our children and is excited at the prospect. He is quite willingly taking the multi-vitamin I'm giving him and has cut down on caffiene! I just don't think he understands that conception is a timing issue and it's not always as easy as just not preventing it and if possible I'd rather like to conceive some time in the next 12 months...well IDEALLY I'd like to conceive this month because we all want things right away don't we?!

    I want a baby so much and no amount of explaining the science will make him understand that it's not easy. He also may not be in a rush but I am, I may still be young but I would ideally like to have my first child before I reach a certain age as if I can be blessed with two I'd like both before I'm 30 with (what I think is) a good age difference. This gives me about 18 months in which to get pregnant with number one. I know (assuming there aren't fertility issues) it's possible and can happen in that time but I'm just frustrated with my husband because I want him to have the same thoughts on TTC as me and to be a bit more enthusiastic, I want to be relaxed about it as much as possible but a bit less relaxed than him!!

    It's just upsetting me a lot at the moment. I feel completely alone as we've not told anyone that we're TTC as I'd hate to be nagged about it or to have anyone try talking us out of it!!
     
  2. Pusskins

    Pusskins Well-Known Member

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    I understand exactly what your going through.
     
  3. Orange lady

    Orange lady Well-Known Member

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    Poor men just don't get it! Hubby and I got our :bfp: in Nov 08 but suffered a MMC in December. He has moved on, but I will never forget. It was my body, my baby and I will never forget my LO. Luckily my mum in law understands as has had the same experience.
    We've been TTC since then, and every month I am symptom spotting and wanting to :sex: at all the right times as well as the not so right ones. But they don't understand. It must be a biological thing. So now I work out the dates and CM and just don't tell him. We :sex: anyway, and he doesn't think I'm obsessing! Everyone's happy. If I want to talk or rant I come on here.
     
  4. glitterbug

    glitterbug Mum with growing tum

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    Hey MonkeyFeet - In the same boat as you babe! My OH doesn't want :sex: to be too regimented, which is fine, but it kind of misses the point of ttc when you're not getting it when the time is right! I agree that we shouldn't be too obsessive about things, but why agree to have a child together if you're not prepared to aim for the fertile window when it's there right!!???

    Not sure how to change the situation to be honest. I'm coming to the end of my second cycle ttc and I am pretty sure I am out already due to not bd'g enough when I was OV'g.:cry:

    Think perhaps we just need to be sneaky and extra nice and extra seductive around OV time! I know its not the point and they should try to be a bit more understanding, but I know with my OH that's just not gonna happen!!!!

    Good luck in your ttc journey. Hope it happens for you sooner rather than later so you don't have to worry about it anymore! :hug:
     
  5. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Just throwing this out there, see what you think.....

    Maybe he doesn't want the pressure of performing if he says you are officially trying.

    Maybe he also realises that you haven't had a happy accident and is worried that it's because of the quality of his swimmers? If he accepts you are officially trying that might mean he needs to think about why it's not happening, and he doesn't want to do that....

    In reality, it's probably just that you haven't been trying for the past 18 months and it will happen for you soon.

    It sounds like you've spoken to him about it, so not sure what my next advice would be - is he just not into planning? Sounds like you have your life mapped out in terms of when you want kids etc (which I'm not saying is a bad thing at all, some people like plans, some don't), is that what is scaring him?

    x
     
  6. goingforit

    goingforit Well-Known Member

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    I am in a similar situation...I almost feel it put pressure on my DH as we had agreed that after the dreaded witch was gone we would BD every other day.

    Well we are on our second month of TTC too and we didn't BD straight after the witch had gone...saying that once we started we did but I have no idea when I ovulate so who knows what my situation is this month!

    The fact is men do not understand...they don't know why we symptom spot or get so into it...well mine doesn't!!

    :hug: to all and dust!
     
  7. goingforit

    goingforit Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure this was the issue with my DH and I have really stopped myself from becoming so into it all!
     
  8. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Well - in front of him anyway - that's what BnB is for :rofl:
     
  9. sazza

    sazza Well-Known Member

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    So true!!!:rofl:
     
  10. goingforit

    goingforit Well-Known Member

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    LOL...love it!! Quite true I suppose but I just don't know anymore. I don't think you ever know if the time is right. He is now talking about if we should buy a house...but I said if I was PG then that wouldn't be affordable on maternity leave pay if we use our savings for a deposit. My mind is very confused at the moment and i've had a really naughty month in terms of wine and tea! Oops!
     
  11. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    I had lots of wine and vodka the other night. In a weird way, it would be just my luck to be PG now as I've been really careful generally since TTC (had one night when AF was here that I wasn't but other than that...)

    OH actually said to me last night "lets hope you're not pg after the amount of alocohol we drank on Friday!" (He would really like me to be really but for him to say that means we drank a fair bit)

    In my defense, I did do a test on Friday morning, which was negative (hence the carte blanche to drink) but it could have been too early really (9 dpo I think)

    Ah well, time will tell x
     
  12. goingforit

    goingforit Well-Known Member

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    Indeed JayDee well fingers crossed that even though we've been slightly naughty (relaxed) this will be our month for a BFP!

    You know being more relaxed I do believe will help although I'm not sure I meant with alcohol...just hard when your visiting people and they offer you drinks!
     
  13. Mitsuko

    Mitsuko Are we there yet?

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    It seems that a lot of us are in the same boat!

    I said the exact same thing last week to my boyfriend! He doesn't get that TTC is not only not being on BCP... He even told me " I don't like it when I feel we have to BD on a precise day". :cry:

    Orange lady is probably right... The easiest way to handle it is to keep all pressure on yourself and act as this BDing was exactly like all the others :angelnot: You can always vent and symptom spot on BnB, after all!
     
  14. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    I agree - although I have sipping the glass of wine down to a fine art now (ha ha) it's more difficult when you're in a pub etc and buying rounds.

    Other people get you drinks and given we normally drink at the same pace kind of have to keep up - will think of a more valid excuse not to when I know I have a real reason to!
     
  15. mikababy

    mikababy Gorgeous little baby girl

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    Men are rubbish sometimes, I know! ](*,)

    I don't think many men realise that getting pregnant isn't actually that easy! In any one cycle you only have a 20-25% chance, so conceiving 'naturally' i.e just having unprotected sex 2-3 times a week is just playing a game of chance, and obviously the older you and your partner are then the longer the odds!

    We will be starting to TTC in a couple of weeks and I'm planning on making it as much about having hot lovin' and as little about conceiving as possible. I've got loads of sexy surprises waiting for him!

    BUT, behind it all I have a fertility chart so I'll know when my fertile times are and when I ovulate so it's all very strategic from my point of view, but not from his. I plan to concentrate our 'babymaking' sex i.e him on top at the end and my legs in the air (hee hee) around those days and the rest, well, it won't matter!

    Hope you come to some sort of compromise.
    xx
     
  16. MonkeyFeet

    MonkeyFeet Pregnant after ICSI

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    It might be a "pressure to perform" thing though we've discussed ways of *ahem* pretty much guarenteeing a performance at the end if it doesn't seem to be happening with the BDing initially :blush: it's just frustrating you know?

    He does understand my "plan" and he's all for it, he's into planning things out in advance as well, as much as I am. I think he just worries about me and doesn't want me to obsess and be disappointed, he doesn't realise that not obsessing doesn't magically make me less disappointed when it doesn't happen!
     
  17. goingforit

    goingforit Well-Known Member

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    Is it invasive to ask what you mean? Don't feel the need to answer i am just curious as to what you mean
     
  18. MonkeyFeet

    MonkeyFeet Pregnant after ICSI

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    Erm...well if he doesn't orgasm during sex there are other ways of getting him to the point where he can't hold back and then he can finish it off through sex...trying not to be too crude about this :blush:
     
  19. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Well if he's into the planning thing as well then it sounds like you're right, he's just trying to protect you both in case it doesn't happen straight away.

    Hope you get that BFP soon so you don't need to worry about it any more :) x
     
  20. beccad

    beccad June Bugs

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    Take the baby bit out of the equation (obviously that's the end result, I know :lol: ) but if you're jumping on him telling him that you've got fertile mucus and that you have to have sex right now, then it's not exactly going to get him in the mood :lol: although I suspect you're probably not actually doing that, but you get what I mean hopefully :thumbup:

    Just gotta make him feel a bit more special and that you want to have sex with HIM, not just for the sake of becoming pregnant.

    I don't know how you get around the fact that every biology lesson/teacher/parent/birth control person has always told him that you can get pregnant ANY time.
     

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