MIL against baby!

[LouOscar01]

Anyone else out there got a mother in law/ partners parents against baby?

My Mum is all for it but my partner's mother says 'no babies yet' every time I see her!!

We just had our kitchen done and she came to see it and said 'Oh a baby's highchair could go there'...I got all excited that maybe she was a bit more for it...and then partner's sister said 'WHen are you going to have a baby?' and partner's Mum said 'not yet, not yet'.

She doesn't know we are trying, but I wish she would just stop saying it everytime....it's going to be awkward when we announce pregnancy!!

How do I deal with this?

 

[Babyd2014]

It's your life and your choice.. She can have an opinion but it's truly down to you and your oh.
Xxx

 

[biscuits104]

Anyone else out there got a mother in law/ partners parents against baby?

My Mum is all for it but my partner's mother says 'no babies yet' every time I see her!!

We just had our kitchen done and she came to see it and said 'Oh a baby's highchair could go there'...I got all excited that maybe she was a bit more for it...and then partner's sister said 'WHen are you going to have a baby?' and partner's Mum said 'not yet, not yet'.

She doesn't know we are trying, but I wish she would just stop saying it everytime....it's going to be awkward when we announce pregnancy!!

How do I deal with this?

UGH! What is wrong with people? This might be worse than those people who won't stop bothering you about having a baby when you've been desperately trying for years. People need to keep their opinions to themselves. Next time she says something, just smile sweetly at her and say "don't worry, we don't expect you to be involved if you are so opposed." That will cook her goose.

 

[spicyorange]

She probably just didn't want to be a granny yet as it will make her feel old, bet she well be delighted when you announce

 

[LittleLala]

Wow, way to put a dampen on things! I agree with the previous poster, that perhaps she just doesn't want to feel old. But geez, it's so rude. You want an announcement to be exciting! (Because it is!). Having a baby is about you and your dh creating a family. Nobody else should have a say. Especially if you are independent and don't rely on others.

I have the opposite problem. My MIL constantly talks (and cries!) about wanting grandchildren... Despite knowing our losses and struggles. Seriously. So self absorbed. Sounds like your MIL is too.
Good luck! Don't let her words dampen this time in your life. TTC is hard enough!

 

[lisap2008]

Sounds like she is for it eventually but feels like its not the right time yet , or not coming for a while, I would ask her why she feels that way. like PP's said could be that she is not ready to be a grandma or could be other reasons only way to solve it is to openly discuss it without arguing.

 

[LouOscar01]

Children were never the most important thing for her. It was sport. She doesn't understand that children are what I want more than anything and always has been! She possibly thinks in forcing him into it im not. . If it want for me he would have wanted them later in life but he is happy to start now!!

 

[prettybirdy27]

I had a somewhat similar situation. My MIL has been hoping and praying for years that her first son would have a baby with his wife (they are 4 years older than DH and me)that when we told her we were trying, she was immediately unsupportive. Unsupportive to the point where she actually took me to a public restaurant and essentially berated me about our choice for 20 minutes and followed it up with talking about how much she is hoping that her older son will have kids. I was so discouraged that DH and I put off baby making for a couple weeks.

But then I got mad that she was trying to dictate our lives. DH and I started trying again, and I started rubbing it in her face to the point where she had to either accept it or stop talking to us entirely. She chose to accept it and has come around considerably.

However, I DONT RECOMMEND my risky method. It worked out for me because I knew her and reasonably was able to guess how she would respond. And if you were to do that, you need the balls to back it up or she'll own you forever.

What I would recommend to you is to just stop talking about babies with her completely. Don't stop talking to her, just stop talking about kids. If she makes a comment, ignore it, or "beandip" her - I.e. "I'm not ready to discuss where to put a high chair right now. Have you tried this bean dip? It's fabulous! I wonder where I could get the recipe!" And continue on in that manner until she drops it. Beandip her every time and soon enough she will stop bringing it up.

 

[KBCupcake]

It's your life and your choice.. She can have an opinion but it's truly down to you and your oh.
Xxx

Echoing this. Your life, your choices.

 

[LavenderLove]

Oh my goodness how rude of her, especially saying that you're forcing DH into it! Some people just do not get that different people want different things in life.

I was wondering what her tone was, and even if it was in a joking one that's still rude. I'd lean to maybe having DH talk to her to reassure her it's his desire too, or "beandip" her like prettybirdy said.

I haven't even brought up the subject of babies just because I know there's going to be negativity involved with my own MIL, so I empathize.

 

[lisap2008]

Children were never the most important thing for her. It was sport. She doesn't understand that children are what I want more than anything and always has been! She possibly thinks in forcing him into it im not. . If it want for me he would have wanted them later in life but he is happy to start now!!

You should do what makes you and your DH happy.

 

[lewood88]

My mil is the same she interferes a lot and it f's me off, she's even gone out her way to turn oh against the idea

 

[LouOscar01]

I'm just ignoring it and just accept a less than happy announcement when it happens!! She will come round to the idea once baby arrives anyway!

 

[venapols]

my mam said this for the last 5 years... never bothered me as its my body and my family so she has no say

now shes switched 'wheres my next grandchild?... its a big gap you know'

well yes I do bloody know and she keep telling me how many miscarriages other people have had... like thats helping

 

[prettybirdy27]

I finally thought my MIL was fully on board yesterday when she came to me to gush about seeing the 3 month old baby of a friend. She was so excited and just going on and on and on about how wonderful this baby was. She even showed me pictures. Then I mentioned something about DH and I having a baby, and she immediately got cold, mad, and sarcastic.

Sometimes people just aren't going to support you, and you just have to keep your head up and do what you know is right for you.

Best of luck.

 

[misspriss]

My MIL was totally on board for DS. Since DS, she has constantly reminded DH that she thinks he is not at all ready to have another child. She even had the gall to say it to me ONCE. Yeah. Anyway, we were ready for a second, we wanted the age gap we wanted, so we just didn't tell her. We didn't even tell her we were pregnant until 11 weeks (although she had guessed before then).