MIL rant!!!!!!

[Lauren999]

Our second daughter is due on 17 Dec (c-sec ). I will be in hospital until 20 Dec. My inlaws live out of town. They want to come visit from 23 to 29 Dec. The plan was they would stay in a guest house, but my MIL now says she doesn't feel comfortable waking up in a guest house on Christmas Day. If they can't stay with us then they aren't going to come visit. This puts me in a very difficult position. I really don't want house guests a week after I have had surgery and I have a new baby. I feel really bad for my hubby because he obviously wants them to come see the baby. I feel like my MIL has no respect for me or what my little family is about to experience. If it wasn't for Christmas, and they weren't going overseas on the 29th I would ask them to come a week or two later. Am I over reacting here?

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

My mil was with me a few days after having my baby, like as soon as I got home she was there. In reality it was awesome that there was an extra set of hands around, especially when I wanted a bit of extra rest, or to take a shower. I don't know about your mil but she wasn't horribly in the way taking baby away when he needed me or I didn't want to give him up.

In the end I was super glad she was there!

 

[Lauren999]

My MIL and I don't get on very well. After I gave birth last time they sat in my hospital room for hours every day and wanted to hold baby all the time. It was extremely awkward while I was trying to learn how to Breastfeed ect. She was also there the day I got home from hospital, and DH spent the whole afternoon cooking them a big meal which I was expected to sit at the table and eat. I was in so much pain after the c-sec and all I wanted to do was lie in bed and rest and I couldn't do that. No boundaries were respected then and I guess that is why I want my space after I give birth this time.

 

[aley28]

Insist on having your space, you'll be glad you did later on

 

[Berri]

I understand your frustration but as PP said, there is an upside... including someone to play with your eldest daughter while you're tending to the baby and your recovery.

My MIL came to visit when Ds2 was a week old, I thought it was going to be a couple of hours. She was there from about 10am and when she showed no signs of leaving at 5pm I gave DS1 his dinner then told DH that I was off to bed with the baby, said my goodnights and let him sort the rest out (which he did).

If your DH wants them there then he should do all the "hosting" and let his parents know in advance that you'll be tired/emotional/recovering so while you're happy to have them they shouldn't be offended if you take yourself off to nap/rest rather than entertain them for a week? Set your boundaries before they get there and stick to them from day 1.

How about about having them at your place 23-25 and then 26-29 they stay at a guest house?

Good luck!

 

[shelby1090]

I think it's important to note, mil can be very helpful WHILE staying in the guest house. She'll still be there help out (not that she sounds the type to help out frankly). The postpartum period is very important and your concerns should be respected by everyone. If she wants to see the baby and help out then she will stay in the guest house and be grateful you are letting her help. This is something I feel very strongly about as I feel the PP time for women is so often ignored or disrespected. This is your time to heal and bond with your baby and everyone (and I mean everyone) should be on board helping you achieve those goals.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

If I were u Hun I'd put my foot down and say no, if she wants to meet the baby then she would be more than happy to stay in a guest house, she is trying to get her,own way and I'd be having none of it, you need to be comfortable after your surgery and with your new baby too, what she is doing is not fair at all! I'm sure your OH will understand that it is his mother being awkward and not you

 

[IsabellaJayne]

If put your foot down and say no. I found it such a private time PP with my daughter. My in laws wanted to be around all the time and it's so awkward especially when you're bleeding loads, leaking boobs, breastfeeding, pumping etc. I felt awkward and in the end I ended up in my bedroom hiding away. All I wanted was my own mum. OH finally realised and sent them packing (they were only here for a day, 10am-9pm though) I felt tight after all the help they'd given us but I needed to feel comfortable and bond with my own baby!

If she wants to come and help she will happily stay in the guest room. If she doesn't want to stay there, she doesn't come.

I was also recovering from a section and wanted to lounge around in knickers all day and couldn't even do that so that annoyed me too wearing pants lol

 

[lau86]

Could they not stay at home 23-25 then stay in the guest house 26-29? If you don't feel comfortable with them being in your house I think that's fair enough, they need to respect your wishes

 

[LoraLoo]

I'd hate that. I wouldn't even have my own mum staying with us. Stick to your guns- she's trying to guilt trip you into letting her stay.

 

[Mrs_Bump]

The period immediately after birth is so important to let your new little girl settle in at home and bond with you, Dh and her sister. You don't need the disruption. Can they not come and visit once they get back from their trip?

 

[Blu10]

As a compromise could they stay with you xmas eve and in a guest house the other nights? To expect to stay for so long is unreasonable x

 

[klsltsp]

I would put my foot down. It will be easier now and why be so irritated after the birth?

I would suggest that if she's not comfortable le waking up Christmas day in a guest house that they travel up on Christmas day and then stay in the guest house until the 29th.

I would not cave nor compromise since it sounds like she may not listen..

In my total passive aggressive ways I would say to her "we are really looking forward to your help so we are hoping that you can understand that we don't want any house guests that soon after the baby is born."

 

[AP]

Id just be like"tough", she might be uncomfortable on Christmas Day but theres more Christmas Day's to come. Better that, than you feeling uncomfortable after you give BIRTH!

 

[misspriss]

I would put my foot down as well. What is so bad about waking up Christmas morning in the guest house?

Quite frankly I'd rather not have guests waking up with my family in my house on Christmas morning, that's just something I'd rather have with just my immediate family. But Christmas traditions are varied so I can't assume everyone feels that way.

 

[Blu10]

I would put my foot down. It will be easier now and why be so irritated after the birth?

I would suggest that if she's not comfortable le waking up Christmas day in a guest house that they travel up on Christmas day and then stay in the guest house until the 29th.

I would not cave nor compromise since it sounds like she may not listen..

In my total passive aggressive ways I would say to her "we are really looking forward to your help so we are hoping that you can understand that we don't want any house guests that soon after the baby is born."

This is a great idea!

 

[Nerdy]

Funny thing; I read this to my husband to see what his reaction would be and he literally went "GTFO!" which is big because he's all about family and holidays etc. However, this is a VERY tender time for you and your family, and yes it's Christmas - but a guest house is a heck of a lot more cozy than a hotel room across town. Your MIL needs to suck it up and realize that she can walk across your lawn, or whatever, and come join you guys for Christmas Morning breakfast and celebrations. I had my husband's grandmother as a guest when I was 4 weeks postpartum and I can honestly say that I will NEVER have another house guest that soon after giving birth again. I don't care if Jesus himself came knocking with the little drummer boy and the three wisemen bearing gifts. Not happening.