Mild issues with my midwife, advice please.

[Jenniflower]

I just can't quite grasp if I like my midwife or not. On the one hand she's the senior midwife and so sounds like she knows what she's doing, but on the other she's always negative about my homebirth.

For the advice portion of this post:
She told me that midwives are only on call for homebirths from 39 weeks - 42 weeks. I asked her about this, saying I thought I was full term at 37 weeks so why couldn't I have a homebirth then? Her response was that if they were on call from 37 weeks then they wouldn't have enough midwives around to do their jobs. I was confused by this statement as she previously said things like there aren't many homebirths in the area and that most women don't go into labour after 39 weeks anyways (which by the way I though was a huge load of bologna) So anyways I explained that I appreciate what she was saying but that it was my right to have a homebirth when I'm full term. She said well if I wanted one before 39 weeks I would have to get the managers signature on that. I tried to question her how I would do that, would it be something I need to do in advance just in case or can it just happen on the day? She told me to go home and think about if it's something I would like to discuss during our next appointment. But I thought... I want to discuss it now!

So anyways... is there a letter I should have written up for my next appointment with her? Or do I just let it go as I assume I'll go over anyways. I just don't want to go into labour at 38+4 and miss out you know?

Second bit of advice:
She told me that in order to have morphine at home I would need a prescription from my GP and I would need to get it before hand. I understood all of that, I listened to everything she had to say. And then I let her know I have been through hypnobirthing how I won't use the morphine because I don't believe in it as it makes the baby groggy. And how come the time of the birth I don't want any mention of pain relief unless I mention it. Not even gas and air. It was like she didn't even listen to me. She just smiled and said I may want it so I should just go get it and put it in the house. I explained again that I wouldn't even want the option in the house so I won't be getting it. She seemed to think I was being difficult. *sigh* Am I being stubborn? Should I just get it in case like she says I'll want it? But GAH! I know myself well enough and if I can have it, I'll want it. It was a big reason I don't want to be in the hospital because I could imagine my brain giving up and taking what I can get. If it's not there I just get on with it. I don't think it'll be particularly painful and I'm afraid that hearing or thinking about "pain relief" will mess me up.

And finally 3rd advice! whew!
She kept going on and on about how she may not be able to get a good reading on LO's heartbeat while I'm in the water because of my position. And that since I'm at home I can't have constant monitoring of the heartbeat. I explained I wouldn't want that anyways, and I was happy to only have it done if she suspected there was anything wrong. But then she kept saying if she can't get a reading then I'll have to be transferred, and how since I'm overweight it'll be harder to hear it as well. I then asked if she's ever had an issue hearing it at any of our appointments to which she admitted no it's fine. So do you have any advice on ways I can help her to hear the heartbeat? Or any advice on what my rights would be in this situation?

Please help, hahahaha.

 

[luna28]

Oh dear, she's being quite the annoying mw isn't she! right as for only offering hb from 39 weeks how stupid is that, I had my 1st baby at 38+5! I would write a letter to the head of midwifery attached to your hospital, here is an example template ""Dear Head of Maternity,

I am booked for a home birth with the A-team of midwives, and my due date is (date). I understand that your unit does not recommend home birth prior to 38 weeks gestation, which I find surprising as the World Health Organisation's definition of 'term' is 37 - 42 weeks, and most health authorities support home birth from 37 weeks' gestation.

If I go into labour from 37 weeks' gestation then I have decided that I will remain at home for the labour and birth, unless there is a particular reason for transfer which emerges on the day. I am not prepared to accept hospital confinement solely on the basis of being under 38 weeks' gestation.

I would therefore appreciate it if you would make arrangements for the home birth kit to be delivered to my home prior to my 37 weeks date, which is (date). I am sure you will agree with me that it could be disastrous if a midwife was called to attend my home birth, but did not have the necessary resuscitation equipment available to her.

I look forward to your reply, Yours... "

As for ythe pain relief if you have decided you don't want opiates then don't get them simple! I'm not going to bother with pethidine and the like as I do not like what it does to women and I don't like not feeling "with it".

She must not have attended many waterbirths then! I have caught 4 babies born in the pool and looked after a few more women who laboured in the pool and I have never had a problem locating the hb, sometimes I may have to ask the woman to change position if I can't reach but thats it. Honestly I wouldn't worry she is just scaremongoring which unfortunately a lot of mws tend to do with regards to homebirth, I think it is a sign of her not being confident and not being able to fully control the situation! Will she be the one attending you in labour?

 

[barbarap]

she's just being difficult, i have never heard of any issues listening to the baby's heartbeat while in the water.
it is my understanding that the midwives MUST respect your birth plan, so you should (as you probably already have) mention everything you want or don't want on your birth plan.
do you always see her when you go to appointments or is there a chance of seeing someone else?
if she doesn't attend homebirths you might get lucky and have nicer, more open-minded midwives at your side when the time comes.

 

[Mervs Mum]

She sounds to be being generally negative and slightly irritating! They are all minor things that I think a quick letter to the SOMws or HOMWery would sort out VERY quickly.
x

 

[rayasunshine]

That sounds like a horrible experience... she's a midwife, why is she pushing for drugs? And aren't midwives supposed to trust in the birth process? She shouldn't MAKE you have the HB checked during labor if you don't want it, that's ridiculous.

I had many issues with the midwives I started out with and ultimately my DH and I decided to just go the unassisted route.

 

[Mama Samba]

Jenniflower, who's birth is it yours or hers? If there is only a slightest negative feeling to anyone who is supposed to be at your and your baby's birth, forget about it. Do not let people partake at this treasured private and joyful event which you do not trust completely. It can (and ususally it does) create havoc to have such a person around.

 

[NaturalMomma]

Is she an older lady? She sounds like maybe she isn't enjoying her career much anymore.

1. Full term in most places is either 37 or 38 weeks to 42 weeks. I don't see why she wouldn't deliver a baby who is 38 weeks, that's full term. Is there another Midwife who you can go with instead who does deliver prior to 39 weeks?

2. Where I gave birth you dont' even have the option of morphine or gas with a homebirth. You have no option of pain medications. I had a homebirth 8 months ago and the only intense part was transition and that didn't last long. If you know yourself and know you don't want medication then skip it.

3. While it is harder to get a reading when you're in the water, most Midwives will have the woman stand up in the pool/tub and get a reading and then you can sit back down. It's really not that hard.

 

[Jenniflower]

Just wanted to say THANK YOU so much to all the advice ladies. I know I was writing about this in the home birth and hopeful thread (I did that cause I needed answers ASAP, haha)

In the end I had to send the letter off to my MP, AIMS and the Head of Midwifery to let her know I WILL be having a home birth at 37 weeks if I go into labour. They tried to tell me that they could do me a "favour" by "allowing" me a homebirth at 38 weeks even though it's not their policy. Anyways, no response back from the Head of Midwifery as I just sent it but did want to let you know how amazing AIMS is. They sent me back this response.

Dear Jennifer Thank you for contacting us. I think your letter is fine but I woul also add
I am not prepared to accept hospital confinement solely on the basis of being under 38 weeks' or over 42 weeks' gestation. You may find that you go overdue and you may also wish to comment on that.

I presume that you have already explored our web site www.aims.org.uk If not, you will find a series of books on childbirth issues and, as I presume that this is your first pregnancy you may be interested in birthing Your Baby, which gives you a good idea about how to give yourself the best chance of having a normal birth.

If you have any problems with the local midwives we have an AIMS contact in Edinburgh, Nadine Edwards whom you can also contact should you need more information. Her telephone number is: 0131 229 6259.


Yours, Beverley

I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[Jenniflower]

OK! So my midwife calls me this morning and says that they are able to grant me, in this ONE circumstance, on call from 37 weeks. But then she goes on and on and on to make sure I realize this is NOT the norm, this is a very special circumstance, and is only being allowed because there are no other home births on call during that week. She asked that I didn't spread it around that they allowed this as they went out on a limb for me.

Sorry but how ignorant and annoying is that? Yay for me and all! But really? "Don't spread it around" You better believe I'll spread it around! Every woman needs to be aware they have rights so I'll be definitely telling everyone that asks! And probably some that don't! hahaha

On a side note she mentioned talking to the midwife I had in my antenatal appointments. The one I was talking to about keeping my placenta. (Always nice to know how much they talk about me btw, lol) She tells me, of all the years I've ever midwifed I've never had someone keep their placenta. (She needs to get out more!) But she was ok with it and was actually interested in what I was going to do with it. So I told her how you encapsulate it and take 2 a day for the first few weeks and such. And then she kept asking me questions. "What does it do for you?" "Where did you hear this?" "Is it hard to do?" "How come you know so much stuff?" (Loved that last one!) I said I have 'friends' that do it all the time so I get my information from them. So you all are officially my friends now. I mean I couldn't very well get into the fact that I'm on a message board with women all over the world! She'd have really thought I'd lost it then. hahahaha.

 

[chuck]

Some Mw's really do need to get out more, the awful shambolic antenatal class I went o was run by a woman who clearly had no grasp of technology what so ever. She rambled on about all sorts but did at one point say I was shocked when a young lady I was attending got straight into a good birthing position on her back holding her knees...I asked how she knew to do it and she replied I'd seen it on TV.

She seemed really shocked that there are tv programs about labour and birth, I'd hate to think what she would think about us bunch of nutters!

 

[Bournefree]

Congratulations!! Well they met there match with you!
Lol. Yes totally impossible.(I‘d love to see them take out an injunction)! Like you are not going to tell anyone!
Having them talk about you behind you back can only be all good in my eyes - your not a “trouble maker” you’re an informed women, and there is nothing wrong with them knowing that! Plus you will respect them more, and your homebirth really will be a chance for your Mws to shine, afterall it is going to be their wealth of experience and training you are counting on. I think that in any profession it is great to have people that challenge you, and make you see things in a different light, and invite you to new ideas. If you’re not rude, then there is no reason they shouldn’t have nothing but respect for you too, as I do.
I’ll be your friend!
xXx

 

[Jenniflower]

I wrote to AIMS to thank them and here was her response.

Dear Jennifer Well done, I hope all goes well, just don't call them too soon. Yours, Beverley

She was so helpful! And I love that last bit, hahaha.

 

[LuckyD]

Congratulations! And totally spread it around

 

[pimento1979]

"How come you know so much stuff?"

Sheesh. Imagine that! Women going out to find out their own information due to the lack of information actually being given out by "knowledgeable" midwives! Good Lord.

Good for you for writing that letter and getting the result you wanted (even though it's complete and utter BS that they had that crappy policy in place in the first instance anyway!).