Miserable friend with two kids and now I'm all freaked out!

[babytimeee]

Just got back from a playdate with my DD .. my friend has a 4 year old and an 18 month old and she basically just kept saying how having two is soooo miserable and tough and we'll never have time to ourselves again and now I'm all freaked out feeling like we made a mistake! I've been obsessively stressing out about surprise LO#2 and I'm just so scared. We aren't really doing too well with money and I'm just so nervous about EVERYTHiNG involving two children. The logistics of taking them out, having time together as adults... I'm absolutely terrified. Please someone tell me it isn't hell on earth like she made it sound because I am seriously panicked!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

It sounds to me like this has more to do with your friend than having two kids in general. I say this, because I have two kids, and it's hard, but I'm by no means miserable! I love them and I love being their mommy. But I have a friend that has two kids, as well, and seems kind of miserable. She gets easily stressed out and can't understand why I'm having a third right now. But her capacity and mine are different, just like your capacity and your friend's are different, too. What may make her miserable, might be way easier than you thought.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. Just because she finds it hard doesn't mean you will. And I'm sure she's just blowing off steam, venting to you because she can trust. I have two and I love it.

 

[QuintinsMommy]

I'm also worried what it will be like we two children, but some people have 3+ children so it can't be too horrible if people keep trying for more right? eek I sure hope not.

 

[babytimeee]

I'm also worried what it will be like we two children, but some people have 3+ children so it can't be too horrible if people keep trying for more right? eek I sure hope not.

Thanks ladies! It just makes me nervous because her second was planned and mine was not .. so if she WANTED that, what is it going to be like for me who is totally unprepared/wasn't expecting this twist... I am just so nervous I will be unhappy and feel like I ruined my family .. I so hope I'm wrong... I feel like I can't even enjoy this pregnancy because of the worry...

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Just remember, even in the worst case scenario (you're miserable), you will still have given your LO a gift that no money could ever buy. Having a sibling is an amazing experience that your LO will thank you for someday.

 

[LadyHutch]

Between us, DH and I have 5, #6 on the way.

All children are a blessing. We are by no means rich. I have days that are hard and days that are easy, but all of them are joyous.

I do not always love being a mom....there are days I just want to get in my car and drive far, far away to somewhere that I can sit on a beach at a tiki bar and get drunk by myself on margaritas, then retire to a hotel suite, by myself, and take a long hot bath.

But I'd miss them before bedtime and probably just go back home.

I have one kid who is incredibly, extremely difficult. Teenager years are a real struggle.

But its all worth it in the end. My heart gets bigger with each addition. They are my favorite people in the world and I wouldn't trade my family up.

EDIT: I have NEVER once regretted a single one of them.

 

[Catmat]

I think your friend was just venting. I do think that children born closer can be physically more tiring, for example trying to BF while the other LO is climbing in a dangerous spot! My first kids are 22 months apart and have always been best of buds, but the were exhausting younger. However they get closer every year, which makes me incredibly happy that they have that relationship. I put off having my third until I had my career firmly in place. My kids will be 5 and 7 when this new LO comes. I know this LO won't have that relationship my older kids do, but they will develop their own special relationship.

 

[izzlesnizzle]

Between us, DH and I have 5, #6 on the way.

All children are a blessing. We are by no means rich. I have days that are hard and days that are easy, but all of them are joyous.

I do not always love being a mom....there are days I just want to get in my car and drive far, far away to somewhere that I can sit on a beach at a tiki bar and get drunk by myself on margaritas, then retire to a hotel suite, by myself, and take a long hot bath.

But I'd miss them before bedtime and probably just go back home.

I have one kid who is incredibly, extremely difficult. Teenager years are a real struggle.

But its all worth it in the end. My heart gets bigger with each addition. They are my favorite people in the world and I wouldn't trade my family up.

EDIT: I have NEVER once regretted a single one of them.

That really made me smile. So its not just me who fantasizes about just going away on my own, having a few cocktails, read a book, chill out in a nice hotel room on my own, a nice early night and a lie in- wow! But I know if I did all that, i'd be thinking of my LO the whole time and desperate to get home to her and i'd probably just leave early and go home anyway!

I worry about what it will be like with 2 and the logistics of getting them both out and ready for bed and what will I do about this and what will I do about that but when it comes down to it you just cross each bridge as you get to it and theres no point in worrying about it all as most of the time worries don't happen and things are completely different to what you imagined anyway.

 

[teamandy]

You're friend is probably having a rough time and is not getting much support from your partner. Everyone has a different kind of life and it depends how you make of it...

 

[patch2006uk]

I'm only 3 months into having 2 children, but it's been lovely so far. Yes, there are moments when they're both crying and my brain feels like it's melting, but there are so many more moments when they're sharing kisses and cuddles, when they're both cheerful, happy little people. My eldest has found some responsibility and the baby has added a whole new element to our days together. He's learning patience and caring (tells the baby 'don't worry, mommy is coming', or 'shh, it's ok little baby, we'll look after you' )

I figure that I'm not the first to do this, and there are people out there with loads more than 2 kids! We'll figure it out, and things will probably turn out fine

 

[mamaxs4]

I have two...the first child was planned and my second was a surprise....they are great kids...It's not easy, but I would never say the kids make me miserable....In fact, I wanted a third and am 7 weeks!

 

[minties]

I have 3.5 year old and a 19 month old.

It all falls into place. I worried about the logistics of going out, bedtimes etc too, but now that just seems like some long ago worry and I haven't given it a thought since Sophie was a newborn.

Two is just as hard as one for me. It hasn't made a difference. It's just a little louder, and there are more cuddles and more tears.

I would like a third!

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

I have 2 boys and I wouldn't take them back for anything !!!! My 1st was so easy and healthy, my 2nd was very sick and we lived in the hospital the 1st yr of HIS miserable life..... We had no life outside odor children for the first 2 yrs of my second holds life.... Yes it was challenging, emotional, and overwhelming at times .... BUT I can guarantee the joys you will have from your second child will be more than you could ever ask for..... Your 1st will have a best friend for life , and you will have double to joys, double the laughs, double the happy family times . I love every bit of it..... I too have my hard days, but once the day is over and I put my babies to bed, I smile and just feel so incredibly blessed to have them both!!! I said I was done having kids during that 1st yr we lived in. The hospital with my 2nd baby.... And there I was , he turned 3 and I had this baby fever I couldn't fight ! He just turned 4 and we are expecting our 3rd couldn't be happier or more excited!!