Misscarrige in august.....

[rachlouise25]

i feel so silly for writing in here but here my story sorry if it offends anyone at all ...

ok i got pregnant arounder october 2006 and sadley i lost my first born son june 2007 32 weeks gestation (stillborn )

i was hurting so much i couldnt think of anything other than trying for another baby ,15 months later i finally got my bfp in october 2008 went on to have my baby boy at 31 wks gestation due to placenta abruption and very lucky to have him ,,,,

he was 7 wks old and i found out i was pregnant again so very shocked i did 3 tests as i didnt believe it ,my pregnancy was cut short i started spotting so was sent for scan was supposed to have been 9wks pregnant but only measuring 5 half weeks was told to go back in 3 weeks time ....

august 23rd and i was bleeding heavy i didnt know what to do rung hospital as i was passing very big clots i said did i need to go in they told me no not to bother as it sounds like everything is coming away i lost the baby they say it was a chemical but when i passed everything i could see the tiny sac full of the fluid and something very very tiny inside which im guessing was the baby ,i cried for the first few hours ,,,,,few days past and i felt fine i have my lil boy to occupy me

anyway im currentley 16 wks pregnant again after loosing my baby ,,,,but i cant help but now all of a sudden thinking of the lil baby i lost ...everything is getting on top of me with me grieveing for my first born son i know its been 2 half yrs but the pain is terrible in my heart for him ,and know its only hitting me with my misscarrige .......

and now to top it all off have been told reasons for my stillborn baby ,placenta abruption on my 8 month old son ,and why i had the misscarrige ,,,

i have what they call factor 5 leiden which if was picked up after my first son then i wouldnt have lost again and know im thinking somehow im to blame for both my losses and also placenta abruption and am feeling a failure for putting my babys through the stress of it all ........

i know that i am now on medication for my condition daily injections and aspirin tablets and also have to wear stocking to stop my blood clotting in my legs ......

im so sorry if im ranting on about my feelings im just feeling so low i think the mixture of my grief and hormones gets me all thinking ........

would like to say sorry if i have posted wrong in here i just nedded to let my misscarrige be open as i dont talk about it at all and i think i have bottled everything up and here seems like the right place where i cant let down some steam .....

miss you so much my sweet angel mummy so so sorry for not thinking about you ido love u xxxxxxxxx

 

[louise1302]

so sorry to read of your losses hun

im sure your ,ittle man knows you love him very much xx

 

[smidgen]

aw god love you - you've certainly had more than your fair share of heartache - am so sorry for your losses. fingers crossed your current bean will remain sticky and arrive healthy xx

 

[Kayleigh Lou]

Sorry for your losses. It must be very hard for you to deal with. The girls in this forum are lovely and will help you as much as they can.

Did you have any counselling after your losses?

Hope you have a healthy nine months xxxxxx

 

[rachlouise25]

thank u both i wasnt sure if im posting in the right one or not because i have had 2 completley diffrent losses so ive added a post in the still born section as well as here for my misscarrige ....

sorry if ive gone on so much with long thread i just needed to get everything off my chest ...

and thanks to u both....

 

[rachlouise25]

Sorry for your losses. It must be very hard for you to deal with. The girls in this forum are lovely and will help you as much as they can.

Did you have any counselling after your losses?

Hope you have a healthy nine months xxxxxx

no hun havent had any counselling at all i have been advised to go ,but when i had my second son after emergancy c section i confided in a nurse and told her all my feelings ,they then put me at risk and made my partner sign a form to say he takes full responsibility for my son ,

basically i think they were saying im nuts because i blamed myself for not carrying my babys to term ,they must have thought i would be a risk to my baby ,my partner had to sign the form they wouldnt have allowed me to take my baby home otherwise .....

for that reason hun i havent bothered to chat to anyone im afraid to as im afraid what they would say or do i love my babys and i would never never hurt them

bad experiance hun the way i was treated and im afraid to confide in anyone else .....

 

[Kayleigh Lou]

Its difficult to confide in anyone you dont really know. I was gutted as i wasnt offered counselling. In the hospital they told me to get up and eat my breakfast like i was a little school girl. Then i was 'told off' for not having a wash bag with me. I just broke down after that.

Its not fair that they are treating you that way. Hopefully your time here will help heal the difficult times you've had. Like i say the girls here are a fantastic bunch brought together by very sad circumstances. Ever need a chat just pm me xxxx

 

[Tulip]

Oh Rach I'm so sorry for your pain and your losses and the way they treated you.... I really do think proper counselling might help you. Sadly there's nothing more you could have done to have saved your angels. Sadly the NHS are often slow to link losses and to really get to the bottom of them (all the ladies who have suffered two mcs won't get referred until they have a third and then finally may get some answers in time to save their next baby).

I sincerely hope you can enjoy Christmas with your son and your bump knowing that you are doing everything you can to keep the little one safe xxx

 

[rachlouise25]

Oh Rach I'm so sorry for your pain and your losses and the way they treated you.... I really do think proper counselling might help you. Sadly there's nothing more you could have done to have saved your angels. Sadly the NHS are often slow to link losses and to really get to the bottom of them (all the ladies who have suffered two mcs won't get referred until they have a third and then finally may get some answers in time to save their next baby).

I sincerely hope you can enjoy Christmas with your son and your bump knowing that you are doing everything you can to keep the little one safe xxx

thank u so much for your kind words im hopeing christmas will be kind to me and my son will help me see through the pain of loosing my precioua babys .hopefully too this lil baby is also ment to be ive got this far not too much longer now xxxxxxxxxxx