Missed Misscarriage

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by sue247, Dec 19, 2009.

  1. sue247

    sue247 Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,
    I am new to this site but came on to find people maybe going through the same thing as me to talk to. I found out yesturday that i had had a miss misscarriage. Went in for a scan at 8 weeks (had one 10 days before and the baby was fine). But the baby's heart had stopped at 6 weeks 6. I had a small amount of brown spotting and that was why i had been sent for a scan. I have a child already and spotted all the way through so kind of thought would be ok. I am devastated. what makes it worse is now i have to decide how to conclude this, by either getting a d and c or waiting to let it happen naturally - which is scary a i have heard of womens womb still growing and it taking weeks to hapen naturally. I have terrible morning sickness and just dont want to go through feeling worse than i need to at Christmas - also cant start healing and dealing with this until then! I was so happy to get this positive HPT as i had been trying for 18 months to get pregnant.

    Is there anyone else going through this?:cry:
     
  2. veganmum2be

    veganmum2be 1 Son two angels.

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    i was told i had a missed miscarriage on the 10th dec. i chose to have a medicaly managed miscarriage, where you take the pills to start the process and you miscarry in hospital.

    i too continued to have morning sickness and many other pregnancy symptoms, and as i found out baby had died, i wanted the symptoms to go asap, so thats why i chose medical. plus you can get decent pain releif in hospital.

    i know how you feel, and i know its awful, my thoughts are with you, :hug:
     
  3. sue247

    sue247 Well-Known Member

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    veganmum2be - thank you for your response. I am sorry for your loss it is horrible. I feel the same and just want the symptoms to go and feel in limbo at the moment as i still have the baby inside me and my body is showing no signs of miscarrying. How long did it take for it to happen when you had the medically managed miscarriage? Was it very painful?
     
  4. Diggydog

    Diggydog 1 angel, Mummy & WTT

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    Hey hun, im so sorry for your loss.

    I also had brown spotting at 11 weeks went for an early scan at 11 weeks 6 days where i was told i had had a missed miscarriage. I dont know when my baby stopped growing but i was told it was small for nearly 12 weeks. There was no sign of me miscarriaging naturally so i was given the option of the pill to bring on contractions or the op ERPC (D&C). I went for the ERPC op as me and my OH couldnt go through seeing the body or the pain.

    I had to wait 4 days from finding out baby had no heartbeat to having the op which was heartbreaking knowing i had my baby inside me but it wasnt alive. The op was 2 weeks ago now, i for me i defo made the correct choice of having the op.

    Thinking of you.xxx
     
  5. veganmum2be

    veganmum2be 1 Son two angels.

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    i did post my full experiance on here in detail threads called [another experiance of a medical miscarriage]

    i found out on the thursday that baby had died, went back to hospital on the friday for first pill, then back on sunday early morning, to have the other 4 pills and then i had the miscarriage.
    you will be given pain releif, pain is different for everyone, i was given codeine, paracetamol and gas and air, i was in pain almost immediatly but when i was on the gas and air i felt hardly anything.

    its not as bad as one would expect in my opinion. sorry your having to go through this and so close to christmas aswell xxx
     
  6. SmileyShazza

    SmileyShazza I'm a mum!

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    Hi Sue am very sorry to read of your loss.

    We found out that we had a missed miscarriage (you may see it referred to on here as MMC) almost 4 weeks ago at our 12 week scan. They said it looked as if our baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks which came as a total shock as I was still having morning sickness etc It is such a devastating feeling and I can totally sympathise with what you are going through :(

    After being given the options we decided on having an ERPC as I personally felt that waiting for things to happen naturally or having having medical management would be much more upsetting for me in the long run. I had to wait a week inbetween finding out and having my op which seemed like it lasted forever, I too felt very much in a state of limbo knowing what had happened and that our little one was no longer with us, but was if you know what I mean.

    The erpc itself for me was very straightforward. Into hospital at 7.45am and back home by 1.30pm, I only had a tiny bit of bleeding immediately after the procedure whilst in hospital but by time I'd got home it had stopped and I never had anymore. I know other people who have had the same procedure on here have had some bleeding afterwards - each persons recovery afterwards is different.

    Physcially I have been fine but emotionally it has been a rollercoaster one minute feeling up and trying to think positively about the future and then feeling down and upset about what has happened. This seems to be normal as I know a lot of other people on here have been the same, I think it is a natural part of the grieving process.

    For us opting for the surgery was the best thing, it allowed us to get some closure and allow us to move on a lot more quickly than any of the other options. I wouldn't hesitate to take that option again if god forbid I was faced with the same decision. If you have any questions about the procedure or need a froiendly ear please feel free to PM me.

    I'm sorry you are having to go through this and am sending you and your OH hugest :hugs:
     
  7. sue247

    sue247 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you smilieyshazza for your words of encouragement. IT helps talking to people who have experienced it as most people just dont really know how to deal with you or what to say. Even my OH said to me as a man he can not really know what it is like - i do feel quite alone. It only happened yesturday and it does feel like i am in the middle of a nightmare tbh.

    Thank you all for your posts.
     
  8. sue247

    sue247 Well-Known Member

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    People try to be supportive but dont understand. My friend says i should come to her party tomorrow to 'let my hair down'. Just dont know how i can deal with CHristmas knowing i am about to miscarry or have just miscarred (if i have the procedure it will be Tuesday or Wed). But feel need to 'pull myself together' in a way for my 3 year old, it is the first Christmas he understands and is so excited.
     
  9. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    :hugs: Sue. there's a lot of us been there recently, my 12 week scan on 20th Nov was when I found out the baby hadn't even developed inside the sac. Luckily I managed to get in for D&C, EPRC, apparently they did a bit of both (surgical procedure with general anesthetic) on the 23rd so only had to wait over the weekend but they were trying to get me to wait longer.

    BeanieBaby has just been through it and she too has a young child too so shed be a great preson to talk to. She'll be more than happy to give you advice I'm sure. I'm sure she'll be around here in the next few days xx
     
  10. Tulip

    Tulip Ruby <i>, Dils, Rowan

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    Not an MMC (my baby had a neural tube defect) but I wasn't given a choice and was booked in for D&C. The upside is that my physical recovery has been near-miraculous. The downside is that I didn't get to say goodbye to my little one.

    Sorry to hear you're going through this - it must be so hard trying to hold it together for your 3yo. Allow yourself some time to mourn and you will get through it xx
     
  11. hannah76

    hannah76 Well-Known Member

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    i had a mmc just a couple of days ago... went in for a scan at 11 weeks and was told baby died at 9wks. i ended up having medical management where you get the pills to put inside you. it was painful and graphic, but over so quickly. in the end i am glad this is the way i went as i avoided taking more risk than was really neccessary with my health (anasthesia and surgery) but the pills made it over faster than waiting for nature to take its course. if this is what you opt for, just make sure they give you some heavy painkillers... i got morpheine but it was a mild dose i later learned and really did nothing for the pain. i think if your baby only made it to 6 weeks it won't be graphic as the baby is so small still... will just be like a heavier period with more clots as i understand it and likely not as painful as my experience. i took the pills at 10pm and it was all over by 930am thu morning. its now saturday early aft and i'm hardly cramping anymore and the bleeding is very light, so really a pretty fast procedure.

    good luck in whatever you choose, and yeah the timing kinda sux, eh?? take care xxx
     
  12. sue247

    sue247 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Hannah, sorry for your loss. Yes, the timing makes it that tiny bit worse!
     
  13. bky

    bky :(

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    I had a MMC back in Feb-March. I had no spotting, no real symptom loss, nothing. Was such a shock to find it had died at 9 weeks. After the 12 week scan I found out at I waffled a bit and finally decided on a D&C at 15 weeks.
    Having it over like that made it a lot easier to move on.
     
  14. BeanieBaby

    BeanieBaby Well-Known Member

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    Hi Sue

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, am thinking of you and your OH in this difficult time. Its so sad that so many of us are going through this at the moment, in the run up to Christmas too, when we were all looking forward to spending xmas with our bumps. :cry:

    Your story sounds v. similar to mine. I had some spotting so got sent for an early scan, but since I spotted during my pregnancy with my 2 yr old I really didn't expect there to be anything wrong. I think no one ever thinks this is going to happen to them, especially if you've already had a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I was told at 7 wks there was a yolk sac and no baby, but that everything looked healthy and perhaps my dates were out, we got our hopes up and after a wk of being in limbo went back at 8 wks and we were told we had a baby but it was on the small size even if our dates were out by 2 wks. There were fetal echoes but no heartbeat. We were told we were having a 'slowly failing' miscarraige. We were devestated but were still sent away for a further week as they wouldn't give us final confirmation! We knew the answer but there was always that bit of doubt in the back of our mind that they'd got it wrong!

    At 9 wks we were told the baby was 'still growing' but was still a 1/3 of the size so more like that of a 6 wk baby but still no heartbeat so MMC was confirmed. As you can imagine by this stage it felt like i'd been in limbo for 3 wks and I was finding it v. hard carrying on as normal with my 2 yr old, going to playgroups and music class etc. and meeting friends with my dead baby inside me (as you know what its like when you try and keep a 2yr old cooped up inside, it can make life even more difficult as they get so restless!). I had already started the grieving process probably after the 2nd scan for sure but found it v. hard to grieve properly whilst I was still carying my baby around with me, so the feelings you're feeling are completely natural.

    We were given the same options as you and when I looked into it in between our 2nd and 3rd scan I had decided I wanted to wait for it to happen naturally for a while and if nothing happened after a couple of wks I would opt for the ERPC. I decided against the medically managed route as I had seen some people had had bad experiences where the longer they waited the harder it was for everything to pass naturally, even medically managed and I didn't want to risk having to go in for an ERPC anyway a bit later down the line (with xmas coming up). However at our 3rd scan we were told there were no signs of the sac collapsing, it was still growing in fact so I decided to go for the ERPC.

    I don't know about you but I was finding it v. hard being at home with my toddler and also attending activities with her, whilst waiting to bleed. I was v. worried about what I would do if I miscarried naturally in front of her or there were complications and no one to look after her. I therefore went in for my ERPC 4 days after my 3rd scan so didn't have long to wait. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me as soon as I even made the decision. Since the procedure I still think it was the right choice for me and for us as a family.

    The procedure went well and I was in and out within around 6.5 hrs, a bit longer than some but only because the rota kept changing, not due to complications. I didn't bleed the day after the op, but then the bleeding picked up on day 2 and lasted until about day 8/9, but this was v. light. Some people only have a bit of spotting or no bleeding at all afterwards (like Shazza) and its all perfectly normal. I had a few cramps but mainly just the uterus stretching back. If you opt for this make sure you have someone to watch your little one the next day. My OH actually ended up having two days off (1st being day of op) and then working from home on the 3rd day as I found whenever I did too much the bleeding picked up again so I was anxious being on my own with my toddler as you know what they're like they don't sit still for 2 mins.

    I won't lie it is difficult having a little one at home and trying to put a brave face on all the time, especially since yours is that little bit older than mine so more aware. Lots of people who go through this get signed off work for 3-4 wks to rest and recover physically and emotionally. When you're a mum you unfortunately just have to get on with it. I was v. jealous in the beginning and longed to have a few hrs to myself to curl up and cry and just watch rubbish on tv to see me through but in the end I started to see that it was a blessing in disguise as it stopped me sitting around wallowing in self-pity (there was a bit of that, of course, but it did me v. good to keep some structure as it helped me through it). I do feel for the girls on here too that don't have children yet as on the flipside as well and in addition to this looking at my daughter every day made me feel v. lucky indeed and i'm v. grateful for having experienced motherhood already and whatever comes next is a blessing.

    Re Christmas, it is v. bitter sweet i'm afraid. I get sad walking around seeing everyone so happy and going about their business, thinking how much happier we'd have been if I had my little bump growing still. I found it v. hard to get festive and into the spirit of things as felt guilty like I had forgotten what had happened and I didn't like to feel we were just carrying on like nothing happened. However, I have since come around as my sis made me get a tree last weekend as i'd said I didn't want to this yr. Since it went up I have been feeling a lot better and i've now thrown myself into the xmas tasks. Its given me something to concentrate on and i'm now v. grateful this happened now and not in Jan, as its such a depressing month and I would have found it harder to pick myself up. Your lucky that you have your 3yr old to concentrate on, to give you the strength you need and I hope you get to enjoy this Christmas as your angel baby would hate to think he/she had taken that away from you all.

    My heart goes out to you too as I see it took you some time to conceive this time around. We were quite lucky in that it happened v. quickly but I have had other friends that have taken longer to conceive 2nd time around and all I will say is apparently you're v. fertile after a miscarraige so as soon as you're ready and your body has recovered with your first af it might be worth getting straight back to ttc if that's what you and your OH decide you want to do. I know its hard as there is the guilt that we're trying to replace our lost bean but it may give you the best chance. Some of us are moving over in Jan/Feb so you'll have lots of bump buddies to help you through.

    I only meant to write a few words and then I just couldn't help myself, so sorry. I just really understand what you must be feeling right now and want to reassure you that you will be ok. I hope you make the right decision for you and that whatever procedure your choose goes ok. I wish you a speedy recovery. If you need anything i'm just a PM away.

    Sending you huge :hugs:

    xxx
     
  15. BeanieBaby

    BeanieBaby Well-Known Member

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    Oh my god I REALLY should have sent that as a PM, am so sorry girlies, its nearly a page long!! :dohh:
     
  16. sue247

    sue247 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Beaniebaby. I have sent you a pm.
     
  17. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    i knew you'd be able to help bb:hugs: don't apoligise for the long post. it's food for thought to others x
     
  18. emzdreamgirl

    emzdreamgirl Emma, Matt and Ellie <3

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    yes i think that its really helpful for others going through the same thing.
     
  19. Drazic<3

    Drazic<3 You got the love <3

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    Beanie, you are wonderful :hugs:

    I am so sorry for your loss Sue darling. We had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks in November, and it was heartbreaking. The medical side of things is scary and confusing, and walking round with your little angel inside you is very traumatic. As with Veganmama, I posted my experence of a medically managed miscarriage as honestly as I could (you can find it here - https://www.babyandbump.com/miscarr...rience-medical-miscarriage-may-upsetting.html) in the hope that it might make that horrible choice easier for someone else. Maybe read through all the experiences, it could help.

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is terrible at any time, but I think missed MC has its own set of traumas and goals to overcome. Right now, you feel like the world has ended, but I promise, little by little, it improves and gets easier. I can laugh now, but my angel is in my heart everyday, as is yours.

    With love, :hugs:
     
  20. BeanieBaby

    BeanieBaby Well-Known Member

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    How are you feeling today hun and how did you get on at the docs yesterday? xxx
     

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