Hi Sue
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, am thinking of you and your OH in this difficult time. Its so sad that so many of us are going through this at the moment, in the run up to Christmas too, when we were all looking forward to spending xmas with our bumps.
Your story sounds v. similar to mine. I had some spotting so got sent for an early scan, but since I spotted during my pregnancy with my 2 yr old I really didn't expect there to be anything wrong. I think no one ever thinks this is going to happen to them, especially if you've already had a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I was told at 7 wks there was a yolk sac and no baby, but that everything looked healthy and perhaps my dates were out, we got our hopes up and after a wk of being in limbo went back at 8 wks and we were told we had a baby but it was on the small size even if our dates were out by 2 wks. There were fetal echoes but no heartbeat. We were told we were having a 'slowly failing' miscarraige. We were devestated but were still sent away for a further week as they wouldn't give us final confirmation! We knew the answer but there was always that bit of doubt in the back of our mind that they'd got it wrong!
At 9 wks we were told the baby was 'still growing' but was still a 1/3 of the size so more like that of a 6 wk baby but still no heartbeat so MMC was confirmed. As you can imagine by this stage it felt like i'd been in limbo for 3 wks and I was finding it v. hard carrying on as normal with my 2 yr old, going to playgroups and music class etc. and meeting friends with my dead baby inside me (as you know what its like when you try and keep a 2yr old cooped up inside, it can make life even more difficult as they get so restless!). I had already started the grieving process probably after the 2nd scan for sure but found it v. hard to grieve properly whilst I was still carying my baby around with me, so the feelings you're feeling are completely natural.
We were given the same options as you and when I looked into it in between our 2nd and 3rd scan I had decided I wanted to wait for it to happen naturally for a while and if nothing happened after a couple of wks I would opt for the ERPC. I decided against the medically managed route as I had seen some people had had bad experiences where the longer they waited the harder it was for everything to pass naturally, even medically managed and I didn't want to risk having to go in for an ERPC anyway a bit later down the line (with xmas coming up). However at our 3rd scan we were told there were no signs of the sac collapsing, it was still growing in fact so I decided to go for the ERPC.
I don't know about you but I was finding it v. hard being at home with my toddler and also attending activities with her, whilst waiting to bleed. I was v. worried about what I would do if I miscarried naturally in front of her or there were complications and no one to look after her. I therefore went in for my ERPC 4 days after my 3rd scan so didn't have long to wait. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me as soon as I even made the decision. Since the procedure I still think it was the right choice for me and for us as a family.
The procedure went well and I was in and out within around 6.5 hrs, a bit longer than some but only because the rota kept changing, not due to complications. I didn't bleed the day after the op, but then the bleeding picked up on day 2 and lasted until about day 8/9, but this was v. light. Some people only have a bit of spotting or no bleeding at all afterwards (like Shazza) and its all perfectly normal. I had a few cramps but mainly just the uterus stretching back. If you opt for this make sure you have someone to watch your little one the next day. My OH actually ended up having two days off (1st being day of op) and then working from home on the 3rd day as I found whenever I did too much the bleeding picked up again so I was anxious being on my own with my toddler as you know what they're like they don't sit still for 2 mins.
I won't lie it is difficult having a little one at home and trying to put a brave face on all the time, especially since yours is that little bit older than mine so more aware. Lots of people who go through this get signed off work for 3-4 wks to rest and recover physically and emotionally. When you're a mum you unfortunately just have to get on with it. I was v. jealous in the beginning and longed to have a few hrs to myself to curl up and cry and just watch rubbish on tv to see me through but in the end I started to see that it was a blessing in disguise as it stopped me sitting around wallowing in self-pity (there was a bit of that, of course, but it did me v. good to keep some structure as it helped me through it). I do feel for the girls on here too that don't have children yet as on the flipside as well and in addition to this looking at my daughter every day made me feel v. lucky indeed and i'm v. grateful for having experienced motherhood already and whatever comes next is a blessing.
Re Christmas, it is v. bitter sweet i'm afraid. I get sad walking around seeing everyone so happy and going about their business, thinking how much happier we'd have been if I had my little bump growing still. I found it v. hard to get festive and into the spirit of things as felt guilty like I had forgotten what had happened and I didn't like to feel we were just carrying on like nothing happened. However, I have since come around as my sis made me get a tree last weekend as i'd said I didn't want to this yr. Since it went up I have been feeling a lot better and i've now thrown myself into the xmas tasks. Its given me something to concentrate on and i'm now v. grateful this happened now and not in Jan, as its such a depressing month and I would have found it harder to pick myself up. Your lucky that you have your 3yr old to concentrate on, to give you the strength you need and I hope you get to enjoy this Christmas as your angel baby would hate to think he/she had taken that away from you all.
My heart goes out to you too as I see it took you some time to conceive this time around. We were quite lucky in that it happened v. quickly but I have had other friends that have taken longer to conceive 2nd time around and all I will say is apparently you're v. fertile after a miscarraige so as soon as you're ready and your body has recovered with your first af it might be worth getting straight back to ttc if that's what you and your OH decide you want to do. I know its hard as there is the guilt that we're trying to replace our lost bean but it may give you the best chance. Some of us are moving over in Jan/Feb so you'll have lots of bump buddies to help you through.
I only meant to write a few words and then I just couldn't help myself, so sorry. I just really understand what you must be feeling right now and want to reassure you that you will be ok. I hope you make the right decision for you and that whatever procedure your choose goes ok. I wish you a speedy recovery. If you need anything i'm just a PM away.
Sending you huge
xxx
