Mixed messages

LynAnne

Mum to 2 Boys
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I'm getting married next month and so my brain is constantly thinking about the future and babies at the moment. I've wanted to start a family for a long time now but our money situation has never been right. It still isn't perfect but while I think we'd manage the OH doesn't. He's talking about waiting at least another year or two.

I do feel like I've been getting a little bit of mixed messages from him about starting a family lately. One day he's talking about it like what will be will be and then the next hes saying how we aren't ready for it.

We've always used condoms but lately he's been hinting at stopping using them and just pulling out. We are both completely aware that this is not a full proof method. I told him to wait until after our honeymoon before doing that as I'm not stupid and I know accidents can happen. Is it wrong of me to hope for a little slip-up not long after we're married? I don't want to have to keep waiting for even more years!
 
My OH said hes not that ready yet but i am as my clock is ticking. Iv had my implant taken out last week and hes not keen to DTD . I know he will give in as im not going to use anything. Hes just scared as its the next step in life but im sorry im not wanting to wait so go for it. Some people ttc for a long time so you never know when it can happen. Just relax and have fun and if it happens quick whooopeee x
 
I know exactly what you mean. I went through that recently with my husband. I'd been wanting to try for number 2 for ages and whenever I spoke to him about it he would say he wasn't ready. Then recently whenever I brought it up he would get really into the conversation and I would think that he was gonna agree and then he'd go straight back to I'm not ready. I ended up sitting him down and explaining how I was feeling and it turned out it was because deciding to try for another is a HUGE decision ( he's not good with making decisions lol) and he was worried to agree with it being so big. An with that conversation came us now waiting for the 21st August for when I have my coil taken out.
Seems to me like he's not entirely against the idea with him hinting at stopping using condoms. Maybe you need to explain how your feeling. I think everyone when wanting to try and the other doesnt hopes for a slip up. It's not like your trying to do it behind your partners back, your just hoping it happens of it's own accord, so I wouldn't feel bad about feeling that way.

Hope you get it sorted x
 
Thanks.

We've had a little chat and whilst we haven't decided to start actively TTC we have decided to take a bit more of a relaxed approached as to how often we use condoms. I think DH is just nervous about making such a big leap into parenthood and so he doesn't want to just start trying. I do remind him that it would take a further nine months before baby would get here though!

I think for the time being we are going to just take a bit more of a relaxed approach and not worry about contraceptives as much as we did in the past. Sometimes we'll use condoms, sometimes we won't. We'll just see what happens. For just now, I think I'm okay with that and I can just hope for a little oopsie!
 
I don't think it's wrong for you to wish for a slip up, it's natural if you really want kids. But I don't think it's right wishing for it too much if you're both on different pages. Really it should be what you both want. You need to have a proper chat with him to find out where both your heads are at because there does seem to be lots of mixed messages. I think the contraception thing should be a serious talk too, you don't want to be quitting condoms on a whim and then bottling out a few days later.

We've been using the withdrawal method for almost 3 years now and no babies :) so if you do want to ditch the condoms and look into other methods (withdrawal has a 2% more failure rate than condoms if done properly, so not much really!), i'd do your research first and make sure you're on the same page and find a solution that works best for you.

Good luck.
 

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