Mother-in-law problems

[dre]

Hey everybody!

So my boyfriend and I have decided that we will have children one day but right now we are WTT. We also have no desire to get married any time soon and are completely fine having children and not getting married.

So this past week my boyfriends mother made it very clear that we need to be married before we have children. I realize that she has no power over our actions but its still a delicate situation.

I feel like she is disrespecting our decision and our future children.

Have any of you had problems with this? or any kind of conflict with the mother-in-laws?

Thanks!

 

[Ashtong]

Im married but when we told my mother in law that we were going to start trying (due to medical reasons & us just wanting to) it took her a little while to come around. I was DEVASTATED at first lol but now shes so happy about the prospect of a little one. I think she'll come around If you need to talk just let me know

 

[lozzy21]

Where to begin iv had lots of problems. The biggest bit of advice I can give it put your foot down and make it clear where she stands as soon as you can.

 

[xcharx]

As you have said, its not her choice!!
is she religious? Just wondering why she's very against babies before marriage

 

[lucy_smith]

My bfs mum stold me that I wasn't allowed kids full stop! I hadn't even mentioned kids at all, anew she told me she didn't want grandchildren and our dog was more than enough! Rage was boiling up inside me!
But at the end of the day it isnt her decision. It's yours! And I'm sure once you have one she will come round to the idea!

 

[Yo_Yo]

My in laws would have like us to be married when we had our kids, but they are from a generation where most people were.

We recently married,but chose to do do when we wanted.

She will get used to the idea. Half of children are born to unmarried parents these days anyway!

 

[dre]

As you have said, its not her choice!!
is she religious? Just wondering why she's very against babies before marriage

Yes she is religious. but she is also a healer, a prophet, a hypocrite, a pain in my @$$ and my favourite, she is always right!

She is just very controlling and I am having a hard time dealing with that because I was raised in a more relaxed environment. my parents were ever married, split up when I was a kid and I wouldn't have it any other way.

If it was my mother saying these things I would tell her my thoughts but its a little tricky with my boyfriends mother

 

[dre]

My bfs mum stold me that I wasn't allowed kids full stop! I hadn't even mentioned kids at all, anew she told me she didn't want grandchildren and our dog was more than enough! Rage was boiling up inside me!
But at the end of the day it isnt her decision. It's yours! And I'm sure once you have one she will come round to the idea!

Oh my gosh Lucy_smith!!!!!

I don't know what I would do if I was told that! how did your bf react to that?

 

[dre]

Where to begin iv had lots of problems. The biggest bit of advice I can give it put your foot down and make it clear where she stands as soon as you can.

This is what I had in mind as well, unfortunately my Bf thinks that it wold be easier to just play along with her crap until we are pregnant then let her deal with it.

I just hate having to pretend she is right even though we don't agree with her. grrrrrrrr!

I feel like we should be more than able to express our choices freely and with out being "wrong" by his mothers standards.
Both of my parents are very understanding people so I'm having some trouble with the conflict

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

I've never met my mother-in-law and am never likely to, so I couldn't care less what she thinks - she can't be bothered to have any contact with her son, so her opinion means nothing to me!

My own mum was pretty strict - not religious, but very old-fashioned - and gave me a REALLY hard time over living with hubby before we were married. If I'd got pregnant out of wedlock I think she'd have disowned me.

It was our choice to get married before having kids, and after 3 years of long-distance, we weren't letting anyone keep us apart, so the minute we could move in together we did, and we lived together for 3 years before we married. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I had some 'free and frank' words with my mum and basically told her that while I respected her opinion, it's my life and I can do what I want as an independent adult, and I'd very much appreciate it if she kept that opinion to herself.

I think my parents will be happy when we tell them we're expecting, as we've been married well over 3 years and I'm now older than my mum was when she had me.

 

[Urchinia]

How frustrating! It's hard to know that people think they have a say in your reproductive life.

I personally have a great relationship with my inlaws, and my now DH and I got pregnant 8 months before our wedding date (slightly by accident). They were so happy, and it didn't seem like the fact that we weren't ready had any effect on our situation at all.

Some people just like to talk. If you did get pregnant, do you think she actually would cause a stink? Or maybe she's just talking for the sake of being dramatic?

 

[dre]

How frustrating! It's hard to know that people think they have a say in your reproductive life.

I personally have a great relationship with my inlaws, and my now DH and I got pregnant 8 months before our wedding date (slightly by accident). They were so happy, and it didn't seem like the fact that we weren't ready had any effect on our situation at all.

Some people just like to talk. If you did get pregnant, do you think she actually would cause a stink? Or maybe she's just talking for the sake of being dramatic?

I think she would try her best to make us feel terrible but since crazy pregnant lady seems to run in my family....... if I did fall pregnant I know I would be giving her a piece of my mind and then I would have to deal with her guilt tripping me for a very long time. she pushes her wishes on you and becomes very sensitive if you do not agree. its a crappy mix. very hard to work around.