Mr Bum would like to draw your attention to his (frankly) rather impressive skills for a cripple in the kitchen... and also his cooking. Today... Toad-in-the-hole-á-la-Dom. First, put some oil in the oven tray and put it in the oven and heat it to about 200 degrees (400F, Gas Mark 11). Make up some pancake mixture (cup of milk, half cup of water, two eggs, 4 oz of flour, another egg, a little more milk, a splash more of the flour and a dash of water and... oh hi Mrs Bum... wha?)... (cup + half of milk, 3/4 cup of water, 3 eggs, 6 oz flour should fill a reasonable tray) and whisk until it is a reasonably runny but not too runny mixture with no lumps bumps or humps. Put two sausages per person and an extra one for Mrs Bum in the now heated tray and pour the mixture over. put in the oven for 30 minutes. Peas: boil the peas/carrots/small children for a good 15-20 minutes... put half the water then into another pan (to make about 1/4 pint) and add just under1/4 pint of either boiled or cold water... bring to simmer and add 4 heaped tsps of bisto, a sprinkle of herbs, a little pepper and top up with some decent real ale - London Pride or Spitfire are good. A bit of red wine is an adequate substitute but my opinion on this is measured on you have to check if its not worth drinking first - to do this you open the bottle, sniff it to see if its oxidised... glug glug glug - if you get a horrible taste then you know it's crap and use it in whatever household chores you can find - cleaning drains for example. If you think its OK, pour a splash in the gravy and trying to focus, aim for the two glasses on the kitchen side. Take a sip and stir the four gravy pans with the four spoons for about 10 minutes, letting the gravy simmer and have another swig of wine. By now the toad in the hole should be done. Open the 6 oven doors and take out the tray with your bare hands as you are now invincible and drop it on the floor. 3 second rules apply here so grab it and put it on the side as quick as you can being careful not to get caught by the 10 wives. Mrs Bum takes over at this point and serves it up. can ideally serve up to 6-8 people but this doesn't include the now comatose chef laid naked on the floor.