Mum's reaction has really upset me..

[rebeccalouise]

So, I told my Mum last night that we're expecting again. We already have 2 girls. Her reaction? "Oh, how are you going to cope? You didn't seem like you were coping when I came to visit last time."

I'm actually so upset! She's still yet to say congratulations. My husband is military so he's away a lot, and I think that I do a damn good job with the girls - given that I do it mostly on my own! They're always happy, fed, loved, clean, and very content. Yes, they do play up occasionally and push my buttons, but what child doesn't? I haven't mentioned that I'm upset to her, but it has really got to me. I told my husband, and he's so angry with her for saying what she said.

Is it just me to get a negative reaction off of my parent? How do I deal with it? TIA. X

 

[mandaa1220]

I've been there. When I told my mom I was pregnant last time, she said "are you effing kidding me? You know how babies are made. How could you be this stupid?"

The baby was planned.... I was 24, a homeowner for three years, about to be married in a month and had a job with free childcare.

She needed time to adjust. I was petrified to tell her this time, but she took it much better.

Be upset and give yourself time, before you talk to her.

 

[Maddie_Sue]

Awwww mama, what kind of mom (ESPECIALLY one who doesn't have her partner around all the time) doesn't get frustrated occasionally? I am also a mother of two girls, pregnant with #3. My parents didn't have the best reaction either, but what your mom said would have offended me as well. Try to keep in mind, our hormones are really wonky right now, so while you may feel really offended, try to keep in mind that you have A LOT going on. Maybe she's just concerned for your well-being and didn't really think about how her response could hurt you both. I know my parents are excited, but either of them has yet to say congratulations to us as well. If you two are happy, then that is really all that matters. You love those girls and care for them, that's all anyone could ask. You're doing great

 

[BabyBrain80]

I had a similar thing yesterday. Told my mum and she said " Are you sure you want another?" "I dont know if I should congratulate you?"

I was like WTF??!!!

I shrugged it off at the time but it really peed me off. But after thinking about it I think she is actually just concerned about me. My 2 boys are 3 & 6 and are hard work, Im often shouting and getting myself stressed so do see her point BUT that was not what I wanted to hear.

Anyway, saw her today again and I mentioned it and she said she was sorry and doesnt know why she said that. We talked things over and things are better.

It seems a common thing for mothers to react like this! I think its mostly down to shock or worry. It hurts though xxx

 

[DobbyForever]

My stepdad shook his head, my brother called me stupid, and my mom flew off into a verbal rage. I politely expressed I was looking for support not judgement as excused myself from the table. My little brother laid into everyone and after a few hours things settled. My mom is now super excited about her grandson.

Just try to tell yourself it's just her worrying about you rather than a comment of your abilities. She probably isn't around to help you and feels guilty. Hugs. Hopefully she'll come around soon

But I agree talking to her while you're upset will just make things worse

Just saw your update so glad she apologized

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I've never had a congratulations from my mother in any of my pregnancies. I'm 29 years old now, have been married since 20 and have lived on my own since I was 21 when we bought our house 2 months after our first baby was born. My second and third babies were both born while we lived at this house. My mother's reaction to this pregnancy was "how in the world are you going to handle 4 kids?"

She is currently our sole babysitter but she only helps out once or twice a week and she only takes one or two kids most of the time, hardly ever all three. My DH works full time so I'm pretty much doing it all on my own. I never ask for money, I don't ask for baby stuff (unless of course it is presents for their birthdays or holidays) and I only had a baby shower with my first.

She usually gets excited the closer I get to my due date. Now she asks every other day how I'm doing. I think it is most parents initial reaction to becoming a grandparent. To them we will always be their babies no matter how old we get, and they'll always see us as "kids" that need guided, whether we want their advice or not.

 

[nordicpixie83]

I had a similar thing yesterday. Told my mum and she said " Are you sure you want another?" "I dont know if I should congratulate you?"

I was like WTF??!!!

I shrugged it off at the time but it really peed me off. But after thinking about it I think she is actually just concerned about me. My 2 boys are 3 & 6 and are hard work, Im often shouting and getting myself stressed so do see her point BUT that was not what I wanted to hear.

Anyway, saw her today again and I mentioned it and she said she was sorry and doesnt know why she said that. We talked things over and things are better.

It seems a common thing for mothers to react like this! I think its mostly down to shock or worry. It hurts though xxx

Omg you got your BFP !!!! Yaay massive congrats xxxx

 

[ds0910]

I am NOT looking forward to telling my family that I am pregnant with #3 for his very reason. Baby was planned and I have purposely mentioned as often as I got then chance, "when the next one gets here" or mention we plan on having 3 so they aren't surprised by it , but they have made it clear since I was pregnant with my daughter (2yrs old) that they didn't think we should have another one, that 2 was enough and we already had a boy and a girl so that should be enough, and that kids are expensive and so on. I am very sensitive normally, much less pregnant so if they have a bad reaction I know it will really upset me and I won't want to be around them for a long time.