Mum's with a daughter age 11+?

[DottyLottie]

My daughter is starting secondary school today (scary!) and I have just noticed that her white school blouse is a touch see through. Also, I have just remembered getting changed in PE.
I know this is a time when girls are self conscious about their bodies, and was thinking should I get her vests? are these too young for her? crop tops better? I have looked for training bra's but my daughter still is completely flat, and training bras have cups and are sometimes padded (wtf is that all about?!).
I don't want to bring it up with her yet, being as it is her first day and she has enough to think about, but need to get her something to protect her modesty before her first PE lesson next week.
Any ideas?

 

[lil-lauren]

im 18 so still pretty in touch with the whole school stuff, iv just been helping my lil bro with his school stuff as he is now starting high school. i was one of the 1st girls to have boobs so i was in a non-padded bra and to be honest it made me feel grown up. girls grow up too quickly and introducing ur daughter to bras and stuf could give u the bond that is very important throught puberty. my mum never bothered with bras and tht with me but my sisters did and it was always them that i turned to. i dont mean to be horrible or worry u but kids can be very cruel especially the older ones to the newbies when getting changed for pe. a non-padded bra would be a good start, there will be other girls wearing them and ur daughter may feel left out and then thats when the insecurities start. with the see through shirt i used to wear a white vest from river island... not the kiddy ones instead of bras (iykwim?) that keep my modesty. hope this helps xx

 

[lil-lauren]

also being very open with her, like asking her questions about if shes learning about sex and relationships will help. making her feel like she can talk to u like a friend not just a mother is so important at this age. alot of girls are embarrassed about sex and relationships and tend to only speak to their friends and this is where the secrets can start to build. well this is what happened to me and my friends. i dont know ur relationship with ur daughter so im not trying to be patronising, i just understand what its like feeling like ur mother wont understand that ur growing up and are interested in learning about things. xxx

 

[ayh78]

I think I had crop tops at that age, but that was years ago! I would say that your daughter would be the best person to ask, as she'll probably know what the current thing to do is. Obviously though that depends on your daughter and how she would react to being asked - you know her best! Maybe see how her first day goes, and if she is happy and excited you could ask? Good luck!

 

[reiller]

You can get training bra's for any size and it might be a good idea to go get her one of them when I started school I had literally nothing... My mum bought me a training bra and I use to wear light vest tops under my blouse -It was see throught tooo..

Chances are after her first lesson either her or someone else will notice (Feckin peers) and she will probably come to you and ask you for you help.

 

[Nicollexx]

My mum had the same worry your having and in the 6 weeks holiday before i started secondary she introduced me to non-padded just simple white bra's

they were nothing expensive (tesco i think) and were the smallest size, because i deffo had nothing there aged 11/12, but once i got used to them all was fine and when that first p.e change came about i noticed about 10 other girls in the same bra's because obviously their mums had the same idea!

 

[Carlyp1990]

i would go shopping with her over the weekend and just ask her if she would like some training bras to wear under her shirt - chances are if she takes her blazer off girls will notice she doesnt have a bra and may bully her for this if they are developed (girls can be nasty, especially when they are trying to impress new friends) if she doesnt feel comfortable with a training bra the white vest tops could be more appropriate, chance are though she will feel really grown up with training bras. Good luck hun xx

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I dont know about these days, but back when I started secondary the girl who didn't have boobs yet all wore crop tops, and in primary school actually! Not really much help, coz mum had to get me my first bra when I was 8 and by the time i started seconday I was a B cup (tho they aint grown since lol)

 

[taylor197878]

its scary isnt it my little girl is 10 and she thinks that its okay to wear skirts up her bum although she does get told to pull them down, she has just started wearing a teen bra not them padded bras though to young for that just a normall bra, but she has started to devolp already which is scary. my other daugter who is 14 wears trousers so never had to worry about her.

 

[DottyLottie]

Thanks ladie's! I will have a chat with her about it over the weekend. I was kicking myself this morning for not considering it sooner, and I didn't want to mention it to her today before she went to school as I thought she would have enough to worry about on her first day!

We are pretty close and comfortable talking girl stuff, so I will ask her what she is most comfortable with.
My mum bought her a pack of training bra's (which I was quite annoyed about - I don't think it is her place) from Asda, but they are like really stiff cups and slightly padded, ended up having a huge row with my mum cause I felt they were inappropiate and my mum thinks I am being too strict because it's what "all the girls wear now", like she would know, she is 65! I want my daughter to protect her modesty, not make her non existent boobage look bigger or more shapely!

Will check out the training bras at Tescos, I agree these would give her the coverage she needs and look a bit more grown up.

 

[WantaBelly]

I have 4 daughters ages 14, 12, 11, & 10. I live in the US but my 11 year old wears a sports bra, no padding just an extra layer so shes not embarrassed. This has worked out great for her. Good Luck hun!

 

[stardust599]

I'm 19 so just finished school 3years ago! I didn't get boobs until I was about 15 lol. I didn't get periods until about 15 either. I got annoyed being behind other girls but it hasn't done me any harm.

I still wore a bra in my first year at high school just because all my friends did too - I think mine were from the old "Tammy" shop although I'm sure you get the same things in New Look. I'm in Scotland and we don't start high school until age 12 though. Maybe better to ask your daughter - use the PE class as an excuse and just ask if she would like some news bras or pants for getting changed? She might be too embarrassed to ask but grateful that you brought it up, I know I would have been! Also, it might be an idea to think about some new pants -I was majorly embarrassed at the girly/granny style pants I had to wear and my Mums friend took me shopping and got me some nice pants for high school - nothing fancy, just cute type pants from the teen section at New Look or somewhere.

Do you know any of her friend's Mums so you can ask what they've done - I think at one point me and a friend were given money by our parents and went out to buy our own, I think we might have ended up with thongs and bras because they were the "in" thing at that stage but it wasn't anything inappropriate and we didn't think of them as sexy or anything at that point (too young,we just thought they were cool) - just what everyone else was wearing (sure we were older than 11 though)

With the blouses being a little see through I'm not really sure what to do there. I'd have worn a plain white vest underneath but an adult type one - I still wear these under my work tops so you can't see if my nipples are freezing or something lol.
xxx

 

[stardust599]

Or if you don't want to bring up bras in conversation what about taking her shopping with you and stopping by the teen section in New Look or somewhere (sorry I really can't think of any other shops) and just pointing out the bras and asking if she'd like to pick a couple? If she picks something you aren't happy with - e.g. padding, can you pick up something you'd be a little more happy about and say "How about these?" and see what her reaction is like?

Oh dear, I'm already dreading my little girl getting to this stage - all my friends are having boys so I'll be all on my own working through it!
xxx

 

[taylor197878]

as stardust said new look have lovely stuff and tescos but i got my daughter 1 from primack and there cheap and they were nice aswell.

do u have a ethel auston they had some lovely 1s too.

 

[amandaawesome]

i need to get off this darned computer so didn't read all the replies you have gotten. what about a sports bra? they are tight and have no shape to them. the cheaper ones at least and just go straight across and don't cup or anything. i have them for around the house and we wear white button downs at work that are see through. it is much cooler than wearing an under shirt type tank top. plus she would be able to change quickly at pe and not stand out for "not" having a bra on. also would feel less self conscious about having to expose herself in front of everyone. good luck! i am having my 3rd boy and the more i think about it, i would panic at all the girly things that you have to go through. not to say i wouldn't mind a princess. xoxo

 

[mystika802]

I like the idea of talking to her the most. I started wearing training bras in grade 4 :s If you can't find a training bra (I noticed what they are like now and wouldnt want my young daughter in one of those) try a sports bra, they are really comfortable too. hope your chat goes well