My 13 month old shows he's anger

[Elizdia]

Hi all

Have any of you experienced this?

My little man has started to show an angry emotion and he does it very often. So when he doesn't get his own way he'll clench his fists and shout. Or when i try and change him and he doesn't want to he'll get angry again and shout. Is this normal? Is this him just expressing his emotions or is he developing a bad temper?

Also what should i do when he does that. Do i tell him sternly No, thats not the way to react. Or should i ignore it?

I just don't want to influence it so i'm worried that by saying No to him in a stern voice, it just mimicks he's anger in a way.

Thanks
x

 

[k4th]

I think expressing his anger is perfectly normal. I would say what he would if he could (e.g. You're very cross you can't have that chocolate) and then respond to him as if he has said it. That will teach him how to use his words to express his emotions.

If you tell him not to express them - he will either learn to bottle them up or he'll learn to express them another way. Often with behaviour eg biting or hitting out. Neither if these is very healthy for him.

Remember, he's expressing anger over something that is very important to him at that moment, so he wants to be listened to.

My hubby ate my last Jaffa cake last night & I expressed anger until he listened & promised me a new pack today at the time if was very important to me lol!!

 

[MindUtopia]

I wouldn't say it's really anger. It's just frustration, which is a normal thing to experience as they learn about the world. It depends on the context really how I dealt with it. Things like getting upset at being changed, I would just distract and soothe. I used to sing songs to her or give her something to hold, like the wipes packet, etc. Or if she wanted something to play with she couldn't have, like something dangerous and breakable, and I took it away, I would just distract and re-direct her to something else. It's not something you need to discipline because it's not bad. You want him to feel frustration and learn to cope with that feeling because that's how they learn to deal with boundaries and emotional self-regulation, learning to calm themselves or cope with feeling upset. You can be supportive and distracting, but I wouldn't try to make it out to be a bad thing or something they shouldn't do.

If it's genuine aggression - like biting or hitting in order to obviously hurt (not just whacking someone because he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing) - at that age, I would say "no" firmly (but not shouting) and "that hurts mummy" (or whoever) and then distract or move away from the situation (if he hit another child for instance). You can deal with that sort of aggression in more complex ways later, but at that age they don't even really understand "no" but the tone of your voice will help communicate that it's not something they should do. But you're right that you shouldn't really get angry, you can speak firmly, especially if it's something dangerous or hurtful like hitting, but staying calm is the best way to deal with it. They learn to stay calm when you model it for them.

 

[_Meep_]

This is normal. Mine is 17 months and has been doing this for a few months now.

It's a combination of frustration at not having the words to be able to express exactly what they want/feel yet, and also a desire for independence and control over situations they find themselves in.

If you find he is being physical, hitting and kicking, and you are in danger of being hurt, you could try gently holding him still and telling him that we don't hit/kick because it hurts people. He won't understand the words, but eventually he will, especially if he sees that you are holding him still and talking in a firm voice. If he continues, it is ok to remove yourself from the situation, as long as he isn't somewhere he could injure himself. He won't like losing your attention.

For screaming, tantrums, crying, etc. it's helpful to verbalise for him why he is feeling frustrated and assure him that it's fine to have bad feelings about it - e.g. 'You're upset because Mummy wouldn't let you climb on the table. It's ok to be upset, but we don't climb on the table because it's dangerous' - something like this, and then redirect his attention elsewhere. Or give him a choice or alternative when he starts to scream, e.g. 'You can't play with the knife because you could get hurt, but here, why don't you play with this spoon?'

As always, if he isn't stopping, leaving him and calmly walking to another part of the room, while watching to make sure he is ok as he calms down should help, as it shows him that certain behaviours result in a loss of the attention he (like all toddlers) wants and enjoys.

Nappy changing is one we're still working on as my LO does the screaming roll of death every time her nappy comes off. She just wants to have her bum out all the time now lol. I've found that timing it so she can watch adverts on TV (she loves them?!), singing, or letting her hold something she really wants helps 50% of the time.